I'm Still Paying. I Pay And Pay And Pay....

  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    May 24, 2010 12:09 AM GMT
    I pay because I went out with a guy that good friends suggested I go out with. He wasn't my "type". He also smoked(off and on...trying to quit, blah blah blah). But he is very good friends with one of my friends and I thought it can't be all bad just to try.....maybe in a few months love will blossom...that has happened to me before.

    But guess what? Most guys don't want to date you if you're just going through the motions. Most guys wonder why you don't feel the same way about them and why you're not head over heels about them on the second date. Most guys start hating you if you're not absolutely psychotic about them by the third date. That was over a year ago. Now I have to spend time with this guy every weekend when I go out...and he has a very low opinion of me because I have my own type of guy I find interest in. It is very hard to continue a relationship when your dick isn't into it.

    Next time you meet a guy that politely turns you down because he is just not into you, maybe he has given other guys that are not his type a try and it just seems like a waste of time for all parties.

    No good gay deed goes unpunished.


    Can anyone else relate? Or do you still hate on guys that have their own type?
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    May 24, 2010 12:12 AM GMT
    I don't have a clue about what you're talking.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    May 24, 2010 12:19 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidI don't have a clue about what you're talking.


    I take it that you never went on a date with someone because mutual friends suggested it? That's probably a good thing.
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    May 24, 2010 1:20 AM GMT
    Dating the friends of your friends is not unlike dating co-workers at the office. When it doesn't work out, what do you do next? Or if it turns ugly, even worse.

    You're gonna hafta continue seeing and interacting with these guys, whether through your friends or at work. The alternate is to drop those friends or find a new job.

    That's a reason some sources advise never doing it, even if it might seem promising under other circumstances. Talk about painting yourself into a corner... Is this what the OP is talking about?
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    May 24, 2010 1:24 AM GMT
    Celtic, you have the legs of a God. Walk outside, find the guy you want, snatch him up with your legs, and take him back to your lair. Done. icon_wink.gif
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    May 24, 2010 1:30 AM GMT
    I dated a guy who was about 100 lbs heavier than my type...for 3.5 years.
    Small town + no other choices = desperate. icon_lol.gif
    (and yes, I broke up with him as soon as I found a guy who was my type, even though I had to travel 70 miles to see the new guy)
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    May 24, 2010 1:31 AM GMT
    wrestlervic saidCeltic, you have the legs of a God. Walk outside, find the guy you want, snatch him up with your legs, and take him back to your lair. Done. icon_wink.gif

    Sounds disturbingly arachnoid.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    May 24, 2010 1:40 AM GMT
    Red_Vespa saidDating the friends of your friends is not unlike dating co-workers at the office. When it doesn't work out, what do you do next? Or if it turns ugly, even worse.

    You're gonna hafta continue seeing and interacting with these guys, whether through your friends or at work. The alternate is to drop those friends or find a new job.

    That's a reason some sources advise never doing it, even if it might seem promising under other circumstances. Talk about painting yourself into a corner... Is this what the OP is talking about?


    Exactly, but I'm also talking about just going out on a date even though you are not into him, or if he is not your type, just to see if it could work. Some guys on another thread are suggesting that you broaden your horizons or date outside of your normal "type" because perhaps we can be too picky to find a BF. I say that not only are you wasting your own time, but you might also be wasting the other guys time if you aren't really interested in him.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    May 24, 2010 1:41 AM GMT
    Red_Vespa said
    wrestlervic saidCeltic, you have the legs of a God. Walk outside, find the guy you want, snatch him up with your legs, and take him back to your lair. Done. icon_wink.gif

    Sounds disturbingly arachnoid.



    Alas, I am just a biped.
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    May 24, 2010 1:44 AM GMT
    Celticmusl said
    Red_Vespa saidDating the friends of your friends is not unlike dating co-workers at the office. When it doesn't work out, what do you do next? Or if it turns ugly, even worse.

    You're gonna hafta continue seeing and interacting with these guys, whether through your friends or at work. The alternate is to drop those friends or find a new job.

    That's a reason some sources advise never doing it, even if it might seem promising under other circumstances. Talk about painting yourself into a corner... Is this what the OP is talking about?


    Exactly, but I'm also talking about just going out on a date even though you are not into him, or if he is not your type, just to see if it could work. Some guys on another thread are suggesting that you broaden your horizons or date outside of your normal "type" because perhaps we can be too picky to find a BF. I say that not only are you wasting your own time, but you might also be wasting the other guys time if you aren't really interested in him.

    You toyed with his affections.You're a cad and a cur. You reap what you sow. You deserve everything fate throws at you.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    May 24, 2010 2:02 AM GMT
    Caslon14000 said
    Celticmusl said
    Red_Vespa saidDating the friends of your friends is not unlike dating co-workers at the office. When it doesn't work out, what do you do next? Or if it turns ugly, even worse.

    You're gonna hafta continue seeing and interacting with these guys, whether through your friends or at work. The alternate is to drop those friends or find a new job.

    That's a reason some sources advise never doing it, even if it might seem promising under other circumstances. Talk about painting yourself into a corner... Is this what the OP is talking about?


    Exactly, but I'm also talking about just going out on a date even though you are not into him, or if he is not your type, just to see if it could work. Some guys on another thread are suggesting that you broaden your horizons or date outside of your normal "type" because perhaps we can be too picky to find a BF. I say that not only are you wasting your own time, but you might also be wasting the other guys time if you aren't really interested in him.

    You toyed with his affections.You're a cad and a cur. You reap what you sow. You deserve everything fate throws at you.


    Na, I had the best intentions and hoped for the best. I did not have sex with him or soil his reputation. There are still many things I like about this individual in context of choosing a significant other, but I did not realize it was not enough to sustain a relationship. I wish him the best as any friend can. If this makes me a bad person I accept that, I know no other way to exist and feel confident I made the right decisions given the limited information I had at the time. I am not capable of falling in love with everyone.
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    May 24, 2010 2:32 AM GMT
    Celticmusl said...but I'm also talking about just going out on a date even though you are not into him, or if he is not your type, just to see if it could work. Some guys on another thread are suggesting that you broaden your horizons or date outside of your normal "type" because perhaps we can be too picky to find a BF. I say that not only are you wasting your own time, but you might also be wasting the other guys time if you aren't really interested in him.

    I'm all for dating "experimentally" and have done it many times, willing to take chances with guys who were outside my regular "type." What I was talking about above was the specific rule about not dating in the workplace, that I was extending in principle to friends of friends.

    This has less to do with the guy himself, than with the external entanglements you might run into. Sometimes a guy is just forbidden fruit, no matter how otherwise tasty he might be. After all, consider the married partner, or worse the partner of your best friend.

    Being a decent guy, you wouldn't touch them, right? Well, I would contend there are other situations where the circumstances trumps the guy himself. But these are just my own private rules, and I wouldn't be offended by input from you & others here on this rather important topic.
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    May 24, 2010 2:33 AM GMT
    Celticmusl don't feel bad, the problem isn't you nor him! I get the feeling you are one of those rare individuals that like me always try to give people the benefit of the doubt; in other words allow people first to proof themselves before your judgment of them, and that my friend is a very good quality to have, you should be very proud of yourself!! lots of kudos for you!!


    Leandro ♥
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    May 24, 2010 2:34 AM GMT
    Celticmusl saidI pay because I went out with a guy that good friends suggested I go out with. He wasn't my "type". He also smoked(off and on...trying to quit, blah blah blah). But he is very good friends with one of my friends and I thought it can't be all bad just to try.....maybe in a few months love will blossom...that has happened to me before.

    But guess what? Most guys don't want to date you if you're just going through the motions. Most guys wonder why you don't feel the same way about them and why you're not head over heels about them on the second date. Most guys start hating you if you're not absolutely psychotic about them by the third date. That was over a year ago. Now I have to spend time with this guy every weekend when I go out...and he has a very low opinion of me because I have my own type of guy I find interest in. It is very hard to continue a relationship when your dick isn't into it.

    Next time you meet a guy that politely turns you down because he is just not into you, maybe he has given other guys that are not his type a try and it just seems like a waste of time for all parties.

    No good gay deed goes unpunished.


    Can anyone else relate? Or do you still hate on guys that have their own type?


    This is mild.......

    If I say let's be friends they hate me and never want to talk to me......

    If I say hey no way...they talk shit forever...I mean to the point they say how ugly I am when they wanted to suck me just prior.....

    I guess being compatible with someone is a big challenge...

    CLUE...starting out as a friend is the way to get to know someone and the way to love! I am friendly, sometimes more than I should I guess...
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    May 24, 2010 2:46 AM GMT
    This is a good topic to talk about dating too....

    I did meet a guy I like. He's the complete opposite of me. He eats donuts, kinda a geek, a personnel director (for a major company here) and works out very little and a little chubby.

    However, I like him! We can talk and visit and go to movies and fine dinning and he even entertains my wild side.

    We have gone on several dates. He even lives far from me and I would still be willing to date him.......BUT>>>>>

    When I asked him if he would like to date me after several months of knowing him and the occasional dates and stuff.....Nothing hardcore sexually, he told me that he wanted to just keep it lite and not serious.

    Well, he wanted to go out this last Friday and I came up with an excuses. I mean it's a lot of time invested and I guess I want something a little more dependable like a steady relationship.....

    I like him, I would date him...but now, I have moved on.

    You know what? Absence makes the heart grow fonder right?? LOL We shall see.....

    I am still open to making friends, dating great men and having boy friends along the way. Sooner or latter the hook will sink in...LOL

  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    May 24, 2010 3:06 AM GMT
    Mystic_Man saidThis is a good topic to talk about dating too....

    I did meet a guy I like. He's the complete opposite of me. He eats donuts, kinda a geek, a personnel director (for a major company here) and works out very little and a little chubby.

    However, I like him! We can talk and visit and go to movies and fine dinning and he even entertains my wild side.

    We have gone on several dates. He even lives far from me and I would still be willing to date him.......BUT>>>>>

    When I asked him if he would like to date me after several months of knowing him and the occasional dates and stuff.....Nothing hardcore sexually, he told me that he wanted to just keep it lite and not serious.

    Well, he wanted to go out this last Friday and I came up with an excuses. I mean it's a lot of time invested and I guess I want something a little more dependable like a steady relationship.....

    I like him, I would date him...but now, I have moved on.

    You know what? Absence makes the heart grow fonder right?? LOL We shall see.....

    I am still open to making friends, dating great men and having boy friends along the way. Sooner or latter the hook will sink in...LOL



    MM, don't give up on the guy, and don't play him either...as in "absence makes the heart grow fonder". Maybe talk to him again and suggest that weekdays are cool to hang out but you are keeping Friday and Saturday nights available for something/someone that could actually turn into a real relationship. Maybe the idea that you need something more will sink in.

    I know a guy that is in his twenties, is gorgeous, and can have any guy he wants. For some reason he likes me. I started to get to know him when he was already seeing someone over a year ago so we started out as friends. Since he is now single he has suggested possibly dating and once there was some sort of "booty call" which I did not handle too well, lol. Pretty much the only reason why I'm terrified to date him is because we have such a great friendship. I just don't want to ruin that friendship and above all else I want him to be part of my life. I also have this bizarre idea in the back of my mind that in the next few years he will need me to be there for him as a friend. Maybe your guy just doesn't want to lose you.
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    May 24, 2010 3:07 AM GMT
    I dated a guy once that was a friend of a friend..it was a disaster! He was beautiful, but a total narcissistic tool. He was Unemployed and un=-educated and without long range or even short term plans and goals.....He had the diet of a pig and the work ethic of ...well it was non-existent! His idea of gym time was an hour on the weight floor lifting a single set of chest presses and curls and socializing for the other 50 minutes.....When I didn't call him back or contact him again...he trashed me to our mutual friends.....I will NEVER again allow my friends to find my dates for me....lesson learned!icon_eek.gif
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    May 24, 2010 3:22 AM GMT
    Celticmusl said
    Mystic_Man saidThis is a good topic to talk about dating too....

    I did meet a guy I like. He's the complete opposite of me. He eats donuts, kinda a geek, a personnel director (for a major company here) and works out very little and a little chubby.

    However, I like him! We can talk and visit and go to movies and fine dinning and he even entertains my wild side.

    We have gone on several dates. He even lives far from me and I would still be willing to date him.......BUT>>>>>

    When I asked him if he would like to date me after several months of knowing him and the occasional dates and stuff.....Nothing hardcore sexually, he told me that he wanted to just keep it lite and not serious.

    Well, he wanted to go out this last Friday and I came up with an excuses. I mean it's a lot of time invested and I guess I want something a little more dependable like a steady relationship.....

    I like him, I would date him...but now, I have moved on.

    You know what? Absence makes the heart grow fonder right?? LOL We shall see.....

    I am still open to making friends, dating great men and having boy friends along the way. Sooner or latter the hook will sink in...LOL



    MM, don't give up on the guy, and don't play him either...as in "absence makes the heart grow fonder". Maybe talk to him again and suggest that weekdays are cool to hang out but you are keeping Friday and Saturday nights available for something/someone that could actually turn into a real relationship. Maybe the idea that you need something more will sink in.

    I know a guy that is in his twenties, is gorgeous, and can have any guy he wants. For some reason he likes me. I started to get to know him when he was already seeing someone over a year ago so we started out as friends. Since he is now single he has suggested possibly dating and once there was some sort of "booty call" which I did not handle too well, lol. Pretty much the only reason why I'm terrified to date him is because we have such a great friendship. I just don't want to ruin that friendship and above all else I want him to be part of my life. I also have this bizarre idea in the back of my mind that in the next few years he will need me to be there for him as a friend. Maybe your guy just doesn't want to lose you.


    Well, as the wold turns so are the day's of our Gay lives....haha

    I don't know how to play guys. When I like someone I do. I think he likes me too, but I think he wants me to have sex with him mostly and I think he likes to rotate his bed room...Rrrrr

    I am going to have to let him know, that after a certain amount of time invested in someone, it's then time for me to move on. I did tell him I wanted to go further...maybe it did not sink in. I am not sure what I do next.

    I am single and it's not what I like. He understands me really well. He knows everything about me and is caring and really kind. I just don't get it.

  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    May 24, 2010 3:22 AM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor saidCeltic..
    Tell us about what is your type when you see them walking by.
    Is he white or black, hispanic maybe? Tall, dark, handsome, shorter, taller, hair,, shaved head. younger, older,, same age within 3 years etc. What things should Mr. Right be into? This is always interesting to hear from guys.

    Good example,, If I remember correctly, Caslon likes his guys shorter.
    How about you,, what's your type?


    I have a few types but lately shaved heads with facial hair get my attention. A little bit shorter to a little bit taller is what I'm used to. I've talked many a friend into growing a beard full time, lol. I like the outdoorsy look and casual demeanor....but you know there are those passionate burning embers just underneath the surface. ;-)

    Sadly, because I am an anime geek I have a cartoon pic that looks a great deal like one(or more) of my exes, lol. His name is Combustion Man from the anime Avatar. Mind you, I have lots of types, but there seems to be a theme looking back on my past relationships.

    vlcsnap-2010-03-29-02h38m51s247.png
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    May 24, 2010 3:26 AM GMT
    Sporty_g saidI dated a guy once that was a friend of a friend..it was a disaster! He was beautiful, but a total narcissistic tool. He was Unemployed and un=-educated and without long range or even short term plans and goals.....He had the diet of a pig and the work ethic of ...well it was non-existent! His idea of gym time was an hour on the weight floor lifting a single set of chest presses and curls and socializing for the other 50 minutes.....When I didn't call him back or contact him again...he trashed me to our mutual friends.....I will NEVER again allow my friends to find my dates for me....lesson learned!icon_eek.gif


    Same here. I think we both learned a good lesson.