How to find guys without going to the gay bar/club

  • KnuxNole

    Posts: 219

    May 10, 2010 1:50 AM GMT
    Hey guys, looking for some advice here. I never really had a boyfriend before(came out 8 months ago), and it seems where I live is a barren wasteland of gay people. I think I can count on one hand the number of gays I've met. All my friends are straight, and most of them see me as one of the few gay guys they know and hang out with. Everyone says to go to a gay club or bar to meet other guys, but the club scene seems a bit weird. I'm not into dancing to pop music, and everyone says it's a shallow environment. I would ideally like to meet someone elsewhere, but since you can't tell who's gay, it's tough. I was wondering if you guys had any suggestions.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2010 3:42 AM GMT
    You're on it!

    The internet is literally a safe haven for browsing potential dates and mates. I'm not saying put yourself up on craigslist or anything, but definitely take time to browse around a site like this, Myspace, etc etc and take a look at what you can find.

    Some other helpful things are... if you have an iPod Touch or iPhone there is a app called "Grindr" that can help you find gays and bi's with it around you. Look a lot, look hard and look well, you will find a large group of guys who just want to have sex and very few that will want dates and then relationships...


    Happy hunting. ;) lol.
  • sportsjockla

    Posts: 498

    May 10, 2010 3:46 AM GMT
    Problem with the internet is MOST guys are looking to hookup and not date. If you are looking to just hookup. You have a buffet. If you are looking to date... it's going to be like an easter egg hunt.
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    May 10, 2010 3:51 AM GMT
    The internet has options a case of "choose well" if you are gonna go that route.

    The other route would be to just become socially active and put in some face time in the general public. Someone might take notice and might spark up a conversation with you. That's usually how most friendships/relationships start. Also nothing says you have to wait to be approached either. Sometimes going the distances and showing that gusto will get you farther then you ever thought.

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    May 10, 2010 4:20 AM GMT
    Sounds like you live in north central Florida, in one of the small towns. If that's the case, you'd be better off moving to a place with a higher gay population. There are 1000's of gays in FL who don't frequent the bars.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    May 10, 2010 4:28 AM GMT
    I've been given the advice of joining a gay sports league for this predicament. While I have yet to follow through on this, I do plan to eventually, despite the inevitable embarrassment over my lack of skills.

    I also want to add, I wouldn't immediately write off the gay bar experience. I've only been to gay bars a handful of times, but I haven't had a bad time yet. In my opinion, they're really like any ol' bar, just with a lot more dudes. And I wasn't forced to dance to Lady Gaga or remove my shirt at the door, not that there's anything wrong with that.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    May 10, 2010 4:45 AM GMT
    Get a van, no windows, white or black. Cruise around town. You're welcome.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2010 4:48 AM GMT
    Well get on cam and show your cock because it seems that's what it takes most of the time. Or is this site just getting slutty? Hmmmm. Who knows icon_razz.gif
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    May 10, 2010 5:10 AM GMT
    sportsjockla saidProblem with the internet is MOST guys are looking to hookup and not date. If you are looking to just hookup. You have a buffet. If you are looking to date... it's going to be like an easter egg hunt.


    Well worded
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    May 10, 2010 5:22 AM GMT
    I just started on OKcupid and the kinds of guys are much more interesting than a majority of guys on adam4adam, dudesnude, manhunt, and i daresay gay.com. Also, okcupid uses a basic matching system based on questions you answer. For the most part it does find matches based on your interests and preferences. If anything you'll meet some interesting folk to talk to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2010 5:35 AM GMT
    swimbikerun saidGet a van, no windows, white or black. Cruise around town. You're welcome.


    ...I was going to LOL if you told him to find little kids and ask them to "find his lost puppy" with him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2010 5:45 AM GMT
    Move. You're in FL so there are places where there's a ton of gay men. If you live in a place like Alma, I recommend you get the hell outta dodge pronto.

    Move to the coast and get some daisy dukes. You'll be dating in no time. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2010 6:50 AM GMT
    Meetup.com Its good because although people are looking to meet people its not a hook up place and you share at least one common interest with the people there. I joined a hiking group in my area and met like 50 attractive guys who like hiking and not bars. One even liked comics too. If there is not a meetup group you can start one cause there is probably a lot of guys in the area who are the same as you. Also don't knock the bars, many guys out there are just there cause they have the same problem as you and can't find a better way to meet guys. its the number one complaint i hear from guys nowadays at the bars.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2010 7:26 AM GMT
    how bout you bend your ass over, and if you notice a guy looking back at you, then give him a wink...or you can always try the intranet : P your call
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2010 2:10 PM GMT
    sportsjockla saidProblem with the internet is MOST guys are looking to hookup and not date.


    Same is true everywhere else.

    At least on the internet in most cases you know their intentions upfront.
  • curve

    Posts: 668

    May 10, 2010 2:23 PM GMT
    go to www.match.com
    there are some great guys on there... be patient

    Also, join a local community organization that supports gay services e.g. "Open Hand" serves meals to folks with Aids
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2010 2:26 PM GMT
    Ok, so we agree. I'll take one of each of you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2010 2:28 PM GMT
    DrobUA said
    sportsjockla saidProblem with the internet is MOST guys are looking to hookup and not date. If you are looking to just hookup. You have a buffet. If you are looking to date... it's going to be like an easter egg hunt.


    Well worded


    My lord aint that the truth, and yes I used the word Ain't though I misspelled it, so screw all of you pretentious want to be English instructors.
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    May 10, 2010 2:52 PM GMT
    As a couple of other guys have noted, the easy answer is to move. Short of that, a lot of sporting groups are good. I've also had better luck with just meeting guys through business, travel and stuff, and even through craigslist (although you have to filter carefully). Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2010 4:53 PM GMT
    IsmeIvan1990 saidhow bout you bend your ass over, and if you notice a guy looking back at you, then give him a wink...or you can always try the intranet : P your call

    You are one dirty, dirty slut.
    Let's be friends. Hahahahaha.

    I laughed when I read that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2010 5:04 PM GMT
    I agree with you. I came out in October, 2009 and I wish there were ways to meet guys other than the bar. I don't want to be treated like a piece of ass. I get so envious when I meet a wonderful guy and we're talking and then come to find out he's LTR or has an equally wonderful, hot boyfriend. Sigh.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    May 10, 2010 5:19 PM GMT
    dude when you figure it out let me know. i want to go there too
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2010 6:07 PM GMT
    Move...but even if you do you are not guaranteed to find a boyfriend. I live in Atlanta, a hotspot for gays in the US, but I still can't find someone I'd want a relationship with...but then again I'm not really looking either.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 15, 2010 8:00 PM GMT
    swimbikerun saidGet a van, no windows, white or black. Cruise around town. You're welcome.


    love the "you're welcome" part! I say that all the time after a odd/rude quip...crack me up!
  • Greygull

    Posts: 282

    May 15, 2010 8:06 PM GMT
    I've used the internet in the past, not because i dont like bars, but because i have a busy career and cant go out every night. Found my current boyfriend through the net and its been great for almost a year now.
    I suggest Okcupid, it's alot less cruisy than say adam4adam or other sites.