Updated: career planning (thanks!)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2010 1:56 AM GMT
    Am i fucked? I've been wondering I'm been in failed relationships where my career/financial side has been a factor.

    My current career plans as of now has been going back to school to do medicine, this no doubt takes up about 7-8 yrs in completing since my previous career in television industry i deemed to be unstable enough to have the sustainable future i wanted.

    Now my question is I've had 2 long term potentials leave for the same reason and that sucks because I'm very long term oriented. I'm not asking for money but be seen as an equal in being able to put things on the table because its not like i wont be funded by loans and other sources until i graduate and be more than able to pay back these loans. after 7-8 yrs of studying i have to to a minimum of 2-3 yrs residency upto 7 yrs depending on field but it's paid with an above average salary so i can handle residency without loans.

    The reason i chose medicine is because I'm bright and more than able to work in such a field because i love sciences and see it as a challenge, but now im having second thoughts on doing a degree that's shorter because i dont want a really super great job at the cost of enjoying a long term relationship. I'm okay with having a stable above avg job if i can start working on being establish and settled.

    what are your thoughts?

    p.s. meninlove your advise is always appreciated!
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    May 25, 2010 2:15 AM GMT
    No you are not fucked…it’s called compromise; we all do it.
    You have plenty of time to have it all.
    Why do you not think you can do the 7 years and still have a relationship?
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    May 25, 2010 2:30 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidNo you are not fucked…it’s called compromise; we all do it.
    You have plenty of time to have it all.
    Why do you not think you can do the 7 years and still have a relationship?


    I dunno I felt rejected twice for the same reason that they thought my career plans weren't good for a long term relationship and that i would be inflexible with their career plans incase they wanted to move.

    my argument was i dint mind transferring a local university at their location so long it's my undergrad not med school itself.
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    May 25, 2010 2:43 AM GMT
    Med school and internship/residency are very stressful and time consuming. Unfortunately the time and commitment you will need to put in to get your medical career off the ground will limit your availability to your partner. Some people can deal with that, others can't. I wouldn't change my career choice based on available dates!!! Do what you love, love what you do, and the right person will see that as a plus, not a minus.

    Good luck!
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    May 25, 2010 3:01 AM GMT
    ejay79 saidMed school and internship/residency are very stressful and time consuming. Unfortunately the time and commitment you will need to put in to get your medical career off the ground will limit your availability to your partner. Some people can deal with that, others can't. I wouldn't change my career choice based on available dates!!! Do what you love, love what you do, and the right person will see that as a plus, not a minus.

    Good luck!


    I agree with med school being intensive, but that's at least 4-5 years away its not as intense as the undergrad by then i think it would not be too odd to move in to meet the demands of a relationship.. do you think it could have been an excuse?
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    May 25, 2010 3:11 AM GMT
    In the end you will regret not doing what you want regardless of your partners preference. I think if you're afraid to do something simply because you want to do it while in a relationship, then you shouldn't do it at all, if you're that passionate about going back to school, you should be 100% into it and your relationship may distract you from that goal.

    That being said, do what you TRULY WANT to do, and if your boy stays he stays and it was meant to be, and if he leaves, he probably would have left anyways. Your partner should support you either way, you shouldn't want him if he chooses to 'leave' you for you pursuing what you want.

    I wouldn't say you're fucked but you should weigh what's more important, a guy who doesn't agree with what you want to do (Which in turn, is who you are) or being yourself and doing what you desire.

    You should be able to do what you desire and your partner supports joo.
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    May 25, 2010 3:37 AM GMT
    If you haven't gone to undergrad then go do that. Lots of dating opportunities there. And you may find a likeminded career-oriented guy who is willing to hang in there long term and understand...

    Live your life for yourself, not what you think others would like. (In terms of life's goals, that is!)


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    May 25, 2010 3:38 AM GMT
    Hey, your relationship should never detract or make difficult your job. That relationship is supposed to be there to make light your load; you're not alone, someone wants to be close and will do anything to make that happen. this is where you step in and make concessions which are also statements of love by reciprocation. How's that? It's what Bill and I have often done for each other and with relish.

    Now about that medicine. How passionate do you feel about helping others no matter who? I ask this after talking over the years to a few Docs and friends in medicine and it's often the same feeling of wanting to make things better (I say this broadly as some had so many different perspectives on how they help, lol!) I more than suspect you're a kind person from posts etc and think you have it in you. So you can only try. Carpe Diem!



    -Doug
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    May 25, 2010 3:46 AM GMT
    ya know.. ya 23 years old sweet heart, it's not like you have the 60 years to live right now.. I mean what.. you got a good ten left in ya?? I mean.. if ya lucky right.. I mean, my god man why are you even bothering, just go hitch up with the next stupid flake that cruises by and go live in a box in the back alley.. cause gawd knows, you aint got the time to be messing around in med school and making a life for your self that, ya know, is for you and not some other stupid fuckup...

    I mean god forbid you did that first at 23 years old... damn... you'd be like... unique and shit!
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    May 25, 2010 3:48 AM GMT
    wow thanks ejay and jaypp your advises were solid and valid as well
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    May 25, 2010 3:51 AM GMT
    meninlove said Hey, your relationship should never detract or make difficult your job. That relationship is supposed to be there to make light your load; you're not alone, someone wants to be close and will do anything to make that happen. this is where you step in and make concessions which are also statements of love by reciprocation. How's that? It's what Bill and I have often done for each other and with relish.

    Now about that medicine. How passionate do you feel about helping others no matter who? I ask this after talking over the years to a few Docs and friends in medicine and it's often the same feeling of wanting to make things better (I say this broadly as some had so many different perspectives on how they help, lol!) I more than suspect you're a kind person from posts etc and think you have it in you. So you can only try. Carpe Diem!



    -Doug


    Lol this is true thanks guys i feel a lot better now, as for the med career i know its what i want even if i chose alternates it would be other things in the field that dont involve med school like kinsesiology etc but i'm still researching between the two regardless I have time to think it over while i do my pre reqs
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    May 25, 2010 3:52 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidya know.. ya 23 years old sweet heart, it's not like you have the 60 years to live right now.. I mean what.. you got a good ten left in ya?? I mean.. if ya lucky right.. I mean, my god man why are you even bothering, just go hitch up with the next stupid flake that cruises by and go live in a box in the back alley.. cause gawd knows, you aint got the time to be messing around in med school and making a life for your self that, ya know, is for you and not some other stupid fuckup...

    I mean god forbid you did that first at 23 years old... damn... you'd be like... unique and shit!


    haha that's so not true tanker! i turn 24 in a week! icon_razz.gif
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    May 25, 2010 3:58 AM GMT
    CanadianSun said
    what are your thoughts?
    Follow your heart...

    ...and the rest will work itself out.
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    May 25, 2010 6:54 AM GMT
    CanadianSun said
    lilTanker saidya know.. ya 23 years old sweet heart, it's not like you have the 60 years to live right now.. I mean what.. you got a good ten left in ya?? I mean.. if ya lucky right.. I mean, my god man why are you even bothering, just go hitch up with the next stupid flake that cruises by and go live in a box in the back alley.. cause gawd knows, you aint got the time to be messing around in med school and making a life for your self that, ya know, is for you and not some other stupid fuckup...

    I mean god forbid you did that first at 23 years old... damn... you'd be like... unique and shit!


    haha that's so not true tanker! i turn 24 in a week! icon_razz.gif

    OH... tick tock sweet heart, tick tock!
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    May 25, 2010 11:15 AM GMT
    I have two doctors in my family. In one case, he married before he started medical school and they have been together for 50 years. In another case, he married someone he met in medical school and they divorced while he was interning.

    My point is that whether or not you go to med school won't ultimately determine your relationship success. It will depend on the underlying health of your relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 1/2 years through various job changes, including one where I traveled frequently, and him doing a theater tour where he was gone for six months. If it's the right person, and you're both willing to work on it, you should be able to manage whatever pressures medical school puts on your relationship. But, if you defer or give up your dreams for someone else, you will only end up resenting that person.
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    May 25, 2010 11:22 AM GMT
    You'll always lose money chasing men but never lose men chasing money. But make sure your going to do med school because you want to save lives and its your passion not because you want wealth.

    My sister is in her basically fourth year of med school and has to study at the least 14 hours and day and on average 16 hrs a day. Find something you love to do and stick with it. My sister said a lot of people dont make it through med school because they got in it in the first place for the wrong reasons.
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    May 25, 2010 11:30 PM GMT
    CanadianSunI've been wondering I'm been in failed relationships where my career/financial side has been a factor.

    My current career plans as of now has been going back to school to do medicine, this no doubt takes up about 7-8 yrs in completing since my previous career in television industry i deemed to be unstable enough to have the sustainable future i wanted.

    Now my question is I've had 2 long term potentials leave for the same reason and that sucks because I'm very long term oriented. I'm not asking for money but be seen as an equal in being able to put things on the table because its not like i wont be funded by loans and other sources until i graduate and be more than able to pay back these loans. after 7-8 yrs of studying i have to to a minimum of 2-3 yrs residency upto 7 yrs depending on field but it's paid with an above average salary so i can handle residency without loans.

    The reason i chose medicine is because I'm bright and more than able to work in such a field because i love sciences and see it as a challenge, but now im having second thoughts on doing a degree that's shorter because i dont want a really super great job at the cost of enjoying a long term relationship. I'm okay with having a stable above avg job if i can start working on being establish and settled.

    what are your thoughts?

    p.s. meninlove your advise is always appreciated!


    Don't give up your dreams because you've had some trouble along the way. This is the age and time most students really have to spend a lot of time considering what they want to do, and how they'll do it. It's really really hard work to keep a relationship together, and sometimes, even when you've worked hard to try to make it work, it still doesn't. Don't blame yourself. Introspection is one thing, self-doubt is another: don't confuse the two.
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    May 25, 2010 11:35 PM GMT
    Just let it happen? You shouldnt really plan on relationships..
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    May 25, 2010 11:35 PM GMT
    Just let it happen? You shouldnt really plan on relationships..
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    May 25, 2010 11:40 PM GMT
    I dated an NYU med student long distance. he was always busy and never had any money. We made it work though. anyway, you shouldnt rely on the fact that you might make above average pay... school loans will eat you up and you need to realize that not all doctors are rich. most live comfortably.
  • jtcrew65

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    May 25, 2010 11:45 PM GMT
    You should determine whether medical school is right for you. There are many professions within medicine/health care that don't require you to go through 4 very stressful years of medical school and residency. I have quite a few friends who took the Physician's Assistant route, and they're loving life right now (the pay's pretty good, the time commitment is so much less, and there's less liability). I know a few friends in med school (myself included) have lost pretty significant long-term relationships because of the time commitment of med school, so taking that route won't make getting into or staying in a relationship any easier.
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    May 25, 2010 11:57 PM GMT
    jtcrew65 saidYou should determine whether medical school is right for you. There are many professions within medicine/health care that don't require you to go through 4 very stressful years of medical school and residency. I have quite a few friends who took the Physician's Assistant route, and they're loving life right now (the pay's pretty good, the time commitment is so much less, and there's less liability). I know a few friends in med school (myself included) have lost pretty significant long-term relationships because of the time commitment of med school, so taking that route won't make getting into or staying in a relationship any easier.


    wow that's interesting I was previously looking at Radiation therapist but i was doubtful of their future this is another good alternate that i actually like thanks for the heads up i'll definatly research this options as well
  • curve

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    May 26, 2010 12:19 AM GMT
    not that I'm a big Dr Spock fan, but this quote has always stuck with me... take from it what you want..

    "I would say that the surest measure of a man's maturity is the harmony, style, joy, and dignity he creates in his partnership, and the pleasure and inspiration he provides for his partner." Benjamin Spock
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    May 26, 2010 12:34 AM GMT
    curve saidnot that I'm a big Dr Spock fan, but this quote has always stuck with me... take from it what you want..

    "I would say that the surest measure of a man's maturity is the harmony, style, joy, and dignity he creates in his partnership, and the pleasure and inspiration he provides for his partner." Benjamin Spock


    I'll take every advice i can get, appreciate all the food for thought.
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    May 26, 2010 12:38 AM GMT
    I think your main question has been addressed by others, but re: "i chose medicine is because I'm bright and more than able to work in such a field because i love sciences and see it as a challenge" that sets off red flags for me. (The fact that you'd think about switching goals based on your recent experiences doesn't help either.)

    Do what you think is best, of course, but be warned: A lot of bright, hard-working people fall into the trap of doing things like medicine and law because they're respected, well-paying (usually), and have a rather shiny image in general society. It depends on what you do, but medicine is not generally much like House. And a lot of people discover that they very much dislike it after having invested many years in it. (For example, medicine, in practice, is not much of anything like how most people would conceive of science.)

    Not saying you shouldn't shoot for a medical degree. I would just be sure to think it and your passions through. Spending some time in a hospital volunteering and seeing what most doctors actually do could be helpful of course (if that's the kind of medicine you want to practice). It's tends to be very routine.