Can't get over him....

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    May 11, 2010 4:10 PM GMT
    Ok, so I was with Nick for a few months. We had history prior to that, though. I won't go into the whole story with what happened the first time. When we got back together, everything was different. The first night we spent together we could both tell we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with one another. The things that he said and did showed me that he felt the same way I did. He knew all of my history and helped me through some of the roughest nights, he was a rock for me. I tried to be the same for him, but like so many other guys, he has a lot of barriers up when it comes to that kind of stuff. I didn't push, because I knew I wouldn't want to be pushed. Well, things were going great, we had talked about our future, who would take whose last name.. silly stuff like that. We even went through the measures of asking one of our good friends if she would be a surrogate when the time comes. One week while he's down here at my house, we start talking and decide that we want to move in together, in a different state. We had a few picked out. Alabama was one of our choices. While he was at work one weekend, he got offered a job.. in Alabama of all places. When we drove through on our way to New Orleans for vacation, he stopped and interviewed at the place. He got hired on the spot and everything changed from there. After we had our vacation, we drove back through and stopped at the place again, they want him to start next Monday. I was speechless.. I didn't know what else to say but congrats? So we made our way home, he stayed with me that night and left the next morning to go to his house to get packed and ready. That was the last time I saw him and that was in Feb.

    After he got down there and settled in we would talk every now and then. Cell service wasn't great down there and no internet. We decided that we would try to save up since he's staying at the place he works at now, we can save up and get a place soon. Well that never happened. He broke it off before we could even start saving really. He didn't really ever give me a reason why he broke up with me, just said that he just wanted friends right now and not a relationship. I don't want to go into anymore details, so I'll just leave it at that.

    I'm so torn over this. I've had my fair share of relationships, but when it comes to Nick... I don't know what it was about him... I still don't. I've never felt so strongly for someone else before in my whole life.. and I don't know what to do now that he's not here. I know it sounds crazy.. But fuck.. I never knew how much love could hurt. I don't know what to do.. I feel like I'm losing it. I've tried everything to get my mind off him. I've gone on dates, I've hung out with friends, I've kept myself unimaginably busy. I've even tried drinking, smoking and pills (yes, i know bad....) I don't know what to do anymore. And I feel stupid now for posting this, but oh well.. it's out there now.

    Has anyone else ever had their heart just completely crushed by someone, but you'd still give anything to have them back in your life? What did you do to move on????? I need help!
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    May 11, 2010 4:22 PM GMT
    "Has anyone else ever had their heart just completely crushed by someone, but you'd still give anything to have them back in your life? What did you do to move on?????"

    Oh man, I sure have been down THAT road, more than once. I finally came to the conclusion that it would just happen again, and slowly realized they were unable to match my feelings/perceptions or calibre of love and never would be.

    Mom said, "Don't throw your pearls before swine" and Mom thinks piggies are very cute. What she meant was that a piggie just doesn't know what a pearl is for - can't roll in it, can't eat it so they just step on it unintentionally burying it in the mud.

    -Doug

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    May 11, 2010 7:03 PM GMT
    Thanks Doug.
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    May 11, 2010 9:42 PM GMT
    In my experience, there are people who get caught up in the moment and say everything I want to hear. But there was no real intention or sincerity behind the words. Because I can be naive enough to take people at their word, it can be difficult to accept the reality of the situation. I've realized that I had to go through whatever I was feeling, and when I accepted it wasn't going to happen how I hoped it became easier to let go.
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    May 11, 2010 9:47 PM GMT
    The first crushing, like what seems to have happened to you, is the worst. It will take you a long time to get over it. And that's normal. It's a shame he never gave you the closure you deserve to have as to why he broke it off. But that's what happened.

    But it does get better.

    Promise
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    May 11, 2010 10:01 PM GMT
    Aww, you need more hugs than there are people on this earth.
    Even though you've been with other guys this sounds like your first TRUE love, and those are always the killers to get over....
    With that being said, it usually takes someone between 1 to 2 years to get over their ex first lover. It has nothing to do with how mentally stable, nor how strong of a person you are. It is just a natural human thing. That killing feeling that you can never love someone like you did that person...It will get better as time goes by. What you are doing is great (minus the pills) Keeping yourself social and active is a great way to keep your mind healthy. Surround yourself with loving, and genuine people. You know? Your friends and family. However, try not to make contact with this boy. If you have such intense feelings for him then trying to be friends will nearly be impossible (for a peroid of time) You will end up hurting yourself by talking to or hanging out with him. It's like shooting yourself in the heart with a blindfold on. So just try avoiding him ( but don't be rude) Hang in there buddy. Life gets better, and I'm almost positive that you will find a guy who wants exactly what you want in a relationship..just give it time. In fact I am not almost positive..I am 100% certain.

    Best Regards,
    Nathan
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    May 11, 2010 10:08 PM GMT
    You need time, a lot of time. You may never really get over it or find closure. Things like that are what add seasoning to your life and shape you into who you are meant to become. Bad things happen to everyone, but it never lasts, nothing does...this too shall pass.
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    May 11, 2010 10:22 PM GMT
    TheIStrat saidThe first crushing, like what seems to have happened to you, is the worst. It will take you a long time to get over it. And that's normal. It's a shame he never gave you the closure you deserve to have as to why he broke it off. But that's what happened.

    But it does get better.

    Promise


    Double Promise
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    May 11, 2010 10:27 PM GMT
    Ditto, Doug...been there myself & well, never again. Thank God for the man I've got. Sorry you got played out like that. lilz...keep in mind, when people do that kind of thing to other people, they just don't realise that payback is a mutha. They're raised to know better & yet, they choose to exercise what happens when they don't. Been there, done that, not looking forward to doing it again.

    Nik
  • lopakados

    Posts: 34

    May 11, 2010 11:15 PM GMT
    just like everyone else has said it takes time, but I don't think you ever really get over it completely. I just had to remind myself that I will meet someone who is everything I loved in that guy plus even more. It's a difficult thing sometimes trying to find the one that is THE right one for you. Your "soul mate" if you will. My first heart break was a long time ago and I still think about him - I don't necessarily want to be with him but I do remember the things I loved about him and the good times we did have.
    I know this doesn't really give you an easy answer - mainly because I don't think there is an easy answer. It's more just something we have to go through.

    I wish you the best and trust me you will meet someone who is everything you love about Nick and more.
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    May 11, 2010 11:18 PM GMT
    Oh I don't know about that, I can tell you I'm completely over it. I think of those men with a warm compassion and some pity, and some gratitude. You know why? Without them doing what they did, I would not have met Bill. Without my devastation, I may not have learned to truly deeply madly appreciate Bill when he came along.

    -Doug
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    May 11, 2010 11:29 PM GMT
    Its hard to get over somebody but what happens once upon a time, happens all the time. Meaning, you will find somebody again who makes you feel this good again!
  • lopakados

    Posts: 34

    May 11, 2010 11:29 PM GMT
    I do agree with you Doug, I guess I should clarify "not completely getting over them". The way you worded it - that you may think of them compassionately and remember the good things. Very true and as Doug said he met Bill and you too will meet someone who will love you as much you love them.
  • lozano86

    Posts: 293

    May 11, 2010 11:38 PM GMT
    unfounded7 saidIn my experience, there are people who get caught up in the moment and say everything I want to hear.


    Quoted for truth. Be careful when they say the things you want to hear.
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    May 11, 2010 11:40 PM GMT
    lozano86 said
    unfounded7 saidIn my experience, there are people who get caught up in the moment and say everything I want to hear.


    Quoted for truth. Be careful when they say the things you want to hear.


    Guys try to say what I want to hear but they do not realize that they are comming on too strong. Beware however of the guys who seem too good to be true...they usually are.
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    May 11, 2010 11:44 PM GMT
    hes not worth your heartache, your tears, your thoughts, you deserve much much better, i can feel your pain, it took me a while to get over my first "true" love, helps that i found out he also downgraded :cough:, lol, but time heals all, keep yourself active, head to the gym, focus all that rage into your workouts, and not only will you be letting off steam, but you will also be making yourself healthier physically in the process icon_smile.gif, i wish you all the best, many hugs and kisses.

    and like someone up there said, whatever you do maintain from contacting him, while some people are able to maintain friendships with EX's, i wasnt, so i burned the communication bridge that was there, change your number, block him from networking sites that youre on, some people may say thats taking it to an extreme, but if itll help, go for it, it helped me tons, i hated receiving drunk calls or texts from my ex raising my hopes up only too crush them back up the next day, nuh uhh, none of that.

    time heals all, trust me icon_smile.gif.

    muah!
  • mtneerman

    Posts: 476

    May 11, 2010 11:57 PM GMT
    you were in love with the the man this guy claimed to be, who appearantly was very different than the man he truely was. therefore he is not worthy of your love. you just have to accept it for the tough lesson it was.
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    May 12, 2010 12:08 AM GMT
    Well I wish I knew what to say, that will make you feel better. So all I will say is you are a strong person for only they can fall in love so deeply and you will find a way out it. It will take time and a lot of courage, but it will happen. Smiles and hugs for you.
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    May 12, 2010 12:12 AM GMT
    mtneerman saidyou were in love with the the man this guy claimed to be, who appearantly was very different than the man he truely was.


    That's the thing that makes this kind of thing of so difficult for me. The person you loved is as good as dead, what's left in his place feels like an impostor. This is, to me, the stuff of nightmares.
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    May 12, 2010 12:17 AM GMT
    I find it best to remember the wise words of Maroon 5:

    "I've been here before.. one day I'll wake up and it won't hurt anymore."
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    May 12, 2010 12:31 AM GMT
    badmikeyt saidI find it best to remember the wise words of Maroon 5:

    "I've been here before.. one day I'll wake up and it won't hurt anymore."


    Not too useful if you haven't been there before.
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    May 12, 2010 12:34 AM GMT
    Everyone's been there before. Whether it's a job they didn't get, a friend or loved one they lost, everyone has been in the position of being hurt and thinking it will never go away.

    But it does.
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    May 12, 2010 12:47 AM GMT
    badmikeyt saidEveryone's been there before. Whether it's a job they didn't get, a friend or loved one they lost, everyone has been in the position of being hurt and thinking it will never go away.


    There is always a first time that nothing compares with or prepared you for.
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    May 12, 2010 12:48 AM GMT
    And I'm not trying to be unsympathetic. But you either tell yourself you're strong and will get through it or tell yourself you're weak and you won't. I'm simply recommending the former.
  • mtneerman

    Posts: 476

    May 12, 2010 12:53 AM GMT
    viveutvivas said
    mtneerman saidyou were in love with the the man this guy claimed to be, who appearantly was very different than the man he truely was.


    That's the thing that makes this kind of thing of so difficult for me. The person you loved is as good as dead, what's left in his place feels like an impostor. This is, to me, the stuff of nightmares.


    i agree this type of situation does seem worse sometimes. not only are you hurting from the loss, but also the pain from knowing that someone you cared so much for could treat you with such disregard and fuck with your emotions like that. you also feel like an ass for believing all the lies he told you. i been there buddy, only it took me two years to figure it out. nothing said now will make the pain go away...only time can do that.