Another Mellowdramatic Rant...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2010 3:50 AM GMT
    So i've recently begun to question my lack of any normal relationship...

    When i was young it was all "oh my, you're gonna break so many hearts" and today its "you are the perfect gentleman" "why oh why couldn't you be born straight" "the gays don't deserve you" etc etc.

    All the while, with these comments, i think, no theres someguy out there for me, some one who will want me and cherish me and just accept all the things i'm willing and wanting to do for them. But in reality there are no guys like that. I noticed this a while back and have since been going back and forth between "im happy being a cynical bastard, ill just have an amazing career, go bald, and have a really awesome dog" and "well maybe if i sleep with this guy, he'll wanna make it into a relationship and i'll be happy" ... so far neither are working.

    I knew accepting being gay and coming out was gonna be tough, but shitballs this is just a damn deathsentence...

    I don't regret coming out, like, option B is'nt any more appealing (being married and hooking up in parks...) I've had what i liked to call a relationship, but lets face it, it was sleeping together and him leaving in the morning and me feeling like i was more to him then i really was, oh and seeing him out with another guy the other night was the cherry on top.

    I will never stop being who i am, i may have an odd personality, maybe? i dunno, seems to get me plenty o friends, why not a decent guy? This thread isn't really towards the young guys, because you'll just say i need to look more and hit up the clubs more, etc etc. I need some man advice, lol, dad left early, no relationship advice, so ya i need the older guys to let me know if i should keep on truckin, or just really plan on a damn good career, baldness and an awesome dog.

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    May 06, 2010 3:54 AM GMT
    pat3rob saidSo i've recently begun to question my lack of any normal relationship...
    Define normal.
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    May 06, 2010 4:01 AM GMT
    Normal being normal, haha, i just want that relationship where theres dinner dates, theres sentence finishing, theres "whats up, i can tell you're not doin good today" , sex isn't required to be close. I want what i have with all my close friends, I want what seems so easy for everyone else..
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    May 06, 2010 4:03 AM GMT

    I think you already know the answer and just need reinforcement. Many things test/question your life daily. It's part of growth and titled as growing pains. remember that your life partner might not be packaged in the wrapping that you've chosen. How open are you to that possibility?


    *edit* relationships are not easy. if they were everyone would define them as successful
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    May 06, 2010 4:29 AM GMT
    dear gawd girl, you are 24 freakin years old, I am sorry to tell you this but damn it... grow up.. seriously, come on, what did you expect at 24? white picket fence two dogs and playing lawn bowls on the weekend here? your 24 geez you haven't had a long sustained relationship with someone "perfect" big freakin whoop, you obviously aren't yet truly ready for a relationship cause when you are, you'll have one and a good one, not some lousy f'ed up thing that you try to call a relationship!

    Geez..

    There thats ma mellow dramatic rant for the day icon_smile.gif
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    May 06, 2010 4:35 AM GMT
    ughhh, haha, i expected that response I guess. My thing is, the job im going into requires me to basically choose, do i want a life of non-stop switching, no roots, no nothting = money and experiences and seeing the world. Or do i wanna settle down and have a desk job in the future? I want someone now so i can see what i want in life. Now that im writing this im realizing im irrational and was merely having a shitty day. Awesome career it is, find someone, awesome, dont find someone...well, lookin out for number 1.


    ill delete the forum in a bit, just seein if anyone else has any advice first. thanks ya'll.
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    May 06, 2010 4:38 AM GMT
    no, don't delete it..

    But think about this...

    You have the opportunity right now to go do some incredible things, to experience things in the world and in your self.

    TAKE that opportunity and do it now, when you are older you will have more commitments that will mean you'll need to put those opportunities aside and forget about them possibly forever.

    If you have a chance to do something great, take it!
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    May 06, 2010 4:44 AM GMT
    thanks, i will in fact take the opportunitiy - seeing as it seeked me out before any guy did. haha.
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    May 06, 2010 5:14 AM GMT
    I dunno..I give up really, trying to find someone to make 2 sparks work!

    Men are really interested in their own agenda.

    I met a terrific guy, but he had to go to San Francisco for 2 months. He's great, but 2 months out...then he is back and moving to YUMA....oh well....

    So I decided to be a porno mag...go where I want, fuck, shoot cum and if you can dig, good....if ya can't go be a NUN!

    Maybe I will bump into someone along the way when I travel this summer. I am going to be blogging and writing my books.....

    Happy Life Homos!
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    May 06, 2010 5:36 AM GMT
    At 24 you have a stretch to go and a lot can happen in the next 5, 10, 15 years. The problem could be in how you see things. Expectations can doom you to disappointment.

    I think gay life can be kind of stunted compared to the straight paradigm of get hitched and have 2.5 kids by the time you are in your 30's and maybe then get divorced. Serious relationships may take a while, and you have to be willing to put up with a lot more than you think to get there.

    So keep yourself in shape mentally and physically. It can take years to develop a serious satisfying relationship. I would not expect most gay guys to figure things out and settle down until their 30's. As you are getting your career in order you will have more opportunity for relationships as you figure out life a little more. Enjoy the relationships you make along the path of figuring it out and don't allow yourself to become bitter about any of them. You can get a little smarter each time.
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    May 06, 2010 5:51 AM GMT
    Find a woman and she can stay home with your children , then get divorced at 30ish, raise them and live happily ever after. Mr.right is always lurking...haha
  • Kage

    Posts: 707

    May 06, 2010 2:40 PM GMT
    There is no single individual that will meet all your criteria or tick all the boxes in your checklist.

    I am not sure "mr. perfect" or "the one" actually exists.
    Normal guys become the "mr. perfect" or "the one".
  • LuckyPierre

    Posts: 192

    May 06, 2010 3:04 PM GMT
    Dont worry about it! You don't need someone else in your life for your life to be complete. You need to be happy with yourself and once you are it will come thru in the confidence you exude to others. That alone is a powerful attractant!

    As others have said-get out there, see the world, meet new people. People in the world at large are generally pretty nice and will respond to your smile and the genuine interest you show them.

    Stop looking for someone else until you've found yourself!

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    May 06, 2010 3:13 PM GMT
    What you want out of life is going to change...what I want at 45 is very different from what I wanted at 25. I spent too much of my early life trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be, and trying to earn my family's acceptance. When I came out at 19, I wanted to find the perfect guy and settle down with him for the rest of my life. I wasn't ready, however, and either picked the wrong guys or messed up the relationship with the right guys.

    Now is the time to explore the world around you and learn as much as you can. You should be developing hobbies and interests, traveling, and learning as much about yourself as possible. The more you know about yourself the better you will be in a relationship. I know far too many people who are afraid to examine their lives and keep making the same mistakes (which I did for many years). Also, remember some people will be in your life for a short time and may have a huge impact. Others will be around for a very long time...and neither is better or worse. Surround yourself with people you admire, who challenge you, and who can have a positive impact on your life. Leave the people who drag you down behind.

    At 45, I feel like I know less about life than ever and am constantly learning.
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    May 06, 2010 3:14 PM GMT
    Well, ya do know that lots of straight men feel exactly the same way about meeting women, and having a "normal" relationship, right? And that they face many of the same challenges & frustrations as you?

    Except, perhaps, that the women they pursue are under even more pressure to find a mate/companion, and before they get too old. So that there's a bit more motivation & urgency going on with straights than between 2 gay guys.

    For straights the incentives can be biological, sexual, social & economic. For gays it tends to be weighted more toward the sexual, and by itself that's not conducive to thinking in LTR terms.

    You are therefore applying a model & timeline for idealized straight life onto gay circumstances. It's not surprising you're not getting the same results as straights do, and not yet living a "normal" life as you see it (even though as lilTanker also notes, you're still kinda early with either game).

    It also sounds to me like you have a bit of teenage angst still clinging to you. The natural passage of time, and pursuing clear career goals are good ways of getting those residual attitudes & emotions rinsed off you.
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    May 06, 2010 3:20 PM GMT
    Hey, pat3rob. Normal?

    Here, watch this :





    -Doug and Bill
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    May 06, 2010 3:21 PM GMT
    Um, you're 24. You are just starting life as an adult. If you're literally giving up this early in the game, there is no way you have the staying power for finding a guy and living in the subsequent relationship.


    Oh yeah, and you have a monkey. Statistically, single gay men with a monkey have it far harder to find a mate which would want to take on the responsibility of bringing up someone else's chimp. I think it has to do with all the poop throwing. But what a cute monkey!
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    May 06, 2010 3:29 PM GMT
    I found the kind of thing you were looking for. But at my age, honestly, I think that came down to incredible luck and timing, I don't know many my age (I'm also 24) who have the sort of relationship you are looking for.
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    May 06, 2010 3:44 PM GMT
    lissenup saidWhat you want out of life is going to change...what I want at 45 is very different from what I wanted at 25. I spent too much of my early life trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be, and trying to earn my family's acceptance. When I came out at 19, I wanted to find the perfect guy and settle down with him for the rest of my life. I wasn't ready, however, and either picked the wrong guys or messed up the relationship with the right guys.

    Now is the time to explore the world around you and learn as much as you can. You should be developing hobbies and interests, traveling, and learning as much about yourself as possible. The more you know about yourself the better you will be in a relationship. I know far too many people who are afraid to examine their lives and keep making the same mistakes (which I did for many years). Also, remember some people will be in your life for a short time and may have a huge impact. Others will be around for a very long time...and neither is better or worse. Surround yourself with people you admire, who challenge you, and who can have a positive impact on your life. Leave the people who drag you down behind.

    At 45, I feel like I know less about life than ever and am constantly learning.

    Quoted, because I would have said the exact same thing.

    I’ll add; it is nearly impossible at you age to get past the instant gratification (I want it all and I want it now). Try and keep it in prospective, with your universal health care, there is a good chance you will live to 100.
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    May 06, 2010 4:04 PM GMT
    Go be happy having an awesome career.

    There are guys out there, the exact type you're looking for, but you're not going to find them in a club. If you think you will well...hope you like the heartbreak.

    I recommend just being cynical - guys, especially at our age, are pretty damn self-absorbed. Unless you find the diamond in the rough...go live your life dude.

    And for the record, I myself am a gentleman. I speak from experience - don't spend your time pining away over guys that just haven't got to the level you're looking for.

    It hurts like hell and you deserve better.

    My 2 cents.
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    May 06, 2010 4:16 PM GMT
    If one aspect of your life isn't coming together quite the way you always envisioned it, don't let it get you down. Focus on what's good -- and it sounds like there's plenty ahead of you that counts as good. Sooner or later, some guy is gonna come along that hits all the right buttons...but you can't and shouldn't put the rest of your life on stand-by just on the off-chance Mr. Dreamy comes along sooner than later.

    Do your thing, and the rest will fall into place. And as for relationships...there really is no 'normal.'
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    May 06, 2010 4:21 PM GMT
    pat3rob saidughhh, haha, i expected that response I guess. My thing is, the job im going into requires me to basically choose, do i want a life of non-stop switching, no roots, no nothting = money and experiences and seeing the world. Or do i wanna settle down and have a desk job in the future? I want someone now so i can see what i want in life. Now that im writing this im realizing im irrational and was merely having a shitty day. Awesome career it is, find someone, awesome, dont find someone...well, lookin out for number 1.


    ill delete the forum in a bit, just seein if anyone else has any advice first. thanks ya'll.


    I'm in the EXACT same position.
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    May 06, 2010 4:58 PM GMT
    Well you owned the fact that you were being melodramatic in your thread title, and I definitely concur with that. You're 24. You're so young. Follow the exciting career! You want to talk about a death sentence? That would be a passionless desk job. Go travel the world, meet new people, see new places. You're the one who's making this an either/or scenario. You have no idea what doors will open for you, who you will meet or how it will play out. Allow yourself to have it all. If you get five years down the line and find that you then want to settle down, you'll still be in your 20's. Don't live life for the fantasy promise of what a relationship might bring you. Healthy relationships do not come "so easily" to everyone else, as you suggested in one of your posts. They're hard work. Let go of the fantasy, have some fun and let your life unfold without trying to micromanage and control it.
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    Dec 03, 2010 3:44 PM GMT
    bump.jpg

    .... for relevance to other post's and hopefully an update from pat3rob
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    Dec 03, 2010 6:45 PM GMT
    Life is all about ups and downs and when it comes to relationships you need to go through A LOT shit and treasures to find that someone just for you.

    And buddy @ 24 you need to make the most of out your career, love will come along...Sometimes they will last as long as candle in the night does but at least you'll be able to cherish the warmth that it gave you.

    So turn the frown up side down!! icon_biggrin.gif