Making the first move. Tips & advice?

  • Abc123456

    Posts: 336

    May 18, 2010 2:57 AM GMT
    Ok so the other topic about tops & bottoms and the first move got me thinkin'... And I want some help.

    I'm a pretty shy guy in the first 15-20 minutes of getting to know someone. I get a very profound "flight" urge and it prevents me from talking to guys I don't know. In the past, if I've really been into a guy, I'd get slammed, write my number down, approach the guy, tell him he's fucking hot but that I was too sloppy to actually have a conversation, I'd put my number in his hand and tell him to call me if he wanted to go for a beer later in the week. Classy, right? Ba ha ha. It landed me one relationship, so it wasn't total fail... But there's gotta be some THING you guys do right before you go talk to another dude. A little pep talk? And what's the best ice breaker conversations? What do you say to a dude you've never talked to before?

    Though I don't freequent the bars much, and I'm not a one-nighter kind of guy, if an opportunity comes up in the future...and mr. Right-beside-me is cute, I'd like to not have to be a drunk fool to connect with him.

    PS I'm not a total social retard. Lately most of the guys I've met are friends of friends which is a differen scenario cuz you can always talk about your friend if all else fails. But I don't approach guys when I'm out, and I have a somewhat hard game face, so I don't get approached much by other dudes either.
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    May 18, 2010 3:29 AM GMT
    You have to just be yourself. Smile - look approachable - be confident, upbeat, on top of your game. Just before you speak to someone, take a half minute to think of some of your best attributes and accomplishments. Take a breath, stand up tall, smile, and go right up to someone and say "Hi - how's it going?" That's what works for me. Never fall back on any transparent lines.

    I've met guys at a bunch of places, including the office; clubs I belong to; alumni association gatherings; the gym; out running; cycling; hiking; swimming laps; even Starbucks or other outdoor cafes (helps having a big, furry dog - - what an ice breaker) and last but not least - right here in Forums.

    If you think you can do something - you can do it! Good luck. Have fun at it!

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    May 18, 2010 3:39 AM GMT
    I'm both shy but also hate missing opportunities so what I normally do is make it painfully obvious I like someone by looking and smiling at them, over and over (and over and over) until they come over icon_razz.gif When that fails and I notice them about to go somewhere else from my location, my 'i hate missing opportunities' feeling overpowers the shyness and I sort of quickly get up and go after them and say something stupid like "So.... what's your name? Hey 'name', I think you're cute". And it goes from there.

    I realize this is kinda stupid but it works for me since I'm kinda shy icon_smile.gif
  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 1981

    May 18, 2010 6:26 AM GMT
    Dash, for starters you are a very attractive guy and I think tons of guys would be very happy to have you walk up and say hi to them.
    Here is a trick you can use: when you find a guy you're interested in, make eye contact with him until he looks at you. When he does, smile at him. It can be a low-key smile, it doesn't have to be a huge goofy grin.
    He will look away instantly (it's sort of human nature).
    If he's not interested, he won't look back at you after the first smile you gave him.
    If he's interested in you, he will look back at you, repeatedly.
    At that point, you've pretty much established that he's interested in you.
    Either he will come and talk to you, or you can go talk to him.
    The ice is already "broken," because he looked back at you more than once, right?
    At that point, just walk up and say, "hi, my name is ________."
    Other tactics:
    If he has any kind of mixed drink in his hand, you can ask, "what are you drinking there?"
    You can make a compliment on something he's wearing, i.e. "that's a cool shirt."
    You can ask something about the bar you're in: "what do you think of this place?"
    "Is this your hangout or do you go somewhere else usually?"
    (A couple of drinks makes all of the above easier.) icon_lol.gif
  • DrewT

    Posts: 1327

    May 18, 2010 6:28 AM GMT
    I have the same problem. I have to get a few drinks in me to even consider talking to a hot guy. And apparently, I'm unapproachable too. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    May 18, 2010 6:54 AM GMT
    What would a chic do in the same situation? Hi! I like your hair! Right? Then she'd be pregnant the next morning. Read the book How To Win Friends And Influence People. It's mid century American as they say on the Antiques Roadshow, but it could also be subtitled, "how to get fucked or meet your spouse deopending on what your objectives are."
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    May 18, 2010 7:06 AM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidWhat would a chic do in the same situation? Hi! I like your hair! Right? Then she'd be pregnant the next morning. Read the book How To Win Friends And Influence People. It's mid century American as they say on the Antiques Roadshow, but it could also be subtitled, "how to get fucked or meet your spouse deopending on what your objectives are."

    Hahaha... I love this!

    Seems like a timely topic for me. I've psyched myself up for next weekend to go out on my own, dance and meet some guys. Now I just have to think, "hmm, how am I gonna talk to them?"
  • Abc123456

    Posts: 336

    May 18, 2010 12:43 PM GMT
    Sweet. I'll check out the book.

    And yes, I've been eye fucked before; the visual hand shake of, "yeah I'm family too". I'm actually in Mexico ATM. Leaving in a few hours and an eye exchange happened yesterday at the Tulum ruins, on my way out of course, with family of course. So circumstance prevented anything conversation which worked out cuz I was sober too ;)

    Thanks for the compliment.

    More input if it's out there icon_biggrin.gif