I'm tired of it

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2010 9:24 AM GMT
    I'm tired of those people who call me a mate only coming to me when they want to talk about the problems they are having... I'm going through bullshit of my own and I'm not interested in hearing about it....

    i'm sick to death of being that fountain of advice, encouragement and understanding when they don't even have the common decency to try and be that back to me.

    They can go screw them self.
  • Kage

    Posts: 707

    May 18, 2010 9:30 AM GMT
    A "fuck off and die" sentiment is sometimes required.
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    May 18, 2010 11:01 AM GMT
    Surely if they could fuck themselves that would probably solve most of their problems?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2010 11:05 AM GMT
    Dealing with your own stuff is really important - as you can't help others if you are working through things yourself.

    You should be congratulated on being someone that people obviously trust enough to go to with problems, but letting them know that they need to talk to someone else right now is really important.

    YOU ROCK! Nice one!! icon_smile.gif
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    May 18, 2010 11:15 AM GMT
    A gentle reminder for you: we PICK our friends.

    Pick better. icon_confused.gif
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    May 18, 2010 11:35 AM GMT
    PHLmuscle8 saidA gentle reminder for you: we PICK our friends.

    Pick better. icon_confused.gif

    I've never had a reason to talk, I've never felt an overwhelming desire to talk... how was I suppose to know that those who I had listened to so patiently would suddenly find no time for me?
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    May 18, 2010 11:44 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidI'm tired of those people who call me a mate only coming to me when they want to talk about the problems they are having... I'm going through bullshit of my own and I'm not interested in hearing about it....

    i'm sick to death of being that fountain of advice, encouragement and understanding when they don't even have the common decency to try and be that back to me.

    They can go screw them self.


    This is why we're friends. I only come to you with snarkiness
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    May 18, 2010 11:50 AM GMT
    But:

    You Are the Guru


    You are a naturally good counselor. You are inspiring, encouraging, and compassionate.

    You are eager to help everyone who crosses your path, even those who don't want to be helped.


    You are a natural healer. People feel at peace when they are with you.

    You are so good for people, in fact, that they go through withdrawal once you're gone.


    You quietly do your own thing, without openly resisting. You secretly try to fix every problem.

    Your biggest regret is not being able to help as many people as you'd like.
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    May 18, 2010 11:55 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidI'm tired of those people who call me a mate only coming to me when they want to talk about the problems they are having... I'm going through bullshit of my own and I'm not interested in hearing about it....

    i'm sick to death of being that fountain of advice, encouragement and understanding when they don't even have the common decency to try and be that back to me.

    They can go screw them self.


    You've helped so many guys on here - even me from time to time. It would be an honor of sorts to come over and hang with you - letting you vent. Not sure if I'd have much advice but I could at least be a shoulder. I'm sure a lot of guys here would feel the same way. Too bad we're oceans apart..............
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 18, 2010 12:05 PM GMT
    Ben, I absolutely understand what you are saying. Over the years I have had a diverse variety of friends, including a couple who basically used me as a "scratching post" for sounding their troubles, never asking me even whats up in my life (and I mean "friends" who talked their problems on and on over time). Those aren't friendships. Friendships are two way streets. Those people are long gone these days.

    I think we all should help and render advice to friends when they need some
    support..... but we need it as well at times.
  • DarkSensation

    Posts: 715

    May 18, 2010 12:27 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidI'm tired of those people who call me a mate only coming to me when they want to talk about the problems they are having... I'm going through bullshit of my own and I'm not interested in hearing about it....

    i'm sick to death of being that fountain of advice, encouragement and understanding when they don't even have the common decency to try and be that back to me.

    They can go screw them self.



    Having a BadDay Handsome ? I'll be your Shoulder of Comfort, Tender and all icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2010 12:34 PM GMT
    Are you asking them for help in times when you need it or are you just waiting for someone to ask you how you are doing?

    Some people may not have answers for you but do you think it is just as important for them to listen? Have they made themselves available to listen to your problems? Have they offered?

    *hugs*
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    May 18, 2010 12:36 PM GMT
    Sometimes we become THAT person that people go to all of the time and people don't understand that we at times need a person like us, for us. It's difficult and frustrating when you need them in the way they need you and they just don't get it or even worse, they just don't know how to be THAT person.

    You know I'm here for ALWAYS lilTanker!
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    May 18, 2010 12:45 PM GMT
    I always love it when people come to me and ask me for advice (I usually tend not to give advice) because it shows that are at least comfortable enough around me to trust me with their situation. I expect nothing in return, even when I'm at my worst.
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    May 18, 2010 12:47 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidI'm tired of those people who call me a mate only coming to me when they want to talk about the problems they are having... I'm going through bullshit of my own and I'm not interested in hearing about it....

    i'm sick to death of being that fountain of advice, encouragement and understanding when they don't even have the common decency to try and be that back to me.

    They can go screw them self.

    "...in the event of a sudden loss in cabin pressure...put on your oxygen mask first....then assist others with theirs..." words to live by...IMHO
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    May 18, 2010 12:48 PM GMT
    Soulasphyx saidI always love it when people come to me and ask me for advice (I usually tend not to give advice) because it shows that are at least comfortable enough around me to trust me with their situation. I expect nothing in return, even when I'm at my worst.


    How altruistic of you.

    It would be nice to find someone who'd do that for me instead of me always doing it for them.
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    May 18, 2010 12:50 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidI'm tired of those people who call me a mate only coming to me when they want to talk about the problems they are having... I'm going through bullshit of my own and I'm not interested in hearing about it....

    i'm sick to death of being that fountain of advice, encouragement and understanding when they don't even have the common decency to try and be that back to me.

    They can go screw them self.


    Lt - Been there, done that, changed friends. After a while you get really really tired of other people's drama and games. You live in a bigger city and it really shouldn't be that hard to meet new and hopefully more stable people.

    You sound like a genuinely nice person with the best intent, based on the many posts I have read. It's time for you to mix it up and move on. Tell these guys how you feel and tell them you can't be their therapist/counselor anymore. Period.

    And from reading all of the replies on this thread, it appears that you have friends here. icon_smile.gif
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    May 18, 2010 12:51 PM GMT
    I want a refund then.........icon_neutral.gif
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    May 18, 2010 12:53 PM GMT
    God do I know how you feel....I am in the same situation alot of times man.
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    May 18, 2010 12:57 PM GMT
    Ever pick up the phone and call someone just to talk or vent and somehow you spent the entire conversation listening? Or ask someone "How are you doing?" and he drones on and on about his life, his trials and tribulations and then hurries off without asking how YOU are doing?

    I used to have friends like that but I phased them out. If they are not interested in ME, why keep 'em around?
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    May 18, 2010 1:01 PM GMT
    A few of points... not because I don't totally understand what you mean, I've been there too. But just for sake of encouraging you:

    1) Take it as a compliment, they obviously respect you.

    2) At least it reminds you that you're not the only one in the world with problems, and maybe that's perspective that will help you to not sweat the small stuff and to realize that even the big stuff will pass.

    3) You have to distinguish among rants, requests for advice, and requests for help. More often than not, people are just looking to get something off their shoulders and don't expect advice or action on your part. If it's something other than that, you can simply say "I don't have any great advice for you, since I have problems of my own, but I'm always here to listen." Generally, that will get them to move on.

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    May 18, 2010 7:28 PM GMT
    Dont listen to tanker ... he is on his malestrual cycle...lol
  • JayDT

    Posts: 390

    May 18, 2010 7:32 PM GMT
    A sure fire show stopper; "I think your problems are too big for me to handle right now, perhaps you should see a therapist or someone who is trained to handle these sorts of things."
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    May 18, 2010 7:33 PM GMT
    I used to be a perpetual unreciprocated sounding board too. And then I sent everyone off to fuckity fuck hell.

    There is an innate hunger to abuse the kindness of those who dole it freely. Don't.
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    May 18, 2010 9:04 PM GMT
    Oh my goodness liltanker

    Sorry.

    What's even worse and more aggravating is when people say things like.."you are a tough act to follow"........."special"....."one in a million"..." "you have it so much better than most people" blah blah blah.

    And they come for advice, assistance or something and you have the same freaking problems and concerns as any fucking body else and even worse sometimes but nobody wants to see it or help without some hidden agenda.

    The sad thing is no matter what people say, I'm not special. I don't have an inexhaustable amount of whatever people want.