INJURY AND PREVENTION HUMOR: STATE OF CALIFORNIA VS. I.A.M. STUPID : The case of the new finger tips!

  • DrStorm

    Posts: 185

    Jan 31, 2008 6:20 AM GMT
    Sausalito, CA:- In a landmark case of sheer stupidity that was dubbed "the most stupid trial known to man" . I.A.M Stupid, 41, of Sausalito, was found guilty of gross negligence and finger slaughter in the 1st degree. Last THU, I.A.M Stupid returned home from a long, hard day at work and settled down to make himself some dinner while watching "Wheel of Fortune". At approximately 7:45pm I.A.M Stupid decided to make a quick salad and decided to use the new Mandolin vegetable slicer his fabulous sister-in-law had purchased for him in Mount Barker, Australia. See exhibit #1:

    EXHIBIT #1:

    CIMG0659.JPG

    At approximately 7:47pm, while I.A.M Stupid was slicing up some onion without the Safeguard over the onion, he was momentarily distracted by the final answer to the Wheel of Fortune's "Prize Puzzle" and sliced a good 1/10th" (2mm) off the tops of his middle and ring finger of his right hand. I.A.M. Stupid was reported to have whipped his hand violently away from the slicer with blood spurting from his fingers up the cupboards, across the ceiling, down the cupboards and the oven on the opposite side of the kitchen and pooling on the floor. The kitchen reportedly looked like an episode out of CSI: Miami. I.A.M Stupid told the court that he spent an hour trying to stem the tide of blood flowing from his fingers, down his arm and staining his brand new Prada shirt. "Thank God, it was a black shirt", I.A.M. Stupid told reporters. By a freak of nature, and surely to go down in the annals of history, I.A.M. Stupid managed to retrieve 22 band aids from their tight paper wrappings using only his left hand and bandage both fingers while his hand was in the "torch" position, well known to us, as the "Statue of Liberty" pose. With his fingers throbbing with pain, I.A.M Stupid then took a further hour to clean up the "bloody" mess in the bathroom and kitchen.

    There was a hushed silence in the court when I.A.M. Stupid said that he did not go to the ER since being burned with a $450 bill "thanks to a 10min visit to the ER" the last time he sliced a toe open back in Tampa in 2003. When asked whether or not he thought I.A.M. Stupid's injury was done on purpose and pre-meditated, his doctor took the stand in his defense and said " R.U STUPID?, I.A.M Stupid's finger mutilation was not intentional! It's the most common Wheel of Fortune injury in America today!". The court erupted into a furor and it took well over 2 minutes to quieten down the furious crowds.

    I.A.M Stupid's doctor said that I.A.M Stupid was very, very concerned about his fingers and rushed to see him 4 days later (MON) where he ascertained that the injury was indeed bad and that an infection had set in. He immediately cleaned and re-dressed the wound and attached finger braces to avoid any further trauma to I.A.M Stupid's fingers (See Exhibit #2). He also told the court that I.A.M Stupid finger prints would never be the same on his right hand as he would be growing back a new set of prints.

    EXHIBIT #2:

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    I.A.M. Stupid was given antibiotics for the infection and VICODIN for the pain.

    Late this afternoon, I.A.M Stupid was found guilty of gross negligence and finger slaughter in the 1st degree and ordered to pay the hospital, Kaiser Permanente, the ridiculously low sum of $55 to recover costs incurred during his visit. I.A.M Stupid can thank the company he works for, for his really awesome health insurance. I.A.M Stupid was also ordered to stay away from the gym and his bicycle for two weeks to ensure no further trauma was inflicted on his fingers.

    I.A.M Stupid reportedly took Monday and Tuesday off from work but his colleagues say that he was back at work today and seemingly in good spirits, probably as a result of the VICODIN. Reporters caught up with I.A.M Stupid as he stepped off the bus on his way home from work this evening and when asked how he could be so stupid and if he was going to be making any more "finger" salads, he replied with the following:

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    PEACE

    I.A.M Stupid
    AKA
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    PS - needless to say, USE THE DAMN SAFEGAURD TO PREVENT FUTURE INJURIES TO YOURSELF!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 31, 2008 6:31 AM GMT
    That's gold!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 31, 2008 6:49 AM GMT
    USE THE DAMN SAFEGAURD TO PREVENT FUTURE INJURIES TO YOURSELF!

    Well, yes, I do believe they engineer those things for a reason, but then since when did reason every play a part?