Okay, so since this is Real Jock, I'm going to get a little heady and indulgent here for a minute. Forgive me. Think of me as your Sports Psychology coach talking to you from the sidelines.
Great sex is an exchange of energy, passion and strength, physical power of two guys, face to face in a place where something just a little primal is ramped up to pretty astounding levels. It's very, very similar to the energy you get on the playing field, or pre-game, or the weight room or the track or pool. It's just amped up past 11, if you will, with desire and, if you're really lucky, with love. That's some serious white hot stuff.
There's a zone, where you move past "is my gear on, do I have enough chalk on my hands, am I poised for the pistol?" etc. That zone is where love of the game, and you and everything that thrills you about the game comes to life and takes over - it carries you through to the finish line, the goal, the lift, what have you. That is desire, and it's in all of us. It may sound like hyper-masculine bullshit, but I believe this. (If you're not a big jock, then you can substitute finishing the concerto, or preparing a great meal, or anything else more artistic or effete in its virtuoso for this analogy.)
I don't define as a bottom, per se, not much, but when I do get fucked it's because I literally ache for my guy to top me. I want that sensation and the different pleasure it gives, plus the exchange of power is very exciting. I know from how I feel whether it's going to be a great sensation, so only if I'm really aching for it - a powerful kind of sensation deep inside, that I will do it. Now, again - and this is just my opinion - in spite of the protest of "exclusive top" men, I think every guy has this desire. The trick is getting past the stigma and following through on the desire, and leaning in to it.
We're men, and surrender is not a frequently used word in our vocab, by and large. I don't care if you're captain of the rugby team or the biggest queen at wigstock, surrender is not often an option. So, bottoming requires a kind of surrender in the middle of a lot of power on power fun. As a result, if you're new at it, it's pretty rough at first, and you're very likely so new to the penetration that you're having trouble getting past that to the sensation that gave you the impulse to say yes moments before. Go back to the yes. Go back and breathe into that
feeling. Not like a big girl, but like a big man. That "yes" is just a different zone.
I know...I know...this sounds super zen flaky bullshit, but really, most sincerely, get your mind back to the "yes" and relax into the anticipation of that, past the initial discomfort. The more you focus on what you want, and what you're seeking, while taking deep breaths, and relaxing into that desire, the more amazingly fun and thrilling it will be for you. Actually for both of you, and that's the real point, isn't it? Because, once you're back on top, you'll know what your guy is giving in to, and you'll be a hell of a lot better at topping him and feeling how he's pulling you in, and aching for you, and you'll blow his mind in new ways as a top. Truly.
So, yes, lots of good lube, that's for sure. But the secret to how to enjoy it, and be connected to it is in the desire - breathing deeply into that sensation and the natural feeling that your prostate is pulsing up to your brain when you first say "yes, babe", that
will get you deeper into the pleasure, and make it a hell of lot more fun. And sex...it's supposed to be fun.
Now get back in the game tiger and take one for the team! *wink*