I am not out and don't really believe in the concept. Why is that wrong?

  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    May 10, 2010 5:27 PM GMT
    I am a 37 year bi guy. I am not out and I am cool with that. I don't believe in the concept of being out. I often wonder why people feel the need to tell everyone that they are gay. I actually had a guy introduce himself and then say I am gay. I was like really? I mean, I asked you out so obviously you are interested in men. I just don't get it. I am pretty sure I will get lots of negative feed back about this but I am ok with it because none it will have any affect on me and my decision to not share my sexuality with others. I have both gay and straights friends and only a few of them know about me. Am I the only one who feels this way? If not, where do I meet similar minded individuals like me?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2010 7:47 PM GMT
    Being out is not telling everyone you're gay. "Not into the concept"? Sounds more like you're a scaredy cat.

    Oh, and if you want to find similarly minded guys, try the republican party, or your local church.
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    May 10, 2010 7:47 PM GMT
    Go ask the people who told you it was wrong. They would have a better idea why they said it.


    RJ is really getting overrun by self- inflicted drama queens. Really.
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    May 10, 2010 7:54 PM GMT
    Seems to me that it is a personal decision. Your sexuality is your property and what you do with it is up to you. Fine. Not a problem.
    Two things though:
    1 There's a bit of an edge in your post towards criticising people who handle it differently to you. I think you should watch that
    2 if "none it will have any affect on me" I wonder why you felt the need to make the post. If your confidence is as strong as you say it is it seems like an odd thing to do?
  • mtneerman

    Posts: 476

    May 10, 2010 7:57 PM GMT
    everyone has the right to decide what works for them in their life. if someone tells you your wrong, tell em to fuck off. at the same time tho, don't be too hard on others for choosing to volunteer that info with everyone.
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    May 10, 2010 8:00 PM GMT
    some people wear the sexuality on their sleeve, and some do not. Some guys can hide it very well, and sadly some can not.

    Lying and hiding who you are to people is the ulitmate form of being in the closet. However if you are honest if someone might ask you then you are good. Choosing to not be a raging rainbow flag flying high is okay!

    I don't think being out is a universal like saying you have brown hair. We all accept and chose to portray ourselves in different ways. As long as there is honesty then be happy with who you are.
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    May 10, 2010 8:04 PM GMT
    Yeah I agree with others. This post screams insecurity. He seems to be asking for people that support his view to post comments to make him feel better about it and states that any comments that don't support his view will not sway him. Kinda pointless as a "discussion" posted under the "general discussion" section really...LOL

    Who cares if you're Out or not. Live your life. If people you meet are not comfortable with you being Closeted, find guys that are...
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    May 10, 2010 8:11 PM GMT
    McGay saidBeing out is not telling everyone you're gay. "Not into the concept"? Sounds more like you're a scaredy cat.

    Oh, and if you want to find similarly minded guys, try the republican party, or your local church.


    Not if it's one of those LGBTQ churches....
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    May 10, 2010 8:12 PM GMT
    i agree that billboarding your sexuality is a little ridiculous (WHAT EVER it may be). but i don't think being "out" is something thats necessarily "bad". The way i see it is that it just doesn't matter either way. If my sexuality comes up for some reason im not afraid to share it but i also don't feel the need to share it when introducing myself (thats fucking obnoxious) lol
    I agree that people shouldn't define themselves by their sexuality, but don't think "being out" is necessarily doing that.
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    May 10, 2010 8:14 PM GMT
    Out doesn't stand for flamboyant buddy. Just because someone decides to live their life they way their brain intended doesn't make them selfish or wrong in any way. What is selfish is assuming that everyone should live their life according to your divine plan. You need to realize that being gay isn't a bad thing or a choice. The choice is to lie to yourself for the rest of your life and pretend you are someone you aren't or be who you are and honest to those around you about it... which is what coming out of the closet is. Piss off wanker!
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 10, 2010 8:29 PM GMT
    tuffguyndc saidI am a 37 year bi guy. I am not out and I am cool with that. I don't believe in the concept of being out. I often wonder why people feel the need to tell everyone that they are gay. I actually had a guy introduce himself and then say I am gay. I was like really? I mean, I asked you out so obviously you are interested in men. I just don't get it. I am pretty sure I will get lots of negative feed back about this but I am ok with it because none it will have any affect on me and my decision to not share my sexuality with others. I have both gay and straights friends and only a few of them know about me. Am I the only one who feels this way? If not, where do I meet similar minded individuals like me?


    You asked a guy out, isn't that sharing your sexuality with others?
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    May 10, 2010 8:36 PM GMT
    Timberoo said
    tuffguyndc saidI am a 37 year bi guy. I am not out and I am cool with that. I don't believe in the concept of being out. I often wonder why people feel the need to tell everyone that they are gay. I actually had a guy introduce himself and then say I am gay. I was like really? I mean, I asked you out so obviously you are interested in men. I just don't get it. I am pretty sure I will get lots of negative feed back about this but I am ok with it because none it will have any affect on me and my decision to not share my sexuality with others. I have both gay and straights friends and only a few of them know about me. Am I the only one who feels this way? If not, where do I meet similar minded individuals like me?


    You asked a guy out, isn't that sharing your sexuality with others?


    Imagine: I'm not gay but I'd love to suck your cock. I'm not gay but I'd love for you to stick it up my ass. But, no, I'm not gay. I swear.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2010 8:38 PM GMT
    you're gay, embrace it : P
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2010 8:38 PM GMT
    tuffguyndc saidI am a 37 year bi guy. I am not out and I am cool with that. I don't believe in the concept of being out. I often wonder why people feel the need to tell everyone that they are gay. I actually had a guy introduce himself and then say I am gay. I was like really? I mean, I asked you out so obviously you are interested in men. I just don't get it. I am pretty sure I will get lots of negative feed back about this but I am ok with it because none it will have any affect on me and my decision to not share my sexuality with others. I have both gay and straights friends and only a few of them know about me. Am I the only one who feels this way? If not, where do I meet similar minded individuals like me?
    Im out, and I dont introduce myself and say "Hi Im Ted, Im Gay". Thats not always what it means. It just means that you arent going to hide from everyone in the world. For me if people ask I tell. If It never comes up because conversation doesnt go there thats where it stays.
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    May 10, 2010 8:54 PM GMT
    I am not out and don't really believe in the concept. Why is that wrong?

    I don't know that it is intrinsically wrong. I can argue it both ways.

    I have always advised gay men not to come out if that will disadvantage them, with family, friends, employers and society. It accomplishes little to throw ourselves on our own swords, when we can do so much more for ourselves and other gays from positions of hidden power, rather than from personal ruin. But that does assume we do SOMETHING in the background, and not merely feather our own nests.

    Yet, if we CAN afford to come out, if we can do that, as I can and others I know who do, then I think we MUST come out. SOMEBODY'S gotta do it, and those of us who can should.

    I'm not bothered by the fact that some guys can't be out, and can't do the things that I and others do openly. I'm not quite that fanatical about my gay beliefs.

    But I DO get ticked by gays who COULD be doing something, who are at no personal risk or inconvenience, but who do nothing. Now that does bother me. It's like "Don't call me while you're fighting against the forces trying to make gays illegal and devoid of civil rights, but do be sure to let me know when you win, so I can cash in with everyone else." Can you spell S-E-L-F-I-S-H ?

    And as far as "sharing my sexuality with others" I never do that. It would be like saying "Hi, I'm Bob, I'm right-handed!" or "Hi, I'm Bob, I was born in New Jersey!" (Gawd help me...) Those facts may be pertinent later, but not something I throw out there at first meeting. Is that what you mean?
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    May 10, 2010 9:06 PM GMT
    jprichva saidThere is something terribly wrong with the phrase "I don't believe in the concept of being out." Interesting, because I don't believe in the concept of pussy-boy bi men scared of their own shadows.

    Everyone should be back in the closet to suit you? Get the hell over yourself. If you want to spend your life pretending so other people will 'like' you, no one is going to stop you. But if you ever need a confidant or someone to discuss the things that really matter to you, I suppose you could just get a dog.

    Do whatever you want. But get the chip off your shoulder.



    ah jprichva! nice to see you back kinsman! gentle as always with the noobs.

    i will respectfully step off your lawn now, you wonderfully cantankerous man you.icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 10, 2010 9:08 PM GMT
    jprichva said:

    "pussy-boy bi men"

    LMAO! Great name for a band!
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    May 10, 2010 9:09 PM GMT
    You'll be 'coming out' to people for the rest of your life. The only thing that changes is how comfortable you are letting people know you are gay when they ask about your gf/wife etc.

    Have fun with it dude.
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    May 10, 2010 9:14 PM GMT
    Stupid people shouldn't have internet access.
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    May 10, 2010 9:16 PM GMT
    jprichva saidThere is something terribly wrong with the phrase "I don't believe in the concept of being out." Interesting, because I don't believe in the concept of pussy-boy bi men scared of their own shadows.

    Everyone should be back in the closet to suit you? Get the hell over yourself. If you want to spend your life pretending so other people will 'like' you, no one is going to stop you. But if you ever need a confidant or someone to discuss the things that really matter to you, I suppose you could just get a dog.

    Do whatever you want. But get the chip off your shoulder.


    lets not forget those words come from a guy who hid behind a women and children, you would not exactly call that being out now would you. Or being a man.

    I'm not sure what this gay community thing really is, but you owe it nothing! What I find sad is bisexual men who hid away for so long as they did not want to face any kind of rejection, their narcissism could not deal with that. But then when they feel it is now safe for them to come out, they feel a need to put rainbow stickers everywhere, and make out they are more of a homosexual than anyone else;I find that tired and sad myself. Like they are now trying to make up for lost time, but all that water has passed under the bridge is gone.
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    May 10, 2010 9:19 PM GMT
    Pattison said
    lets not forget those words come from a guy who hid behind a women and children, you would not exactly call that being out now would you. Or being a man.

    I'm not sure what this gay community thing really is, but you owe it nothing! What I find sad is bisexual men who hid away for so long as they did not want to face any kind of rejection, their narcissism could not deal with that. But then when they feel it is now safe for them to come out, they feel a need to put rainbow stickers everywhere, and make out they are more of a homosexual than anyone else;I find that tired and sad myself. Like they are now trying to make up for lost time, but all that water has passed under the bridge and gone.


    Please refer to my previous post.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2010 9:20 PM GMT
    Nothing wrong with staying in the closet.

    But you're honestly going to refuse the free toaster?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2010 9:24 PM GMT
    danisnotstr8 saidStupid people shouldn't have internet access.
    Stuped people are those who think anyone who doesn't think like themselves, are all stupid, how stupid is that..how limiting too.
  • thatguyny

    Posts: 28

    May 10, 2010 9:25 PM GMT
    i assume the phrase "out" is short for out of the closet.
    if you're not hiding and lying, you're not in the closet

    if you're not in the closet, you're out of the closet, or "out"

    from what i understand, there's all kinds of people who aren't hiding an lying. the OP sounds like one of those people.

    semantics...
    no big deal, you know?
  • Abc123456

    Posts: 336

    May 10, 2010 9:25 PM GMT
    Being out is about being honest with the other people you share your life with and respecting your partner enough to have on-going rapport with other people about him(/her).

    I'm out, as I say, to those who matter - mom, dad, my sister and my closest friends.

    In my opinion, the process of coming out changes a person (in a good way). It's obviously your own choice/preference, but it says more about your head-space than you realize.