should i give him another chance?

  • justjk

    Posts: 302

    Jan 31, 2008 8:47 PM GMT
    just wanted some advice, there is a guy i was dating about a year ago and thought it was getting seriuos, then he started drifting away, til we had broken up he kinda dumped me!!! well he's been trying to get things going again, calling me emailing me you name it, he's gorgeous, we had alot of great times together, but i just don't know! should i give him another shot?
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    Jan 31, 2008 9:19 PM GMT
    What's your gut tell you? And DO NOT base it off that's he's gorgeous. Do you trust that he'll stick with it this time?

    As long as your gut says yes, then go for it! If there is ANY doubt then don't!
  • dhinkansas

    Posts: 764

    Jan 31, 2008 9:29 PM GMT
    With not much detail to go on, it's hard to advise. Unless you have addressed with each other exactly why you both drifted apart to begin with, it may happen again. You are pretty hot yourself...so don't sell yourself short. Have dinner and see how you feel after that. Then, if you want to post more shirtless pics of yourself to help you feel better, that would be ok too.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Jan 31, 2008 9:32 PM GMT
    Everyone deserves a second chance.
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jan 31, 2008 9:41 PM GMT
    MikePhil saidEveryone deserves a second chance.


    Some even more than that. Making mistakes is just Human, and some make more than others.

    Give him a shot, he might just have broken up because you Guys slipped away from another.
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    Jan 31, 2008 9:44 PM GMT
    I think you should give him a second chance. I wouldn't, but then I'm prideful, stubborn, spiteful and vindictive. Hopefully you're a better person than I amicon_wink.gif
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    Jan 31, 2008 10:25 PM GMT
    justjk saidjust wanted some advice, there is a guy i was dating about a year ago and thought it was getting seriuos, then he started drifting away, til we had broken up he kinda dumped me!!! well he's been trying to get things going again, calling me emailing me you name it, he's gorgeous, we had alot of great times together, but i just don't know! should i give him another shot?


    Question is, Do you want to give him a second chance?
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    Jan 31, 2008 10:27 PM GMT
    Did he ever take accountability for his actions and explain why he broke your heart? Does he seem to have the kind of self-awareness that would suggest he would not do this all over again?
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    Jan 31, 2008 11:00 PM GMT
    Why not! Maybe it will work this time.
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    Jan 31, 2008 11:13 PM GMT
    No.

    The saying goes, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

    There are simply to many people (6.5 BILLION) in the world to subject yourself to repeat bad experiences.

    You should let Common Sense 101 prevail in this case.
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    Jan 31, 2008 11:26 PM GMT
    justjk saidjust wanted some advice, there is a guy i was dating about a year ago and thought it was getting seriuos, then he started drifting away, til we had broken up he kinda dumped me!!! well he's been trying to get things going again, calling me emailing me you name it, he's gorgeous, we had alot of great times together, but i just don't know! should i give him another shot?


    You don't give us a lot to go on here as to the reason he drifted away...

    As a rule I don't go out with anybody once we've broken it off. I've had a lot of relationships and each time (except 1) they've come back looking for more. In my case, I realized that none of them were really the right person for me.

    That being said, I don't think my "rule" is a good one. We're all human and make mistakes, yes, me too... sigh... So if you really like the guy and think you can handle it if it doesn't go well, then give it a shot. What have you got to lose?
  • justjk

    Posts: 302

    Jan 31, 2008 11:53 PM GMT
    Well sorry i was aloof, we drifted apart cause he's a bit younger than me and i'm the serious type of guy, always wanting to settle down he didn't think he was ready for all that, wanted to be free and young, but now he says he's tired of being alone and wants somthing serious thanks for all the advice so far though
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    Feb 01, 2008 12:14 AM GMT
    You are still being vague...you said you and this guy were dating. The term dating does not mean "a relationship." LOL, in my kneck of the woods, fuck buddies refer to their relations with eachother as dating. It may be different other places, but i'm fairly certain "dating" doesn't mean relationship anywhere. Hmmmm, and how young exactly is this man? LOL, gimme a number low enough and i'll just say, move on now.

    If he's young enough and he's lonely now it's probably because he's experiencing a dry spell. However, the moment you two try again, the men are gonna start oozin out of the woodwork. Not fair, I know, but it's Murphy's Law.

    I'm not usually this straightforward, but I remember the way I was. I liked sexing older guys, but there was no way I was settling with any of them. The only one who didn't seem to realize that harsh reality was them.

    Here's my advice: make room for him in your bed, but not your heart.
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    Feb 01, 2008 12:29 AM GMT
    I say keep fishing, buddy.

    This "guy" broke up with you or "sorta dumped" you as he was drifting away. My question would be why did he drift away from you and start becoming so distant? You were just dating him a year ago and how serious were you two to begin with meaning how long had you been seeing each other?

    To me serious is when you start doing more then just having lunch dates and late night dinners. It's when you start forming something beyond the typical "meet and greets". You begin leaving clothes or items at each others place and maybe get a spare key to my place. You introduce each other to friends and family and take trips/vacations together. You feel more comfortable being yourself around the person without feeling like you will be judged.

    I like GG's advice. It makes perfect sense.
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Feb 01, 2008 4:16 AM GMT
    Ok, I'll try not to be jealous and put my online crush aside to give an unbiased response.

    DON"T DO IT!!! HE DOESN"T DESERVE YOU!!! YOU"RE BETTER THAN HIM!!! Ahem...um...yeah...

    Hehe, just kidding.

    Obviously, I can only base my opinion on the information you've provided. The prideful, spiteful person inside me wants to say that I'd never give a guy a second chance. You had something good and you threw it away. Your loss. Unfotunately, life isn't so black and white.

    YOu too broke up because you drifted apart, not because by the end of the relationship you were constantly at eachothers throats. You didn't break up because he cheated on you. You guys just drifted apart. It happens, it happens with couples and platonic friends. I would never refuse to redevelop a friendship that ended due to drifting apart, so I would give a lot of thought to the possibility of reigniting a relationship that ended in such a way.

    No one is perfect (even me. I know, hard to believe), so I'd like to think that if I ever screwed up royally in a relationship, I'd get a second chance. There are things that are unforgiveable in my mind, like cheating, or violence, but something as innocent as not being ready for a serious commitment...hardly a capital offense.

    Ultimately, only you can answer this question. Go with your gut. Yes, you have emotions involved in this decision, recognize them, but do your best not to let them rule your head. Remember all the good times, and remember the bad. Take into consideration why you guys drifted apart. Then, if it feels right, have a heart to heart with this guy and see where he stands. I think you both need to put all your cards on the table. Tell him what you want out of the relationship (serious, long-term, with the intent of settling down).

    I can't say that I know you all that well, but by the emails we've shared I can say that you're a great guy, sweet, kind, and genuine. I'd hate to see you get hurt all over again by the same guy, especially if it's for the same reason you broke up the first time. But, life isn't easy, it's a path of lessons that we must learn. If you really, really feel that this is something you want, then go for it. If it doesn't work out again, well, that's life. Yeah, it'll suck, but you'll have a whole new set of good memories to hold on to, and a new lesson learned.

    Good luck, and keep us posted.
  • justjk

    Posts: 302

    Feb 01, 2008 5:01 AM GMT
    This is really pathetic but i used that song as my ringtone for him when we started falling apart!!! and as for you Shawn! damn it, if only i were in Canada!! or you in Texas! there would be no question!!!! Nicolas would have to be on his way! thanks
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Feb 01, 2008 5:08 AM GMT
    justjk saidor you in Texas!


    From your mouth to gods ears. I'm looking to move to Texas for work, provided my green card comes though ok.
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    Feb 01, 2008 5:19 AM GMT
    Hey man if you want something go get it icon_smile.gif Doesn't look like there were problems the last time you were dating. If that were the issue I'd say that ship has sailed but in this case... Get on it!!
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    Feb 01, 2008 5:21 AM GMT

    So Justjk, don't keep us waiting? There is a number on your lips so let it slip already, stud. How old is this gorgeous guy, huh?
  • justjk

    Posts: 302

    Feb 01, 2008 5:22 AM GMT
    I'm sorry he is now 29, he was 28 when we were together for 7 months, so he's 8 years younger than me
  • helium

    Posts: 378

    Feb 01, 2008 5:32 AM GMT
    If it was me, I would offer a second chance if I felt that it was right for me. That's what I would do if I was in your shoes. I don't want to get burned.
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    Feb 01, 2008 5:38 AM GMT
    I don't want to get burned.[/quote]

    I hear that! I'm real bad about actually sleeping with someone who I've dated in the past but then the next day pulling the whole distance routine by suggesting they need to get going but to give me a call some time. ( Holding head in embarrassment over that ) but in those cases I already know it's just not gonna go any further. I rationalize it by saying there was never anything wrong with the sex it was all the bullshit outside of the bed.
  • cowboyupnorth

    Posts: 264

    Feb 01, 2008 6:07 AM GMT
    ShawnTO said[quote][cite]justjk said[/cite]or you in Texas!


    From your mouth to gods ears. I'm looking to move to Texas for work, provided my green card comes though ok.[/quote]

    Well I will not be giving ShawnTO another chance, but I think you should give your man another chance. If you can deal with the possibility of him leaving again. I guess I can always be left and hurt but this is a man you liked who is making a desition to come back now that he is ready. My thoughts are give love a chance. We all make mistakes and grow. Good luck,

    ShownTO you are in trouble, lol

  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Feb 01, 2008 6:12 AM GMT
    cowboyupnorth said[quote][cite]ShawnTO said[/cite][quote][cite]justjk said[/cite]or you in Texas!


    From your mouth to gods ears. I'm looking to move to Texas for work, provided my green card comes though ok.[/quote]

    Well I will not be giving ShawnTO another chance, but I think you should give your man another chance. If you can deal with the possibility of him leaving again. I guess I can always be left and hurt but this is a man you liked who is making a desition to come back now that he is ready. My thoughts are give love a chance. We all make mistakes and grow. Good luck,

    ShownTO you are in trouble, lol

    [/quote]

    Hmmm, looks like I'm putting my innocent, eyelash batting skills to good use tonight.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2008 6:19 AM GMT
    God damn! Thats it! I need to move back to Texas icon_smile.gif On one side of the scale I've got my family who would be sniffing around but on the other side all these hot men who I'd like to meet and get to know. A fags life is so complicated hahaha.