Why would my ex call me to hang out?

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    May 12, 2010 3:40 AM GMT
    So my ex called me this morning and left a message saying that he had the day off work and we should hang out!? We just broke up recently and he is already in a relationship with another guy (he left me for this other guy)

    The thing is I still have feelings for him and would like to see him...but I dont want him to feel like he has me on a string where he can just call and ill go running to see him. i didnt call him back...why do u think he is calling now and what should I do? ignore him?
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    May 12, 2010 3:49 AM GMT

    Well there are a lot of unknowns for us here. Who did the breaking up? Neither of us can comment much, because circumstance dictates what to say. Now, if he left you for another over no reason other than fickleness, here's what I'd (Doug ) say:

    Perhaps he wants things to be better and not have to reflect anymore with a nagging conscience, but hasn't the insight to understand the intensity or depth that you loved him ( I think this last part because of the tone of your post).

    just guessing - Doug
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    May 12, 2010 3:52 AM GMT
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    May 12, 2010 5:20 AM GMT
    quote][cite]sanddunes said[/cite]So my ex called me this morning and left a message saying that he had the day off work and we should hang out!? We just broke up recently and he is already in a relationship with another guy (he left me for this other guy)

    The thing is I still have feelings for him and would like to see him...but I dont want him to feel like he has me on a string where he can just call and ill go running to see him. i didnt call him back...why do u think he is calling now and what should I do? ignore him?[/quote]


    Depending on how bad the breakup was, I'd first decide if I wanted to call him back.

    If I did, then I would call back and ask him what he had in mind, and was there something he wanted to talk about, or just hang out.

    If I'm still feeling ambiguous about the guy, and since he has a bf already, if he just wanted to hang out, I'd probably just thank him for the invitation but decline at this time. And I would be honest. I'd say that I'm still not feeling recovered yet and I need more time before considering hanging out. And that would be it.

    If he wants to talk about something, then maybe I'd meet him in a public place like a coffee shop, or somewhere slightly less public if I felt like either of us might start crying or something. In any case, I want to be able to say, "Well, I think I've talked about this all I can handle right now. I've got to go."

    If he's psycho, then don't meet him in person. You just don't know what might happen....like murder-suicide.
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    May 14, 2010 5:13 AM GMT
    I'm not a believer in the whole "Being friends with my Ex" thing. But different people do it and make it work I guess. My advice in these situations is the same advice I apply to myself when dealing with past flings: Give him as much attention as he's giving me. This guy is already dating another guy. You should start to date others as well, in addition to hanging out with him (if you can handle that). Recognize that its your choice to hang out, so you can set the rules...but try not to misread the situation, he's in a new relationship now.
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    May 14, 2010 5:15 AM GMT
    booty%20call.jpg
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    May 14, 2010 5:33 AM GMT
    IsmeIvan1990 saidbooty%20call.jpg


    AHAHAHAHA. Pretty much says it imo icon_cool.gif
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    May 14, 2010 5:38 AM GMT
    It's simple. Say no.
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    May 14, 2010 5:48 AM GMT
    This is an issue I'm still dealing with. It's very hard for me to see my ex, as I get very emotional and have mixed/conflicting feelings. Not knowing much else, I'd communicate to your ex in whatever way is most comfortable to you, that you're not ready to see him yet, but you will contact him when you are. Yes - you can even e-mail him if you'd prefer.

    You've no need for reasons, excuses, or apologies. If you think it may compromise you emotionally or you're not 100% emotionally equipped to deal with seeing him, then take your time. There is no rush - it's your life - if he's your friend, he will respect your boundaries and wait for you patiently. If you are going to be friends it will happen over time. Give yourself time to heal and grieve and breath if you need it.

    I hope you feel better sooner than later. icon_smile.gif
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    May 14, 2010 6:06 AM GMT
    Hey bud,
    I would say no. My ex broke up with me a year ago this month. We continued to sleep with each other for about 2 months after he broke up with me. I thought I could handle it without emotion and I was WRONG. It made it that much harder on me and I finally had to cut him off completely. It is very hard not to speak with someone that you love and care for so much. But remember, you need to love yourself and care for you not him. Dont call. You will find someone much better and will allow for you to move on. Good luckicon_biggrin.gif It really does get much easier with time
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 15, 2010 12:12 AM GMT
    Red_Vespa said


    Haha ..... No truer words

    You still have feelings for this guy and he's already in a new relationship
    so why on earth would you wanna subject yourself to "hanging" out with him?
  • mtneerman

    Posts: 476

    May 15, 2010 12:22 AM GMT
    sanddunes said
    I dont want him to feel like he has me on a string where he can just call and ill go running to see him.


    that's exactly what he would think. forget him, move on.
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    May 15, 2010 12:24 AM GMT
    IsmeIvan1990 saidbooty%20call.jpg


    lol basically this right here
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    May 15, 2010 12:38 AM GMT
    wirefire21 said
    IsmeIvan1990 saidbooty%20call.jpg


    AHAHAHAHA. Pretty much says it imo icon_cool.gif


    Pretty Much.... I say remind him it's over!
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    May 15, 2010 1:06 AM GMT
    Three possibilities:

    1. He feels guilty for dumping you for the other guy- so he wants to "fix it" by trying to be nice.

    2. He wants the best of both worlds and is trying to get in ur pants too

    3. A mix of 1 & 2.

    PS, if you want to know why he's calling, you have every right to inquire directly from the source.... your ex.

  • May 15, 2010 3:33 AM GMT
    Sounds like some unresolved issue..or maybe he is just trying to be a friend...I would tend to lean towards the first. I wish guys would learn just because a guy is hot or built or what the "F" ever...the grass isn't always green on the other side. I knew a couple that broke up because one half met this really hot guy and started screwing around behind the others back...well then they broke up because the one was sooooo in love with the new guy...Come to find out that the new guy was a manic depressive and a prescription drug abuser...so needless to say the one came crawling back beggin to me taken back...
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    May 15, 2010 3:33 AM GMT
    IsmeIvan1990 saidbooty%20call.jpg


    BINGO!
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    May 15, 2010 3:55 PM GMT
    IsmeIvan1990 saidbooty%20call.jpg


    That was fucking hilarious!!!!!!!!!!! icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 15, 2010 3:59 PM GMT
    Hey the same for me,Im suppose to hang out with my ex (friends with benefits) well really confusing relationship and we havent seen each other for like 6 months and he sent me an email to hang out and grab a beer.I waited like 2 weeks and told him we could go for a coffee.
    Going for a coffee I feel is safer and make it look more Im more interested in being friends than sex....no?
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    May 15, 2010 4:11 PM GMT
    snowboarder said
    IsmeIvan1990 saidbooty%20call.jpg


    That was fucking hilarious!!!!!!!!!!! icon_biggrin.gif





    i thought the exact thing right when i saw this post
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    May 15, 2010 4:22 PM GMT
    IsmeIvan1990 saidbooty%20call.jpg


    Lmao...this is exactly what he wants. I think he is not getting what he wants sexually from his new BF and realized that he is fulfilled with you sexually. Ive been in that situation before. Be on the look out of getting into his trap and later ending up being hurt.
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    May 15, 2010 4:26 PM GMT
    Why don't you ask him?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 15, 2010 4:40 PM GMT
    Ask his new boyfriend for permission. That'll go well.
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    May 15, 2010 4:58 PM GMT
    Just move on bro, especially since u were hurt, why meet up for a pity party with this dudeicon_question.gif