Why is it we want things we can't seem to have?

  • SwimmingDoc

    Posts: 115

    May 19, 2010 1:59 PM GMT
    I just don't understand it. It seems to always happen to me - but I want to get some feedback from others. Why is it that we are attracted, or want someone we can not have; rather it be because of personal/physical reasons?
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    May 19, 2010 3:50 PM GMT
    It is nice to hear that someone besides me feels this way.

    I believe that my problem is the seemingly genetic disposition I have to be anal or expect perfection mainly in myself, but unfortunately that gets projected onto others as well.

    Perfection is impossible 9 times out of 10 but my intense inclination towards such hasn't diminished any even in light of my past experience.

    I think it is mostly personal or mental.

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    May 19, 2010 3:53 PM GMT
    It's mental for sure...

    Maybe it's an evolutionary thing, that whatever you got, you want more, and better. That keeps the species striving for 'better' (whatever that may be) to prevent us from all getting happy with what we have and get lazy.

    Like what would happen if everybody on the whole world would probably be perfectly content with what they have.

    Advertising revenue would diminish, product sales would drop, the whole global economy would grind to a halt while everybody sits below the chestnut tree and is content.

    It's just human. I guess the only thing that matters is how much you let it spoil your life.

    I got a bad score at this btw but that's besides the point.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 19, 2010 3:56 PM GMT
    It's human nature. Look at the history of civilizations and it's plain we always want what we can't have, and often take the path of least resistance to get it.
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    May 19, 2010 4:10 PM GMT
    If you're referring to attraction to straight or taken men... I have no attraction whatsoever to those.
  • JayDT

    Posts: 390

    May 19, 2010 5:08 PM GMT
    I think it's a self esteem thing. A person feels like they aren't good enough (subconciously of course) for the things that they really can have so they go for the unattainable. Which just perpetuates the cycle of low self worth.
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    May 19, 2010 5:55 PM GMT
    Only 10% of the guys out there are available to other guys, and of those, they have to be interested. Wanting something you can't have is more likely that wanting something you can.
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    May 19, 2010 6:15 PM GMT
    slowcore saidOnly 10% of the guys out there are available to other guys, and of those, they have to be interested. Wanting something you can't have is more likely that wanting something you can.

    That's basically it, in a nutshell. Things out of your reach fill the universe. Things within your reach are sitting still, about 24 inches away.
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    May 19, 2010 6:15 PM GMT


    The Grass is always greener on the other side.
  • DrewT

    Posts: 1327

    May 19, 2010 6:32 PM GMT
    If we want something we can't have, it only goes to show that our expectations are off or that we are looking for some way to sabotage ourselves. No person can live a 'perfect' life the way we are told to live.

    Be thankful for what you do have, and strive to get rid of things you don't need. If you do, you make room for more good stuff, more positive energy. Let go of the high expectations.

    I'm guilty of this myself, and I try very hard to just go with the flow, and not worry about things I "can't" have and focus on what I can have. I'm not telling you to settle for something, don't do that! Just know that in time, with work, you will get what you need.
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    May 19, 2010 6:55 PM GMT
    Its actually a survival instinct innately built into the fabric of our psyche. Before modern conveniences, hunting and gatherers were mandated to always look and want more to forage and fend for themselves. Instinctually this makes sense. The content and lazy person didn't have a home and McDonalds to fall back on. If they weren't always seeking more, they'd have predators and be exposed to the elements.

    I know we aren't cave men but this is the innate instinct we've inherited.. Therefore, its somewhat impossible not always want more. Some have explained this is why Capitalism is so incredibly successful- that it aligns with this primordial instinct in the contemporary era.
  • DrewT

    Posts: 1327

    May 19, 2010 7:05 PM GMT
    Yogi4Life saidIts actually a survival instinct innately built into the fabric of our psyche. Before modern conveniences, hunting and gatherers were mandated to always look and want more to forage and fend for themselves. Instinctually this makes sense. The content and lazy person didn't have a home and McDonalds to fall back on. If they weren't always seeking more, they'd have predators and be exposed to the elements.

    I know we aren't cave men but this is the innate instinct we've inherited.. Therefore, its somewhat impossible not always want more. Some have explained this is why Capitalism is so incredibly successful- that it aligns with this primordial instinct in the contemporary era.


    I'm going to have to disagree. Take a look at Native American cultures some of the most recent hunter-gather cultures or early agriculturalists. They did not always want more, but instead shared the bounty of nature. They understood the bounty did not come from themselves but from outside themselves. The communities they lived by were not individualistic because they relied on each other. If you recall history, the natives offered to help the Europeans who came over because they had plenty of food.

    Another interesting thing is that Europeans recognized that Native Americans made poor slaves because they didn't do the work the required. The natives were "lazy" and have always been described as thus. They enjoyed more leisure time and worried less about survival.
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    May 20, 2010 12:08 AM GMT
    All true but I'm talking cave man times. Innate human instincts predate slavery.
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    May 20, 2010 12:20 AM GMT
    because you cant have it
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    May 20, 2010 12:24 AM GMT
    How can you be sure you can't have it?

    Sometimes we just tell ourselves that to avoid risk or effort.

















    Guilty here.
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    May 20, 2010 12:28 AM GMT
    There are many things in life that we'll never get to have. This doesn't mean that we never get what we want though. It takes patience to get what you want, whether it's a possession or person. I consider things that I can't have a preview of what's coming at one point in my life. One day, things that I've wanted for so long will be in my reach and for once, I'll be able to claim it instead of being able to look, but not touch.

    I say keep your chin up and stop worrying about what you can't have. Have a little faith in yourself and you'll get what you really want, one way or another icon_smile.gif
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    May 20, 2010 12:28 AM GMT
    because we don't have it ... get it? icon_wink.gif
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    May 20, 2010 12:29 AM GMT
    Human nature?
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    May 20, 2010 12:30 AM GMT
    you can want all you want, but don't expect it to want you back icon_surprised.gif
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    May 20, 2010 12:39 AM GMT
    Why is it that we can want what we see, but cannot see what we need?

    Also why does soured cream have an expiration date?
  • Walt2005

    Posts: 83

    May 20, 2010 1:17 AM GMT
    It comes down to distinguishing between what you want and what you need in terms of being happy. The world is full of things, people, places, you may want to "have" or "own" but during this temporary sojourn on this earth, the key to happiness is recognizing what you need and seeing how you can satisfy that need.

    It's okay to want people "you can't have" (you're part of the human race) but if that desire destroys your personal equilibrium in making you unable to see what is right in front of you that can satisfy your needs then you have to re-adjust your vision and focus on what happiness means to you. Otherwise, you'll torture yourself the rest of your life with the "why can't I have what he has, what she has, what they have..."

    Sorry if this is a bit cerebral, but it's a philisophical question.
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    May 20, 2010 1:24 AM GMT
    xuaerb saidHuman nature?


    pretty much!
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    May 20, 2010 1:45 AM GMT
    Swimmerboy saidWhy is it we want things we can't seem to have?
    Because I really need a nice 65'+ yacht.
  • MusicMan87

    Posts: 305

    May 20, 2010 1:52 AM GMT
    if you had what you wanted or didnt have, then you wouldn't need someone else i guess?