Am I a Bottom???

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2010 11:58 PM GMT
    I came out about a year ago at the age of 24, which is when I first became sexually active. When I first came out, I had a boyfriend and loved being the bottom (but also enjoyed topping). I think my natural instinct is to be the bottom, and I am generally attracted to tops, at it seems to always work out that way.

    I'm still single -- my dillema is that I can't help but feel regretful/dirty/slutty when I hook up with someone (bottoming) I just met, or don't intend to pursue further than a one night thing. I think I would feel less ashamed if I was the top. Sounds arbitrary I know, but being submissive with someone I barely know makes me feel like whore, and does nothing for my self confidence. However, I am new to the game, and my sexual curiosity is rampid. Of course I want a relationship, and it's the main reason I finally had the courage to come out. But relationship potential hasn't been in the cards for so far, and a guy's gotta get laid sometimes.

    It's sounds big-headed, but I wonder if I would feel much better about my sexual activity if I felt like I was the one "conquering". Perhaps it would serve to feed my ego a bit, and make me more selective when it comes to hooking up. I've hardly had hookups where I didn't seem to settle for a guy I wasn't crazy about, which adds to the self loathing feeling.

    Basically, I feel like a slut when I bottom. Anyone else feel this way?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2010 12:13 AM GMT
    When two people fuck each other, it's not always the bottom who gets fucked in the end.

    (Do you own any...toys? That could hold you off for a bit.)
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    May 26, 2010 12:18 AM GMT
    I don't think you are a bottom (if that is your question indeed?) but more a 50's housewife. At least you have the sexual mores of one.

    You have a couple of ideas in that pretty little head of yours, that are not helpful if you want to become a happy slut or at least a happy bottom. Try to convince yourself that

    - bottoming is not feminine
    - bottoms can come on to guys as well
    - 2 guys in bed don't take on a masculine and a feminine role
    - you have the right to say no to unattractive tops
    - gay sex is just about fun, since breeding is of the table
    - don't go pseudo-catholic by saying, sex is only permitted in a long-term monogamous relationship or when it leads to one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2010 12:25 AM GMT
    HAHA!! A 50's housewife!? love it!

    Awesome thoughts. I'll try to keep them in mind.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2010 1:04 AM GMT
    oh sweet heart... my poor sweet endearing man who needs some help!

    I top more often then not these days and a few weeks ago, I was freaking raped by a bottom, at no point did that man submit, I was the one who submitted, he said harder and I went harder, he demanded I get on my back and I got on my back and when he smacked my arse and told me not to cum yet, well.. I got in trouble for that one hahahaha

    No dear, just because you enjoy bottoming doesn't mean your submissive, it means that what feels awesome for you is bottoming and if you like to give into a guy and let him be the dominate one, then that just means you like giving into a guy and letting him be dominate, it also means you are comfortable and confident enough in your own skin to do that, because you have done it voluntarily rather then by force.

    if what you enjoy in bed is causing you concern then learn to accept what you enjoy in bed rather then change what you do.
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    May 26, 2010 1:30 PM GMT
    GatorBoy saidI came out about a year ago at the age of 24, which is when I first became sexually active. When I first came out, I had a boyfriend and loved being the bottom (but also enjoyed topping). I think my natural instinct is to be the bottom, and I am generally attracted to tops, at it seems to always work out that way.

    I'm still single -- my dillema is that I can't help but feel regretful/dirty/slutty when I hook up with someone (bottoming) I just met, or don't intend to pursue further than a one night thing. I think I would feel less ashamed if I was the top. Sounds arbitrary I know, but being submissive with someone I barely know makes me feel like whore, and does nothing for my self confidence. However, I am new to the game, and my sexual curiosity is rampid. Of course I want a relationship, and it's the main reason I finally had the courage to come out. But relationship potential hasn't been in the cards for so far, and a guy's gotta get laid sometimes.

    It's sounds big-headed, but I wonder if I would feel much better about my sexual activity if I felt like I was the one "conquering". Perhaps it would serve to feed my ego a bit, and make me more selective when it comes to hooking up. I've hardly had hookups where I didn't seem to settle for a guy I wasn't crazy about, which adds to the self loathing feeling.

    Basically, I feel like a slut when I bottom. Anyone else feel this way?


    hmm k... k... I see ur point. You come here, top me and see how it works out for you? hmm? icon_wink.gif
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    May 26, 2010 2:03 PM GMT
    bernd saidI don't think you are a bottom (if that is your question indeed?) but more a 50's housewife. At least you have the sexual mores of one.

    You have a couple of ideas in that pretty little head of yours, that are not helpful if you want to become a happy slut or at least a happy bottom. Try to convince yourself that

    - bottoming is not feminine
    - bottoms can come on to guys as well
    - 2 guys in bed don't take on a masculine and a feminine role
    - you have the right to say no to unattractive tops
    - gay sex is just about fun, since breeding is of the table
    - don't go pseudo-catholic by saying, sex is only permitted in a long-term monogamous relationship or when it leads to one.


    said perfect. lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2010 2:09 PM GMT
    bernd saidI don't think you are a bottom (if that is your question indeed?) but more a 50's housewife. At least you have the sexual mores of one.

    You have a couple of ideas in that pretty little head of yours, that are not helpful if you want to become a happy slut or at least a happy bottom. Try to convince yourself that

    - bottoming is not feminine
    - bottoms can come on to guys as well
    - 2 guys in bed don't take on a masculine and a feminine role
    - you have the right to say no to unattractive tops
    - gay sex is just about fun, since breeding is of the table
    - don't go pseudo-catholic by saying, sex is only permitted in a long-term monogamous relationship or when it leads to one.



    themoreyouknow.jpg


    10 points, bernd!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2010 2:15 PM GMT
    GatorBoy said
    Basically, I feel like a slut when I bottom.


    How is this bad?

    As they say: A Guy Wants a Lady in Public, a Scholar in Conversation, and a Slut in Bed.

    So, embrace your inner slut. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2010 2:51 AM GMT
    Yeah I know how you feel man. I always sorta thought of myself as versatile and lately I've thought I'm definitely more of a bottom. I don't think you should feel badly as long as you enjoyed it and it was comfortable. I don't like to give that up for just a hookup for exactly the reasons you mentioned but if you want to then go for it and don't feel badly. What's the difference if you sucked a guy off since that's a pretty submissive act as well.
  • swimjohn

    Posts: 252

    Aug 10, 2010 2:57 AM GMT
    haha i have to say that actually I feel exactly the same as you do, almost word for word this is the problem that I've been having right now and it's been eating me up inside.
  • twentyfourhou...

    Posts: 243

    Aug 10, 2010 3:16 AM GMT
    I'll get some heat for this one - Maybe you are discovering that sexual activity is an intimate act FOR YOU thus simply doing it with a stranger makes you feel that way. Maybe you are the type of guy who prefers to be in a relationship rather than have the occasional random hook-up - having very little to do with bottoming or topping. Nothing wrong with that - that is just the way you are - pretty much describes me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2010 3:19 AM GMT
    twentyfourhourslater saidI'll get some heat for this one - Maybe you are discovering that sexual activity is an intimate act FOR YOU thus simply doing it with a stranger makes you feel that way. Maybe you are the type of guy who prefers to be in a relationship rather than have the occasional random hook-up - having very little to do with bottoming or topping. Nothing wrong with that - that is just the way you are - pretty much describes me.


    You've got a valid point.
  • NOVRDRV

    Posts: 14

    Aug 10, 2010 3:42 AM GMT


    I'm still single -- my dillema is that I can't help but feel regretful/dirty/slutty when I hook up with someone (bottoming) I just met, or don't intend to pursue further than a one night thing. But relationship potential hasn't been in the cards for so far, and a guy's gotta get laid sometimes.

    Well, I mean, you don't always have to have anal. There's lot of fun to be had besides. ;) Be picky about who you give it up for, there nothing wrong (or 50's housewife) about that. Being gay doesn't mean you have to be slutty.


    It's sounds big-headed, but I wonder if I would feel much better about my sexual activity if I felt like I was the one "conquering". Perhaps it would serve to feed my ego a bit, and make me more selective when it comes to hooking up. I've hardly had hookups where I didn't seem to settle for a guy I wasn't crazy about, which adds to the self loathing feeling.

    Who says the bottom isn't dominant? You can a lot of fun on top while still getting penetrated. The secret of B&D is it's the submissive one who is really in control.

    Basically, I feel like a slut when I bottom. Anyone else feel this way? [/quote]

    Oh, every time, and I like that, but it's only with someone I trust.
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    Aug 10, 2010 3:47 AM GMT
    ...the next time you see and older woman w/ a younger man out on cougar nite remember this...just because she's got the hole don't mean she's the lesser one....bottoming does not mean your bib lettuce okay....watch some of the videos of some of gay porn's major bottoms...its all male and the celebration of being on the bottom , you enjoy muscle damn thats the time to feel it, caress it , hold on to it , enjoy it ...hey who says bottoming is the lesser ...no way.
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    Aug 10, 2010 4:07 AM GMT
    So you just came out a year ago, which was the same time you because sexually active? It took me almost 2 years to come to the conclusion that, I was the most sexually receptive (not literally) as a bottom -- I give 'the most' when i bottom, even if it was simply a "hook up," I still felt a stronger emotional connection as the bottom. Sexual role are a state of mind and the further to delve into this convoluted life, the more you will learn.

    My math may be wrong, but i am speaking from some experience. You are feeling like a whore/slut because you are giving it up so quickly without any emotional attachment or connection.

    Lets run down a simple dilemma / meeting:

    1. You are in a social setting -- bar, club, mall, where ever -- that has your kind of eye candy.

    2. You meet Mr. Man

    3. You talk a little and you two end up at either your place or his...

    4. You lay down and let him fuck you


    Not to be harsh, but that makes both of you sluts [we all are, or we had similar experiences], however, you are learning from the experiences; you know you want something stronger. An learned slut is a good slut, ;-)

    Chemistry is an organic experience; it just needs to happen. Try, actually, meeting someone without the premise of having sex and see where that leads. He may actually bottom and you may turn out to be a [very good] top.

    Good luck with everything!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2010 4:20 AM GMT
    Karate1974 said
    bernd saidI don't think you are a bottom (if that is your question indeed?) but more a 50's housewife. At least you have the sexual mores of one.

    You have a couple of ideas in that pretty little head of yours, that are not helpful if you want to become a happy slut or at least a happy bottom. Try to convince yourself that

    - bottoming is not feminine
    - bottoms can come on to guys as well
    - 2 guys in bed don't take on a masculine and a feminine role
    - you have the right to say no to unattractive tops
    - gay sex is just about fun, since breeding is of the table
    - don't go pseudo-catholic by saying, sex is only permitted in a long-term monogamous relationship or when it leads to one.


    said perfect. lol


    Four more, and this couldve been the Gay Ten Commandments!
  • Leo123

    Posts: 126

    Aug 10, 2010 4:44 AM GMT
    You'll chill and forget the paranoia once you get used to the game.
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    Aug 10, 2010 4:59 AM GMT
    twentyfourhourslater saidI'll get some heat for this one - Maybe you are discovering that sexual activity is an intimate act FOR YOU thus simply doing it with a stranger makes you feel that way. Maybe you are the type of guy who prefers to be in a relationship rather than have the occasional random hook-up - having very little to do with bottoming or topping. Nothing wrong with that - that is just the way you are - pretty much describes me.


    Share the same sentiments. It is easier for me to top when I don't know the person as bottoming requires being more at ease with the partner...that is feel I can trust him to open me up. Can't wait to have a long term partner!
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    Aug 10, 2010 5:10 AM GMT
    In my book, there is nothing sexier than a hot guy like yourself trusting and liking a guy enough to bottom for him. It really is a sensual, masculine gift when it comes from a hottie such as yourself.
    Watching a guy enjoy the action.....there is nothing better in my book....in some ways the top is just the side show. The bottom seems to be having all the fun!

    I find my desire changes from guy to guy....enjoy whatever role seems desirable at the time.

    Worry less and enjoy more.

    Good luck stud!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2010 5:25 AM GMT
    haha. amazing. what a great community to offer such responses. this has to be the greatest thread i've read in 10 years on the internet. pretty much everyone's reasoned, thoughtful, accepting, respectful, and funny. don't know if this is moderated but thanks real jock for providing forums. and gatorboy...there's a lot of cool stuff shared here...so in the end definitely enjoy more...worry less...and listen to yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2010 5:28 AM GMT
    twentyfourhourslater saidI'll get some heat for this one - Maybe you are discovering that sexual activity is an intimate act FOR YOU thus simply doing it with a stranger makes you feel that way. Maybe you are the type of guy who prefers to be in a relationship rather than have the occasional random hook-up - having very little to do with bottoming or topping. Nothing wrong with that - that is just the way you are - pretty much describes me.


    thats me to a T.
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    Aug 10, 2010 5:40 AM GMT
    I think you are aware that being a bottom is no sluttier than being a top. It just "seems" that way. If you like getting topped... by all means... just play safe and have fun :-) To me a slut is someone who doesnt care who they are fucking... they just want to fuck.

    If you find yourself so desperate to have sex, that you will do just about anyone... then you can worry. Until then... you're fine.


    I agree with you on the intimacy thing though. I always feel a little dirty if i just hook up with someone that I don't know super well or who i am not in a relationship with. I really enjoy being physical with someone who I have a connection with.... that is such a bigger turn on.