Would it be desperate to approach this guy again?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2010 11:38 AM GMT
    I briefly talked with someone on a personals website a few months ago - he saw my body pic and a smaller picture of my face. Nothing too serious but we talked about hooking up and I was kinda turned off by his attitude. Now, I really doubt he even remembers any of that. I don't think we even mentioned each other's names.

    Anyway, two days ago I sent him a message on the website, this time with a clearer face pic and didn't get a reply. He logged off right when I sent it so I'm not totally sure if he got it, but I know he was online afterwards, so if he did get it - he chose to ignore me. Maybe he didn't like the clearer picture?

    I'd usually let it go but I'm really attracted to him and he did show interest at one point. I was thinking about approaching him on MSN a week or two from now (he's already on my list and we never really talked there), with something like "who is this?". Then by the way he responds I can tell if he's into me or not for sure (I have a personal picture on display). Is that a bad idea? Maybe he's just not into me, I don't wanna be pathetic.
  • SpikeJock

    Posts: 51

    May 22, 2010 3:40 PM GMT
    You were already once turned off by his attitude, so despite his good looks, why would you continue to pursue him again?

    IMHO it's pretty obvious, you sent him a clear picture of yourself on a dating website and he didn't respond. He got the picture. He's not intereted. If he was/is he would/will get in touch with you, but no amount of pursuit is going to change his attitude or if he's into you or not.

    Don't take it personally, just move on and let it go .. there are plenty of other guys out there who will undoubtedly appreciate you for what you have to offer.
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    May 22, 2010 3:42 PM GMT
    Why do you care whether it looks desperate or not? You are interested, so approach him again when he's online.

    If he's not interested in you, it doesn't matter what he thinks and if he's interested in you, he will like it that you try to woo him repeatedly. What do you have to lose?
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    May 22, 2010 3:50 PM GMT
    The ball's in his court, if he wants you, he'll contact you. I would make no more attempts.

    Sorry to say it, but...he just might not be that into you.
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    May 22, 2010 3:51 PM GMT
    ^ Well I don't want it to look like I'm desperate to have him, even if it turns him on. He approached me the first time when he saw my body and saw a picture of my face on my MSN display. So it's confusing. Did his tastes change or is the new picture less flattering or what?

    I probably need a thicker skin or something, but it's just rare for me to find someone in my area that I'm really attracted to. And this specific guy has shown interest before so it's disappointing.

    [quote]You were already once turned off by his attitude, so despite his good looks, why would you continue to pursue him again?[/quote]
    His attitude was annoying because he didn't even bother to ask for my name or fake any nice talk. It was strickly a/s/l and sex positions. But I was different then... I realized being so picky will leave me without much experience which will be a problem once I do find a decent guy.
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    May 22, 2010 3:52 PM GMT
    The bigger question is why you're obsessing over someone who sounds like kind of a dick.
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    May 22, 2010 3:53 PM GMT
    jlly_rnchr saidThe ball's in his court, if he wants you, he'll contact you. I would make no more attempts.

    Sorry to say it, but...he just might not be that into you.


    Funny you say this cause I just saw "He's just not that in you" this week. Funny but true movie!
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    May 22, 2010 3:54 PM GMT
    badmikeyt saidThe bigger question is why you're obsessing over someone who sounds like kind of a dick.

    Not obsessing...yet. But I need some experience and I can't go out to gay bars/clubs because I don't have any gay friends.
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    May 22, 2010 3:55 PM GMT
    Really? The bars require you arrive in groups of two or more?
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    May 22, 2010 3:58 PM GMT
    badmikeyt saidReally? The bars require you arrive in groups of two or more?

    No, but last time I attempted to go alone it was a disaster. I need some experience to feel more comfortable in general, I'm still in the closet anyway. And as you see I'm not really a fan of unlocking private pictures and getting ignored. So I kinda stick to those who have already contacted me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2010 3:58 PM GMT
    To answer your question: Yes. It would be desperate to contact someone again who obviously blew you off and whose attitude you didn't like anyway. Move on.
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    May 22, 2010 3:59 PM GMT
    I will need to see the picture in question to give you an apt judgment. Until then we're just dealing with hypotheticals.
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    May 22, 2010 4:00 PM GMT
    So you're one of those guys who sends out tiny, misleading pics in order to get someone... meanwhile, you begin to fall for him, and you get yourself hurt. But realistically, you should have just sent the clear pic in the first place, and then you wouldn't have put yourself through all this. Moral of the story: It's your fault.
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    May 22, 2010 4:02 PM GMT
    badmikeyt saidThe bigger question is why you're obsessing over someone who sounds like kind of a dick.


    QFT... just forget about him. Move on....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2010 4:02 PM GMT
    danisnotstr8 saidSo you're one of those guys who sends out tiny, misleading pics in order to get someone... meanwhile, you begin to fall for him, and you get yourself hurt. But realistically, you should have just sent the clear pic in the first place, and then you wouldn't have put yourself through all this. Moral of the story: It's your fault.

    ...way to jump to conclusions. The second picture I sent him was from the same "set" as the first. It's just bigger and clearer on the site than it is when it's your display on MSN.
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    May 22, 2010 4:06 PM GMT
    Lostboy said
    badmikeyt saidThe bigger question is why you're obsessing over someone who sounds like kind of a dick.


    QFT... just forget about him. Move on....

    That's what I'm gonna do.

    And just for the record, if he hadn't shown interest in the past then I wouldn't have even bothered giving it another chance, no matter how hot he was. I'm not used to rejection cause I usually don't even initiate conversations. I guess that's not what his dick wanted at that exact moment or something.
  • SpikeJock

    Posts: 51

    May 22, 2010 4:15 PM GMT
    mickeytopogigio saidI will need to see the picture in question to give you an apt judgment. Until then we're just dealing with hypotheticals.


    15: Love icon_smile.gif
  • SpikeJock

    Posts: 51

    May 22, 2010 4:21 PM GMT
    One other piece of advice...........

    It would appear from your profile on this site and your body and unclear face picture originally that you're using obscurity to hide yourself on the internet. If you do this, you're going to attract a type of guy who finds this appealing for some reason such as being married/partnernered and cheating, isn't who they claim to be or in some other way misrepresent themselves. In short: you get what you ask for.

    If you're not comfortable putting your face picture out there for the world to see in a clear way, no judgement in that, but realize that guys who are serious, genuine, real and READY to make a connection that is of value put themselves out there.

    From all that you've said, neither you or this other guy is being clear and direct about things, so of course the water is muddy. My firm belief is that the guy just isn't into you, and if you manipulate the situation sufficiently, you may get to meet him, but he'll just use you and you'll end up being disappointed that he was a jerk, treated you like crap and you should have known better. Perhaps, however, this is a lesson that must be learned firsthand by experience.

    Goodluck.
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    May 22, 2010 4:28 PM GMT
    IDWBF said
    Lostboy said
    badmikeyt saidThe bigger question is why you're obsessing over someone who sounds like kind of a dick.


    QFT... just forget about him. Move on....

    That's what I'm gonna do.

    And just for the record, if he hadn't shown interest in the past then I wouldn't have even bothered giving it another chance, no matter how hot he was. I'm not used to rejection cause I usually don't even initiate conversations. I guess that's not what his dick wanted at that exact moment or something.


    He didn't show interest, he showed that he was horny and you were available at the moment. You'd do really well to learn the difference between the two now.. most guys say/do things when they're horny that they wouldn't otherwise do - in this case, mildly reciprocating your attempts at contact.
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    May 22, 2010 4:45 PM GMT
    Let me clarify something about the pics. The "unclear" picture is not some tiny, blurry, low quality picture - it's a normal picture that was my DISPLAY picture on msn, meaning it was smaller than its real size. It's not like it doesn't represent me or something. I don't pull shit like that, I'd rather have someone surprised that I look better in real life than disappointed that the picture was misleading. The picture was real, zoomed in and HQ. Just smaller because it was MSN. That's all.

    He made it to my msn contact list after we talked a little on the personals website. He saw my body on the site, contacted me, we moved it to MSN, he saw a clear picture of my face on the display, and wanted to hook up.

    My pics are private there because I'm not ready to come out of the closet yet. I plan to come out soon enough, but I want more experience and stuff like that to feel more comfortable. That's why I forgot about his nasty attitude... he's not a kepper and I need experience. I guess I'm not relationship material right now.

    As for judging my profile... this is my first post here, I'm obviously not going to put a profile pic just yet and get some "evaluations" if blowing me off was justified or not. It means nothing. And while we're at it, this guy was in no way out of my league or anything. He's not that hot in the traditional sense, just really attractive for other reasons. Unfortunately most gays I come across are unattractive to me.
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    May 22, 2010 6:08 PM GMT
    IDWBF said...As for judging my profile... this is my first post here, I'm obviously not going to put a profile pic just yet and get some "evaluations" if blowing me off was justified or not...


    I was kidding. I couldn't care less what you look like. I was having fun with this line from your original post:

    IDWBF said...this time with a clearer face pic and didn't get a reply...


    ...which you have to admit sounds slightly causal.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2010 6:44 PM GMT
    First, if you were turned off by his attitude the first time, I'm sure he got that vibe. The fact that you didn't eventually hook up, solidified the rejection and he's already filed you away and moved on.

    Second, you said that was months ago. It's very easy for people, gay or straight, to not revisit a past rejection and continue to move on. And who knows, maybe he found the right guy and is in a relatively committed relationship.

    I'm sure we've all been there. You think things are going well with someone. The other person isn't as into the exchange as you are. You move on. Then the other person all of a sudden tries to get your attention and your attitude is basically, "you had your chance".
  • JayDT

    Posts: 390

    May 22, 2010 6:48 PM GMT
    You were turned off by his attitude once already why are you wanting to go back for another round of disinterest? Also my rule of thumb is that if you remember him, he probably remembers you, even if he acts like he doesn't.
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    May 22, 2010 7:05 PM GMT
    I don't think it would be necessarily 'desperate' to approach thy guy any further, but I'm not sure it would be productive. Think about how many chances you've given this..........and decide whether to move on or try once more.
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    May 22, 2010 7:24 PM GMT
    I agree with this statement in principle, though the circumstances you're listing sound a bit seedy. I think gay men in general have a very skewed risk profile, where they are adamant that they never, ever experience rejection because they're too busy being emotionally fragile cultivators of their own egos. It's kind of pathetic.



    I assure you I've run into my fair share of disappointment, even on this very same website. With people whom I feel a deeper connection to than a mere desire to just have sex, even. Yet somehow I draw strength to continue. Imagine.

    Sack up, don't pretend you don't know who he is, and if he doesn't respond I'm sure you'll get over it. To quote another movie, "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

    bernd saidWhy do you care whether it looks desperate or not? You are interested, so approach him again when he's online.

    If he's not interested in you, it doesn't matter what he thinks and if he's interested in you, he will like it that you try to woo him repeatedly. What do you have to lose?