Got hurt by my own mistake :(

  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    May 25, 2010 9:31 AM GMT
    So a few weeks ago I posted stuff about this guy I met online. bladiebla I did not listen and continued to talk to him. I believed he is real, and still do.

    During the last month we've gotten quite a bit closer, we had some good conversations and stuff. He said he's in a relationship but he broke up with the guy. Though they are still living together and sleeping in the same bed. I thought it was weird and told him that it was. I asked him when one of them was going to move out. He didn't know and said he's not gonna leave cause its his place and most stuff belongs to him.
    He told me all his feelings for his boyfriend disappeared a while ago but he didn't have the nerve to tell him yet. So this month he finally did and they broke up.
    Then he came online yesterday telling me that he wanted me really bad. So I'm like ok thats nice and all but we can't really do anything since you don't want to meet yet cause he wants to finish the relationship stuff with his ex first. He said he knew, we talked for a bit and then I had to go.
    That evening I came online again and we started talking. He said: I have to tell you that I had sex with my ex again. I'm like ok, well whatever. why? He didn't know... So I asked him, do you want to get back with him or something? He's like I don't know I'm really confused....
    So I said he has been a dick for playing with my feelings. Waited for an answer but he didn't respond. I'm still waiting for a response but I don't know what to do... I feel kindof sad since I started to fall in love with him... Stupid, cause we only chatted for 2 months but still... Couldn't help it.

    what now? icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2010 11:25 AM GMT
    Move. On.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    May 25, 2010 11:31 AM GMT
    I think it's sound advice to not get emotionally attached to an online acquaintance unless you've already met them face to face. Otherwise, there's no way to read them.
  • Kage

    Posts: 707

    May 25, 2010 11:41 AM GMT
    You have formed an emotional attachment with an online persona.
    Write this off as a lesson learned and move on.


  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 25, 2010 11:44 AM GMT
    Jilly makes a good point above. I think you really need to meet someone
    in person to help solidify the reality of it all. Nothing wrong with online friendships, but I've learned that it isn't prudent to put your emotions on the line unless its solid. I realize that meeting this guy physically might not have changed the result, but I still think its wise.
  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    May 25, 2010 12:08 PM GMT
    Ok sorry if i sound a bit harsh and rash but here it goes.

    From the looks of it this guy was trying to find something new before coming to terms with his past and present. Based off what you said, the signs of him not being able to commit to you were all there. He couldn't meet up with you because he hadnt left his bf yet, but they were already broken up. right then and there you should have used that as a crutch to say look you obviously arent ready to move forward with me so until you are we can be friends. I know it's hard to be able to say and do that but it's when you know that you are able to distinguish something real from something probable.

    For now i think you should give him space and really think on this situation. youve talked to him for 2 months and haven't meet him yet, so i think it's time for you to let go of the thought of being with him. after time if you guys are still able to talk, then i say bring up the idea of a friendship.

    My advice to you is take things slow. someone can say all of the right words, but do they really mean it. Dont get caught up in the initial thought of being with him until you know what he's all about. just a word of the wise from a former broken heart by empty promises. hope this helps out a bit.
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    May 25, 2010 12:26 PM GMT
    ja89 saidOk sorry if i sound a bit harsh and rash but here it goes.

    From the looks of it this guy was trying to find something new before coming to terms with his past and present. Based off what you said, the signs of him not being able to commit to you were all there. He couldn't meet up with you because he hadnt left his bf yet, but they were already broken up. right then and there you should have used that as a crutch to say look you obviously arent ready to move forward with me so until you are we can be friends. I know it's hard to be able to say and do that but it's when you know that you are able to distinguish something real from something probable.

    For now i think you should give him space and really think on this situation. youve talked to him for 2 months and haven't meet him yet, so i think it's time for you to let go of the thought of being with him. after time if you guys are still able to talk, then i say bring up the idea of a friendship.

    My advice to you is take things slow. someone can say all of the right words, but do they really mean it. Dont get caught up in the initial thought of being with him until you know what he's all about. just a word of the wise from a former broken heart by empty promises. hope this helps out a bit.


    it does. But its just hard. He keeps on saying he wants me but won't make plans to meet or whatever... its frustrating. The thing is that he is really the total 100% package I want in a guy... I don't want to let him go cause I know it could work out really wel... Guess I have no choice though.
  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    May 25, 2010 12:31 PM GMT
    Daelin said
    ja89 saidOk sorry if i sound a bit harsh and rash but here it goes.

    From the looks of it this guy was trying to find something new before coming to terms with his past and present. Based off what you said, the signs of him not being able to commit to you were all there. He couldn't meet up with you because he hadnt left his bf yet, but they were already broken up. right then and there you should have used that as a crutch to say look you obviously arent ready to move forward with me so until you are we can be friends. I know it's hard to be able to say and do that but it's when you know that you are able to distinguish something real from something probable.

    For now i think you should give him space and really think on this situation. youve talked to him for 2 months and haven't meet him yet, so i think it's time for you to let go of the thought of being with him. after time if you guys are still able to talk, then i say bring up the idea of a friendship.

    My advice to you is take things slow. someone can say all of the right words, but do they really mean it. Dont get caught up in the initial thought of being with him until you know what he's all about. just a word of the wise from a former broken heart by empty promises. hope this helps out a bit.


    it does. But its just hard. He keeps on saying he wants me but won't make plans to meet or whatever... its frustrating. The thing is that he is really the total 100% package I want in a guy... I don't want to let him go cause I know it could work out really wel... Guess I have no choice though.


    yeah it's gonna be really tough but this is what's gonna make you stronger in the end. if you know you 2 will make it, then keep in touch as a friend and build things from there and until he is ready to move forward with you. a quote i heard from a movie "Don't open that door before closing the other" let him work on what he has now and let it slowly progress
  • Kage

    Posts: 707

    May 25, 2010 12:33 PM GMT
    Daelin said

    it does. But its just hard. He keeps on saying he wants me but won't make plans to meet or whatever... its frustrating. The thing is that he is really the total 100% package I want in a guy... I don't want to let him go cause I know it could work out really wel... Guess I have no choice though.


    Errr...he is not even real.
    You've never met him.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2010 12:36 PM GMT
    Lesson learned.

    Move on.
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    May 25, 2010 12:36 PM GMT
    Kage said
    Daelin said

    it does. But its just hard. He keeps on saying he wants me but won't make plans to meet or whatever... its frustrating. The thing is that he is really the total 100% package I want in a guy... I don't want to let him go cause I know it could work out really wel... Guess I have no choice though.


    Errr...he is not even real.
    You've never met him.




    I never met you either, but I know you're real.
  • Kage

    Posts: 707

    May 25, 2010 12:47 PM GMT
    Daelin said
    Kage said
    Daelin said

    it does. But its just hard. He keeps on saying he wants me but won't make plans to meet or whatever... its frustrating. The thing is that he is really the total 100% package I want in a guy... I don't want to let him go cause I know it could work out really wel... Guess I have no choice though.


    Errr...he is not even real.
    You've never met him.




    I never met you either, but I know you're real.


    You are being obtuse and ignoring the reality of your situation. icon_smile.gif
    /shrug


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2010 1:19 PM GMT


    Now is the time for you to reflect and gather your senses. Until he produces some stability in his life exclude his drama frm yours. This guy might be great and all but the bttmline is he has unresolved feelings that he needs to wrkout before he moves on. Don't be strung along in the process.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    May 25, 2010 1:21 PM GMT
    This sounds exactly like the guy I was chatting with up until a couple of months ago....same living situation and everything......ugh. Might be the same guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2010 1:34 PM GMT
    Hi Daelin, This,

    "He keeps on saying he wants me but won't make plans to meet or whatever... its frustrating. The thing is that he is really the total 100% package I want in a guy..."

    ....contradicts itself, unless you want a guy that says he wants you but won't meet you. It really is that simple. icon_wink.gif


    Wouldn't a guy that's the total 100% package not only want you but also do something about it?

    -Doug
  • _gingin

    Posts: 116

    May 25, 2010 1:52 PM GMT
    im currently dating a guy who is in the same situation as your guy somewhat is--financially and materially tied up with his ex and complicated beyond bothering.

    however we meet on a regular basis and the most important bit, and im still struggling with this, is trying to control my feelings because i know they're overdeveloped in an underdeveloped situation.

    we're not in any sort of concrete relationship and we use "dating" just because its the closest word to describe without going too much into detail. we are basically fuck buddies with a little more stability, but nowhere near commitment and exclusivity.

    my advise is, go with what your heart tells you. if hes what you perceive as 100%, you might just regret 'moving on'. hes obviously interested in you, so maybe you need to stoke those flames a little more. whatever the outcome, you wont regret not having tried, and thats one less memory to sulk about in the future.

    good luck whatever you decide.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2010 2:08 PM GMT
    Here I go being all blunt and brutally honest and stuff again...

    This sounds like a classic case of codependency.
    Codependency is the #1 cause of internet romance with obvious jerks. Love is not blind, but codependency is. Drop him and find someone else. Better yet, learn to be happy with yourself, then you won't need to look so hard for someone else.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2010 2:14 PM GMT
    Never assume anyone you meet online is real. Why would you assume he was after all the posts on here that dicuss the high percentage of fakes on line. Flakes are skilled at keeping you interested... I even chatted with one that was a writted and used his chat conversation with other guys for authentic dialogue.
  • hdurdinr

    Posts: 699

    May 25, 2010 2:30 PM GMT
    You say he is 100% package you want in a guy - if that really is the case then you are setting yourself up for a life of hurt and frustration. It's not worth it. Move on to someone else, and after a while you'll have a more informed opinion of what you really want in a guy. Good luck!

    By the way, not to undermine what you feel, but you've never met this person so it sounds like an infatuation from what you've told us. The best way to get over an infatuation? Meet someone else! Trust me.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2010 2:37 PM GMT
    So wait, you've never actually MET the guy?

    Internet faker. Move on quickly and without remorse.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2010 2:42 PM GMT
    3212832557_dd833a169d.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2010 2:46 PM GMT
    Daelin said
    Kage said
    Daelin said

    it does. But its just hard. He keeps on saying he wants me but won't make plans to meet or whatever... its frustrating. The thing is that he is really the total 100% package I want in a guy... I don't want to let him go cause I know it could work out really wel... Guess I have no choice though.


    Errr...he is not even real.
    You've never met him.




    I never met you either, but I know you're real.



    Dude the "not real" means you are projecting your "ideal love" on a person you never actually met in person. I am sure Kage wasn't doubting the actual existence of this person.
    Two guys I knew in college dropped out of school and moved across the country to move in with their "perfect love" they met online. They didn't even meet their guy beforehand. Once each moved in with their guy they realized the guy wasn't all they though he was; they realized their "ideal love" was in reality a jerk.
    Even guys I've met in person at first seem great but once I get to know them the more I slowly start seeing the real person and stop projecting the idealized person I formed in my mind.
    There is nothing wrong with getting to know someone online but until you actually meet someone in person you don't really "know" the person. But even based on just your online interactions with this guy I think he has showed you enough to show he really isn't anywhere close to the type of guy you are projecting him to be.
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    May 25, 2010 3:26 PM GMT
    meninlove said Hi Daelin, This,

    "He keeps on saying he wants me but won't make plans to meet or whatever... its frustrating. The thing is that he is really the total 100% package I want in a guy..."

    ....contradicts itself, unless you want a guy that says he wants you but won't meet you. It really is that simple. icon_wink.gif


    Wouldn't a guy that's the total 100% package not only want you but also do something about it?

    -Doug


    haha ok you win that one ;) 99% then icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2010 3:41 PM GMT
    I've never even met anyone close to 100% of my ideal. I am usually happy if I met someone who is at least 75% of "my ideal" - can't have everything.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2010 3:43 PM GMT
    Daelin: I totally understand what you are going through...and I have felt your pain, VERY recently. Everyone will tell you to move on, some will put labels on your feelings like "co-dependency".. but the bottom line is: It just fucking HURTS!! I don't know if you cry...but I sure have. But, even so, I knew in the back of my mind that I would get thru it...and for the most part, I have.
    My dear handsome young man... you have MUCH to offer and you are too young to think that there isn't someone out there better for you... someone you can touch, kiss and hold hands with.
    This internet meeting place is dangerous...to your heart, especially. People can say ANYTHING, and if you're looking, you'll find it far too easy to fall victim to some guy's sweet talk.
    Keep two thought in mind for now:
    Without a hurt, the heart is hollow AND, the best..
    TIME heals ALL wounds.
    So, mourn the loss...keep a small amount of hope...but lower your expectations to the level of disappointment you can handle.
    Best wishes for a complete and quick recovery...
    .