My partner lives with his ex !!!!!

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    May 26, 2010 5:08 PM GMT
    A month and two weeks ago, I met a wonderful man. He tells me he loves me and I respond in the same manner towards him. The situation is that he lives with his ex-lover in the same apartment but in different rooms. He claims to be faithful to me.

    I told him he has to resolve this situation. He pays $ 150 and his ex $ 150 for a total of $ 300 dollars. I do not want him to leave the apartment. I'm not working, so I can not help at the time, and I can not take him home because I live with my mother. In order to make me feel secure he tells me that he can go home with his parents or seek an apartment that is not as expensive but my true intentions are that his ex leaves the apartment that they share.

    I do not want to pressure him. What amount of time should I give him to resolve or find a solution? icon_confused.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 26, 2010 5:27 PM GMT
    i think that a man who is still living with his mother and who is not working should not be making demands on his bf to move out. icon_rolleyes.gif

    pot...kettle...black...
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    May 26, 2010 5:29 PM GMT
    Rocko saidA month and two weeks ago, I met a wonderful man. He tells me he loves me and I respond in the same manner towards him. The situation is that he lives with his ex-lover in the same apartment but in different rooms. He claims to be faithful to me.

    I told him he has to resolve this situation. He pays $ 150 and his ex $ 150 for a total of $ 300 dollars. I do not want him to leave the apartment. I'm not working, so I can not help at the time, and I can not take him home because I live with my mother. In order to make me feel secure he tells me that he can go home with his parents or seek an apartment that is not as expensive but my true intentions are that his ex leaves the apartment that they share.

    I do not want to pressure him. What amount of time should I give him to resolve or find a solution? icon_confused.gif


    This is laughable icon_lol.gif. Are you serious????
  • calibro

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    May 26, 2010 5:29 PM GMT
    umm... better question: you've known a dude for six weeks and you're already calling him your partner and saying you love each other?
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    May 26, 2010 5:32 PM GMT
    One of my exes and I have lived together for 12 years.

    It has never been a problem for the boyfriends we have had in the meantime.

    He is my best friend and I know I can always trust him. Any boyfriend who demanded that I kick my ex out would be out on his ass.
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    May 26, 2010 5:33 PM GMT
    I am willing to move out and take a job in order to help him with the rent. I have been studying and just finished a course that enables me to have my own business and I also have a BBA in Communications. This goes to demonstrate that I am moving forward in life and that I don't expect to recieve anything without giving somethig back. icon_wink.gif
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    May 26, 2010 5:34 PM GMT
    Has he given you any reason? not to trust him?

    Its ok to trust.. cos they could just be friends but as soon you see something crazy... confront it hands on..
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    May 26, 2010 5:37 PM GMT
    and youre living with your mom and not working at 40? i think we need too have a talk lol... this new love is the least of your problems. honestly with a resume like that your lucky hes interested in you even as a 2nd interest.icon_eek.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 26, 2010 5:38 PM GMT
    Rocko saidI am willing to move out and take a job in order to help him with the rent. I have been studying and just finished a course that enables me to have my own business and I also have a BBA in Communications. This goes to demonstrate that I am moving forward in life and that I don't expect to recieve anything without giving somethig back. icon_wink.gif
    wow, a BBA in "communications"..that qualifies you for a job in the Real World wearing a name tag flipping burgers and asking "you want fries with that"? icon_lol.gif

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 26, 2010 5:39 PM GMT
    sounds like SOMEONE is an immature, jealous momma's boy icon_exclaim.gif
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    May 26, 2010 5:40 PM GMT
    viveutvivas saidOne of my exes and I have lived together for 12 years.

    It has never been a problem for the boyfriends we have had in the meantime.

    He is my best friend and I know I can always trust him. Any boyfriend who demanded that I kick my ex out would be out on his ass.



    We definately think very differently. Do you still feel any sort of attraction towards your ex? Has trust ever been an issue in any of your relationships?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 26, 2010 5:44 PM GMT
    Well this is an interesting situation, but only partially because your bf lives with his ex. I'm going to ask some questions that may sound harsh and not meant to be. It looks like you've answered a couple in a post above.

    It does help to be financially independent doesn't it? I wondered what you were doing living with your mother at age 40, but there may be excellent reasons for it... I lived in the home in which I grew up until about 5.5 years ago.. however my mother died when I was 24 and my Dad owned the property and wasn't there, but occasionally and I had lots of responsibilities... which may be the case with you. I was financially
    independent and socking away thousands for my new home.

    They have a good deal if they are paying $300.00 a month for an apartment.
    I just wish your bf was financially independent to the point he could pay $300.00 (or a hell of a lot more) toward a house or apartment.. and that his ex could as well. Why can't they? If I had known a guy for 6 weeks, I'd want to know alot more about him before I'd want to move in, but thats me and my anal ways.....

    I'd have some serious conversations with him.. maybe premature at this stage (based on the time you've had together).. but if you are talking about moving in and accomodations, serious discussions are in order. You need to be on the same page on living arrangements and creating an avenue to get you there. Perhaps in the meantime you can gleen a better idea of how well your new bf gets along with his ex. Good luck with it.
  • xysx

    Posts: 306

    May 26, 2010 5:46 PM GMT
    My ex and I share a son and a house, as well as other investments for the sake of our son. We live together for a portion of the year so he can spend time with our son. Not every coupling's divorce needs to end on an "I'll never speak with you again and I want you out of my life forever" -that would be childish and immature. My ex likes my current boyfriend. I guess my question o you would be; what is your issue with the man you're currently dating still remaining on friendly terms with his ex? Are you expecting that if you two ever decide you're not right for one another as life partners, that you will not be able to remain friends with him either? There are people who share common ground and similar interests that may yeild friendship, but who have discovered they're not right for one another in a romantic sense any more. -Hence, there's a reason that they're EXes. It shouldn't be that much of a threat to you. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 26, 2010 6:10 PM GMT
    Rocko said
    viveutvivas saidOne of my exes and I have lived together for 12 years.

    It has never been a problem for the boyfriends we have had in the meantime.

    He is my best friend and I know I can always trust him. Any boyfriend who demanded that I kick my ex out would be out on his ass.



    We definately think very differently. Do you still feel any sort of attraction towards your ex? Has trust ever been an issue in any of your relationships?


    No, and no.

    You are letting yourself be ruled by insecurities. I would recommend that you keep them to yourself. Nothing is less attractive in a partner than obvious insecurity. If I were you, I would make my peace with the idea of the ex living with him for now. If you cannot, do yourself a favor and break it off and move on.

    This problem is yours, not his.

    It sounds as if you are not financially independent. That is okay, but maybe your insecurity is partly due to that. In your place I would wonder if moving in with someone so soon while in the financial situation you are in would be helpful or harmful.
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    May 26, 2010 6:30 PM GMT
    "Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth." ~Ludwig Borne

    Nobody who loves anyone asks their boyfriend to move in with their mother just because they are insecure. Unless you have the money to change the situation, you just can't do anything about it.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 26, 2010 6:31 PM GMT
    Rocko saidI am willing to move out and take a job in order to help him with the rent. I have been studying and just finished a course that enables me to have my own business and I also have a BBA in Communications. This goes to demonstrate that I am moving forward in life and that I don't expect to recieve anything without giving somethig back. icon_wink.gif


    umm.. you shouldn't be "willing" to move out of your mother's place to take a job and help pay his rent: you should get a job and pay your own rent. my brother lives at home with our mom, but that's because she's sick and he helps take care of her, on top of that he goes to college, works, and pays his share of the rent. maybe i'm wrong, but it sounds as if you're freeloading off your mom and you don't have a right to judge, yet you feel content to tell someone else, someone you apparently love after only sixish weeks, that he needs to give up his living arrangements. i'd worry about your own life before i start butting into how others survive.
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    May 26, 2010 6:34 PM GMT
    calibro saidumm... better question: you've known a dude for six weeks and you're already calling him your partner and saying you love each other?


    How lesbian.
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    May 26, 2010 6:36 PM GMT
    a month and two weeks later you're in love? lol...wow...stupid boys always trying to hard to find their fairytale. how's about the fool get is butt out of tha house before he starts something. secondly... you need to not take this crap so seriously. I'm sure you'll find someone else to fall for in no time.
  • calibro

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    May 26, 2010 6:38 PM GMT
    drewrx said
    calibro saidumm... better question: you've known a dude for six weeks and you're already calling him your partner and saying you love each other?


    How lesbian.


    haha... yes, it does sound familiar to...

    what does a lesbian bring on the first date?

    a dozen roses.

    what does a lesbian bring on the second date?

    a u-haul.

    what does a lesbian bring on the third date?

    a turkey baster.
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    May 26, 2010 6:45 PM GMT
    shyshortguy said"Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth." ~Ludwig Borne

    Nobody who loves anyone asks their boyfriend to move in with their mother just because they are insecure. Unless you have the money to change the situation, you just can't do anything about it.


    I did not tell him to move with his mother. Was his idea to make me feel secure. I have the money to pay, but I dont want at this moment to live with him.

    My true intentions are that his ex leaves the apartment that they share.
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    May 26, 2010 6:51 PM GMT
    Rocko said
    My true intentions are that his ex leaves the apartment that they share.


    Stop that. You are over the line. Nothing good can come of this line of thinking.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 26, 2010 6:55 PM GMT
    Rocko said
    shyshortguy said"Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth." ~Ludwig Borne

    Nobody who loves anyone asks their boyfriend to move in with their mother just because they are insecure. Unless you have the money to change the situation, you just can't do anything about it.


    I did not tell him to move with his mother. Was his idea to make me feel secure. I have the money to pay, but I dont want at this moment to live with him.

    My true intentions are that his ex leaves the apartment that they share.


    so you don't want to live with him but you don't want him living with his ex... forgive me, but i was thinking that this is his life and he gets to do what he wants, not what you want. did you even ask him how he feels about the situation? if any guy i started dating told me he loved me after six weeks and then told me to move out of my apartment because he didn't trust me to be faithful i would dump his ass.
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    May 26, 2010 7:00 PM GMT
    calibro saidumm... better question: you've known a dude for six weeks and you're already calling him your partner and saying you love each other?


    Yeah. After only six weeks, he's not your partner but merely an acquaintance. He has much more time vested in his ex than he does with you so it's a bit unreasonable to expect him to drop someone like a hot potato that he knows well and is comfortable with. I lived with an ex in separate rooms for 18 months and it didn't have any affect on either of our ability to date or make new friends. I only have three exes and I'd live with any of them as roommates - no problem - and I'm sure the feeling is mutual. Not a big deal.
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    May 26, 2010 7:02 PM GMT
    calibro said
    Rocko saidI am willing to move out and take a job in order to help him with the rent. I have been studying and just finished a course that enables me to have my own business and I also have a BBA in Communications. This goes to demonstrate that I am moving forward in life and that I don't expect to recieve anything without giving somethig back. icon_wink.gif


    umm.. you shouldn't be "willing" to move out of your mother's place to take a job and help pay his rent: you should get a job and pay your own rent. my brother lives at home with our mom, but that's because she's sick and he helps take care of her, on top of that he goes to college, works, and pays his share of the rent. maybe i'm wrong, but it sounds as if you're freeloading off your mom and you don't have a right to judge, yet you feel content to tell someone else, someone you apparently love after only sixish weeks, that he needs to give up his living arrangements. i'd worry about your own life before i start butting into how others survive.


    The house is ours (an inheritance) of my father. WE ARE THE OWNERS. AS YOUR BROTHER I TAKE CARE OF MY MOM (75) BECAUSE SHE'S SICK AND I TAKE CARE OF HER, but this is not the situation that i want to resolve.
  • calibro

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    May 26, 2010 7:05 PM GMT
    Rocko said
    calibro said
    Rocko saidI am willing to move out and take a job in order to help him with the rent. I have been studying and just finished a course that enables me to have my own business and I also have a BBA in Communications. This goes to demonstrate that I am moving forward in life and that I don't expect to recieve anything without giving somethig back. icon_wink.gif


    umm.. you shouldn't be "willing" to move out of your mother's place to take a job and help pay his rent: you should get a job and pay your own rent. my brother lives at home with our mom, but that's because she's sick and he helps take care of her, on top of that he goes to college, works, and pays his share of the rent. maybe i'm wrong, but it sounds as if you're freeloading off your mom and you don't have a right to judge, yet you feel content to tell someone else, someone you apparently love after only sixish weeks, that he needs to give up his living arrangements. i'd worry about your own life before i start butting into how others survive.


    The house is ours (an inheritance) of my father. WE ARE THE OWNERS. AS YOUR BROTHER I TAKE CARE OF MY MOM (75) BECAUSE SHE'S SICK AND I TAKE CARE OF HER, but this is not the situation that i want to resolve.


    well, one, that's quite different than just saying you're living with your mom so you only have yourself to blame if you don't communicate well. and nonetheless, it does not excuse the fact that you have no place telling another guy to move out of his apartment, especially after knowing him for only six weeks.