Is it always inappropriate to ask if he's gay?

  • trl_

    Posts: 994

    May 07, 2010 2:18 AM GMT
    Let's pretend there's this kid who I find attractive at school.
    Let's also pretend that he talks to me when we're the only ones in the elevator in the residence hall.
    He has a girlfriend though so I'm more than sure he's not gay, but in a different universe where I had no proof of his sexuality, would it be inappropriate to ask him if he's gay?

    Is it always rude to ask this directly?
    I personally get annoyed when people ask me that to my face.
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    May 07, 2010 2:38 AM GMT
    I don't think it is a bad thing to ask someone if they are gay. Everyone needs to realize that being gay isn't awkward/wrong. I wish it weren't such a big deal to ask a guy if he wants to make out with you icon_wink.gif
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    May 07, 2010 3:00 AM GMT
    Don't ask if he's gay. Ask if he wants to hang out. You'll eventually find out, and might even make a cool friend in the process even if he's not.

    But when people ask me that, my answer is always "why? You interested?"
  • manpit209

    Posts: 213

    May 07, 2010 6:00 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidDon't ask if he's gay. Ask if he wants to hang out. You'll eventually find out, and might even make a cool friend in the process even if he's not.

    But when people ask me that, my answer is always "why? You interested?"


    I agree with Paul. Your sexuality is a private matter and only you can decide to tell people about it. It's kind of rude to ask someone if they are especially if they are not ready to tell others. If you are interested in him just see if he'd like to hang out more. The more time you spend with him and get to know him, the truth will come out. He has to tell you on his own terms.
  • HOTWEILLER

    Posts: 347

    May 07, 2010 10:17 AM GMT
    i agree with the guys. Don`t ask this, it will seem rude and he won`t feel confortable to answer.
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    May 07, 2010 6:07 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidDon't ask if he's gay. Ask if he wants to hang out. You'll eventually find out, and might even make a cool friend in the process even if he's not.

    But when people ask me that, my answer is always "why? You interested?"

    This!
  • gumbosolo

    Posts: 382

    May 07, 2010 6:13 PM GMT
    Finding out indirectly is part of the fun. icon_cool.gif
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    May 07, 2010 6:18 PM GMT
    Gonna concur. Don't ask. Not because it is something to be ashamed of, but simply because you can't possibly know his story or his personal situation. That's the considerate path, and having consideration and trying as much as possible to not put someone in an uncomfortable situation is the heart of civility.

    And, don't stalk him online. Just approach interaction with him in take-it-or-leave-it manner. It will prevent you from making any untoward moves.

    In short, treat other people as an end...not a means to an end.
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    May 07, 2010 6:49 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidDon't ask if he's gay. Ask if he wants to hang out. You'll eventually find out, and might even make a cool friend in the process even if he's not.

    But when people ask me that, my answer is always "why? You interested?"


    Agreed. Think about the opportunity, even if he's straight you might turn him gay icon_smile.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 07, 2010 6:57 PM GMT
    I wouldn't do it. I agree with whats been said above. He might be great friendship material and if he isn't gay, he might be offended. Ask about him indirectly via friends
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    May 07, 2010 8:53 PM GMT
    I agree with Paul on this one.