Bottoming in sex......... Pleasure or Pain????

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2010 5:34 AM GMT
    so i recentry tried being the bottom in my relationship, i found it very painful and kinda unpleasurable. I was wondering if there were some tips to make it less painful and more pleasureable for both myself and my partner? thanks very much.
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    May 05, 2010 6:42 AM GMT
    Hi Thomas,

    To get information on your question quicker...

    Click on "Forums".
    Then, in the "Search" box (located between the GO and NEW TOPIC buttons) type in the words "bottoming" and "pain".
    Then, click on the "Search" button.

    A listing of previous threads related to your question will appear.

    Browse the threads, and if your answer is not there, consider "bumping" this thread by posting another request for information in this thread.

    Aloha and Be Well!
    Alan
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2010 8:26 AM GMT
    if this is your first time bottoming, it will be uncomfortable, it is for the majority of guys who bottom for the first couple of times.

    Each time becomes easier and eventually you stop feeling discomfort and it's starts to be replaced with a much better sensation.

    Also, make sure, lots of lube, that you remember to breath and try to relax your whole body (your arse wont relax if the rest of you isn't) take it slow and remember, that's your guy all in there, let him do his thing for as much as you can let him... eventually it becomes awesome and you'll be demanding it all da time ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2010 9:40 AM GMT
    I was never successful at bottoming. It was too much of a pain in the ass.
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    May 05, 2010 9:44 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidI was never successful at bottoming. It was too much of a pain in the ass.


    LMAO - not the helpful tip the OP was seeking I'm sure, but you just gave me my first laugh of the day!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2010 9:53 AM GMT
    Don´t think you know whether it works for you until you´ve tried at least 10 times. You can´t know it´s not for you until then.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2010 10:31 AM GMT
    Lostboy saidDon´t think you know whether it works for you until you´ve tried at least 10 times. You can´t know it´s not for you until then.

    Or better yet, 10 different people. Trying with the same person 10 times doesn't count, because the results won't change. icon_wink.gif
  • Kage

    Posts: 707

    May 05, 2010 12:47 PM GMT
    I'm a pure bottom and it does depend on a number of factors whether you will enjoy it.

    1) You.
    You need to be in the right frame of mind to start - "in the mood" so to speak.
    You need to make sure that you know what to expect and what is expected from you.

    2)Your partner:
    You need to make sure that he understand that when it is uncomfortable, not to take it as an invitation to push harder.
    Trust is important.

    3)Tools of the trade:
    A good lube goes a long way. Something that is obviously condom safe and does not dry out or turn sticky too soon after it is applied.
    A dildo can help with you becoming more comfortable with the idea first and it will allow you to explore your ass a bit so that you know what to expect and where your limits are.

    Well that is all I can think of now at the moment.
    Being a bottom is a great thing, it can be very pleasurable.

    Oh and Hi...I'm new here!
    icon_biggrin.gif



  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 05, 2010 1:36 PM GMT
    there are a ton of reasons it can be uncomfortable aside from it being your first time... one of this biggest issues for me was position and the guy's cock shape. you want the guy's cock going toward your prostrate, so depend on if he curves up, down, left, right, etc... you need to adjust your position to make the angle of insertion work.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2010 1:39 PM GMT
    BREATH!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2010 1:41 PM GMT
    relax those muscles.... and breathe, as the man above me said.
    and use lotsa lube!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2010 1:43 PM GMT
    Dude, Just screw , sccrew and sccrew and u will be fine after a while

    Its all in your mind!!!

    Seriously!!... Lube up!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2010 1:44 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidDon´t think you know whether it works for you until you´ve tried at least 10 times. You can´t know it´s not for you until then.



    IN OTHER WORDS.... THE HABIT MAKE THE MONK

    MY RECOMMENDATION WOULD BE ... LOTS OF LUBE, ive never tried this "popper" stuff but a lot of friends who where about to bottoming for the first time have told me it helps a lot to. but thats kinda a drug so can cause an addiction so be aware or use it responsible.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2010 1:47 PM GMT
    It's not secret that a good dollop of lube on his cock AND your ass make all the difference in the world.

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2010 1:47 PM GMT
    Fire... hot.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2010 1:48 PM GMT
    Oh I forgot!!

    TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!!!

    2053178871_f33222cdcc.jpg

    Dont make faces like this man! this just wack!!!!!! lol
  • Kage

    Posts: 707

    May 05, 2010 2:17 PM GMT
    WEINBENDER said
    Lostboy saidDon´t think you know whether it works for you until you´ve tried at least 10 times. You can´t know it´s not for you until then.



    IN OTHER WORDS.... THE HABIT MAKE THE MONK

    MY RECOMMENDATION WOULD BE ... LOTS OF LUBE, ive never tried this "popper" stuff but a lot of friends who where about to bottoming for the first time have told me it helps a lot to. but thats kinda a drug so can cause an addiction so be aware or use it responsible.


    The biggest problem with poppers is that it does not help the hardon and the last thing you want when being buggered is for the buggerer to have a limp one.
    Never condusive for a good time.
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    May 05, 2010 2:48 PM GMT
    MrNomore saidOh I forgot!!

    TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!!!

    2053178871_f33222cdcc.jpg

    Dont make faces like this man! this just wack!!!!!! lol

    I don't know... this guy looks pretty hot to me... icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2010 3:01 PM GMT
    I wish I didn't find it so pleasurable!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2010 3:17 PM GMT
    MrNomore saidOh I forgot!!

    TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!!!

    2053178871_f33222cdcc.jpg

    Dont make faces like this man! this just wack!!!!!! lol

    But he's HOT *nods* I'd bottom for him or top, preferably both ;)
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    May 05, 2010 3:20 PM GMT
    Okay, so since this is Real Jock, I'm going to get a little heady and indulgent here for a minute. Forgive me. Think of me as your Sports Psychology coach talking to you from the sidelines.icon_rolleyes.gif Great sex is an exchange of energy, passion and strength, physical power of two guys, face to face in a place where something just a little primal is ramped up to pretty astounding levels. It's very, very similar to the energy you get on the playing field, or pre-game, or the weight room or the track or pool. It's just amped up past 11, if you will, with desire and, if you're really lucky, with love. That's some serious white hot stuff.

    There's a zone, where you move past "is my gear on, do I have enough chalk on my hands, am I poised for the pistol?" etc. That zone is where love of the game, and you and everything that thrills you about the game comes to life and takes over - it carries you through to the finish line, the goal, the lift, what have you. That is desire, and it's in all of us. It may sound like hyper-masculine bullshit, but I believe this. (If you're not a big jock, then you can substitute finishing the concerto, or preparing a great meal, or anything else more artistic or effete in its virtuoso for this analogy.)

    I don't define as a bottom, per se, not much, but when I do get fucked it's because I literally ache for my guy to top me. I want that sensation and the different pleasure it gives, plus the exchange of power is very exciting. I know from how I feel whether it's going to be a great sensation, so only if I'm really aching for it - a powerful kind of sensation deep inside, that I will do it. Now, again - and this is just my opinion - in spite of the protest of "exclusive top" men, I think every guy has this desire. The trick is getting past the stigma and following through on the desire, and leaning in to it.

    We're men, and surrender is not a frequently used word in our vocab, by and large. I don't care if you're captain of the rugby team or the biggest queen at wigstock, surrender is not often an option. So, bottoming requires a kind of surrender in the middle of a lot of power on power fun. As a result, if you're new at it, it's pretty rough at first, and you're very likely so new to the penetration that you're having trouble getting past that to the sensation that gave you the impulse to say yes moments before. Go back to the yes. Go back and breathe into that feeling. Not like a big girl, but like a big man. That "yes" is just a different zone.

    I know...I know...this sounds super zen flaky bullshit, but really, most sincerely, get your mind back to the "yes" and relax into the anticipation of that, past the initial discomfort. The more you focus on what you want, and what you're seeking, while taking deep breaths, and relaxing into that desire, the more amazingly fun and thrilling it will be for you. Actually for both of you, and that's the real point, isn't it? Because, once you're back on top, you'll know what your guy is giving in to, and you'll be a hell of a lot better at topping him and feeling how he's pulling you in, and aching for you, and you'll blow his mind in new ways as a top. Truly.

    So, yes, lots of good lube, that's for sure. But the secret to how to enjoy it, and be connected to it is in the desire - breathing deeply into that sensation and the natural feeling that your prostate is pulsing up to your brain when you first say "yes, babe", that will get you deeper into the pleasure, and make it a hell of lot more fun. And sex...it's supposed to be fun.

    Now get back in the game tiger and take one for the team! *wink*

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 05, 2010 3:29 PM GMT
    Just make sure you are involved with a top that is reasonable, sensitive to your inexperience and willing to go the extra mile (so to speak) to make sure its a good experience for you. Pass on the guy who just wants your ass for the evening and isn't concerned about you personally.

    Make your initial forays as a bottom ones you will remember years later
    as great..because you made sure you were with someone who you appreciated. Have fun!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2010 3:35 PM GMT
    here is a good book to consider, anal pleasure and health by Jack Morin, PHD
  • Muscleluvinla

    Posts: 12

    May 05, 2010 4:07 PM GMT
    So, read over all of these comments...and it seems like no one mentioned douching before you do the bottom thang!!

    So, unless you're into scat, I would suggest you find a really great shower anal douche, and take care of that before you guys go at it. Or, at the very least, have some prepared enema douches in your cabinet, and take care of that.

    And there you go!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2010 4:11 PM GMT
    I think that there are three things that are ABSOLUTELY necessary or else it will not be successful

    1. Of course use alot of lube (you can never use too much)

    2. Make sure you are with a guy who it not too pushy, especially if you are new to it all. Let the guy know that he has to take it slow and if he's a good guy then it should be okay. In fact, try to do it with a guy that you know really well and trust because he will understand you more.

    3. Finally, i believe this is the most important. You have to WANT to bottom. If you aren't that sure, you can experiment but it won't be as pleasurable compared to a time that you really want it. For me, the best times are when I am really horny...everything just seems so much bettericon_lol.gif