how is the feeling when u see ur partner masturbating in the bed secrectly?

  • Leon

    Posts: 18

    May 25, 2010 6:37 AM GMT
    A. frustrated. i'm not sexy enough to attract him. B. pissed off. how could he be so 'self-fish'? C.indifferent. let him be as long as he is happy.
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    May 25, 2010 12:08 PM GMT
    Is the two of you still having regular sex? Is his masturbation affecting your sex life? If you are still having regular sex, and his masturbation is not affecting your sex life, then let it be. (D: none of the above).

    You could ask him (in a non-judgemental way) why he does masturbate, but some guys just need a little variety. It is his body and it's appropriate to masturbate if he wants to. If you raise hell about it, he'll just move it to the bathroom, etc.
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    May 25, 2010 12:08 PM GMT
    AxsEvl saidIs the two of you still having regular sex? Is his masturbation affecting your sex life? If you are still having regular sex, and his masturbation is not affecting your sex life, then let it be. (D: none of the above).

    You could ask him (in a non-judgemental way) why he does masturbate, but some guys just need a little variety. It is his body and it's appropriate to masturbate if he wants to. If you raise hell about it, he'll just move it to the bathroom, etc.


    Sorry -- that should be, "ARE the two of you still..."
  • DarkSensation

    Posts: 715

    May 25, 2010 12:13 PM GMT

    He should save his load for me to swallow icon_lol.gif ....No Food Nor Drink in the Fridge....Got to Feed on something icon_wink.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • Kage

    Posts: 707

    May 25, 2010 12:13 PM GMT
    Errr...going to be a touchy subject to discuss between the two of you.
    You will have to start talking about it sooner rather than later.

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    May 25, 2010 12:16 PM GMT
    Kage saidErrr...going to be a touchy subject to discuss between the two of you.
    You will have to start talking about it sooner rather than later.

    I think I agree with all but the swallow comment...where did that fit in? Wasnt even amusing. Anyway. If it is affecting your sex life...shit ....maybe just join in? You could also add a letter E do the multiple choice with the question "Does it turn you on". But if you are looking for opinions because it upsets you...then you need to be having conversations with your man.
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    May 25, 2010 12:20 PM GMT
    Are you sure he was masturbating? Maybe he was just scratching his balls.
  • Kage

    Posts: 707

    May 25, 2010 12:26 PM GMT
    RowBuddy saidMaybe if you were doing your job and sitting on it and not complaining about him on Realjock he wouldn't need to jack off?


    Aside from making stupid comments...do you have any other superpowers?icon_twisted.gif

  • DarkSensation

    Posts: 715

    May 25, 2010 12:27 PM GMT
    RowBuddy saidMaybe if you were doing your job and sitting on it and not complaining about him on Realjock he wouldn't need to jack off?



    Very Nice Said icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 25, 2010 12:33 PM GMT
    Kage saidErrr...going to be a touchy subject to discuss between the two of you.
    You will have to start talking about it sooner rather than later.



    And it doesn't have to be a touchy subject if they're both grown ups about it.
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    May 25, 2010 12:35 PM GMT
    It shouldn't matter, masturbation is part of life.


    Don't take it personal! Sometimes you JUST wanna get off and not worry/deal with the other person.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 25, 2010 12:36 PM GMT
    Masturbation and sex are not the same thing. Masturbation isn't always a substitute for sex with another person. Just because you're getting it regularly doesn't mean you can't like to 'take matters into your own hand' occasionally.
  • Kage

    Posts: 707

    May 25, 2010 12:42 PM GMT
    AxsEvl said
    Kage saidErrr...going to be a touchy subject to discuss between the two of you.
    You will have to start talking about it sooner rather than later.



    And it doesn't have to be a touchy subject if they're both grown ups about it.


    True.
    icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 25, 2010 12:48 PM GMT

    Who does this while lying next to someone lmao

    Go to the toilet at least
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 25, 2010 1:01 PM GMT
    how do i feel?

    turned on!

    icon_twisted.gif
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    May 25, 2010 1:13 PM GMT
    GND's right. Don't confuse the two. And in fact, that he's doing with you in bed is a lot more comfortable a signal than him hiding it from you. There's a pack mentality that men in private can - but seldom do - cultivate, that lets you both be 'just guys' around each other in ways polite society dismisses or writes codes prohibiting (and having lived through 18 summers in NYC, I'm rather grateful for...NY'ers will understand what I'm saying) Better that he pull his pud in bed with you, than take it underground along with other feelings. When you give him a home where urge and desire as well as passion and intimacy are all safe and without shame, he'd be hard fucking pressed to find that anywhere else, and is more likely to settle in deeper to you rather than wander elsewhere.

    If you need to, you can say something about how good that is to know and to feel, but don't dwell on it for gosh sake. If you feel inspired or triggered, you can join in, but not interfere. If it turns you on, fine. If inspired, and on occasion but not regularly, go ahead and rub one out in tandem, but don't confuse it with a signal for sex. Increase the comfort level for him, and for yourself, and it very likely will raise the heat on your sex life as well. Jump in and take over, and you could be putting the brakes on it.

    That said, if it becomes something that bothers you, and he's wanking himself more than banging on you, than you should talk. You don't want him separating his sexual desire from his tenderness - and some guys start to feel more nurturing and it becomes harder and harder to get the objectification piston pumping with someone they love in a deeper way. That doesn't mean you shouldn't jump their bones like a starving tiger once in a while. In fact, all the more reason to keep the range of feelings involved. But that HAS to be discussed.

    Staying sexually vital together, as a couple, is important in a healthy well balanced relationship. Part of good sexual partnership is not judging the rise and fall (sorry) of each other's sexual overflow (sorry again). When two men can live together and have that, respect that, and keep it safe for each other - I believe it actually adds cement to the bond between you.

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    May 25, 2010 1:17 PM GMT
    i prefer D) walk over and suck his cock so he doesn't have to waste his time jacking off
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    May 25, 2010 1:23 PM GMT


    Spare time boredom and a boner can be a bitch. I don't believe in crowded or possessive relationships. He's entitled to play w/ his "willie" It's not a big deal.
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    May 25, 2010 1:34 PM GMT
    Hillie said

    Spare time boredom and a boner can be a bitch. I don't believe in crowded or possessive relationships. He's entitled to play w/ his "willie" It's not a big deal.


    Exactly.

    But if my partner wants to jerk off, I'd prefer him doing it away from me (in the bathroom or when I'm not around). Jerking off in my presence while acting as if I'm not there just doesn't sit well with me.
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    May 25, 2010 1:37 PM GMT
    BlkMuscleGent said
    Hillie said

    Spare time boredom and a boner can be a bitch. I don't believe in crowded or possessive relationships. He's entitled to play w/ his "willie" It's not a big deal.


    Exactly.

    But if my partner wants to jerk off, I'd prefer him doing it away from me (in the bathroom or when I'm not around). Jerking off in my presence while acting as if I'm not there just doesn't sit well with me.



    That's so true. I have no problem if my guy jerks off... but while I'm laying right next to him? Why wouldn't he shake me and say "I'm horny, let's get busy."

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    May 25, 2010 1:44 PM GMT
    So can someone quote to me where the OP said the BF is masturbating in bed next to him? The OP did say 'secretly'. How would it be secretly if the OP is in the same bed? If I walked in and saw Bill in the bedroom masturbating I'd respect his privacy.

    Both of us decided long long ago that if the sudden urge hits just go with it. If we're both in the mood, then ZING and woo-hoo! Masturbation is not making love, and can be over in a couple of minutes. Lovemaking on the other hand takes time and requires the interest of both parties to make it happen.

    Is it really great to treat your partner like an accu -jack or fleshlight?

    Leon talk to your partner about this. I can't stress that enough.

    -Doug
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    May 25, 2010 1:57 PM GMT
    Leon saidhow is the feeling when u see ur partner masturbating in the bed secrectly?
    Personally, I'd much rather lend a helping hand instead of bitching about it online. Maybe that's why he's doing it? icon_wink.gif
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    May 25, 2010 1:57 PM GMT
    meninlove said So can someone quote to me where the OP said the BF is masturbating in bed next to him? The OP did say 'secretly'. How would it be secretly if the OP is in the same bed? If I walked in and saw Bill in the bedroom masturbating I'd respect his privacy.

    Both of us decided long long ago that if the sudden urge hits just go with it. If we're both in the mood, then ZING and woo-hoo! Masturbation is not making love, and can be over in a couple of minutes. Lovemaking on the other hand takes time and requires the interest of both parties to make it happen.

    Is it really great to treat your partner like an accu -jack or fleshlight?

    Leon talk to your partner about this. I can't stress that enough.

    -Doug



    To be fair, Doug, he doesn't say either way. He doesn't say "when I'm not there," and he doesn't say "next to me." He says secretly, which could be done either way.

    Which is why my reply was that who care if he does it when he's alone, but if he does it when I am there, then I would care.

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    May 25, 2010 2:09 PM GMT
    a1972guy saidIt shouldn't matter, masturbation is part of life.


    Don't take it personal! Sometimes you JUST wanna get off and not worry/deal with the other person.


    I agree, it doesn't make me love my bf less. although I don't do it secretly. I also love to still do it. I think it's natural.
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    May 25, 2010 2:12 PM GMT
    I agree with the replies saying that it's only a problem if it interferes with your mutual sex life. If he's having sex with you less because he's jerking-off by himself more, that's a problem, and you need to discuss it.

    But self-masturbation has its own special attractions, often involving masturbation fantasies that a man develops, and sometimes it's enjoyable to revisit them. I have my own, that I try not to employ when I'm having sex with my partner.

    When I'm having sex with him, I want my attention solely on him (as I'm sure he does, too), my mind not in some other time & place fantasizing about other things. Once your partner is no longer a source for your sexual excitement, that you begin seeking elsewhere, you guys are in big trouble. So I keep my masturbation fantasies to myself during private whack-off sessions.

    BTW, one of the things I sometimes do with sex partners is "assisted masturbation." He & I jerk ourselves off in turn, while the other one assists, doing things like fondling & sucking the balls, stroking the legs and other parts of the body, kissing, biting the nipples, etc, whatever is enjoyed most.

    But it's our own hand alone that pumps our dick, and that's one time when "outside" fantasies are OK in my view. Though for me my fantasy in that case usually becomes that a man is watching me jerk off while he fondles my balls. icon_wink.gif

    Don't overreact and let this incident get to you. It might be an opportunity for even better sex together. Have fun finding out.