parental myocardial infarction

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 31, 2008 3:09 AM GMT
    so i'm gonna come out to my folks tomorrow night. and i'm lookin for a decent line to use better than the super fast

    "passthesaltimgay"

    or the evasive

    "[my sister] has been keeping a secret from you guys for a week and a half." and pawning the focus off onto her while i make my getaway.

    discuss.
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Jan 31, 2008 3:14 AM GMT
    jms84 said

    or the evasive

    "[my sister] has been keeping a secret from you guys for a week and a half." and pawning the focus off onto her while i make my getaway.

    discuss.


    I like this technique. I can't help you from my experience. I forgot to hide a letter that my boyfriend wrote me and my mother ended up finding, and reading, it.

    I was planning the 'Hi, I'm home and I'm gay' technique but my mother beat me to it.
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    Jan 31, 2008 5:15 AM GMT
    I wish you good luck and that your words come freely for you. Hope it goes well !!! You might tell the one first that you feel most comfortable with, and have them break the news to the other to soften the blow, unless of course they are both quite open minded.
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    Jan 31, 2008 6:58 AM GMT
    For me it was a matter of timing. I waited for a year or so after my brother's death, then a year or so after my mom's breast cancer, then after my father's intestinal problems and surgery and alcohol detox ..

    Then finally when I was dating a guy I said .. "Mom, you know that guy I have been spending a lot of time with?" ..

    she said "Yes",

    I said "He's my boyfriend."

    .. silence ..

    "so you are gay?" she asked.

    lol. There! I told her I was gay but made her do all the work .. I didn't even have to tell her I was gay. I should have told my sister first though .. she apparently was very pro gay rights and I did not even know it.

    unrelated .. a few months later she had congestive heart failure. but she got better.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Jan 31, 2008 7:01 AM GMT
    I prefer the private one-on-one conversations where in talking to one parent you blame the other for making you gay.
  • mtnbiker7

    Posts: 34

    Jan 31, 2008 7:15 AM GMT
    I'm a fan of the corner-them-both method. Here's what I did. Explained that I was gay, and it is normal, for me. They didn't do anything wrong. I finally decided to live an authentic life, and be able to respect myself. I expected to be disowned, and instead found only support. Good luck!
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    Jan 31, 2008 7:59 AM GMT
    It's not leprosy.

    Don't sweat it.

    You can simply say "I prefer guys" and move on to your next topic.

    Becoming to self-involved with your sexuality is not healthy.

    Discreet, and not out, folks are generally mentaly ill, and dishonest about so many things. I believe that they are their own worst enemies.

    Your sexuality should be a part of an overall balanced lifestyle of integrity and virtue, and not something that makes you self-loathing, insecure, dishonest, or paranoid.

    Like yourself, and the rest will follow.

    There are "haters" on both side of the sexuality thing but most people will respect you for your integrity.
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    Jan 31, 2008 7:59 AM GMT
    My mom could tell there was something troubling me, so she kept asking me what was wrong. I finally broke in, and I wasnt even planning on telling her that day. But I just said, "Mom, I dont know how to tell you this other than to say it. But, I'm gay" Long silence. and then she asked, "are you sure?" Gotta love that question.

    Later down the road I found out she thought I was fucking with her until I starting crying.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jan 31, 2008 11:01 AM GMT
    I made it painfully obvious
    I moved in with my BF
    Looking back my folks said they always knew
    but my Mom said that she had found a journal of mine
    when I was in college.....privacy issues? Thanx Mom

    But be as honest as you can
    Tell them that this is you and it's what will make you happy
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    Jan 31, 2008 11:20 AM GMT
    sorry dude i'm not out yet and i'm 4 fu##ing years old i'm very asculine and it hasn't been a eal daeal with m family tho i think they suspect sumthi's ams, but would rather not know that 4 sure so they don't ask lol hope it all works out 4 u lata
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    Jan 31, 2008 12:15 PM GMT
    chucky is right to a degree...

    We shouldnt have to worry about this stuff...we should just live our life and let it flow. Some people take it harder than others depending on their background and beliefs and that is why alot of us have remained so closeted.

    I came out after 2 marriages and having 3 kids...So 35 yrs old and after all this I told my parents I wasn't living for them anymore, told my kids I couldn't lie anymore and told everyone the truth.

    My kids took it great..no problem. My mom thought I was going to burn in hell, and my dad being the ex-marine that he is didn't speak to me for a year.

    Now everything is awesome. My whole family loves my partner. My parents invite us to dinner, we went to their house for christmas and my dad even hugs my partner and tells him he loves him.

    Some peoples family never get over it. I have heard horror stories from guys that tell their kids and family and they are totally disowned and never spoken to again.

    I do agree with chucky when I think he is trying to say be true to yourself. For me it came to a point where I had to be me and that meant doing it at the cost of losing everyone else because I was tired of losing myself to myself.

    NO matter what anyone else thinks or how they react being true to yourself and being able to live your life as you is a great and rewarding experience, no matter what anyone else thinks or believes.

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    Jan 31, 2008 12:25 PM GMT
    I don't know. But I wish you lots of luck and strength!
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    Jan 31, 2008 1:17 PM GMT
    hey.. i wish u all da best.. i wish i could tell my perents 2 ;-(( but still im not ready 4 it ;-(( only my big brother knows it.. i told him 2 months ago and i knew dat hell gonna react very cool..

    actually im living with my partner 2 gether in berlin and my brother lives also in berlin.. my parents live in my homecountry... evevry body thinks my partner is just a freind of mine ( i mean my family members,, my friends know dat im gay)

    and i wanted 2 move freely in berlin .. and thought of telling my brother.. coz i din want dat he accidently sees me and my partner kissing on da road ;-)

    so my boyfriend was out of berlin 4 couple of months and i invited my brother 2 our place.. we ate drank and had a nice time first.. then as he said dat he must go .. i said,
    hey i hav something 2 tell u.. " da friend dat im living here vit is my boyfriend and im gay " and then my brother sat down again and we were taking 4 about 2 hours.. .. he understood evevrything and im really happy dat i told him.. and after 1 month my boyfriend cameback 2 berlin and met my brother for da first time.. it was very emotional and evevrything went very smoothly.. i m thinking of telling my parents also in may or june when im visiting them next time.. lets c wats gonna happen ;.-))
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 31, 2008 3:57 PM GMT
    If you really are gay (laugh) then you are realizing that your drama comes built in so no need to create your own. If you want to come out to your parents approach them the same way you'd want them to approach you if they had some big bombshell of their own to reveal.

    For instance, if they were getting a divorce, would you want them to be evasive about it or pass the salt "we are splitting?" I should think not. Naturally, you'd want to be informed and done so in an intelligent and compassionate manner. You have no idea how they might take this news so respect and compassion are the two most important tools you have regarding this. Done any other way, you'll make a joke out of this and your life and your choices are not a joke.

    I'd suggest a family meeting, round em all up and say "Family, i've got some good news!"
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    Jan 31, 2008 4:06 PM GMT
    oh guilty. now you're gonna turn this into a "is this guy gay or not" thread.

    i'm not gonna do either of the two option mentioned in my initial post. i might be a jackass, but i'm not socially retarded.

    as for knowing how my folks will take it. i'm not really sure. i had an uncle who dies of AIDS when i was 6. my dad knew he was gay, but only after my mom forced him to ask my uncle. my pops is kind of oblivious to things, and when he find out about them, doesn't always know how to deal with them. i assume i'm either getting the silent treatment, or a high priced chocolate cake, and 40 bucks to go out to the pub.

    my mom. well my mom is from amsterdam. pretty open bout stuff, and she's always known everything. i'm pretty sure she knows what mark i get on exams before i even register for classes.

    but i'm gonna see if my ssiter can at least help with leading the discussion towards where it's gotta go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 31, 2008 4:06 PM GMT
    Just tell them the truth. They likely already suspect it. If it turns ugly, have an escape route. But most importantly be honest, sincere, and show concern for yourself and them.
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    Feb 01, 2008 12:33 AM GMT

    You laugh, but if you really aren't GAY and you let Pandora out of the box, there really is no cramming her fabulous self back into there!

    LOL, like you aren't GAY! Ha! Ha!

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    Feb 01, 2008 2:30 AM GMT
    Well, it is tomorrow night.

    How did it go? Hope everything went well for you.
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    Feb 01, 2008 8:08 AM GMT
    i'll give the 2 main "high lights"

    1) after many a {fucking tell them} gaze from my sister
    "so jess knows, and i guess mom's assumed..."
    mom turns to look at me...a chocolate chip is now stuck to her cheek. so i burst out laughing... as does my sister. who then gets i under control cuz of the absurdity on how my mom obviously has to turn this into a laughing matter...

    2) after telling them and them saying "i was starting to wonder anyways"
    my dad proceeds to say
    "ok........should we have a coming out party? a gay mitzvah?"
    laughter to their benefit ensues. i pour myself more wine.


    so that's done.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2008 10:14 AM GMT
    Congrats guy. That's awesome!
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    Feb 01, 2008 4:19 PM GMT
    thanks guys.

    and guilty you do make a good point.