Sex with bf

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2010 2:26 AM GMT
    So I just came out of the closet maybe around Jan of this year to my friends. I also met a guy in January and at first i was not interested in him and I was just trying to make some new gay friends cause i only have 3-4 . Then i kinda fell for the guy and we started dating at the end of January. So i kind of stopped meeting other guys and just been spending a lot of time with my bf. We are both only out to friends and not family. So I asked him about having anal sex, it would be the first time for both of us. He tells me that he wants to wait for the right person, and until we get married.... ( He's 31 and i'm 25) . He's not saying that i'm not the right guy, he just wants to wait til he ready. ( we do oral sex but i want to experience anal sex). So we made an agreement to meet in the middle and use toys for the time being. He' says he's fine with toys which was about 1.5 months go. But we never end up getting them or whenever i bring it up he's like we will just look at them for now and not buy them yet. So i feel like he's giving me a lot of false hope and when we have oral sex he's always teasing me by saying i really want you in me or soon we will do anal...

    so it comes down to, our sex life is pretty boring... but i really like the guy and don't want to break up because of something like this ( not sure if its a big or small thing) but he's agreed to go half way and hasn't even delivered that. So i don't know what else to do. Cause at this point i rather watch porn and jerk off then have the boring same old oral with him. but aside from this sex part. I think our relationship is going really well. But for some reason my need to want to experience passionate sex with my bf is getting in the way??

    what should i do?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2010 3:04 AM GMT
    Why don't you just buy them then and surprise him at home?
  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    May 24, 2010 11:17 AM GMT
    Sounds like he has a problem with anal sex. I think it's kind of strange to be willing to have anal sex with toys but not the bf.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    May 24, 2010 11:26 AM GMT
    Anto saidSounds like he has a problem with anal sex. I think it's kind of strange to be willing to have anal sex with toys but not the bf.

    I agree, that's strange as hell. Suspicious, almost.

    Anyway, it's clear that the restrictions on your sex life is inhibiting your enjoyment of the relationship. If it's important to you, it's not trivial, so don't feel guilty about being slightly unhappy. Waiting for marriage is noble, but who knows how long you will be waiting.

    Talk to him, explain your frustration. And buy the toys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2010 1:55 PM GMT
    Yup. Buy the toys. He could be shy or inhibited. In most relationships, one partner is more sexually adventurous than the other. In my case, my boyfriend is the more prudish of the two. This used to bother me, until I realized that I could suggest or ask for things I wanted and 99% of the time, he'll be game.

    There is another possible issue here. If I'm reading your post right, you want him to bottom for you. There are a lot of guys who are curious about anal, but also really scared that it will hurt. The fact that neither of you has any experience in this area is probably adding to his anxiety.

    Instead of accepting his response at face value, perhaps ask him if he's nervous or what does he think will happen.
  • natsimjac1988

    Posts: 109

    May 24, 2010 2:13 PM GMT
    anal sex is so much more fun that oral, u gotta get on that lol
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 24, 2010 4:00 PM GMT
    being sexually satisfied is just as important as being emotionally satisfied in a relationship and I would have a serious talk with him about it
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2010 4:40 PM GMT
    have you both been tested? maybe he's trying to not tell you something . . .
  • tokugawa

    Posts: 945

    May 24, 2010 4:52 PM GMT
    Your bf may be deadly afraid of AIDS, so he settles for relatively safe oral sex, instead of high risk anal. Using a condom is not 100% effective; first time users are more at risk of the condom slipping off or breaking. If this is the case with your bf, it may be a deal breaker.

    Another possibility is that your bf has previously tried anal and didn't like it, but felt he needed to be untruthful about it because he feared he'd lose you. This could explain why he doesn't want to use toys; because they might hurt, too. This might not be a deal breaker if you take things very slow, and start, with his agreement, with a single finger, maybe at the same time you're doing oral. Make sure you have trimmed your fingernails and use lots of lube. If, after a couple of times, he's OK with one finger, and with his agreement, move to two fingers. etc. It could work if he trusts you not to hurt him, and if you don't rush him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2010 4:54 PM GMT
    Yes, the question a couple of posts above: are you asking him to bottom for you?

    It's a big step, and requires a good deal of preparation. It's the part of the porno that gets edited out. Scene: two hot guys oiled up and fondling, quickly moving to oral pleasuring. Scene change. Suddenly the hairless one is lowering himself onto an already-condomed throbbing penis, and it slides in as easily as a thermometer. And Scene.

    Yes, the best 20 minutes are gone, because apparently nobody wants to be bothered with seeing a condom applied or could possibly appreciate the gentle stretching and relaxing required by a tight anus to consume that enormous beer-can cock.

    Get the toys. Small to big. Get the condoms. A little alcohol really helps with the relaxing (for first timers); in the mouth not the anus, silly--you know, like wine.

    Get each other aroused, but not raging, or he'll be pissed you're not letting him explode. Tease his anus with your cock, but stay away from his cock. You'll touch his cock when the first toy goes in. Get him to ask for it. Do it right and he'll scream for it.
  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    May 24, 2010 4:59 PM GMT
    ugh....Whats the sense in having a "boyfriend" if there is No sex....LOL

    thats not a relationship, its just friends......icon_wink.gificon_lol.gificon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2010 5:03 PM GMT
    Honestly, I'm having this same issue... and I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months. He just doesn't get it. I find sex to be more than just getting off with my partner and he's a no go with anal and I have to practically beg for oral if I really want it. I've gotten to the point of just jerking off when he goes home after a long weekend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2010 5:21 PM GMT
    At that age, he's just not that into you if he's not sleeping with you.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    May 24, 2010 5:58 PM GMT
    DenX said He tells me that he wants to wait for the right person...
    What are you? A pit stop on the way to the "right" person? You'd think that even if anal sex was not his thing it'd give him pleasure to make you feel good.
    Shouldn't he want to do everything that feels good, expressing your physical and emotional affection for each other?
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    May 24, 2010 6:05 PM GMT
    Mikeylikesit saidugh....Whats the sense in having a "boyfriend" if there is No sex....LOL

    thats not a relationship, its just friends......icon_wink.gificon_lol.gificon_eek.gif
    Word.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    May 24, 2010 6:45 PM GMT
    back2nyc saidI dont agree with the responses here - most couples - gay or str8 get bored of sex with each other after a while.. and many dont have any "real" sex for years and years but still stay together. This is also a reason why some gay men open up their relationships and seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere - for me its not so important to have sex as I am happy kissing, cuddling and holding my bf...the emotional connection is far more important than sexual - and rarely do u find both the connections in one person.


    Yes, if you've explored the passion for some time in a relationship, but the OP is too new to the passion to be in a place where the pure intimacy that comes from years of trust, and being deeply known, naturally evolves (and BTW, if THAT isn't there, no matter how long you've been together, then you are not in a relationship, you're in a dorm with a pal, and you need to fix that or get out and get on with your life. Intimacy is crucial to a healthy realtionship...period!)

    No, OP, truthfully, he's either going to share the passion of your sexual attraction, or he's not. For godssake get the toys and at least teach yourself how to bottom. It's a good thing, a fun thing, and even if you feel yourself to be more aggressive and leaning toward topping, you'll still be able to make the exchange that so many guys want once in a while, not matter how big a bottom they are. Dildos and fleshlights are fun, but they're like flash cards - at some point, you need to read a nice, long, hefty novel once you know the words. Fucking is fun!!!

    So if he doesn't want to play with the toys, or does but that in turn doesn't lead to throwing them out and brining in the real deal, then, bucko...move on. Truly, move on. You deserve to discover, enjoy and explore at 25. You deserve a full orchestra and not just a violin solo. He'll always be a friend, and your lover might be waiting for you to get on with accepting that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2010 6:55 PM GMT
    jakenoh saidhave you both been tested? maybe he's trying to not tell you something . . .


    That was my first thought as well. I guess I am just a suspicious person...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2010 7:45 PM GMT
    hum, is it just me or does anyone else feel that sex is not really sex without anal sex? I don't know, oral sex to me is almost like cuddling.
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    May 24, 2010 8:32 PM GMT
    beow2k5 saidhum, is it just me or does anyone else feel that sex is not really sex without anal sex? I don't know, oral sex to me is almost like cuddling.

    Oral is like the precursor or ending of good sex to me. Just plain oral feels like, "Oh. Okay. Awesome. Now let's get down to business".
    And then business never comes. >.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2010 9:31 PM GMT
    Very few guys have the talent to make real sex out of oral only, but they do exist.

    When you find one, marry him! icon_lol.gif
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    May 25, 2010 2:43 AM GMT
    viveutvivas said
    jakenoh saidhave you both been tested? maybe he's trying to not tell you something . . .


    That was my first thought as well. I guess I am just a suspicious person...

    Yeah, this is what I was thinking too, but I didn't want to come out and say it. This is what I was getting at with "suspicious".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2010 2:54 AM GMT
    beow2k5 saidhum, is it just me or does anyone else feel that sex is not really sex without anal sex? I don't know, oral sex to me is almost like cuddling.


    You're not the only guy who's into anal but that doesn't mean all guys like or want anal. I personally don't care for it at all. It's not a popular position to have on this site, or among gay men at all, but I don't care.

    If he doesn't like/wanna do anal, why do you feel like you should wait for him or make him try anal? You know he's not comfortable with it and you can ask him why he feels that way about it but it's a bad idea to stay in a relationship because you think you can make the guy change.

    The most important thing for you to do, in my opinion, is to talk it out honestly with him. That's about the only thing you can do to clear the air about the situation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2010 2:55 AM GMT
    You have got to be making this one up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2010 2:56 AM GMT
    Alpha13 saidYou have got to be making this one up.


    Is that to me? icon_confused.gif