Advice? I'm Torn Between My Goals & Being Sexy for Others (+ Bonus Rant: The Dual-Sided Nature of Attraction)

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    May 06, 2010 2:50 AM GMT
    I have 5 goals that I'm working to accomplish right now.
    - To sleep 6-8 hours a day, everyday.
    - To eat 5-6 meals a day, everyday.
    - To build the strength to surpass 225lbs x 5 reps on the Bench Press, Squat, Deadlift.
    - To increase flexibility with yoga and pilates.
    - To grow pass 200lbs in body weight while keeping body fat to a minimum.

    I come across guys on realjock, other websites, the gym, or other live places, who I'm physically attracted to and are athletic/muscular/"beefy". I feel as if I never if rarely get noticed by them, even if I try to approach them first. Usually when it comes to dating gay people involved with fitness, they want a partner who is equally fit, active, strong, or built. I'm not any of those four things, yet. However, I have no visual indication of progress, yet (aka, my body doesn't look like anything's happened). I know it will come with time and consistency, but definitely not immediately.

    This is where my "Subject" comes into play.

    Sometimes, with the people I want to attract in mind, I feel like changing or even dropping my goals completely. That means I wouldn't be going to the gym for myself anymore, but for other people. I think the goals I mentioned above are pretty reasonable, attainable, and worth achieving. However, it would be nice if I could capture the eye of those I'm interested in at the same time.

    That's what's so cumbersome about dating and attraction: it's two sided AND variable. I could be the greatest guy in the world, but another person may not find me worth a second glance. I could be uninterested in someone, but they could harbor the deepest crush on me.

    How another person feels is not in our control. It's so completely variable that the only thing I can do is do what's best for me -- in hopes that other people will appreciate the results I worked hard to achieve. Yet, in situations like riding the train/bus, the gym locker room, or a club/party, all I have is my looks because that's all they initially have to work with. I may not be able to confirm if they're even gay or not.

    I just want a success with guys in the fitness/weight training world - the end. This failure streak is very unbecoming of me.

    Sigh, I'm just venting & ranting after a frustrating silent encounter with a really attractive muscular guy that appeared to be relatively interested in me on my subway ride home tonight, lol. Be nice. -_- thanks <3
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    May 06, 2010 3:48 AM GMT

    Be yourself. Those that are interested will gravitate to you, others will not. I'm one of 7 and one thing I know for sure is everything is not for everyone. Finding balance and equating that in terms of peace is marvel at best. Stay focused!
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    May 07, 2010 7:44 AM GMT
    Hillie said
    Be yourself. Those that are interested will gravitate to you, others will not. I'm one of 7 and one thing I know for sure is everything is not for everyone. Finding balance and equating that in terms of peace is marvel at best. Stay focused!


    I get what you mean. I'll be honest, I'm still uncovering and understanding who "myself" is. Maybe it'll come to me while I'm in one of them Yoga poses.

    Regardless, I just wanna increase my chances at this stage of my life -- increase that gravitational pull, lol. I'm sure that as I become more fit and my progress can be seen, that alone may attract more people than before. I'm just wondering... what could be done in the meanwhile besides what I'm doing in the gym now?
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    May 07, 2010 7:50 AM GMT
    first of all, what ever you do, don't give up what you want to attract some dip shit to shallow to see you for all that you are worth.

    Second, keep your goals, keep your desires, keep doing what will make you happy, we have way to many bitter bitchy little runts out in the world who are so twisted in desperation to be something they are not.

    Third, your pretty hot, you be you, be nothing but you, if you wanna bench a certain weight then you go bench that weight (well, work up to it I don't wanna hear about you going into the gym and just trying your wanted weight heh) and if you wanna get all big and muscled go do that too and if you wanna turn into a pretzel then damn it, I'm right behind you with lube icon_razz.gif haha
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    May 07, 2010 7:33 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidfirst of all, what ever you do, don't give up what you want to attract some dip shit to shallow to see you for all that you are worth.

    Second, keep your goals, keep your desires, keep doing what will make you happy, we have way to many bitter bitchy little runts out in the world who are so twisted in desperation to be something they are not.

    Third, your pretty hot, you be you, be nothing but you, if you wanna bench a certain weight then you go bench that weight (well, work up to it I don't wanna hear about you going into the gym and just trying your wanted weight heh) and if you wanna get all big and muscled go do that too and if you wanna turn into a pretzel then damn it, I'm right behind you with lube icon_razz.gif haha


    Thank you, you're pretty hot yourself -- now if only you weren't on the other side of teh earth, we'd be talkin. haha.

    What about a muscled pretzel? ;-D
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    May 07, 2010 10:11 PM GMT
    SineOfChange saidWhat about a muscled pretzel? ;-D
    That works too my dear ;)