crazy relatives!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2010 10:26 PM GMT
    my relatives are oldfashioned & closeminded people.they say they accept me as a gay man but they don't my lifestyle or support my goals in life.
    they think i need a girlfriend in my life not gay friend.they think i'm only
    gay because i haven't found the right girl for myself.does any other men
    have that problem with relatives?how can i get my relatives to understand
    me and accept me as i am?how can i get my relatives understand i will
    never get a girlfriend and i'm gay not straight?i need some advice on
    dealing with family stress.
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    May 11, 2010 11:54 PM GMT
    Well...you cannot change what happens to you but how you react to it. That being said...

    1) If they don't accept what being gay entails, they don't accept you.
    2) Women are the source of all evil anyhow LOL JK
    3) If a lack of women were the reason we were all gay, none of us would be attractive LOL JK


    Ultimately dude, they will either get with the program in time or they will never quite get it. I would avoid the subject if dealing with them is necessary or otherwise detach yourself for awhile. I really believe if you push, the response could be worse.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    May 12, 2010 12:33 AM GMT
    Support yourself. Surround yourself with people that support you, gay or straight. Either they will come around, or they won't. Answer their questions honestly, and calmly. Educate them, if they are ready. Be ready to support yourself.
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    May 12, 2010 12:41 AM GMT
    That's why I have a policy of keeping at least two major mountain ranges between myself an my family at all times. Though unfortunately some have breached Cascade perimeter so that means I only have the Rockies protecting me from their collective insanity now.
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    May 12, 2010 12:44 AM GMT
    GuerrillaSodomite saidThat's why I have a policy of keeping at least two major mountain ranges between myself an my family at all times. Though unfortunately some have breached Cascade perimeter so that means I only have the Rockies protecting me from their collective insanity now.


    I only have the Appalachians separating me from my crazy family
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    May 12, 2010 1:03 AM GMT
    bigbubba1972 saidmy relatives are oldfashioned & closeminded people.they say they accept me as a gay man but they don't my lifestyle or support my goals in life.
    they think i need a girlfriend in my life not gay friend.they think i'm only
    gay because i haven't found the right girl for myself.does any other men
    have that problem with relatives?how can i get my relatives to understand
    me and accept me as i am?how can i get my relatives understand i will
    never get a girlfriend and i'm gay not straight?i need some advice on
    dealing with family stress.


    Coming from a Mormon background, I REALLY know how that goes... My parents "accept" me for who I am, supposedly, but they have no interest or support for what they dub as my "lifestyle." I am a college student, studying music. I wake up, go to school, hang out with friends, practice, etc., and sure, I happen to have a boyfriend, just like any other person around my age is probably dating, or looking for someone to date. That is my lifestyle. Homosexuality is just one facet of who I am, but it's certainly not the entire package. I say that every time the topic comes up. They still don't see eye to eye with me, and probably won't for a long time, if at all, but I keep going, striving to achieve my goals.

    Whatever your goals are, explain to them that being gay doesn't make you who you are, and they shouldn't judge you for it. If they can't accept that, as hard as it is to do, let it go. Just keep showing them you are working hard. My hope is that one day my parents will catch on and realize the obvious.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2010 2:14 AM GMT
    Family is so hard!! You want them to except but sounds like they may not be ready. Just think how long it took you to come to grips with your own sexuality.
    Your parents may come around and may not. Try to educate them as much as possible, be calm and listen with good communication, If that fails you may need to just move on with your life and supportive friends. Hopefully they will come around.

    My father stills hasn't come around and it's been 11 years. He has never meet my fiance of 4 years, but seems to be more interested lately. It might take that long and it might not. My best to you.
  • JayDT

    Posts: 390

    May 12, 2010 2:43 AM GMT
    You can't change people. You can try to educate them and let them see you as you are and you can refuse to accept inacceptable behaviour. So when they are being inappropriate politely but firmly tell them so, set boundries and limmits and be prepared to say no to them. Other than that, DCEric is right, surround yourself with people who do make you happy and who do support you. I have two families. My biological one (whom I love but are bat shit crazy) and my chosen one (whom I live and are also bat shit crazy- but in a different way).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2010 2:48 AM GMT
    bigbubba1972 saidmy relatives are oldfashioned & closeminded people.they say they accept me as a gay man but they don't my lifestyle or support my goals in life...

    You'll never change them. They say one thing on the surface to appear to be open minded, but continue to think something else that's as prejudiced as any homophobe. You're spinning your wheels worrying about them. Move on and make a life for yourself that's not dependent upon the opinion of your relatives.
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    May 12, 2010 2:55 AM GMT
    GuerrillaSodomite saidThat's why I have a policy of keeping at least two major mountain ranges between myself an my family at all times. Though unfortunately some have breached Cascade perimeter so that means I only have the Rockies protecting me from their collective insanity now.

    I generally prefer to be in a separate state at all times. Though I'm meeting up with my extended family to go to my sister's graduation. Next week is going to be awful.
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    May 12, 2010 3:47 AM GMT
    . . . the best advice I can give is that you should do all that you can to be financially independent of your family . . .
  • tido101

    Posts: 8

    May 12, 2010 3:52 AM GMT
    im having the exact same problem they say that are cool with it or accept you but later i find out that they wish i was never born and ridacule me i.e.(sunday, mother's day) the only way im handling it is just t forget them i am who i am and i'm not going to make them change their view. it's sad that i chose never to speak to them but you can only move forward and enjoy life
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    May 12, 2010 3:57 AM GMT
    People have a right to their views my friend that does not make them narrow minded bigots.I am gay but I am conservative and if people hate me for that I could care less.Should everyone be a liberal?Might as well face that is never going to happen.You can be opposed to homosexuality and still be kind and cordial to those in your family who are gay or with gay friends.That is just being a good person.
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    May 12, 2010 7:11 AM GMT
    i have got only 1 local male friend in my social life these days so far.but he
    is a married straight man with kids and fulltime jobs who i go out to with
    once a month.he's not oldfashioned/closeminded at all.he's gay friendly.
    i have been friends with him ever since 1992.i'm only casual friends with
    him.i don't have any close friends in my life at all.do you think i would
    have less family stress in my life if i had had gay close male friends in
    my life?one of my goals in my life is to get my own driver's license.another
    goal of mine is to get myself a bigger place to rent,move into and live in.
    my relatives don't help me out my fanincialneeds at all.my payee does
    that for me.i live on disability money.i have got both depression and an
    attention deficit disorder.my local relatives are catholics and lutherans.
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    May 12, 2010 7:15 AM GMT
    i love crazy relatives but they are getting on my nerves alot these days.
    would my relationships be be better & healthier with them if i had some
    gay single male friends in my life?
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    May 12, 2010 7:30 AM GMT
    TheIStrat said
    GuerrillaSodomite saidThat's why I have a policy of keeping at least two major mountain ranges between myself an my family at all times. Though unfortunately some have breached Cascade perimeter so that means I only have the Rockies protecting me from their collective insanity now.


    I only have the Appalachians separating me from my crazy family


    Several mountain ranges, an ocean and a couple other major bodies of water works pretty well - but that said they are still family and always will be. We love em or hate em, or we love to hate em - i don't know. Ignore what you can, deal with what you can't, find your own supports, lean on them when you need to, you'll get on Bub icon_smile.gif
  • coastguy90814

    Posts: 661

    May 12, 2010 8:09 AM GMT
    Become the best version of yourself. If you truly crave the acceptance of your 'crazy' relatives...becoming successful is always the best way to win people over and set a positive example. Use this to make YOU the best! :-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2010 9:29 AM GMT
    Fuck 'em.
  • BarettaB80

    Posts: 141

    May 12, 2010 12:27 PM GMT
    reppaT saidFuck 'em.


    INCEST.png
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2010 2:17 PM GMT
    Kick'em in the baws.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2010 2:29 PM GMT
    Don't ask, Don't tellicon_lol.gif U should NOT force ur gayness on people, its rude. Learn to accept urself 1sticon_eek.gif Then when time permits, gradually allow ur fam into ur spaceicon_exclaim.gificon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2010 6:24 PM GMT
    No. They can go fuck themselves. You are who you are, if they can't handle that, you don't need them. Don't change yourself, the way you act, or anything to please them.
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    May 12, 2010 6:29 PM GMT
    DCEric saidSupport yourself. Surround yourself with people that support you, gay or straight. Either they will come around, or they won't. Answer their questions honestly, and calmly. Educate them, if they are ready. Be ready to support yourself.
    Amen, especially the first two sentences.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2010 4:26 AM GMT
    What are supportive friends?What are supportive friendships?What are
    supoortive people?The only girls i'm willing to socialize with are my
    crazy female relatives who drive me crazy.Dealing with them is enough
    stress for me.I don't want more female friends in my life at all.I hope you
    other gay men out there can understand that and why i don't want more
    female friends in my life.I have got 4 sisters,1 step brother,2 brother in laws.
    i grew up with all sisters.i'm glad i'm gay.i would turn straight even if i
    could.i love being gay too much.
  • safety43_mma1...

    Posts: 4251

    May 17, 2010 4:48 AM GMT
    my relatives believe that unless u have a degree u r not worth anything. and the whole gay thing is just another book i wont deal with. they say it is ok but then they act stupid and dont talk to me go figure