Comfortably you

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2010 11:05 AM GMT
    There seem to be so many threads about being awkwardly gay ("I´ve got a crush on my straight roommate", "I don´t agree with the idea of being out", I´m scared of being out etc) that I thought it would be good to have a thread with practical examples of being comfortable with your sexuality.

    Today one of my work collegues was having some yoghurt with fruit and was showing a picture of a guy to someone on her phone and I said "Oh that looks nice". "What, the guy?" she said, looking surprised (I swear girls are dumb: half of them have no idea I´m gay and I don´t try to "act" straight). "No, the fruit" I replied "I can´t see the guy so I can´t tell".

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    May 19, 2010 12:33 PM GMT
    My next door neighbor had taken down her curtains to paint the walls and asked me to help her put them back up.

    It was a mess of several layers of curtains, what's called valances and some other thingy.
    ...and had I seen it being removed I could have easily put it back up.
    Finally, after 4 tires to figure the mess out, I turned to her and said:

    "You need to call one of your other gay friends, one that calls this stuff 'window treatment'...I've used up all my gay genes on it."
    icon_wink.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 19, 2010 12:43 PM GMT
    Good thread option... I was talking to one of my assistants (who knows all about me despite the fact we don't discuss in the work environment) and she was conveying a story about a friend of mine and his partner and a recent funny incident she had witnessed. I made a funny comment about how I would have reacted had I been there. We both laughed.

    We don't have tension in my office unless its produced from clients or our
    marketing efforts. I would hate it if we did.
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    May 19, 2010 1:05 PM GMT
    ooh, I was dragged out a few months ago by a bunch of mates and the wifes, the wifes got onto the topic of fashion and they were talking about what looked best on a particular girl who... unfortunately, was a right mess, pretty but DAMN she had no clue about how to dress to "impress"

    Anyway they where all giving suggestions and us guys where talking (but I was listening in) they where suggesting things like light blue, green and growns, for which this girl did not have the complexion nor the personality to make it work, at least not in the fashion that they where suggesting.

    So I chimed in, told her what colours to go for, recommended she changed her makeup choices to things far more subtle, to dress in deep reds, dark blues and things of that nature because it would suit her eyes and hair better, plus with subtle makeup would make her appear far more warm, friendly and show off your truly attractive face, all the girls scoffed at me for it but all my mates chimed in agreeing with me, telling her that I practically dressed them (I've taken'em shopping on many occasions)

    before I chimed in we were talking about cars, actually to be more specific, 1988 ford mustang...

    met back up a couple of weeks ago, she told me she's been beating men off since she took my advice.. before I could get a word out a mate chimed in "Ben's gonna be jealous, he loves beating men off" icon_biggrin.gif

    Now could I possibly have better mates icon_biggrin.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 19, 2010 4:10 PM GMT
    I was asked to cater a professor's retirement party and the subject of how much the department paid for my services came up (in a polite way; she wanted to make sure I was fairly compensated for all my hard work). I told her as an estimate (I don't like to discuss actual dealings) that I charged fifty dollars a cake (they had ordered several). She turned to me and said, "Fifty dollars! For a cake? For fifty dollars I'd expect you to be jumping out of that thing in your underwear! (they know about my past as go-go boy)" My responses was, "The only way someone can get me to jump out of a cake while wearing just my skivvies for only fifty dollars is if this party were for the Olympic male diving team."
  • JayDT

    Posts: 390

    May 19, 2010 4:35 PM GMT
    I just live breathe and do not hide who or what I am. I try to be a good role model to the younger gays and to be a responsible member of my gay community. I'm also the only gay man in my synnegogue, and am very open to everyone there about who and what I am. The true sin of being gay comes in lying to those around you and those you love most about who you love.
  • DrewT

    Posts: 1327

    May 19, 2010 6:45 PM GMT
    Thanks for the wonderful topic!

    Being awkwardly gay is the same as being awkwardly straight. As gays we generally go through the awkward phase after high school whereas the straights go through it in middle school and high school.

    It's all about accepting yourself for who you are. And that is more than just about sexual orientation. I still have issues with my sexuality that I'm working through, but I no longer feel so awkward about it. I just never had much of a chance to really explore, and that's probably the case with a lot of younger guys. Once you really learn to live with yourself and explore who you are, the sexuality part gets easier.

    I think once we love ourselves, we grow. So that is my theme this year is self-love and coming to terms with who I am and loving myself for it. Sure I want to changes things, but even though I want to change, I have to accept that without them, I still must love myself for the change will not guarantee that it will occur.
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    May 19, 2010 11:14 PM GMT
    I had always struggled with referencing people I was dating as my "boyfriend" or "this guy I'm dating" when referencing them to a casual acquaintance. I would instead just say "my friend." However, having coming out to my parents in February, I'm finding more courage to do this. I can't think of a single person I've told or who has know who has ever acted any different around me because of it, so I've been getting better about it recently.

    Ex. I was talking to a co-worker today about how my roommate is a photographer, and that he shoots jacked shirtless guys pretty much exclusively, to which she responded "Too bad for him". I kind of smiled and said "No, good for him, and VERY good for me when his models are roaming around the apartment." icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 19, 2010 11:50 PM GMT
    I'm currently refinancing my mortgage and my boyfriend did all the research (He handles my finances anyway). So when I call the bank, I talk to the agent for a couple of minutes, answer the necessary questions to identify myself and then ask them whether they would mind to discuss further details of the transaction with my boyfriend and hand over the phone.

    My boss and his boss appeared together on the cover of a trade-publication and when I saw the pic I told my boss: You guys are just far enough apart, so it doesn't look as if you're announcing your engagement.
  • JayDT

    Posts: 390

    May 20, 2010 12:10 AM GMT
    Ejay311 saidI had always struggled with referencing people I was dating as my "boyfriend" or "this guy I'm dating" when referencing them to a casual acquaintance. I would instead just say "my friend." However, having coming out to my parents in February, I'm finding more courage to do this. I can't think of a single person I've told or who has know who has ever acted any different around me because of it, so I've been getting better about it recently.

    Ex. I was talking to a co-worker today about how my roommate is a photographer, and that he shoots jacked shirtless guys pretty much exclusively, to which she responded "Too bad for him". I kind of smiled and said "No, good for him, and VERY good for me when his models are roaming around the apartment." icon_biggrin.gif


    Very good for you indeed! and congrats on the coming out!
  • JayDT

    Posts: 390

    May 20, 2010 12:15 AM GMT
    so I just busted out laughing at work because this thread made me kinda think of the "Spap Cup" from legally blond 2. BTW I wish there were more threads like this.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fA4W4SVtkVU&feature=related
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    May 20, 2010 12:41 AM GMT
    I started a new job at the beginning of this week. Just today I found out that my new manager used to work with another employee in my training class. She made the comment,

    "You're lucky to have him as a manager, I love him. And he's gay!"

    So I said, "Great, so am I!"

    We had giggles.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2010 12:46 AM GMT
    JayDT saidso I just busted out laughing at work because this thread made me kinda think of the "Spap Cup" from legally blond 2. BTW I wish there were more threads like this.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fA4W4SVtkVU&feature=related



    Haha. You know we actually do this at my office. We have committee called the FISH committee (After that Fish market in Seattle that throws fish around), and each department has a "Fish Snap" bowl where people can put those kinds of things in.


    JayDT saidVery good for you indeed! and congrats on the coming out!


    Thanks! It's been great
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2010 1:04 AM GMT
    I don't mind letting people know in my personal life that I'm gay. It's not a big deal. I'm pretty obvious. I'm a soft person, apparently that's a dead giveaway. I just started a new job though and I'm wary of outing myself yet. I've been fired from a job when they found out once though, and it completely derailed my life for 6 months, so I'm really careful about that kind of thing now.
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    May 20, 2010 5:38 AM GMT
    positive examples please people. We want counter examples to the nasty, dysfunctional environment that is found in most of the USA icon_wink.gif

    Another time at work the secretary was asking me if I had met any girls, and I said no and then said (flirtatiously) "but you like girls?" and I said "No". And she looked surprised (as I said before, girls are silly) "Oh! Do you like boys then?" "Yes"

  • lozano86

    Posts: 293

    May 20, 2010 5:51 AM GMT
    So i went to SF with my best friend, his gf, my sis, and her husband. And I brought along one of my gay friends. We were eating at Sausage Factory in SF and my sister was commenting on him paying for my food. And i was like "What I paid for his BJ's the other day!!" And I realized what i said and everybody busted out laughing. The gay innuendo was going that night, and i was happy that my sis, bro in law, best friend and his girlfriend were not affected or uncomfortable by it at all.

    FYI. BJ's is a restaurant. BJ's Brewery House.

    Also found it funny that my sister saw two dudes checking me out and she's like "those hot guys were checking you out. Why are all the hot ones gay." And they heard her and smiled. I was like well if you wanna know the taller ones WAS hot. and she called me a dork. It was cool that i could check out guys and my sis didnt care. ok thats it.
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    May 20, 2010 10:49 AM GMT
    lozano86 saidIt was cool that i could check out guys and my sis didnt care. ok thats it.

    hahaha my big sister is awesome like that, I can be checking out men and she'll catch me and go "BEN, stop perving" then giggle and say "OMG you need to sleep with someone" to which I'll reply "I just did" to which she will gasp and then try and extract all the sordid details from me icon_biggrin.gif she's such a tramp that girl, she totally couldn't be like me but gawd that girl wants to know EVERYTHING hahaha.
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    May 20, 2010 11:00 AM GMT
    lilTanker said
    lozano86 saidIt was cool that i could check out guys and my sis didnt care. ok thats it.

    hahaha my big sister is awesome like that, I can be checking out men and she'll catch me and go "BEN, stop perving" then giggle and say "OMG you need to sleep with someone" to which I'll reply "I just did" to which she will gasp and then try and extract all the sordid details from me icon_biggrin.gif she's such a tramp that girl, she totally couldn't be like me but gawd that girl wants to know EVERYTHING hahaha.


    Why wouldn't she? Have observed this a lot at my workplace. I am friends with a lesbian (and her partner works there too) and she gets a lot of inquiries about her sex life, from both men and women. Quite humorous to observe really.

    Curiosity, it's a funny thing..

    My sister never really inquires about my sex life. For right now, I am content with that. icon_lol.gif

    Edit: I have no doubt that many at my workplace suspect that I am gay but no one has really ever said anything to my face about it. I get suggestive comments now and then that play around the idea but nothing point-blank.

    Not that long ago a coworker of mine poked fun of me (in a loving way) about the "swish" in my hips. Honestly, I never really though I had a swish. I admit I felt rather self-conscious after that moment but the feeling has worn off. Perhaps I am not completely comfortable with my sexuality but I do my best to embrace it. And hey, if it is a sign to other gays in my workplace then maybe they will say something (the ones I don't know of already).
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    May 20, 2010 11:11 AM GMT
    I haven't had to hide that I'm gay from anyone that I'm around in the past like two years. It's very nice.
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    May 20, 2010 12:01 PM GMT
    My company is very gay-friendly, especially since there are quite a few of us who are gay. I've never heard a negative gay comment (although I do telecommute so I'm not there much).

    There are two things that happened recently that really touched me very deeply. I came out to my family when I was 19 and my partner came out to his when he was in his 20s. His parents live two buildings away and were always a bit uncomfortable about his sexuality and didn't want him being too "out" in the neighborhood. I was nervous about meeting them, but ever since I have met them they have been great. One evening we were sitting around their living room and his step-dad turned to me and said, "You have a new family now." And it's true, I'm treated like a family member by everyone. His mother even took me home from my colonoscopy because my partner had to work!

    I also met my half-sister and her family for the first time last month. She was adopted and I only learned about her a few years ago. I'm the only person in my family who has maintained a relationship with her (we talked by phone an via e-mail up until we met). My partner came with me and we all had a wonderful time together. My sister told me that when she met my father, he said, "I've never told anyone this before, but I have a gay son." I was a little surprised, since he's known for 26 years (although we never talk about it). She said to me, "I would be so proud of you if you were my son."

    After feeling like a stranger in my family for my whole life, I now have two families that love me and accept me for who I am....which is pretty amazing to find at my age!
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    May 20, 2010 12:02 PM GMT
    My immediate family has dinner every Sunday. It's me, my parents, twin sister and brother in law, my nephew, and my older sister. About a year ago, somehow we started to discuss breast feeding and whether or not my sister did with my nephew, who at the time was about a year old. My mom said she never did with me because I was a in the hospital for a bit when I was born. I turned to my dad looked him straight in the eye and said, "explains a lot, you can blame her!" The entire family was cracking up! It was a good day!
  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    May 20, 2010 12:24 PM GMT
    One of my students noticed my wedding ring and pointed (I teach middle school SPED), "you married?"

    "Yeap. Did you finish your homework?"

    "You have a wife?" My teacher's aide got tense.

    "Nope."

    "Oh. You have a husband?"

    "Yeap, did you finish your homework?"

    "Nope."

    Now every time I'm talking to a male cohort at the school the same student walks up says, "is this him?"

    For this student, he sees me like everyone else. It's way cool.

    Peace,
    Me
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2010 12:43 PM GMT
    BardBear saidOne of my students noticed my wedding ring and pointed (I teach middle school SPED), "you married?"

    "Yeap. Did you finish your homework?"

    "You have a wife?" My teacher's aide got tense.

    "Nope."

    "Oh. You have a husband?"

    "Yeap, did you finish your homework?"

    "Nope."

    Now every time I'm talking to a male cohort at the school the same student walks up says, "is this him?"

    For this student, he sees me like everyone else. It's way cool.

    Peace,
    Me


    icon_biggrin.gif That is awesome! "is this him?" "is this him?" XD
    Love it.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    May 20, 2010 1:39 PM GMT
    I work at a gym that just happens to be gay friendly....and it really just has been becoming gay friendly in a very organic way.

    A BFF which is gay also works at the gym and the married straight female manager/owner is a good friend of his. A big part of the reason why I still work there is because she is very gay friendly. She was invited to his birthday celebration that will mostly be gay men and our manager, lol. I hope she comes. The way she talks about how hot some guys are at the gym even makes me blush. I always tell her she is a gay man trapped inside a woman's body and she loves it.

    I worked out with a guy yesterday that found out last year that I am gay(seeing me at the bowling establishment as part of the gay bowling league). He came up and chatted with us while we were bowling and I really appreciated his attitude. We never really discussed it but he is very cool about it and it never really even comes up in conversation.

    Last but not least, another straight guy at the gym feels comfortable enough to give a gay guy a compliment in the locker room. I was in the locker room the other day getting ready to work out and one of the guys said "Hey, if I was as built as you, I would never have to come to the gym." even though in the gay realm I'm obese since I don't have a six pack.......yet!