How do you know if someone really loves you?

  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jan 29, 2008 9:12 PM GMT
    Hey guys,

    I have a question. I am now trying to date the Guys from Guatemala for 2 Years now and it feels hopeless. There are some sweet guys, but almost everyone here uses the words Love and Relationship way to often and also way to fast. I cant take it seriously anymore and I get kind of worried that I could cut someone off where its actually true what they say.

    How do you guys know if somebody is really in love with you? Is it possible to know it after a short amount of time?
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    Jan 30, 2008 8:45 AM GMT
    No. You can never be sure.

    The problem with guys from countries like mine and guys from countries like yours is the big difference in social and financial status.

    I for one am not like that, but I know people who are. Be very careful. Of course it's still possible that they're really in love (two of my sisters married foreigners and I can really say that they're not faking it LOL!).

    Although, one good thing is, foreigners have a special allure, from both sides. I for one can fall in love with almost any white guy based on looks alone. But I know it isn't love, it's infatuation/lust. Still that's a good basis for an LTR. The true test comes when you are already living together and it turns out that he lied about a lot of things.

    It's why I don't put too much faith in online long-distance relationships.
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    Jan 30, 2008 8:56 PM GMT
    I think the answer to this question can be self-answered. If it really is love, then I think that you can feel it inside. I've been in a situation before where I told someone that I loved him, and even though he didn't say it back, I knew that he loved me too (He later validated this). The point is, I didn't need the verbal affirmation because I could sense the love - not just in that moment, but in the way he treated me.
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    Jan 30, 2008 8:59 PM GMT
    The eyes. You'll see it and you'll feel it. nuff said.
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    Jan 30, 2008 9:02 PM GMT
    Its something you know from the start. When you first talking to him you click. WHen you first start dating you can't stop thinking about him just when you hear his voice you smile. You rarely fight and when you do you feel so terrible that you never want to do it again. Also when he kisses you you feel butterflies. Now that is all in the begining. You know its love because it is something you can feel inside. You know that are trully in love with you if they will let you cry in their arms, or vice versa..... Bu the only way you can tell is if you ask him why he is with you and he says just to make you feel happy.... and you feel the same then it is love
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jan 31, 2008 11:21 AM GMT
    There's no one real answer
    It's in how the person reacts to you
    listens to you
    touches you

    and it's usually pretty clear
    if there's true doubt in your mind
    he probably doesn't
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    Jan 31, 2008 11:28 AM GMT
    This of course is all relative, becuase you'll not find it if you yourself are not open to the concepts of it.

    And its a hard thing for some people to allow themselves to open to it.
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    Jan 31, 2008 11:54 AM GMT
    LukeElick saidIts something you know from the start. When you first talking to him you click. WHen you first start dating you can't stop thinking about him just when you hear his voice you smile. You rarely fight and when you do you feel so terrible that you never want to do it again. Also when he kisses you you feel butterflies. Now that is all in the begining. You know its love because it is something you can feel inside. You know that are trully in love with you if they will let you cry in their arms, or vice versa..... Bu the only way you can tell is if you ask him why he is with you and he says just to make you feel happy.... and you feel the same then it is love


    Dude, your last sentence is a very beautiful definition of love
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Jan 31, 2008 12:48 PM GMT
    When he calls you and sings,

    I just called to say I love you
    I just called to say how much I care
    I just called to say I love you
    And I mean it from the bottom of my heart

    When he sends you 3 birthday cards.

    When he dose something that terrifies him, just to be with you.

    When he is prepared to leave everything behind, to be with you.

    And, as said above, he says, “I want to make you happy”

    You will also get a feeling.

    I always wondered, how do you know, you love him?

    One day, I got so angry with him, there must have been steam coming out of my ears, I was so angry. And all I wanted to do, was put my arms around him, and kiss him. From that moment on, I was sure I loved him.

    Mike
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Jan 31, 2008 1:29 PM GMT
    When he only hits you were the clothing covers, as to avoid the annoying questions bruises can lead to if seen by your friends.

    ;-)

    Okay, so it's not as funny as seems... I just have impulse control issues.

    I once dated a guy who on our first date wouldn't even look at me. I thought he wasn't into me at all, but in truth he was just overly shy because he was into me. We dated for three years. After that first date, I couldn't think of the guy without breaking into a huge grin. Everyone who saw the grin automatically knew I was thinking about him. Even though we're not together today, anytime I see him it still invokes that wild rush of feeling.
    It's just something you know.

    You've been trying to date this dude for two years. Obviously there's something there that keeps you coming back...it can't just be sexual, since it's easier to get it from someone closer that Guatemala...
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    Jan 31, 2008 1:39 PM GMT
    When he mails one of his buddies the spare set of keys – from overseas – to the flat you once shared together – years ago – so that said friend can check to see if you are still alive because you haven't answered the telephone in the past five months. Sweet.

  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Jan 31, 2008 1:50 PM GMT
    Aero saidWhen he mails one of his buddies the spare set of keys – from overseas – to the flat you once shared together – years ago – so that said friend can check to see if you are still alive since you haven't answered the telephone in the past five months. Sweet.



    That is nice.
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    Jan 31, 2008 1:54 PM GMT
    Well said, MikePhil. I couldn't agree more. I also think that love stands the test of time. Love is more of a conscious decision than a gooey sentiment, but if there is no passion to back up the commitment, I'd consider that to be a warning sign.

    The English language isn't well equipped to express the various nuances of love. I prefer the Greek variants:

    Phileo - love between friends (relatively stable; longer shelf life)
    Eros - erotic, romantic, sexual love (volatile; shorter shelf life)
    Agape - unconditional love (rock solid; indefinite shelf life)

    So, there you have it. Five cents, please. ;)


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    Jan 31, 2008 1:55 PM GMT
    briarhawk,

    Just tell people you fell off the swing.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Jan 31, 2008 2:22 PM GMT
    ruck_us saidWell said, MikePhil. I couldn't agree more. I also think that love stands the test of time. Love is more of a conscious decision than a gooey sentiment, but if there is no passion to back up the commitment, I'd consider that to be a warning sign.

    The English language isn't well equipped to express the various nuances of love. I prefer the Greek variants:

    Phileo - love between friends (relatively stable; longer shelf life)
    Eros - erotic, romantic, sexual love (volatile; shorter shelf life)
    Agape - unconditional love (rock solid; indefinite shelf life)

    So, there you have it. Five cents, please. ;)




    My partner always says, he can not express how he feels about me in English (his first language is spanish) he says, there are nicer words in Spanish to express how he feels. I'm trying to learn some Spanish icon_smile.gif

    Mike
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    Jan 31, 2008 2:38 PM GMT
    When he hides a compact blow torch in his butt so he can sneak it to you during your conjugal visit while you're waiting on death row. That's true love right there.
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    Jan 31, 2008 2:39 PM GMT
    Truthfully, I think you know when you don't have to ask the question.
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    Jan 31, 2008 2:42 PM GMT
    When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
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    Jan 31, 2008 2:59 PM GMT
    That's a difficult one and as mentioned before there are no definite answers to love. I personally am in a relationship which people mainly consider open, as we have 3somes and other sexual encounters with other guys.

    However then again we do love each other dearly, it's hard to explain but you can just feel it between us, whether it is in the eyes or the feelings of butterflies in your stomach, other people can sense the spark between us. We were friends to begin with so I think that gave us a better understanding of each others faults, imperfections and.

    To come out of this in a relationship proves that we do love each other for who we are.

    Maximumrisk maybe the guys just fall head over heels for you lol. There is always a difference between love and infatuation but maybe you should get to know them better as a person.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Jan 31, 2008 3:12 PM GMT
    spryte21 saidWhen you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.


    Does that mean Chucky, loves me icon_question.gif
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    Jan 31, 2008 3:16 PM GMT
    ACTIONS! Speak louder than words.
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    Jan 31, 2008 3:33 PM GMT
    Couldn't agree more than the comment above, his actions will give his emotions away. If you get sick and he totally ignores you or goes to a gay bar with his friends and doesn't even bother asking if you want anything, then you gotta start thinking twice.

    My partner and I spent the whole month of January where one of us was sick, we made each dinner, herbal tea, etc. and were always asking how the other person felt and whether they needed anything. Love is not just for the good times but also for the not so good. icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 31, 2008 3:38 PM GMT
    rksportswear saidACTIONS! Speak louder than words.



    In general, this is the BEST way to know! Not only that, trust your gut feeling, you know when there's a "good" person around you, you just KNOW it!!

    And I'll AGREE with EVERYONE else on here as well, it's all that stuff too, and don't forget that they offer their last bite of food off their plate.
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    Jan 31, 2008 3:59 PM GMT
    I agree with MikePhil (nicely expressed) and rksportswear (simply expressed), it's in what people do and not in what they say. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture, but you'll know it when you see it.

    I've had many guys say I love you but few who were there when I really needed them.

    Luckily, I'm with someone who shows he loves me everyday we're together....

    P.S. You need to treat him the way you want to be treated too.... ;)

    "Maybe I'm a fool to feel the way I do
    But I would play the fool forever
    Just to be with you forever"
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jan 31, 2008 4:37 PM GMT
    Thx, for the answers guys. Helped a little bit.

    I just started to feel that I am loosing the sense for real love. If it can be that meaningless to 90% of the Guys I dated here, how much is it actually worth for the rest of the World? I mean, in Austria I got immediately dumped when using the L word.