Never been hit on in a bar in my life.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2010 6:03 AM GMT
    Can anyone relate to this? Guys say I am handsome and in shape
    so it concerns me, now that I am single, that no one will even look my way in a public space.
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    May 22, 2010 10:06 AM GMT
    Were you, like, at a gay bar? You didn't say. icon_razz.gif
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    May 22, 2010 10:13 AM GMT
    Alpha13 saidCan anyone relate to this? Guys say I am handsome and in shape
    so it concerns me now that no one will even look my way in a public space.


    I think i'd be too shy and intimidated to hit on you. icon_redface.gif Maybe others feel the same way?
  • Kage

    Posts: 707

    May 22, 2010 11:00 AM GMT
    Same here...never been approached in a bar or club...icon_sad.gif
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    May 22, 2010 12:07 PM GMT
    I'd hit on you if I saw you in a bar...shirtless.
    As for being hit on in bars, I met my first boyfriend in a straight bar in a redneck hick town. Ok so we weren't partying...we were on the same construction crew remodeling the place; but that still counts as being hit on in a bar. icon_biggrin.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 22, 2010 12:13 PM GMT
    Not that I've seen your face icon_cool.gif

    .... but I'd bet you would if you took your shirt off

    Whining about never being hit on in a gay bar.....

    Be careful what you wish for icon_rolleyes.gif
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    May 22, 2010 12:13 PM GMT
    Never been hit on in a bar in my life.

    As Chaaxwvn asked, gay or straight bar? And for how long have you been waiting for this to happen? I see your profile age, but I had a BF who didn't come out gay until he was 51, and others were in straight marriages most of their adult lives, likewise not hitting the single bar scene until after divorce later in life.

    In these cases their bar skills were atrophied, because it's just not a matter of somebody wanting to hit on you, but also your looking like you WANT to be hit on. When I first came out I had a natural "hands off" intimidating look I was advised to correct (though it still can come in handy now that I'm partnered). So I trained myself to keep a pleasant look constantly on my face, and smile as often as possible, and the difference in response I'd get was remarkable.

    And I don't suppose you'd consider making a move on some guy yourself? Plenty of gay bars in SF where you don't have to worry much about whether a guy there is gay or not, just whether he's available. And if he's too stuck up, or just not interested, at least there's plenty of fish in that sea.

    Also, go to bars where your demographic is valued. When I was 52 myself I went to bars & clubs that tended to my own age, since I don't care for younger. No difficulty getting hit on, and vice versa. If you like daddy relationships, there are bars that favor that, too. I had my least luck in places that were younger overall, me about the only "senior citizen."
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    May 22, 2010 12:26 PM GMT
    I been hit on plenty of times in a bar, well, plenty in a relative term, I can actually could on my hands and have a few fingers left, but it's happened, not nearly as much as I hit on guys, but, then, I'm far more scary hahaha

    anyway, it's always happened when I've just been all laughs and smiles with mates, there is no place I'd rather be then right there, right then, with the people I'm with and I'm oblivious to the rest of the world, and suddenly someone will turn up and and say hello (well, deliver a cheesy pickup line) and it's because I'm relaxed, happy and comfortable..

    The other times I'm relaxed and comfortable but I'm not always happy happy and filled with smiles and love.. but those times I"m usually interested in something and I'm watching for the right guy hehe icon_smile.gif
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    May 22, 2010 12:59 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidI been hit on plenty of times in a bar, well, plenty in a relative term, I can actually could on my hands and have a few fingers left, ...
    You fail at being a ho. If you ever visit here, I'll show you how to double that number in just one night. icon_wink.gif
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    May 22, 2010 1:07 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    lilTanker saidI been hit on plenty of times in a bar, well, plenty in a relative term, I can actually could on my hands and have a few fingers left, ...
    You fail at being a ho. If you ever visit here, I'll show you how to double that number in just one night. icon_wink.gif

    *snorts* please bitch, I get laid more often then a road of pavers!

    Guys don't approach me much because I'm big and scary, but they sure as hell go weak at the knees when I approach them icon_razz.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    May 22, 2010 1:17 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidCan anyone relate to this? Guys say I am handsome and in shape
    so it concerns me now that no one will even look my way in a public space.
    come to New Orleans! your luck WILL change. icon_cool.gif
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    May 22, 2010 1:23 PM GMT
    lilTanker said
    *snorts* please bitch, I get laid more often then a road of pavers!
    If they're like most road crews, they just sit around drinking coffee while you jack yourself off. That does not count as being laid.
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    May 22, 2010 1:25 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidCan anyone relate to this? Guys say I am handsome and in shape
    so it concerns me now that no one will even look my way in a public space.


    same here mate! never....

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    May 22, 2010 1:32 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    lilTanker said
    *snorts* please bitch, I get laid more often then a road of pavers!
    If they're like most road crews, they just sit around drinking coffee while you jack yourself off. That does not count as being laid.

    hahahahahahahahaha nice one icon_biggrin.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    May 22, 2010 1:47 PM GMT
    WestAussieGuy said
    Alpha13 saidCan anyone relate to this? Guys say I am handsome and in shape
    so it concerns me now that no one will even look my way in a public space.


    same here mate! never....

    my reply to alpha applies to YOU also! icon_wink.gif
  • Rowing_Ant

    Posts: 1504

    May 22, 2010 2:04 PM GMT
    Ive never been hit on either. Kinda makes me feel....dunno...ugly? not wanted? Im sure Im not, however. But can make one a bit paranoid and very very self conscious. what amI doing wrong? am I actually ugly? etc
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    May 22, 2010 2:07 PM GMT
    To the OP:
    Flash that smile I see a hint of and you'll be sure to attract a guy.
    I know I'd at least say hi to you.



    PS: On second thought...I may not. I've tried to approach guys before with your build at a bar or party and been rudely ignored or told that "I am only looking for a guy built like me" so that may be your problem? You give guys with less than a stellar body a passing glance and that's all?
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    May 22, 2010 2:11 PM GMT
    rnch said
    Alpha13 saidCan anyone relate to this? Guys say I am handsome and in shape
    so it concerns me now that no one will even look my way in a public space.
    come to New Orleans! your luck WILL change. icon_cool.gif

    To fail to get hit on in New Orleans you would have to be dead. And even then, if the moon is full ...

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    May 22, 2010 2:12 PM GMT
    I find it difficult to imagine that some of you have NEVER been hit on in a bar??

    It all sounds retarded to me!
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    May 22, 2010 2:13 PM GMT
    Why do some '7s' get hit on while the '9s and 10s' stand around lonely? Could be the attitude...but there is another reason.

    Warning... the following may be taken as 'gays are shallow' but it comes from research on straights from MIT and some shrink in Israel

    There is a theory in psychology... actually economic psychology called
    Irrational Predictability. It is based on the science that our brains are wired to constantly rate everything as better than, worse than, not as worse, etc.

    Next time try going to a bar or standing next to someone who is kinda like you but a little bit 'not as good' (weight, face, clothing, etc) The result is you will get MORE people approach you than if you stood alone with the same features. The fact that you are a bit 'better than' what you are grouped with makes you more attractive and approachable.

    Think about this the next time a realtor shows you three houses; one different and two kinda the same, but one a bit better. Same with grouping of TV's in stores, etc.

    Good luck
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    May 22, 2010 2:21 PM GMT
    If you've been smiled at, winked at, groped, accosted, or asked by someone else to go home with them, you've been hit on in a bar.

    Gays are, generally, very passive-aggressive. Want it, but make sad attempts to get it.

    If you want people to hit on you in bars (and really, ask yourself why you do?) then try hitting on them first. They'll probably return the favor.
  • stochastic

    Posts: 43

    May 22, 2010 2:29 PM GMT
    I have never approached anyone at a gay bar, and I have been hit on exactly twice in the last ten years but both times the guys were totally off their chops on drugs, which is probably indicative of something.

    I usually look either bored or annoyed when I have to go to gay bars.
  • Rowing_Ant

    Posts: 1504

    May 22, 2010 2:37 PM GMT
    I find myself bored in gaybars too...the beer is rubbish and so is the music. lol

    Yeah it is a passive/agressive thing. You want to talk to someone but then there is the fear of rejection so you dont...and end up like a wall flower or spectre at the feast which means NO ONE comes to talk or hit on you. Vicous circle.

    The times I have approached people Im generally told not their type or fuck off lol. Is it cos Im short and alternative? lol
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    May 22, 2010 2:42 PM GMT
    Do you scowl and have your arms crossed, or look down to the floor?

    You might be giving off cues subconsciously that make others think you should not be approached. Ask your friends to watch you at a bar once to see what you do/how you act/etc
  • stochastic

    Posts: 43

    May 22, 2010 2:51 PM GMT
    Yes, I smoulder in the corner and generally project a 'Do Not Approach' aura because I find gay bars uncomfortable ... I am usually there because I'm with friends.

    ... but then My Kinda Guy would still come and start a conversation ... without requiring chemical encouragement.