Domestic abuse in gay life

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    May 13, 2010 4:24 AM GMT
    Ok i was in a relationship where my bf hit me i snapped and whooped his ass but i was demonized because i stood up for myself. The friends we shared took his side cus he looked innocent and told him he was better off without me and that he did not need a man that would hit him. Ok i am like he was on druggs and intoxicated at that time i had dealt with him fucking my ex i lost my virginity to and i dealt with the verbal abuse and phones calls just to call nme a piece of shit. so why was i demonized for protecting myself whne he jumped on me in the park and thought he was gonna beat me up. o i stopped on round one and walked away then he charged me again and jumpedon me, i won again. But my question is why is domestic abuse and rape in gay life overlooked so much ?
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    May 13, 2010 4:36 AM GMT
    Oh.. wow, ugh, man, crap, damn.

    An ex once beat me. One moment sitting in the livingroom talking the next second all over me. Nothing like adrenaline. I lifted him up against the wall, his fists swinging here and there, and calmly opened the door to a hallway full of tenants all wide-eyed. I let him go and three people grabbed me and put me in neighbour's apt while they dealt with my ex, whose rage wasn't finished.

    The following weeks he tailed me to and from work. the police took in my beat-up state, but said they didn't get involved with 'homo stuff'. That was 1978.
    I got calmly mad and told them it was simple assault. They filed a report and yes, I had a case number!


    -Doug icon_redface.gif

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    May 13, 2010 4:48 AM GMT
    You did the right thing by kicking his ass. If you need to defend yourself, defend yourself. Fuck what others think about the situation...they weren't there.
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    May 13, 2010 4:53 AM GMT
    i wooped his ass cus he hit me in my face. but my rage came from all the shit he put me through and after what i did for him omg this is such a long story and "the str8 guy who confuses me" knows all about it me and him became close cus his gf at the time was my friend but guess what my ex cheated on mwe with her while we all were couples so wow we got fucked like chuck but me and him found shit out and became really good friends after it. even tho ppl say he is a asshole and stuck up and self centered i like him cus he has been a really true friend he sticks up for me invites me places and wants me around i like that about him . he even said that he would love it if i moved in with him in tx but that is a big jump and he doesnt know im afraid of him mostly if i move there cus of his confusion.

    P.S. i guess i will find out and talk to him about it when he visits here for the next 2 weeks and we chill.
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    May 13, 2010 4:55 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidYou did the right thing by kicking his ass. If you need to defend yourself, defend yourself. Fuck what others think about the situation...they weren't there.



    yea at that time it was hard cus everyone but "my friend who confuses me lol" was on my side he was like he deserved it and told me i did the right thing we laugh at it now me and my str8 friend but yea. its hard when noone is there to comfort you but they are to comfort him ya know
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    May 13, 2010 4:59 AM GMT
    Brutal honesty man, if you get back with him after he hit you in the face, you are fucking stupid.
    Even if he has changed, the risk is not worth it. If you want to stay friend, great; but don't live together. Chances are you will both regret it.
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    May 13, 2010 6:26 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidBrutal honesty man, if you get back with him after he hit you in the face, you are fucking stupid.
    Even if he has changed, the risk is not worth it. If you want to stay friend, great; but don't live together. Chances are you will both regret it.



    i tried it again like 4 times he never hit me again but he was verbally abusive. I stuck by him cus i made a promise to always be there for him if he needed me since he said he was alone and his family rejected him cus he was gay but after a while the jail all his arrest and him lying on me about the alcohol cus he was underage at the time i juss totally said fuck u we dont hangout he calls but i inore and i dont want anything to do with him but if his family needs me i am there but that is it. they even made him apologizes to me one day for what he did cus they said i was always there. but i tried to make it work so bad it almost destroyed me.
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    May 13, 2010 7:05 AM GMT
    Fenix_Stone saidi tried to make it work so bad it almost destroyed me.
    And if you try to make it work again, it will probably finish destroying you.
    I kinda think you're thinking with your dick.
    Sometimes that can really suck.
    Just my $0.02.
  • a2507

    Posts: 152

    May 13, 2010 1:30 PM GMT
    Hey man,

    I don't know if there's something closer to El Dorado (Shreveport, Little Rock?) but in Tulsa, there's DVIS,
    Domestic Violence Intervention Services
    4300 South Harvard Avenue, Tulsa, OK
    918-744-7273

    I know that they are aware of/sympathetic to same gender (man on man/woman on woman) issues. I'd encourage you to talk to them (maybe they know of services closer to you also).

    It might give you some one to talk to? There's also gay community centers in Tulsa and in Dallas.....
    Tulsa's Dennis R Neill Equality Center
    621 East 4th Street, Tulsa, OK
    918-743-4297


    Good luck man.......Tom
  • B71115

    Posts: 482

    May 13, 2010 1:52 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidBrutal honesty man, if you get back with him after he hit you in the face, you are fucking stupid.
    Even if he has changed, the risk is not worth it. If you want to stay friend, great; but don't live together. Chances are you will both regret it.


    My first BF went back to his ex who had hit him. Over and over. Battered gay syndrome I guess. Or, in his case, the $$$$ and what it could buy him.
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    May 13, 2010 1:56 PM GMT
    sounds like unnecessary drama your specific case..but to answer your question....in the simplest way....both are overlooked because..there is a stereotype that men..cannot be raped or be victims of domestic abuse. I know its kind of farfetch to think that in this day and age the thought still lingers..but we have to face the facts that we are brought up in a society that neglectfully sponser the idea that only females can be victims.
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    May 13, 2010 4:47 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Fenix_Stone saidi tried to make it work so bad it almost destroyed me.
    And if you try to make it work again, it will probably finish destroying you.
    I kinda think you're thinking with your dick.
    Sometimes that can really suck.
    Just my $0.02.



    No cus the sex was horrible I made a promise and was keeping it. I don't like sex that much cus to me it's not all that. But I was almost in a love Like state cus he was super nice in the beginning but now I treat him like shit I avoid him at all cost he wants to try again but I'm totally over it
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    May 13, 2010 4:49 PM GMT
    a2507 saidHey man,

    I don't know if there's something closer to El Dorado (Shreveport, Little Rock?) but in Tulsa, there's DVIS,
    Domestic Violence Intervention Services
    4300 South Harvard Avenue, Tulsa, OK
    918-744-7273

    I know that they are aware of/sympathetic to same gender (man on man/woman on woman) issues. I'd encourage you to talk to them (maybe they know of services closer to you also).

    It might give you some one to talk to? There's also gay community centers in Tulsa and in Dallas.....
    Tulsa's Dennis R Neill Equality Center
    621 East 4th Street, Tulsa, OK
    918-743-4297


    Good luck man.......Tom



    O I'm good this was two years ago
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    May 13, 2010 4:51 PM GMT
    tereseus1 saidsounds like unnecessary drama your specific case..but to answer your question....in the simplest way....both are overlooked because..there is a stereotype that men..cannot be raped or be victims of domestic abuse. I know its kind of farfetch to think that in this day and age the thought still lingers..but we have to face the facts that we are brought up in a society that neglectfully sponser the idea that only females can be victims.


    I know it's a double standard and somewhat "ism" to me but that is America
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    May 13, 2010 7:02 PM GMT
    My first fight with a boyfriend would be my last...don't know about you guys...