Meeting a guy in person tomorrow...please give me advice!!!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2010 5:56 AM GMT
    1st - When I registered I didn't realize the synonymity of dsl.....I mean the brand DSL55, not dick suckin lips icon_lol.gif


    ok now, after 2 years of being single (im 22) I met a guy on dlist who I genuinely like. We connect on numerous levels and hes very cute. Hes only 18 but mentally mature. He says I am cute, returns compliments, etc. Obviously people are different in person than online, so I am just wodnering what are some cues to look for to tell whether or not hes interested in me? He says hes more about connection and personality then physical appearance. Not that I am ugly but just a little insecure I guess icon_sad.gif


    I carry myself confident but when it comes to meeting other homos I get very insecure around them...and since I am now ready to get back into another relationship I want to make a good impression on him....I am super nervous for tomorrow!!
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    May 17, 2010 5:57 AM GMT
    If he checks his phone more than he looks at you, then there's a clue.
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    May 17, 2010 5:58 AM GMT
    JakeBenson saidIf he checks his phone more than he looks at you, then there's a clue.


    you know whats funny is I guess in reality I know what to look for...ive been out with guys who dont interest me plenty of times and thats normally what I do...or I'll just respond "ya....mhmm...yep" when talking to them lol
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    May 17, 2010 2:34 PM GMT
    I'm 21 going on 22 and personally, I couldn't imagine dating an 18 year old because I was 18 years old before.

    I guess if you naturally go for the younger thing, then it should suit you but I would just keep thinking that this kid is fresh out of high school and has so much to learn about life.

    When I first started seeing guys I said the same thing too because I was so naive and idealistic. Oh I don't care about looks, I care about a personal connection.

    Please! My penis did all the thinking for me for about 2 years straight.

    To top it all off, I realized I was so picky that I had really bad commitment issues because I was always thinking that something better was around the corner.

    And I was one of those guys that thought I was mature for my age, because everyone told me I was. Because I spoke well, because I gave great advice, because I wasn't careless.

    When in fact, I was a teenager. I was still a kid. I would need to fuck several guys and avoid several relationships with numerous men, before I could say anything about my romantic preferencs that meant shit, or were truly plausible aside from I liked a manly man.

    Be careful. Know that anything can happen. Don't hurt too badly if it doesn't work out.
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    May 17, 2010 2:39 PM GMT
    Let someone you know & trust know where you'll be and when you expect to get back and have them promise to call your cell & come looking if you don't show up!


    One of my budds a few years back didn't do any of this before he met a guy from online and he is still missing.
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    May 17, 2010 2:53 PM GMT
    Doesn’t matter how secure you are, there is always a guy out there that will make you feel insecure.
    If you are looking for a new relationship, you may already have doomed your meeting. Relax, go looking to make a new friend and if he doesn’t hold eye contact with you he is the one that is insecure.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    May 17, 2010 3:01 PM GMT
    StudlyScrewRite said Let someone you know & trust know where you'll be and when you expect to get back and have them promise to call your cell & come looking if you don't show up!


    One of my budds a few years back didn't do any of this before he met a guy from online and he is still missing.



    Totally agree. I had a date with a guy from online on Saturday. I told a friend that I was meeting someone for drinks and where we were going. The guy I was meeting told a friend too. Wouldn't you know it, our friends show up to spy on us! Ugh. It was still sort of funny and we all got along fine.

    I wanted to tell him he looked better in person than his online pictures, but I thought that would sound to cliche.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 17, 2010 3:12 PM GMT
    I've always been pretty confident about meeting about anyone face to face.
    You can have a few awkward moments when you sit down, but it only lasts a few minutes.

    A couple of things...

    1) Spend some time and ask him about himself. Be sincere and LISTEN (what a concept) to what he says and let it go from there. I've always thought that if a guy is really interested, he will take a cue from you and ask about you in return. If you get to the end of the date and you've mostly talked about him, don't consider it a "negative" necessarily that he hasn't asked about you, as he might be nervous. Volunteer a few things. I think you will figure out whether he is really interested in knowing you or not.. or if its just about sex.

    2) The non verbals. I about fell over recently when I met a local gay couple who I met on Facebook and the partner (who I hadn't talked to prior) gave me an absolute once over (maybe .. twice) when we met. It told me much, but he was still nice enough even though his parter (who I had talked to on FB) pretty much carried the conversation. We ended our dinner with encouragement that a good friendship is important.. but I'll never forget about the partner's stare. Non verbal communication says alot. If the guy doesn't pay attention to you and constantly looks around at who is coming and going, I'd find it irritating.

    Good luck...let us know what happens.
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    May 17, 2010 3:13 PM GMT
    Don't treat it as "I am now ready to get back into another relationship" because you will be putting too much pressure on yourself and on him. Just be yourself, don't have any big expectations, and just enjoy your time together. If something develops, great; if not, think about being friends with him.

    StudlyScrewRite's warning is very good - always meet in a public place the first time. Also, someone once taught me to chat with people via video on Skype or something similar before meeting in person. You can see if he matches his profile or if he's lying.

    Relationships don't always happen when you think they will or when you think you're ready. I met my partner when I decided I didn't want to date anymore or even try being in a relationship.
  • tryharder

    Posts: 3

    May 17, 2010 3:15 PM GMT
    In addition to being safe by giving your friends a heads- up about your whereabouts, you can always ask them to give you a call 30 minutes into the date, as an 'escape route' if it turns out to be totally awkward!

    "OMG, I gotta go! My dog has diabetes!"

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    May 17, 2010 3:18 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan makes very good points. I find things go much better when meeting people for the first time if I talk less, listen more, and ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer . I've found that when I'm in the right frame of mind, people really open up to me and tell me all sorts of things about themselves. I then have to make sure I remember what they told me so I can bring it up again (like school, family, work, etc.).
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    May 17, 2010 3:21 PM GMT
    Okay so the big thing?
    go to your date looking to make a new friend.

    being friends with someone is a GREAT way to determine if they are compatible for dating. you learn a lot of little things about them that you woudln't if you just leap in the sack first chance you get.
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    May 17, 2010 3:26 PM GMT
    Halfstep saidI'm 21 going on 22 and personally, I couldn't imagine dating an 18 year old because I was 18 years old before.

    I guess if you naturally go for the younger thing, then it should suit you but I would just keep thinking that this kid is fresh out of high school and has so much to learn about life.

    When I first started seeing guys I said the same thing too because I was so naive and idealistic. Oh I don't care about looks, I care about a personal connection.

    Please! My penis did all the thinking for me for about 2 years straight.

    To top it all off, I realized I was so picky that I had really bad commitment issues because I was always thinking that something better was around the corner.

    And I was one of those guys that thought I was mature for my age, because everyone told me I was. Because I spoke well, because I gave great advice, because I wasn't careless.

    When in fact, I was a teenager. I was still a kid. I would need to fuck several guys and avoid several relationships with numerous men, before I could say anything about my romantic preferencs that meant shit, or were truly plausible aside from I liked a manly man.

    Be careful. Know that anything can happen. Don't hurt too badly if it doesn't work out.


    Good words from Halfstep here about younger guys but everyone is different, not good to generalize an entire age group. If your guy says that he's not big on physical appearance then take him for his word. He may have insecurities of his own even though he may be hot...All gay man in America have some kind of issue, no way around it. Take the advice most people have posted so far and go at things one day at a time. Don't start picking out the drapes and silverware after only one date...
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    May 17, 2010 3:31 PM GMT
    iHavok saidOkay so the big thing?
    go to your date looking to make a new friend.

    being friends with someone is a GREAT way to determine if they are compatible for dating. you learn a lot of little things about them that you woudln't if you just leap in the sack first chance you get.


    That's some great advice. I keep it at the friendship level the first meet. I have a hard time taking anyone seriously or feeling too much about someone either way when I just meet them. I can feel for someone at the friendship level quite easily however. Go for drinks, Sunday brunch, or a hike, or a bike ride. I cringe whenever someone wants to do the whole romantic restaurant date night when we don't know each other yet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2010 3:36 PM GMT
    Be yourself.
    Have fun.
    Go with low expectations of yourself and him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2010 3:44 PM GMT
    How many times he glances at his cell phone is a key indicator he's not feeling you. I also will notice the guy's eyes to see if he's checking out every other guy who enters the place.
  • natsimjac1988

    Posts: 109

    May 17, 2010 5:03 PM GMT
    you know what always helps me when im meeting a guy? i always keep in mind that he is just as nervous as i am. that always helps me. hes meeting u for the first time as well, so chances are hes as much as a wreck as u are icon_smile.gif
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    May 17, 2010 6:10 PM GMT
    Don't panic. Just be yourself..icon_smile.gif
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    May 17, 2010 8:35 PM GMT
    Thanks for all the advice.

    I told my best friend where I'll be and who I will be with, though I am sure I have nothing to worry about.

    He texted me earlier and asked if his fag hag can come along. I kinda don't want her to and thought about saying no but I figure hes an 18 year old kid whose never met anyone off the net before, maybe its best he bring someone along to make him more comfortable. He said she'll shop while we talk.

    We talked last night and decided we should start slow, even though I have pretty strong feelings for him without having even met him...so if we have the same chemistry in person its going to be tuff.

    Im gonna go and do my best to make a good impression on him and his faghag and see where it goes, though if she doesn't leave us alone for a bit I'm not sure I'll be calling him back.
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    May 17, 2010 8:54 PM GMT
    dsl55 saidThanks for all the advice.

    I told my best friend where I'll be and who I will be with, though I am sure I have nothing to worry about.

    He texted me earlier and asked if his fag hag can come along. I kinda don't want her to and thought about saying no but I figure hes an 18 year old kid whose never met anyone off the net before, maybe its best he bring someone along to make him more comfortable. He said she'll shop while we talk.

    We talked last night and decided we should start slow, even though I have pretty strong feelings for him without having even met him...so if we have the same chemistry in person its going to be tuff.

    Im gonna go and do my best to make a good impression on him and his faghag and see where it goes, though if she doesn't leave us alone for a bit I'm not sure I'll be calling him back.

    OMG! He's bringing his mother!!! ... icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 17, 2010 9:10 PM GMT
    dsl55 said1st - When I registered I didn't realize the synonymity of dsl.....I mean the brand DSL55, not dick suckin lips icon_lol.gif




    I got that right away...

    But that said


    I had to watch the shining 3 times before the REDRUM thing hit me icon_neutral.gif
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    May 17, 2010 9:15 PM GMT
    Just make sure you don't call him a "homo" or her a "fag hag." icon_wink.gif