to be missed...

  • imbrad

    Posts: 377

    Jan 31, 2008 8:57 AM GMT
    i remember (not that it was TOO long ago) my first love. he lived over an hour away from me, he seemed nice but i didn't want to invest myself in a relationship with him because he didn't seem interested. so i didn't think about it. but then one day he told me that he was tired of hook ups and he wanted something more, and he wanted something more from me. The thought that someone else wanted me to be the other part of their life... something deeper... i was blown away.

    so i made the drive, as often as i could... then he said he wasn't sure if it was what he really wanted. i was crushed. but i asked, he said yes, he wanted to try. That's when HE came to see ME. it really felt like we were both on the same page. hm... summer flings...

    But as always, summer ends. I had a school trip to the mountains, a reunion in D.C., a wedding in kansas... it was a busy couple weeks. and so painful, the longest and furthest we had ever been apart. But i remember, QUITE vividly, the night before i left for D.C., i got a voicmail from him. He said he missed me, and then when i got back he was going to take me out... this was it, i was in the relationship that i've been waiting for for years.

    It was so cute, when i was in DC one of his girlfriends told me that he keeps talking about me, that he's so happy... i missed him too.

    oh and then the wedding in kansas, MISERABLE. all i could think about was my boyfriend... of course... isn't that what weddings are for?

    Back in denver... back in school... back to work... there was never time... but there was the phone. we talked every day, at least twice. always saying we would have time... maybe next weekend... or the next...

    "i can't do this anymore... there's something i've been meaning to tell you for a couple weeks now. I made out with another guy, it's just too hard." that's all he had to say.

    it was over... period. he stopped talking to me after that. only taking the time to think of me when he was drunk or stoned... how could i be so naive? was it because he said all the right things? because HE kissed ME first? because he said he missed me?

    * * * * *

    ok, so here's the deal... it's been a year and a half... after a summer fling. yes it was my first "love" and i know that will stick with me. but why am i still hurting? why do i think about him after he treated me like trash? my friends tell me to move on, and i try. i've tried so hard. for some reason he's still there. every day...

    was it love? or did i just let myself believe a lie?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 31, 2008 9:27 AM GMT
    "been there, been that...some guys are just in need of a parking lot."

    you can quote me on that. x
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 31, 2008 5:00 PM GMT
    There's no predetermined time for mourning...you're mourning the loss of someone you cared deeply for. There may be a part of you that never heals but only time will be your ally. Eventually your thoughts will turn to someone and/or something else. Little by little the hurt will turn to thoughts and memories that you'll carry with you forever but they'll be the pleasant thoughts of what love is and not of what it could have been.

    Good luck...sounds like he missed a great guy!
  • justjk

    Posts: 302

    Jan 31, 2008 5:05 PM GMT
    my first love was when i was 14-18 and i'm 37 now and i think of him almost everyday! something like that just stays in your mind, you get over it, but the feelings are always there to some degree
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 31, 2008 5:26 PM GMT
    It was both... it was the impact he had on you. Its about what could have been. Its about dreams.

    Sorry that all happened. You will never forget him,
    but think about what might happen next time and stay focused on the guy you haven't met yet and how lucky he is going to be.
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    Jan 31, 2008 5:38 PM GMT
    I feel badly that you're hurting over this. You may or may not ever forget him. Hopefully only the good memories will remain in the forefront of your mind as the years pass. I had a similar first love back in my college days - almost thirty years ago, and even though there have been a lot of others who have come and gone since then (I am NOT a slut - no I'm not! Stop saying that!) but I still remember the good parts of each one.

    I think people just outgrow one-another sometimes. Try to look up and ready yourself for the new guy coming your way some day. Life looks great if you focus on all the good that will come your way, when you make it happen. You're only 19? Think of all the cool guys you've yet to meet!
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    Jan 31, 2008 7:26 PM GMT
    I experience this phenmenon all the time. With me its because Im unique and different and, quite frankly, guys can say they " know a gay midget". I just feel that I will REALLY know when its THE guy for me.
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    Feb 01, 2008 8:34 AM GMT
    My first love was straight. I got over him barely 3 years ago after really bad depression.

    And though I can now say that I'm completely over him, I once would have never believed I would. Love's that way I guess.

    And yeah, you WILL be over him eventually. You may still remember him, first love is always something special for all of us after all. But you'll find the pain goes away until you can't even remember why you cried at all. icon_wink.gif

    Plus you're a teenager, those are the times hormones are raging. Making falling in love a really poignant experience.
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    Feb 01, 2008 9:28 AM GMT
    My first love was a real piece of work. He told me he'd just broken up with a boyfriend, but was in fact cheating on the boyfriend with another guy, cheating on that guy with me, and cheating on me with anything that had a dick. Took me a year and having lunch with the boyfriend and the other guys involved to figure that all out (hey, I was young)... but it still hurt, and for quite a while, too.

    I'm sorry you're hurting over this and I'd like to say it'll go away in a certain amount of time... but the truth is, its different for each person. You could be over the hurt in a few more days... or it could be longer. I hope you end up with the good memories, though... and if it turns out for you like it did me, you will. In the mean time, take it one day at a time and just do your best to move on. Was it love? Sounds like it may have been... but only you know that.

    It gets better... you'll see...

    Good luck!
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Feb 19, 2010 11:18 PM GMT

    I miss ... florida ...

    21841_10100162118539993_5233160_58124285

    4289_892939200573_5233160_51379338_60313

    3024_882806701183_5233160_50988928_55746

    I miss ... being excited for saturday morning ...

    One-Saturday-Morning-disneys-one-saturda

    I miss ... waffle crisp cereal ...

    waffle+crisp.jpg

    I miss ... being a kid in a theme park ...

    displayimage.asp?ImageID=616

    detrick-rollercoaster.jpg

    I miss ... the comradery of being on a team ...

    TeamSpirit.jpg

    TEAM-SPIRIT.jpg

    these feel good. yeah, rull good; food for the soul. hence: