A question about drama filled lives...

  • inuman

    Posts: 733

    May 02, 2010 11:11 AM GMT
    Good morning, afternoon or evening icon_smile.gif

    So as I write this I sent a cute little note to my partner on Gay411 about having a grand weekend and a grand week at work. I included the fact that he works with the most drama filled straight guys I have ever met.

    So there in lies my question to you all, do you think that gay guys have more drama either by choice or not or does the straight world by choice or not and if so why do you think society in general portrays us as the drama seekers?

    Okay off the make breakfast and coffee/tea for us icon_cool.gif
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    May 02, 2010 2:07 PM GMT
    I french, so it might be cultural, but I always wonder what fall in that 'drama' category.
    Is it bitching about normal life event, or accumulating strange life event ?
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    May 02, 2010 2:22 PM GMT
    peterstrong saiddrama comes from an " unexamined life " its as if the purveyors of it are living unconsciously / entirely reactively, or more simply -
    a reactionary life. icon_idea.gif
    gays are no more prone to it than anyone else - It would be the same question if it was asked as :
    Are people more prone to being smart or stupid ?

    And why being stupid should be something bad ? It's not of your doing, you can try as hard as you want, you can't change how smart you are.
    You can change how educated you are (if lucky enough to have access to education), but even that won't make you specialy wise.
    I do have a lof of respect for some close friends who are not smart at all, and uneducated, and not specially wise. But with a good heart, nice personality... and drama free ;-)
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    May 02, 2010 2:34 PM GMT
    Drama is an inevitable part of life. It's how a person deals with drama that defines his or her character. Sexual orientation and gender don't have much to do with it, unless someone decides to embark on a long-term research project so they can have numbers and statistics.
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    May 02, 2010 2:39 PM GMT
    peterstrong saidI did not put a value judgment on anything i wrote - you did though.
    See how that works ? That's where drama begins.

    I too know plenty of uneducated wise people - that was not the question or my statement.

    You correct, I may have overreacted ;-)

    Update : still have no good definition for what is drama
  • gsh1964

    Posts: 388

    May 02, 2010 2:48 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidDrama is an inevitable part of life. It's how a person deals with drama that defines his or her character. Sexual orientation and gender don't have much to do with it, unless someone decides to embark on a long-term research project so they can have numbers and statistics.

    I 100% agree.

    I would like to add that there are 2 types of drama.
    True Drama - Someone or yourself getting a disease, Losing a job due to layoffs...

    Fake Drama - Someone getting mad at you cuz you didn't speak to him at the bar. Or you getting a DUI when you have driven drunk thousands of times.

    I hear gay guys say "I don't like drama queens, cuz I don't do drama."
    I think that comment is self-centered, because it usually means... "I don' t do your drama... but OMG!! Let me tell you what happened to ME...."
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16308

    May 02, 2010 2:55 PM GMT
    I've always viewed "drama seekers" as those who are generating attention. They are "attention seekers" because they lack something else in their lives and are trying to compensate.

    Now I agree with part of what has been said above... there are people who have bad things happen to them and aren't trying to generate anything. That kind of drama can happen to gay or straight.

    Drama seekers are not a part of my daily regimine... LOL
  • AsianInvasion

    Posts: 13

    May 02, 2010 3:29 PM GMT
    I think people stereotype gay guys are all flamboyant and they associate to the drama queens just like the hills or the real housewives on tv - so they automatically assume all gay guys have crazy drama when it is just about the same regardless gay or straight.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2010 3:38 PM GMT
    Drama = Poison to which I avoid at all cost.
  • hdurdinr

    Posts: 699

    May 02, 2010 4:37 PM GMT
    having had real drama in my life I care not for stupid drama, and I have never been into it - I don't get why some people fill their lives with 'drama' - it's exhausting and boring at the same time!
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    May 02, 2010 4:42 PM GMT
    oh yeah, at the barber shop, straight men have a lot drama to tell. They turn me on when they tall about sex, wives and Richardsicon_redface.gif
  • awayfromtheci...

    Posts: 154

    May 02, 2010 6:01 PM GMT
    Drama...gay or straight.....young or old is simply a lack of emotional maturity and seeing the world only through ones own lense. I have to write that down.
  • mtneerman

    Posts: 476

    May 02, 2010 8:56 PM GMT
    I do think there are a lot of bitter, materialistic and just plain shallow gay men who cause way more drama then the average straight guy, but having been in the military, I know that straight guys have plenty of drama of their own.
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    May 02, 2010 11:14 PM GMT
    I second the difference between real and fake drama. Sometimes, you did do something to bring about the Real Drama in your life, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you didn't have to do it. Or you didn't know, at the time, that the action in question would bring about said drama. Sometimes you're in a no-win scenario.

    One of my current Real Drama situations with my extended family hinges on a horrible secret. Knowing this information has left me with few options.

    -- Option 1) If I publicly acknowledge the secret, my extended family will completely implode and cause much more drama for years.
    -- Option 2) If I extricate myself from my family and break all contact, my family will be hurt and bitter, especially since they don't know that I know. That will continue to haunt me in unknown ways.
    -- Option 3) If I keep the secret to myself and act like nothing is wrong, I'll go mad from the burden, and possibly will have to watch history repeat itself in the current generation. (That sounds melodramatic, but my family life is a melodrama.)

    Truthfully, I sought out the information, and wouldn't choose to go back to the way things were if I could. I chose the horrible truth over ignorance, and I'll do the same every time.

    No matter what I do, I'm going to cause drama. Every action, including inaction, will continue to cause drama. The only way I could have avoided this situation was to willfully live in ignorance, which is something I can't do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2010 2:24 AM GMT
    Life= Drama. Its everywhere.

    Drama isn't pretense. It happens when you are engaged in life with passion.You can still be a down to earth guy but you don't have to be boring.

    Calling someone dramatic can be a conveneint diversionaery tactic to dismiss talking about an issue/situation. Saying you avoid drama might mean you are avoiding real life and lazy about challenging yourself...........and yes...living in ignorance.

    Being dramatic is a non issue with straight people in my world and my gay friends. It's only in some gay circles that drama has such a weird connotation of frivilousness and calling someone a drama queen is thrown around as an insult or used as a ploy to get attention.

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    May 03, 2010 2:35 AM GMT

    Last I checked drama is not defined by sexual orientation.
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    May 03, 2010 3:02 AM GMT
    A definition of drama, as illustrated by one who engages in drama--an example from one of my own encounters:

    Let's call her Tami. Tami had a fuck-buddy who she hated. Her fuck buddy got her pregnant.

    Tami found out I was gay. At that moment she decided she may also be gay. She didn't like oral with women though. In fact, she didn't really like making out either. She just liked saying she might be gay.

    Offenses, such as accidentally bumping into her on a dance floor, were met with physical violence. "She started it!" she would yell as she was being dragged out of the door by bouncers.

    Tami met a woman who'd been treated for cancer, and made fast friends with her. It was at that time Tami decided that she'd been treated for cancer also. It was never clear what type of cancer Tami had been treated for. Tami just wanted "Heidi" to know that she had no reason to be concerned about her ovaries being fried by chemotherapy because Tami's had made a full recovery (witness her newborn from her fuck-buddy).

    Tami alienated a lot of people around her, became enraged at their rejection, and went into hibernation for about a year. She appeared out one night, enormously bloated from overeating and drug use. She wanted everyone to know that the weight gain was likely a holdover condition of her cancer, which, she theorized, had messed with her thyroid. She did not confirm whether or not she'd had thyroid cancer, nor did she indicate it was from a return of tumors during her year of absence. We should just not be shocked by it (not that anyone made mention of it).

    In summary: Tami is a drama queen. Some actual unfortunate events (perhaps the unnamed cancer) had combined with manufactured or irresponsibly acquired circumstances to make most of her life miserable, and she seemed to really like it...in that no attempts were ever made to learn from each experience to avoid similar pitfalls. Not incarceration, loss of jobs, electricity or heat, nor the eventual pregnancy of her teenage daughter--nothing--would stop her participation in an obviously foolhardy choice.

    What makes her life drama is not in the happening of the circumstance, it's in the joy of recounting the experience, as though it was some gift to the listener.
  • inuman

    Posts: 733

    May 03, 2010 6:47 AM GMT
    Okay so after skimming through the responses it seems I might have not been totally clear in the matter, I forgot in my moment of "lack of coffee" that there are gonna be 100 different angles to a question and roughly over half of them re-directed back at the person asking the question...

    So I'll use a few of my partners friends lives as good examples and I'll use a few of our close gay friends as well... DON'T be judging cause I used them as examples I still think they are great people, if you read into this WAY too much I'm sorry but get a life, its a FUCKING question I'm asking not putting labels or judging or re-directing anything nor am I trying to get attention its just an open question for debate icon_rolleyes.gif

    SO that being said...

    Straight Man 1: 33 years old, married, no kids, family relativity well off ( financial department covered ) , has been working at a job for a few years and started out good, now today has no hours on the schedule but is still an employee, refuses to talk to manager about it, feels other co-workers E.G. my partner should assist in the matter of getting hours back for him. Don't know work or personal situation between S.M.1. & manager, so carries on about it for literally months and months of complaining to others but manager.

    Straight Man 2: 25 years old, in a relationship with his ex for third time, no kids, no real bills to pay either, has been working at his job for 5 or more years, loves to party, went to work more then a few times hung over or either still half in the bottle. Last winter received a very STEEP fine for drunk driving and speeding but didn't loose car or license, last 6 months has mooched off of everyone including his workplace for rides to and from home in order to get to work, never bothers to help with gas and he lives 15 minutes outside of town, so depending on who drove him to and from work it would add up, refuses to get a place close to work and refuses to pay the bill so he can drive again and refuses to pay increased insurance rates but loves to spend his hard earned money in the bar every second night literally.

    So are these two men drama makers or drama seekers, or is it something they can avoid? Is it more drama then the upcoming two gay men I will give situations about?

    Gay Man 1: 24, single, 1 dog ( had to mention it, the dog is soo cute ) , works a full time job that he loves but can't stand the customers that go along with the contracts his work place signs. Used to hate his old job but loved the customers it came with. Loves to host parties at his cottage on the lake with friends, has gone through many a bf's only to get his heart broken, has given up on dating for now as a result and is slowly becoming a recluse in the cottage.

    Gay Man 2: 23, single, just recently came out to family, now everyone knows he loves knobs icon_twisted.gif loves his job, has great friends, family that is trying to currently convert him back to straight life by getting him to read books on it, abstain from the "dark" urge and pray a lot and go to church more. Recently found out that he might have colon cancer, before prior event, just spent the last month dedicated into getting back into shape, as partying and eating junk food took its toll on his body during university days.

    Maybe this will make my questions first mentioned in the opening post a little clearer and if not I'll try again so that its understood a bit better?
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    Jun 22, 2010 12:37 AM GMT
    Real drama-life altering

    Fake or induced drama-futile, boring