100% top...Condition or selfish?

  • martinaston

    Posts: 310

    May 10, 2010 9:35 PM GMT
    Just today split with a guy who had no ability/interest in um.. 'compromise'.
    Are '100% top's' (ie. him = no interest in dk/no interest in playing with the rules of 'role'/sole focus on 'getting ass') just made that way OR a lil (teeny) bit selfish?

    (feelin odd about having 2 end it) icon_sad.gif
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    May 11, 2010 12:15 AM GMT
    Personally I wouldn't think that those are the only two choices.
    Back in my early 20s I was 100% top because I just didn't know the hygiene that came with bottoming and was embarrassed to ask.

    I mean really, was there a class I missed? LOL
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    May 11, 2010 1:27 AM GMT
    it depends, right now I'm very very very very arse orientated... tis all about the booty and I WANT THAT BOOTY.. however when the right guy comes along I still can't help but wanna grab my ankles heh.. I think every top can make a good bottom unless they have specific logical reasons for not (ie, medical) but a guy who just wont bottom for his other half when they are in a relationship, even just occasionally ya know.. no, that's kinda selfish.
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    May 11, 2010 2:58 AM GMT
    i don't think it's any different from 100% bottoms...its just a preference...you should what know what you're gettin into beforehand...don't get into a relationship w/ a 100% top/bottom if you like to switch roles from time to time...jus sayin.....now if the guy was claimin to be versatile in the beginning, but has yet to prove it..thats another story....
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    May 11, 2010 3:01 AM GMT
    They are just being selfish. If you are in a relationship with somebody its only right for each guy to be able to experiance both positions. The guys who are just "tops" believe that they are somehow more masculine or straight if they refuse to bottom. They need to just get over their insecurities and stop being so selfish!!!
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    May 11, 2010 3:06 AM GMT
    Personally, the general feeling of something going on down there makes me cringe...i've tried bottoming multiple times and hated every second of it. I wanted to like it but i couldn't bring myself to enjoy it.

    Now that being said, i make my aversion to bottoming a known fact so anyone getting into anything with me knows my limits. Selfish would be giving someone the impression that you're down to do something then turning the tables on them at the last minute. If a guy's a total top and he let you know that from the beginning then..well...you kinda already knew what you were getting yourself into.

    As for the whole "being in control thing"....nothing's hotter for me than a bottom who takes total control of things and takes what he wants and stakes claim to it.
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    May 11, 2010 3:19 AM GMT
    If you were dating the guy and you knew what he liked sexually then that's all on you man. It was a mistake to get into a relationship with this guy with the intent of having him change himself when you already accepted him by agreeing to date him.
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    May 11, 2010 3:30 AM GMT
    martinaston saidJust today split with a guy who had no ability/interest in um.. 'compromise'.
    Are '100% top's' (ie. him = no interest in dk/no interest in playing with the rules of 'role'/sole focus on 'getting ass') just made that way OR a lil (teeny) bit selfish?

    (feelin odd about having 2 end it) icon_sad.gif


    I can't believe you broke up with him over that. Some of us dream of meeting a guy who's confident in a certain role. What is this business with versatility anyway?.... Was his preference not disclosed to you before you started dating?
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    May 11, 2010 3:34 AM GMT
    definitely missing out on a seriously fun part of being a gay man...
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    May 11, 2010 3:35 AM GMT
    Who cares really? If he's hot and nice...break your ass in already
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    May 11, 2010 3:56 AM GMT
    Rigid roles are lame to me...Technically I'm a Top but I'm down for whatever when it comes to relationship or a certain guy I'm really into...But most guys I've met were bottoms or they were 100% Tops that wanted me to fuck them, go figure...
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    May 11, 2010 3:58 AM GMT
    Is it selfish to be 100% bottom? icon_rolleyes.gif
  • dreamer121

    Posts: 265

    May 11, 2010 4:00 AM GMT
    Don't hate on him... he's just a "giver".

  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    May 11, 2010 4:51 AM GMT
    condition. nothing wrong with it
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    May 11, 2010 5:06 AM GMT
    interesting topic icon_smile.gif When I came out all of my friends insisted that I was a bottom. I had no idea, at the time I was still a virgin. So.... I saught out tops and lost my virginity bottoming. I hated it; everytime I bottomed I tries to like it but I lost my erection and just didn't like it. Then I tried topping and LOVED IT. I very much enjoy topping but am totally willing to bottom w/ the right guy
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    May 11, 2010 5:18 AM GMT
    With my last LTR after numerous years of me being the exclusive top he was completely offended that I even suggested that I would bottom for him if he wanted to. It seemed like the beginning of the end to our relationship. I have had further relationships where I was the top and there would be no talk of any kind of versatility.

    About 80% of the gay men I know are bottoms and they just seem offended and put out when they meet a guy they really like and the other guy is a bottom. One or two will top if needed, but they act like they're being asked to clean the kitchen floor with a tooth brush or something.

    I don't think your guy is selfish. It's just what he is into. Not too many guys are versatile it seems, although that's what I would ultimately like in a trusting and caring relationship....anything goes. If I really liked a guy, I would make certain concessions.

    Maybe you think he is selfish because he acts selfishly outside of the bedroom?
  • safety43_mma1...

    Posts: 4251

    May 11, 2010 6:04 AM GMT
    when i came out i was a top totally then i met the right guy and learned that being a bottom is great. i would rather be a bottom now that i have done it. icon_lol.gif plus being just a top or bottom is kind of boring. i have a dick to !@#$ and a butt to be !@#$%^ lol lol.
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    May 11, 2010 10:25 AM GMT
    Ooooooh that's so sooo selfish and ungenerous...

    I LIKE THAT... icon_biggrin.gif
    ...just sayin...
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    May 11, 2010 10:29 AM GMT
    I think you should be able to give and receive ;)
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    May 11, 2010 10:30 AM GMT
    erector17 saidThey are just being selfish. If you are in a relationship with somebody its only right for each guy to be able to experiance both positions. The guys who are just "tops" believe that they are somehow more masculine or straight if they refuse to bottom. They need to just get over their insecurities and stop being so selfish!!!
    I want to immediately agree with this because most of the times it is a masculinity issue. But not always. Some guys just dont get into the feeling. I cant understand guys who have never tried it and refuse to. But we have to remember there are dudes out there who have no interest in EITHER. They are ONLY into frottage and dick play. Which is actually my first choice. I can do that 75% of the time.
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    May 11, 2010 10:36 AM GMT
    I think if versatility was THAT important to you, you probably should have it as a priority discussion before bothering to get into dating.

    I think every guy has a right to only go one way or the other, or to be versatile. Soem guys just don't like/enjoy bottoming. And vice versa.

    Like every chef will tell you, if you can only cook one thing then cook it damn well icon_smile.gif
  • DarkSensation

    Posts: 715

    May 11, 2010 10:49 AM GMT

    Who cares if They are Both, Total Tops are quite endangered in the Gay Populous….so if you got a Problem with them, send them to the directions of sensational Bottoms icon_lol.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • Kage

    Posts: 707

    May 11, 2010 11:03 AM GMT
    DarkSeduction said
    Who cares if They are Both, Total Tops are quite endangered in the Gay Populous….so if you got a Problem with them, send them to the directions of sensational Bottoms icon_lol.gificon_biggrin.gif


    Agreed!

    Tops are very hard to find and tops that know what they are doing.
    There is nothing better than being had by a top that knows what to do.

    At this stage I am definitely a bottom with no inclination of topping...the last guy I did...started crying...seems he had issues.icon_rolleyes.gif

    I want to ask a question...what makes a bottom a great bottom.
    I was told by a top that he was impressed and that I am "gifted".
    What does that mean?


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2010 11:50 AM GMT
    My definition of a total top is someone who doesn't give head/rim, etc. That I consider BS. Someone who doesn't want to bottom is a sexual preference. In that case, I think you need to find someone who is more sexually compatible with you.
  • tony_boost

    Posts: 390

    May 11, 2010 11:59 AM GMT
    honestly if you don't wanna bottom i'd rather you not, i hate when a guy forces himself to bottom and looks miserable, its such a turn off, if you like to top i will gladly bottom i love it anyway, its not a chore hahaicon_surprised.gif