Is he gay?

  • pelotudo87

    Posts: 225

    May 26, 2010 2:44 AM GMT
    Hey everyone,

    It seems like lately there have been a few "is this guy gay?" threads, so I thought it might be a good time to share mine, lol. I know the only way to know for sure is to ask, but still, here's what happened:

    So I met this guy in the fall of 2008 (we'll call him "Dan"). We only talked a little for the first few months we knew each other (I thought he was kind of cocky, actually), but overtime we came to talk more and more.

    Right before school ended spring of 2009, he ended up inviting me to his brother's place for a party. On the way there he said that he admired my school work ethic, and that he thought I was going to be very successful. The party was fun, but while playing beer pong he touched my chest a few times...like a tap. I took it as a kind of encouragement to keep playing well, but maybe he meant more by it because he invited me to spend the night. He had been drinking (I hadn't), and he was extremely friendly...but he's usually very friendly, so at the time I didn't think much of it. I had to study the next day so I declined, but invited him over to a thing my friends and I would be having the next night.

    He came over, we had both been drinking. He came into the dorm room with me and a bunch of my friends, and then we all started talking. He touched my chest a few times like he had done the night before, and this time it made me think. I then talked about how I saw a girl I thought was attractive last night, and then my female friend said I have two types that I'm attracted to. She went on to describe those types, and then Dan asked me:

    "Do you like?" with a huge smile on his face. I didn't know how to respond because I was so shocked, then he said "as a friend." I said yes, but was still shocked by the question given the context was what I am physically attracted to.

    We talked online a little that summer, and then I came out to him online. He said that it wouldn't change anything between us, but that because he's Catholic he still sees it as a sin. He didn't talk much after that, but then we did meet up once the beginning of this school year. He asked me, in front of a bunch of guys from his sport team, if there were any guys I was attracted to when I went downtown one time over the summer. He also told me that his sports team was looking for a photographer for the season to come to all the games and take pics of the action...I told him that I had a busy schedule and wouldn't be able to.


    I've told other people about what happened, and they have ALL said it sounds like he might not be straight. My one female friend from the night when he asked me that very odd question said that the way he was touching my chest and the way he asked the question were NOT something a straight guy would do...


    Should I go kick myself now, or do you think he was just being overly nice?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2010 3:19 AM GMT
    You wish he were gay. don't cha? lol My opinion: I don't think he's gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2010 3:43 AM GMT
    There's a guy I work with who's liek my ideal boyfriend. If I were going to start "seriously" dating again, he'd be my first choice.

    The funny thing is: He knows this. He's completely straight and comfortable enough with his sexuality to "hit on" me (physically, like punching, groping, etc). He (and other guys) even pinches my nipples, slaps my ass, and makes crotch-grabbing gestures just to fuck with me...and I eat it up. It's like being in a locker room but fully clothed.

    The more comfortable a "completely" straight guy is with you, the more likely he is to be friendly and treat you as any other guy. Never assume they're gay unless they make the first move. Playing does not count as a move.
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    May 26, 2010 10:29 AM GMT
    Yep, agree with Paul above.

    I think you are reading too much into it cause you would like it to be true.

    A lot of my straight mates are extremely friendly, easy going guys. Some of them also seem to be hands on- they touch me, particularly when drinking, but as a means to connect in a brotherly fashion.

    Some straight mates seem a little fascinated by gay guys, ask me if I think they are hot etc and find it pretty interesting. But it is plain old curiosity and fun.

    Enjoy the friendship- he knows you are gay, and if he ever feels more for you then I am sure he woudl approach you, as you did say he was a confident guy.
  • pelotudo87

    Posts: 225

    May 27, 2010 12:37 AM GMT
    Thanks, guys. I wanted some gay guy's opinions since all the straight girls I asked about it said "HE'S GAY AND HE WANTS YOU!!!!!!!!!!" lol
  • mke_bt

    Posts: 707

    Sep 01, 2010 3:14 AM GMT

    I hope you're over this. If not, run for your life.
    This guy is a total closet case. Falling back on the Catholic thing is just so convenient. After reading some of your posts I can tell you are someone who is not afraid of finding his way and is actually looking forward to the adventure. This is not the kind of person you want in your life. He would hold you back in so many ways.
    God, I sound so corny.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2010 3:43 AM GMT
    Here's my working theory about situations like this in general.

    By nature, people are social and crave affection and physical contact with others. Even guys who are completely heterosexual can have a completely platonic desire for closeness with another guy. But in a society that stigmatizes any desire of that kind as "gay", many straight guys will avoid it like the plague even though it's natural. At least around other guys they believe are straight.

    But for some guys who have gay friends (who they know are gay), they are more at ease about expressing this natural affection with their gay friends.

    I've had this theory for a while and I've discussed it with some of my straight friends. They tend to agree.

    This probably doesn't help answer your questions about this guy. He might be completely straight and comfortable expressing affection with you. He might be curious, bi, or a closet gay. No way to know without having some conversations with him and getting around to getting an answer.