Approachableness (yes i made it a word haha)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2010 11:58 AM GMT
    Hey everybody, so no guy has ever approached me in person, sober atleast or a guy I actually found attractive. I'm starting to think its something I'm doing or there is something repulsive about me, so I was wondering if yall had any help hints or advice that would make guys more likely to approach me.

    Thanks
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2010 3:10 PM GMT
    how about you approaching the guys you like?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2010 3:16 PM GMT
    I have the same problem - but I know part of the reason for me at least - it's all about self confidence.

    The be more approachable: make eye contact, smile, say hi to strangers with no ulteriour motive, enjoy yourself and you will put out a positive vibe that will attract others to you!! Now if I could just put that into practice myself!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2010 3:18 PM GMT
    Why not call it approachability, since there's an actual word for what you're describing?

    And why take such a passenger seat role in your own life? Is the goal to simply be approached or to meet people? If it's the former, you are joined by millions of bar-going gay men who stand around waiting for someone else to make a move. If it's the latter, you'll be one of the rare few who take control of their own lives and make things happen vs. waiting for them to happen at the will of someone else.

    As for an assessment of what you're doing/not doing to make people willing to approach you, that's impossible to determine without actually observing your behavior.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2010 3:32 PM GMT
    Nspyerf8 saidHey everybody, so no guy has ever approached me in person, sober atleast or a guy I actually found attractive. I'm starting to think its something I'm doing or there is something repulsive about me, so I was wondering if yall had any help hints or advice that would make guys more likely to approach me.

    Thanks


    I know what you mean, it's even more rough when you're out with a friend and guys will hit on your friend, even though they think he's your boyfriend. Yeah, it's happened more times than I want to remember. But what badmikeyt says is right (in addition to approachability being the word you want), you can't wait for somebody to come to you. In my case, I appear off-putting and stuck up, even though I'm really not. I can't really help that, so I go up and talk to guys myself and show them I don't bite, unless they want me to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2010 3:33 PM GMT
    Come here and I'll approach you...among other things. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2010 3:35 PM GMT
    I get the same thing, but for me its because when I am typically out its with friends and been told that:
    1) Its awkward approaching the group to talk to one person (after I approached a guy and found out later in convo)
    2) I tended to have "F You!" written across my forehead
    I think the advice given about being more open, smiling, and make the move every now and then will give you a much better chance... I know it's helped me out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2010 3:36 PM GMT
    IsmeIvan1990 saidhow about you approaching the guys you like?


    hahah i like that u compleatly simplified it by politely saying "man up"
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    May 25, 2010 3:39 PM GMT
    IsmeIvan1990 saidhow about you approaching the guys you like?
    What he said.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2010 4:06 PM GMT
    i have the same problem, i'm shy and somewhat reserved with people I don't know so when I'm out I think people mistake that for being aloof or stuck up.
    I have a good time with my friends when I'm out and have fun but still no one comes near me. I agree with others that say maybe we should be the ones making the first move
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    May 25, 2010 4:12 PM GMT
    MJ2040 saidi have the same problem, i'm shy and somewhat reserved with people I don't know so when I'm out I think people mistake that for being aloof or stuck up.
    I have a good time with my friends when I'm out and have fun but still no one comes near me. I agree with others that say maybe we should be the ones making the first move
    It's a good system. It can lead to a lot of fun.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2010 4:20 PM GMT
    If you not quite ready to make the first move, I find that the more fun you look like you're having the more often people come up and try to get to know you.

    The people that look like they're laid back having a good time, even if they are by themselves, are always more approachable to me and the ones I usually go up to to say hi.

    No one wants to go up to a wallflower that looks like they aren't enjoying themselves or were dragged out against their will that night!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2010 6:44 PM GMT


    Body language and how you express it is just as important as everything else when pursuing a potential mate. Your facial expression, your movements and your stance all play an important role. I use to be asked all the time why I lk'd so serious but I thought ppl would think I was flaky if I walked around smiling all the time. I had to learn to relax and it changed my entire...Body language.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    May 25, 2010 10:31 PM GMT
    IsmeIvan1990 saidhow about you approaching the guys you like?


    Done in one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 25, 2010 10:44 PM GMT
    oh, relax my dear, when you are out, own the situation, what ever it might be, you are out to have fun, to relax, so have fun and relax, your pretty hot, guys are intimidated by attractive men, especially ones with great smiles, of which you have my dear!

    But still, remain relaxed, smile, look around at people, smile at them, maintain eye contact, allow your self to have fun..

    if you are in a new place, it might take a while before people become comfortable with you being there, your new, they aren't sure who you are or what your after, so, just take your time.

    Oh and if an ugly approaches you, be nice, smile, talk a little, don't be stand offish, but when he makes his advance, say "Sorry, your a nice guy, but, i'm not interested" while personally I wouldn't bother with this line, it does show to everyone else (and they'll be able to tell how gentle you are) that your not some new brute who's going to be all "I'm pretty, look at me.. oh no uglies" even though that's whats probably happening you can be nice about it.