Are you an "Asker" or a "Guesser"?

  • ShanksE

    Posts: 263

    May 17, 2010 2:47 PM GMT
    Very interesting article that I happened to come across online:

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/may/08/change-life-asker-guesser

    So what goes for you? I do find it real hard to say no to people and I try to look for a middle ground at times.. I guess that makes me a "guesser".. what about you?
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    May 17, 2010 3:13 PM GMT
    Say, cool article, although when I say no bluntly to an Asker, the reply is 'But why not?"

    -Doug


  • Weirjohn

    Posts: 12

    May 22, 2010 7:23 PM GMT
    I think I am a guesser... what an interesting article anyway!
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    May 22, 2010 7:26 PM GMT
    Neither one --- I'm a teller.
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    May 22, 2010 7:27 PM GMT
    I used to be the biggest doormat about this. I'd kill myself just to be able to say yes. I've found salvation in becoming increasingly more "Fuck you" over time, and sadly this somehow elicits a more positive response from people than when I was all "Hello how do you do of course I'll do anything for you ^_^!"

  • JayDT

    Posts: 390

    May 22, 2010 7:34 PM GMT
    I'm more of a guesser when it comes to asking for something, but I RARELY ask anything of anyone. I tend to be self reliant to a fault. As for people asking me of things I am typically a teller and no is easy to stay. Though thanks to my self reliance most people don't ask me for shit.
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    May 22, 2010 7:43 PM GMT
    Ciarsolo saidI used to be the biggest doormat about this. I'd kill myself just to be able to say yes. I've found salvation in becoming increasingly more "Fuck you" over time, and sadly this somehow elicits a more positive response from people than when I was all "Hello how do you do of course I'll do anything for you ^_^!"



    I'm the same way. I was an extremely insecure child, and was petrified of overt conflict. The combination usually resulted in me, not merely saying yes when I wanted to say no, but actually anticipating someone else's desires and attempting to manipulate the situation to avoid an outright ask, if it was something I absolutely didn't want to do...or doing it before they asked, if it wasn't a criminal act. If I still got an ask in the first instance, I usually avoided saying anything at all.

    Now I actually believe in the validity of most of my own preferences haha. So, I am much more comfortable both being an asker, and saying no. Given my introversion, though, there are very few things I ask people to do for me.
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    May 22, 2010 7:44 PM GMT
    Asker.

    Plus, I say no a lot, without guilt. I developed that after being stuck in too many passive-aggressive dramas with people who just couldn't tell that certain someone to just go fuck themselves.

    For instance, my husband: has a business with vendors. Select vendors, hand-picked. Occasionally, an undesirable vendor wants in, and he can't just tell them no; he has to make up some elaborate excuse why this or that conflict wouldn't make it feasible at this time--what they hear, I can only imagine, is keep trying. Yeegads. What he really wants to say (he tells me in confidence) is that such-and-such vendor is a pushy ass, is bad for business, and no other vendor wants to work with them. I tell him to just fucking say it.

    Sometimes when he's on the phone with one of them I'll yell loudly enough for the other party to hear, "Just hang up on that bitch!"

    Oh, he gets so mad.
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    May 22, 2010 7:45 PM GMT
    I definitely tend to be an Asker. I guess I just figure the worst that can happen is that they say no, and I'm always prepared for that. I wouldn't say I am always asking people for huge favors, but it's more in a "I really want job x, and I know somebody who works there, so I'l ask them if there is any way I could get an in" kind of way. Having spent a good deal of time trying to be in the entertainment industry, that seemed to be a very legitimate and necessary way to get somewhere. Now that I'm not out in LA anymore, I still carry that with me. I'm sure it can give a bit of an entitled impression to some, but I haven't really ever pushed too hard. When I get a "yes," I genuinely thank them and then don't think any more of it.

    On the other end I do have trouble saying no sometimes, though I've been getting better at it.
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    May 22, 2010 11:21 PM GMT
    ShanksE saidAre you an "Asker" or a "Guesser"?
    No.
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    May 22, 2010 11:27 PM GMT
    it depends, I can be both, but generally an asker..