How do you cultivate romance? Share your experiences.

  • hartfan

    Posts: 1037

    May 12, 2010 9:12 AM GMT
    I was surfing the forums and came across an old thread about romance: http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/7610

    I count myself as one who believes in romance and a solid, long lasting relationship. But the cynical part of me tells me that I will probably end up alone because I focus on that too much. Many of my friends (both straight and gay) appear to forgo the possibility of this happening to them, or perhaps think the likelihood is so small it's useless to put much effort into nurturing it. I have a friend who sleeps around a lot, and he tells me he would not deprive himself of the pleasure of random hookups while he's waiting/searching for that one guy who will give him that long term thing. I don't begrudge him for holding that view, but it does make me wonder if it's possible to put in effort in building a successful relationship with someone else if one is after instant gratification all the time.

    This is one aspect we don't hear about often--how two people keep the spark and the flame going, from courtship to a lasting commitment to one another. Perhaps many people don't believe in it anymore, because we see so little of it, don't have any role models, and thus have no way of learning. And I think same-sex relationships suffer more from this because there are many examples of opposite-sex romance stories in our media and our culture, even if some of them seem a tad cheesy and idealistic. However, I'm not saying that same-sex romance is necessarily like what's depicted in chick flicks and the like. I, for one, think it's incredibly romantic if a guy surprises me with a pair of ice-side, center ice hockey tickets.

    The main point of my rambling introduction above is this: I hope some of you will share with the rest your experiences with romance. I'm talking about love here--the intense feeling of deep romantic affection and attachment for someone--not the feelings of lust where a random hot guy makes you want to bend him over (or bend over), though that can be counted if it's a part of a relationship that you at some point thought might go somewhere.

    What have you done or what has a guy done for you that has ignited or reinvigorated the spark between you two? Was it some sweet somethings whispered in someone's ear as you woke up, was it a cuddle by the fire on a cold winter night, was it a big juicy burger and fries waiting for you as you came home from work? It could something as simple as declaring your love and asking him to spend the rest of his life with you. Please share your stories. I'm hoping to hear from the LTR gurus like kansan, red_vespa, Bill and Doug and all the others I hope will forgive me for not mentioning. I know I'm ambitious but this could be a digital record of stories, experiences and anecdotes I think will help many people, myself included. Thanks in advance and I look forward to reading all of it.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2010 10:21 PM GMT
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/937220/

    read this
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    May 13, 2010 1:47 AM GMT
    That original thread was awesome you should have bumped it.
    When you’ve been in a relationship as long as I have it does seem to lose a lot of romance. I try and do little things like steeling his car and detailing it for him; last week he showed up late from work with a package of Twizlers for me. (Inside joke)
    With work and school we haven’t done anything major since the Pink concert.
    I used to bring home flowers once a week; yes, I shale do that tomorrow.
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    May 13, 2010 3:34 AM GMT
    I beat it over the head with a great big 2x4 and make it my bitch and if it trys to resist I take tat 2x4, lube with up with crisco and shove it up it's arse!
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    May 13, 2010 3:37 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidI beat it over the head with a great big 2x4 and make it my bitch and if it trys to resist I take tat 2x4, lube with up with crisco and shove it up it's arse!


    Hmm, "it"
    haha, too funny.
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    May 13, 2010 3:45 AM GMT
    I imagine ice cream dates... They will happen someday. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    May 13, 2010 3:47 AM GMT
    with a rototiller
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    May 13, 2010 4:53 AM GMT
    I guess we have good imaginations. We look at each other and see just what we saw all those years ago only a few days after we met. It colours much of what we do for each other and how we treat each other. There's a constant undercurrent of courting and flirting. I think it's important to remember how your heart felt like it was singing, so it can be reminded and sing again. Like riding a bicycle eh? Once you know how...

    -Doug
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    May 13, 2010 5:12 AM GMT
    I usually just keep him chained to the bedpost until Stockholm Syndrome sets in. After that, it's a walk in the park.
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    May 13, 2010 5:13 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidI beat it over the head with a great big 2x4 and make it my bitch and if it trys to resist I take tat 2x4, lube with up with crisco and shove it up it's arse!


    I didn't know you had 2x4s in Australia.
  • DarkSensation

    Posts: 715

    May 13, 2010 5:45 AM GMT

    Put His Dick on Fire to Spice up things in the Bedroom icon_lol.gif ..Not for the Fain of Heart, I can assure that icon_biggrin.gificon_lol.gif
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    May 13, 2010 6:03 AM GMT

    - making things instead of buying them
    - little notes to tell him your thoughts
    - noting the little inflections in his voice; noting the twinkle in his eye when he talks about the things he loves most; kissing him in places that don't normally get attention (e.g., the back of his ears, his adam's apple, the tip of his nose, his chin, and right where his heart beats)
    - playing a love song and dancing with him ... even though he has two left feet
    - listening to him - without interrupting - when he is telling you something that he was once too afraid to reveal to anyone ...

    the most important way to cultivate anything, whether romance or a beautiful work of art, is to spend time working directly on it as well as spending time away; but time is, surely, a big part of it.

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    May 13, 2010 6:05 AM GMT
    Wow I feel all mushy now, John. Way to go.
  • mtneerman

    Posts: 476

    May 13, 2010 6:06 AM GMT
    DarkSeduction said
    Put His Dick on Fire to Spice up things in the Bedroom icon_lol.gif ..Not for the Fain of Heart, I can assure that icon_biggrin.gificon_lol.gif


    i hope this is from friction
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    May 13, 2010 6:10 AM GMT
    TrowelMonger saidWow I feel all mushy now, John. Way to go.

    baby, I'm gone.

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    May 13, 2010 7:07 AM GMT
    hartfan saidHow do you cultivate romance?
    I do it the old fashioned way: with a hoe.
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    May 13, 2010 7:08 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidI beat it over the head with a great big 2x4 and make it my bitch and if it trys to resist I take tat 2x4, lube with up with crisco and shove it up it's arse!
    Yours is only 2" x 4"?
    *points & laughs* HAHAHAHAHA!!!! icon_lol.gif
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    May 13, 2010 7:23 AM GMT
    In the beginning, if it's the right "fit", romance takes no effort whatsoever, it flows like piss into a pot.

    With my relationship, we did hit the "five year itch" (isn't it generally seven for heteros ... and usually two months for homos?). Hugely challenging time, but transformed our relationship into something a million times deeper once we got over it.

    Random sweet acts keep it alive now. I buy him Millie's Cookies on my way home from work every now and then. He has a thing for them. He randomly buys me Muppet related things. Yeah I do love the Muppets and have since I was five, so what's your problem?

    Apart from that, he loves being stroked and cuddled while we watch TV/fall asleep (he's Latino), which is sometimes a bit of a chore for me (I'm English), but you have to make these sacrifices.