Why do we have to say if we're HIV - or + in our profile?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2010 1:54 AM GMT
    It just perpetuates the notion that gay men have a large chance to have AIDS, and with the amount of awareness and education around AIDS I feel like it's a very moot point now to ask that on a profile...no?
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    May 17, 2010 2:17 AM GMT
    We have discussed in length on many previous threads.... It is always good that someone brings this relevant subject up...but if responses are slow coming it is only that we have talked about it before.
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    May 17, 2010 5:15 AM GMT
    ...because RJ is really a hook-up site disguised as a fitness forum. icon_eek.gif

    I'm sleepy- wish me luck! icon_smile.gif
    (((insomnia)))
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    May 17, 2010 5:23 AM GMT
    These are statistics from the CDC (2003).

    Living-Gender.gif



    And 2006
    (Transmission category for persons with a new HIV diagnosis in 2006)

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    Transmission-males-2006.gif

    Age-2006.gif
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    May 17, 2010 5:25 AM GMT
    win.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2010 5:27 AM GMT
    It scares people off, keeps them from bugging me and wasting my time.

    But mostly, I get guys who are newly diagnosed and even some that have been poz for while that just want someone to talk to. A lot of guys are afraid to talk about it with their friends and family. One of the reasons I put it in there is that if someone out there has had a shitty day, maybe somebody said something cruel and ignorant to them, they have someone who's been there to vent about it to.

    Sometimes it's not even about having the answers their questions. Sometimes it's just the comfort of talking with someone who's shared the experience.

    I'm not here with my status on display to educate people. There are enough trying and failing miserably at it. I'm here with my status on display to give the kid who is scared and sees mostly hatred and ignorance on here a safe place and an open ear.
  • mtneerman

    Posts: 476

    May 17, 2010 5:28 AM GMT
    i think all the info should be upfront to let people decide before they spend a lot of time chatting just to find out they are poz or neg. i used to not put that i was neg since i will date a poz guy, but there a a lot of poz guys that only want to date other poz guys, and after a month of chatting with one such man, he was done when he found out i was neg. so put it out there, let everyone decide fore themselves.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2010 5:38 AM GMT
    besides ,like with the rest you can just say whatever you like.
    yay for being hidden behind a monitor.
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    May 17, 2010 12:34 PM GMT
    GuerrillaSodomite saidIt scares people off, keeps them from bugging me and wasting my time.

    But mostly, I get guys who are newly diagnosed and even some that have been poz for while that just want someone to talk to. A lot of guys are afraid to talk about it with their friends and family. One of the reasons I put it in there is that if someone out there has had a shitty day, maybe somebody said something cruel and ignorant to them, they have someone who's been there to vent about it to.

    Sometimes it's not even about having the answers their questions. Sometimes it's just the comfort of talking with someone who's shared the experience.

    I'm not here with my status on display to educate people. There are enough trying and failing miserably at it. I'm here with my status on display to give the kid who is scared and sees mostly hatred and ignorance on here a safe place and an open ear.



    BIG WIN!

    xxxxxooooo -your guys
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    May 17, 2010 12:36 PM GMT
    GuerrillaSodomite saidIt scares people off, keeps them from bugging me and wasting my time.

    But mostly, I get guys who are newly diagnosed and even some that have been poz for while that just want someone to talk to. A lot of guys are afraid to talk about it with their friends and family. One of the reasons I put it in there is that if someone out there has had a shitty day, maybe somebody said something cruel and ignorant to them, they have someone who's been there to vent about it to.

    Sometimes it's not even about having the answers their questions. Sometimes it's just the comfort of talking with someone who's shared the experience.

    I'm not here with my status on display to educate people. There are enough trying and failing miserably at it. I'm here with my status on display to give the kid who is scared and sees mostly hatred and ignorance on here a safe place and an open ear.



    You're the BEST!
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    May 17, 2010 12:37 PM GMT
    GuerrillaSodomite saidIt scares people off, keeps them from bugging me and wasting my time.

    But mostly, I get guys who are newly diagnosed and even some that have been poz for while that just want someone to talk to. A lot of guys are afraid to talk about it with their friends and family. One of the reasons I put it in there is that if someone out there has had a shitty day, maybe somebody said something cruel and ignorant to them, they have someone who's been there to vent about it to.

    Sometimes it's not even about having the answers their questions. Sometimes it's just the comfort of talking with someone who's shared the experience.

    I'm not here with my status on display to educate people. There are enough trying and failing miserably at it. I'm here with my status on display to give the kid who is scared and sees mostly hatred and ignorance on here a safe place and an open ear.


    I ADORE YOU G-SOD!!!!

    And to the OP: Who says you HAVE to? You don't, but as far as I am concerned, honesty with yourself and the rest of us here is always appreciated.
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    May 17, 2010 1:26 PM GMT
    jayyp saidWhy do we have to say if we're HIV - or + in our profile?


    We don't have to state our HIV status. We can opt to leave it blank.
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    May 17, 2010 1:40 PM GMT
    beautifully said Robby
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    Aug 23, 2010 12:26 AM GMT
    GuerrillaSodomite saidIt scares people off, keeps them from bugging me and wasting my time.

    But mostly, I get guys who are newly diagnosed and even some that have been poz for while that just want someone to talk to. A lot of guys are afraid to talk about it with their friends and family. One of the reasons I put it in there is that if someone out there has had a shitty day, maybe somebody said something cruel and ignorant to them, they have someone who's been there to vent about it to.

    Sometimes it's not even about having the answers their questions. Sometimes it's just the comfort of talking with someone who's shared the experience.

    I'm not here with my status on display to educate people. There are enough trying and failing miserably at it. I'm here with my status on display to give the kid who is scared and sees mostly hatred and ignorance on here a safe place and an open ear.


    Wow! Amen....And Thank You Robby! It is much appreciated!
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    Aug 23, 2010 12:28 AM GMT
    Probably just site liability.icon_idea.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2010 12:44 AM GMT
    I designated my status as being POZ because unfortunately some people out there equate being poz as a path to a death sentence.

    Even more repulsive is the fact that the perception out there is that we have low morals and low self-esteem.

    Quite the contrary, there are many of us who are poz and who are living very healthy and productive lives.

    As I stated before in a previous thread, the meds out there are meant to effectively do their job and with a focus of taking the least amount as possible (this compared to cocktails men used to take before).

    I for one applaud the men on RJ who openly admit their status as a beacon of hope so that others who are reluctant or have recently seroconverted can have someone to talk to, to share their 'fears' and to guide them to the many available resources out there.
  • BeingThePhoen...

    Posts: 1157

    Aug 23, 2010 12:57 AM GMT
    I think we should also have a place to post whether or not negative guys will even talk with a positive guy. I was having a conversation years ago with a group of gay guys and most of them admitted to ignoring positive guys, both in person and online. The reasoning was... why get to know someone who essentially has a death sentence? A few of us called bullshit, because we all essentially have a death sentence. I don't know....the fact that we were even having that conversation kind of annoyed me. I mean, I can understand some people making a choice not to date a positive guy, because of fear of getting AIDS, but not to even acknowledge the person? WTF?
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    Aug 23, 2010 1:11 AM GMT
    jayyp saidIt just perpetuates the notion that gay men have a large chance to have AIDS, and with the amount of awareness and education around AIDS I feel like it's a very moot point now to ask that on a profile...no?

    We had a thread about this some months ago. When I realized I could leave that field blank (the drop-down hadn't been clear to me, I thought I had to answer either neg or poz), I went back and took my answer out.
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    Aug 23, 2010 1:14 AM GMT
    A1EX said...because RJ is really a hook-up site disguised as a fitness forum.

    Oh, I don't think so!
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    Aug 23, 2010 1:22 AM GMT
    GuerrillaSodomite saidIt scares people off, keeps them from bugging me and wasting my time.

    But mostly, I get guys who are newly diagnosed and even some that have been poz for while that just want someone to talk to. A lot of guys are afraid to talk about it with their friends and family. One of the reasons I put it in there is that if someone out there has had a shitty day, maybe somebody said something cruel and ignorant to them, they have someone who's been there to vent about it to.

    Sometimes it's not even about having the answers their questions. Sometimes it's just the comfort of talking with someone who's shared the experience.

    I'm not here with my status on display to educate people. There are enough trying and failing miserably at it. I'm here with my status on display to give the kid who is scared and sees mostly hatred and ignorance on here a safe place and an open ear.



    You're The MAN! Love that posticon_wink.gif
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    Jan 08, 2011 3:11 PM GMT
    jayyp saidIt just perpetuates the notion that gay men have a large chance to have AIDS, and with the amount of awareness and education around AIDS I feel like it's a very moot point now to ask that on a profile...no?


    If it was moot, the rates wouldn't be rising.

    If anything is moot on the profile, it's eye colour. But then again, there are probably guys who select potential dates/partners on that too.
  • J9158

    Posts: 5

    Jan 08, 2011 3:13 PM GMT
    Well the answer to this question puts some people at rest. Technically it is a surplus question because the guys "in-the-know" will not trust a HIV-negative answer. Of course I am sure many people lie and even if they don't, please don't trust the answer unless you know the guy for a reasonable amount of time and he has the proper medical report to actually show you the results. Even then, if you plan to have unprotected sex, go with him for him and you to be tested and share the written results from his and your testing center. Even then you should be sure of how negligent he or you may or my not have been prior to your meeting each other. A new partner should be tested several times throughout the year to make sure prior to having intercourse. People do lie. If one is out in the playing field, always use protection, then you will have less worry of contracting the HIV virus. Never trust anyone's answer and make a horrific mistake by having intercourse without protection for yourself and player.
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    Jan 08, 2011 3:20 PM GMT
    GuerrillaSodomite saidIt scares people off, keeps them from bugging me and wasting my time.

    But mostly, I get guys who are newly diagnosed and even some that have been poz for while that just want someone to talk to. A lot of guys are afraid to talk about it with their friends and family. One of the reasons I put it in there is that if someone out there has had a shitty day, maybe somebody said something cruel and ignorant to them, they have someone who's been there to vent about it to.

    Sometimes it's not even about having the answers their questions. Sometimes it's just the comfort of talking with someone who's shared the experience.

    I'm not here with my status on display to educate people. There are enough trying and failing miserably at it. I'm here with my status on display to give the kid who is scared and sees mostly hatred and ignorance on here a safe place and an open ear.


    Very admirable.
  • gary954

    Posts: 76

    Jan 08, 2011 3:31 PM GMT
    I think it is best to get it out of the way! If anyone has a problem with your status, you don't need them in your life to begin with. If you leave question blank, to me it just means you are poz. I really don't care if you are neg or poz. HIV is part of our lives whether we like it or not. If you think otherwise you are just living in some fantasy world.
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    Jan 08, 2011 3:32 PM GMT
    GuerrillaSodomite saidIt scares people off, keeps them from bugging me and wasting my time.

    But mostly, I get guys who are newly diagnosed and even some that have been poz for while that just want someone to talk to. A lot of guys are afraid to talk about it with their friends and family. One of the reasons I put it in there is that if someone out there has had a shitty day, maybe somebody said something cruel and ignorant to them, they have someone who's been there to vent about it to.

    Sometimes it's not even about having the answers their questions. Sometimes it's just the comfort of talking with someone who's shared the experience.

    I'm not here with my status on display to educate people. There are enough trying and failing miserably at it. I'm here with my status on display to give the kid who is scared and sees mostly hatred and ignorance on here a safe place and an open ear.


    Right on!

    I also believe visibility is critical to breaking down stigma (not just about HIV, but so many issues). Though I absolutely respect that it takes courage and strength to be able to publicly disclose status - and should absolutely be up to the individual to make that decision in any given context.

    I'm negative at last test (just last week), but am considering leaving my status blank on my profile. After all, I sit in the camp that believes in always playing safe, regardless of status so it seems a moot point...and more over, I don't rely on guys to always really know their status, even if they perceive themselves to be neg. It's not about trust - or judgment, it's not that I think most guys are dishonest at all, but there are so many technicalities to truly be confident of one's own status. When did they last test? And what's to say their last result wasn't in the window period? What about their partners? For me, in a casual context, there are too many variables to know...

    At the end of the day, take the steps to reduce the risks and ultimately - just gotta respect ourselves and each other!