Something I have noticed about relationships

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 27, 2007 5:32 PM GMT
    Is it just me or do people tend to let themselves go when they are happy in a relationship? I've noticed before dating my ex I was in better shape then now. I'm not a big boy or anything, my belly doesn't hang over the waist of my jeans(thank god!) But me and my friend have decided we were in better shape before getting with our at the time boyfriends.

    I guess people feel like they don't need to impress anyone anymore or something. I don't its weird and just something I took notice of today...and I'm and felt like talking about something lol
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    May 28, 2007 7:08 AM GMT
    I used to have same experience. Years ago when I started a relationship and living with my ex, I start to gain weight an getting out of shape. Really, after you are happy with someone you then to spend a lot of time eating, being lazy in front of the TV and making love most of the time. I was constantly working then, so whatever time I have left is spend with him. My ex are kinda chubby and dont appreciate it if I try to keep in shape. He got upset if I decide to go for a jog, do cardio or even if I chose Diet Coke over regular Coke. He sabotage my dieting program by bringing home fatty McDonald food at night and expected me to have it with him before we go to sleep. I really think he do it because he do not want to lose me. So if you what to keep in shape, probably you should have a relationship with somebody that are into fitness or at least understanding of you fitness interest.
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    May 28, 2007 11:28 AM GMT
    I think a lot of us have noticed the same thing. Sometimes it might be because there's just more going on in the person's life. Let's face it, working out 3-6 hours per week, not to mention extra cardio and the time to go back and forth to the gym could add up to 15 hours a week or more. Easy to do when you're single, if it's your main interest, but when you have someone else in your life, and have some kind of home life, that's huge.

    Sometimes a partner will sabotage his partner's fitness - more thinking that keeping him fed is keeping him happy than actually trying to fatten him up.

    Hopefully people will gradually find a balance between being fit and healthy and having a home life. I know couples who train together or jog together or do other things that keep them in good shape, but don't distract from the relationship. To me, that's a great solution.
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    May 28, 2007 1:35 PM GMT
    My partner encourages my working out, and although I was in pretty good shape when we met, two years later I am in better shape, and a lot of it's because he notices improvements and compliments me. There's no better motivation for me than knowing someone will find changes attractive.

    I think it helps that he's confident, and not afraid that he'll lose me if I look good.
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    May 28, 2007 3:02 PM GMT
    I notice that when I am datinga guy I tend to fall out of shape but its more because you just don't have the time than anything else. when I am single I go to the gym when I am dating someone we go out to dinner, and it is amazing how many calories are in those dinners you go out to. so instead of at the gym your eatting a lot of calrie rich foods. there goes the body.
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    May 29, 2007 6:51 AM GMT
    It really deppends, my boyfriend and I were used to go to the gym together... sometimes I didn't want to go and he pushed me to go.

    I really enjoy to be fit and so do he. And nothing can be better than going with your bf or gf and workout with him/her. :)
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Jun 09, 2007 2:38 PM GMT
    I have learned whether you have a BF or not, always keep yourself in good shape. You never know when you will be back on the market!!! LOL
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jun 16, 2007 11:58 PM GMT
    LOL...I've called it the relationship spread
    guys seem to gain about 20 lbs per bf
    I think it's to things going on at once
    you don't have to work as hard to get noticed anymore
    and then you don't have the extra workout time
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    Jun 18, 2007 12:14 PM GMT
    In my case it was more of the opposite...When I was happy in my ltr I did keep in shape (although it was a bit tougher to do so because he loved to cook). It was during the last 2 years of the relationship where I became unhappy, that is when I fell out of shape. A few years back we did finally split and I am slowly getting back into shape...being a whole lot more happier in my life now!
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    Jun 18, 2007 1:59 PM GMT
    Hehehe. My partner and I gained 20 pounds since we've been together. That's why I started biking to work, learned to eat fruit and vegetables, and hired a trainer--I realized that it had been three years since I pushed my bench weight hard enough that I actually needed a spot. Back on the road to fitville, and still happily married. :)
  • atxclimber

    Posts: 480

    Jun 18, 2007 4:24 PM GMT
    thecure: "learned to eat fruits and vegetables" -- I have this image of you looking, confused, at an apple, occasionally hitting it against your forehead, unsure how to consume it.

    Glad to hear you figured it out. ;)

    I haven't had a relationship longer than 2 years, but my most recent (which was the 2-year one) we both actually stayed in great shape. He was a runner, I was mostly cycling and climbing, so it wasn't even like we worked out together (in fact, that was one of the reasons we broke up... there weren't a whole lot of things we did together / had in common.)

    I think it's a feedback loop in either direction: if one partner has an apathetic streak that the other partner's motivation can't overcome, then it can start a kind of downward spiral. But if both partners' abilities to motivate exceed the other's periods of apathy, then you can aid each other's fitness goals.
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    Jun 18, 2007 8:13 PM GMT
    ATXClimber--you should have seen the comic relief that was the zucchini. :)
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    Jun 19, 2007 1:03 AM GMT
    I agree with several of the others that you need to be with somebody who is just as into fitness as you are or at least understands why you do it. It is selfish of one to expect his/her partner to slack off due to their own insecurities. That is one reason why I am still single is because I have yet to find a guy around my age who is as mature and responsible enough to keep themselves in shape.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jun 19, 2007 3:12 PM GMT
    I think this can happen in any relationship, but I have found a jock, like me, we keep each other motivated in the gym and out. Both very active. I actually look better now. Not going to let myself go. This time it's for me!
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    Jul 31, 2007 2:24 AM GMT
    Mmm you got too comfortable. That's a big mistake in the gay world.

    The gay world is perpetual upkeep

    I told my man if you gain weight it's over lol.

    No I just tell him he needs to go the gym and I buy new workout clothes for him too.
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    Jul 31, 2007 2:56 AM GMT
    I think it is because you spend more time with one another instead of the gym like you did when you have nothing better to do. Laying around watching TV with your lover can supply you with so many of your physical and emotional needs.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2007 3:27 AM GMT
    >>Mmm you got too comfortable. That's a big mistake in the gay world.

    The gay world can kiss my flat arse. It's like the borg in Armani. :p
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    Nov 28, 2008 3:37 AM GMT
    my boyfriend inspires me to continue the body i have... as an athlete at a university you constantly are working out, but my boyfriend is the person who sees my body and he always tells me he loves it so i know he inspires me to keep it in tip top shape... i think it's a comfort thing with your boyfriend, but its all about the self discipline you enforce on yourself.
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    Nov 28, 2008 3:55 AM GMT
    Nope. I work out for me not my bf. I maintain my size and fitness!
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    Nov 28, 2008 4:08 AM GMT
    For me, being in a relationship has only strenghtened my resolve to remain fit. I want to be fit so that I can do more activities with my boyfriend. Plus for me too, I need to be fit because I realized the kinds of things I want to do in life, (bike across America, hike the Appalachian trail, etc) ALL involve me being ridiculously fit to do.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Nov 28, 2008 4:10 AM GMT
    I started working out AFTER I was in a relationship.
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    Nov 28, 2008 4:29 AM GMT
    This thread confirms what I have always felt. There are those who work out strictly for vainity and those who like to be in great shape to do some interesting athletic or outdoor activities (hiking biking etc...) Note carefully that for the guys who have athletic interests it make no difference in or out of the relationship and if anything makes it easier. But if you'd really rather sit on the couch and only go to the gym to look pretty than yes if you get comfortable in a relationship it will kill your primary motivation.
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    Nov 28, 2008 5:05 AM GMT
    I was with someone for 12 years who tried to fatten me up. I managed to limnit the gain to 15 lbs. The disparity in our fitness levels definitely contributed to our seperation. My efforts to get them to be more fit fell on deaf ears. Won't make that mistake again. icon_neutral.gif

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    Nov 28, 2008 5:09 AM GMT
    No one can keep me away from my gym...

    knowing that I have someone makes me want to work out harder to look great for them. Plus the extra cardio from sex helps me get ripped.

    haha
  • JewcyDude

    Posts: 67

    Nov 28, 2008 10:09 AM GMT
    When I met my bf, i was at my lowest and after a while, and living together, we got lazy, i never went to the gym, and I gained about 20 pounds. a little more than a year ago we both joined 24 hour fitness (I changed from Bally's).

    We go to a predominately gay gym and it was quite intimidating at first but we got a trainer to start us off and now i lost the 20 pounds and am skinner then when we first met. Additionally we started doing the whole weight lifting in the beginning of this year i think and I'm looking better than i've ever had.

    Its hard at first - you meet and you wanna spend all the time together and we'd go out and eat at every meal and i stopped going to the gym.

    It's nice now that we can go to the gym and say hi to all these people that we see all the time, socialize and get a great workout!