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    May 03, 2010 2:39 PM GMT
    Yesterday I get a message from a friend letting me know he and a few of his friends will be in my area for a meeting and will be going to the bars later if I wanted to join them. This friend lives in the burbs and sometimes comes into the city to attend a gay meeting where he meets up with other friends and they go to the bars together after their meeting. I live down the street from the bars and in the past would usually join them after their meeting if I don't have any other plans.
    Last night I didn't have any plans, but I just didn't feel like going out either. I haven't called him back but I am sure the next time we chat he will ask if I was out doing something else. I don't want to lie, but I know telling him the truth will hurt his feelings. We used to be closer friends but over the years I find myself drifting away from him.
    Wonder if any of you have been in this situation and how you handle it or would handle it?
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    May 03, 2010 2:45 PM GMT
    Just be upfront and tell him " I just wasn't in the mood that night to go out to the clubs" which is the truth and shouldn't be construed as sloughing him off.
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    May 03, 2010 3:00 PM GMT
    Do I "owe" him a call or would it be socially acceptable to wait till next time we happen to talk naturally. In the past when he invited me out but something came up I would call him right away or the next day to tell him "sorry I couldn't make it, but I had other plans". It would be odd to call him and say "sorry I didn't want to hang out with you". As I said before we used to be closer friends but lately I have been drifting away from him. Another thing is he tends to be petty/nasty when he feels people "blow him off". I am just really not in the mood for any drama because I felt like staying home. I really don't feel like calling him.
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    May 03, 2010 3:29 PM GMT

    Why not just tell him what you usually do?
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    May 03, 2010 4:12 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Why not just tell him what you usually do?


    This time was different because I didn't have any other plans - I just didn't feel like going to the bars. I've decided that I am going to wait a little while to contact him and just have a regular conversation. If he asks about Sunday I'll just say when I got home and heard his message I didn't feel like going back out. I didn't call back because I didn't want to interrupt his night out with his friends. If he gives me any attitude/drama I'll just end the conversation.
    This really shouldn't be a big deal but he has a history of getting nasty when his friends don't feel like hanging out with him. Kinda funny because his attitude just makes people less wanting to hang out with him.
    He does later apologize for getting nasty but it is tough to forget things someone said in anger even if the person latter says he is sorry. Overall he is a nice guy but he does have some psychological/mental health issues. He has a psychiatrist and takes medicine. I try to be understanding and empathetic but it is really tough to forget some of the nasty things he has said in anger. Hence the reason I have been drifting away from him. I just find my life is much more peaceful the less involved I am with him.
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    May 03, 2010 4:23 PM GMT
    If your friends are like mine and you tell them you don't feel like going out, they'll show up at your door.

    So go buy beer and liquor, and tell him the truth.
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    May 03, 2010 4:36 PM GMT
    I am not completely sure it was him, but last night around 11:30pm (shortly after I went to bed) I did hear someone outside my 1st floor apartment say "where is Michael?. He usually leaves the bars around that time and I am just down the street from the bars, but in the other direction he would be walking leaving the bars. I know on other occasions he has gone out of his way to walk past my place.
    He knows I don't like people just dropping by unannounced but I suspect he sometimes walks past to see if I am home and then goes down the street to call me. A few years ago he called me and I just ignored his call and he kept calling. Later he was pissed saying he knows I was ignoring his phone calls, but wouldn't tell how he knew. I suspect he walked by my place and noticed I was home (damn garden apartment!) before he called.
    Again this is not a normal person I am dealing with otherwise I wouldn't even give much thought to it. I always tell my friends that I never want them to hang out with me out of obligation but because they want to. I just ask that people respect my time if we had previously scheduled to do something. I had no pre-planned schedule to hang out with this friend on sunday. Based on this previous actions/behavior towards myself and others he often seems to feel his friends are obligated to hang out with him provided they have nothing else planned - just not feeling it isn't a good enough reason.