More than just a "friend"?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2008 1:31 PM GMT
    Last night, it happened again. I was with my partner (of close to 8 years) and we were visiting his mother at her retirement village to give her a gift, blah-blah-blah. When we arrived, she was visiting with some of her friends from the neighborhood and started to introduce us. "Everyone, this is my son..., and this is his FRIEND..."

    FRIEND she calls me. Normally, around family and close friends, I'm the SON-IN-LAW. Yesterday, and a few times before, I'm the FRIEND.

    I understand older generation gaps, etc. But this happens with his friends at times as well. Most every knows my partner's gay, so I don't quite understand. Therefore, I'm wondering at what point, if any, do I speak up and say in return, "Actually, I'm the guy he's riding on a nightly basis" or something to that affect?

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    Jan 29, 2008 4:48 PM GMT
    Jaydub- Think of it this way. Maybe the person doing the introducing uses "friend" thinking they are playing it safe as to not offend either person in the introduction. Maybe that person thinks "friend" is the safe way to play the introduction as universal. In other words- they are not sure how you would prefer to be introduced. (a) partner/bf (b) son's prefered ride or (c) friend

    Friend just seems to them to be the safest "title" if you will.

    Personaly I would not think too much into it. The glass is half full not empty. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 29, 2008 5:34 PM GMT
    It seems to happen to me a lot with older family members. We went to an uncle's 80th birthday last year in Kansas and my partner was introduced as my Friend or sometimes "my special friend". We just smiled
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    Jan 29, 2008 5:45 PM GMT
    thatcycleguy saidJaydub- Think of it this way. Maybe the person doing the introducing uses "friend" thinking they are playing it safe as to not offend either person in the introduction. Maybe that person thinks "friend" is the safe way to play the introduction as universal. In other words- they are not sure how you would prefer to be introduced. (a) partner/bf (b) son's prefered ride or (c) friend

    Friend just seems to them to be the safest "title" if you will.

    Personaly I would not think too much into it. The glass is half full not empty. icon_biggrin.gif


    I TOTALLY agree here!

    I wouldn't read too much into this. Now if your partner was introducing you like this to his family and friends then I say cut him! (Ok, not that drastic, but you know what I mean!) LOL!!!
  • dhinkansas

    Posts: 764

    Jan 29, 2008 5:47 PM GMT
    At least you weren't introduced as her daughter in law.
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    Jan 29, 2008 5:48 PM GMT
    dhinkansas saidAt least you weren't introduced as her daughter in law.



    HAHAHAHA!! NO shit!!!
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    Jan 29, 2008 5:53 PM GMT
    Maybe she knows her friends better and knows how they would respond. And maybe she doesnt want to have to go thru it with her friends after you leave.

    Maybe "friend" is their code word and they all understand.

    I would say let her stay in her comfort level. It would be most gracious of you and show your confidence in yourself and your partner's relationship.

    My grandmother had a brother who was gay and killed in the March of Bataan in the Phillipines in WWII. She never referred to him as gay or homosexual. She referred to him as being "like David" (that's me).
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    Jan 29, 2008 7:55 PM GMT
    dhinkansas saidAt least you weren't introduced as her daughter in law.

    Thanks for that... needed a good laugh.

    And you're all right, I guess I'm just a bit uptight today.

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    Jan 29, 2008 8:03 PM GMT
    i know growing up that my uncle bf was told to me to be his friend because how exactly do you explain someone being gay to a little child. they don't completely understand relationships at that point.

    being his mother's friends the same thing might apply

    #1 she might not view it has there business for them to know and if you wanted to be introduced as something else you could do so.

    #2 im out and open to anyone but there are people such as my grandfather that i have not told for the sake of it doesn't matter. he is slowly getting weaker and weaker and i find more things to talk about then me being gay to him. so sometimes things like that are just not that important.

    i don't know that is my opinion which opinions are like butt holes.... everyone has one and they all stink

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2008 8:38 PM GMT
    You know, unmarried straight people with long-time partners have the exact same problem with introductions. "Boyfriend" sounds too frivolous; "Lover" seems too intimate for an introduction to a casual acquaintance. There isn't much in the way of middle ground. An Australian guy I met while travelling in Europe introduced his girl to me as: "And this is my very best friend, Sharon." It left no doubt as to the nature of the relationship without getting graphic about it.

    I've found that senior citizens often use "friend" to describe their own out-of-wedlock companions (usually people they've partnered with after their spouses have passed on), so it's very possible that your mother-in-law's acquaintances knew exactly what she meant.
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    Jan 29, 2008 10:15 PM GMT
    i have no experiencelike that...

    BUT.. a relationship that close 8 years ... this is not the first problem you had with him.. and it will not be the last...
    i think in the 8 years, that you dealing with a lot problems that you had with him.. the long period of time(8 years) is the time you guys learning each other and combine two of your life into one...

    just get over it
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    Jan 29, 2008 10:25 PM GMT
    Grab your "friend's" ass the next time someone says that.
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    Jan 29, 2008 10:39 PM GMT
    All the above.

    And if not, I could care less. As long as YOU know your man is yours.