Should Friendships Have Boundaries?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 27, 2010 3:24 AM GMT
    I have a friend who has no issue hooking up with his friends. I, on the other hand, don't find it appropriate. When the subject comes up, he always says I need to stop being such a prude and try it. I believe there should be certain boundaries within platonic friendships. We argue about this all the time. I'm not judging his lifestyle, but I know it's not for me. How can I get him to stop forcing this on me?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 27, 2010 3:42 AM GMT
    oh put it bluntly that he's not going to get a chance to slep with you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 27, 2010 3:48 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidoh put it bluntly that he's not going to get a chance to slep with you.
    ^^that^^

    I have no problem hooking up with friends, but if they say they don't feel comfortable with it, end of story...no hookup. But if they're wishy washy about it, I think they're just playing hard to get.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 27, 2010 5:41 AM GMT
    I don't think there's a real answer to that one.. I mean in some situations it would be yes and in others, I'd have to say no. Depends on the friend, the history between you two and all those factors. Also, if it were to happen, I'd have to tlak to the person about it first and set like rules or something. I don't like to play around with anyone really because there's too many chances of getting something these days.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 27, 2010 5:57 AM GMT
    have you tried telling him no?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 27, 2010 6:03 AM GMT
    Yeah. I'd say there are boundaries.

    Some things you just don't do with some friends. Nothing wrong with that. If your friend thinks it's a problem then clearly he's friend who doesn't respect your boundary.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 27, 2010 6:05 AM GMT
    I agree with the OP on this one. To me, friends are just friends - I don't hook up with them. Ever.

    Just say no to him, and if that didn't work, I wouldn't hang out with him anymore.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 27, 2010 8:06 AM GMT
    dsato17 saidI agree with the OP on this one. To me, friends are just friends - I don't hook up with them. Ever.

    Just say no to him, and if that didn't work, I wouldn't hang out with him anymore.


    Agreed, if you wanna hook up with someone then go find someone who's not a friend to hook up with. Maybe that's just me, but I don't look at my friends and think, hmmm I wonder if they'd wanna f*ck?
  • Kage

    Posts: 707

    May 27, 2010 11:01 AM GMT
    If you want to hook up with friends things can get a bit complicated.
    It has to be consenting from both parties from the start.
    Any doubts, then rather avoid it completely.
  • lifepak79

    Posts: 8

    May 27, 2010 6:28 PM GMT
    "Good fences make good neighbors"
    -Robert Frost
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    May 27, 2010 6:36 PM GMT
    I did it in my 20's now, i wouldn't do it all. say NO. simple. I wish i never hooked up with my friends back then, i think it changes the playing field a lot. Friends are friends. simple. fuckbuddies are fuckbuddies.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    May 27, 2010 6:41 PM GMT
    I usually act like I'm about to puke any time they broach the subject. After about a half dozen of these scenes where I have the dry heaves because of their suggestion they usually get the idea and are too traumatized to ever suggest it again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 27, 2010 8:42 PM GMT
    guess I am old fashioned because friends are friends. the person you sleep with is your BF, and if you have multiple partners your a slut.
  • BeachStud2014

    Posts: 343

    May 27, 2010 8:55 PM GMT
    keep your freinds
    updated on your status and whatever desicions you make your friends should accpet
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 27, 2010 9:00 PM GMT
    Or... maybe... he's getting more sex than you...

    and you're jealous!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 27, 2010 9:52 PM GMT
    Over my life I have been forced to ponder what is it about the word no, so many gay men don't understand!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 27, 2010 10:02 PM GMT
    Like KARATE1974 said, friends are for friends and fuck buddies are for fucking. Never should the two cross........unless your both drunk.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 27, 2010 10:09 PM GMT
    I think boundaries are important - but really it comes down to the chemistry and personalities of the two people in the relationship/friendship.

    If both of you are the kind of guys who can fuck their friends, then go for it. lol. But if not, the other should respect that!

    I met my now best friend here in DC by going on a few dates with him. We made out once and ended up deciding that we should be friends. 3 + years later, I could NEVER imagine touching him in that way. YUCK! lol.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    May 27, 2010 10:10 PM GMT
    lifepakdc79 said"Good fences make good neighbors"
    -Robert Frost
    Word.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 27, 2010 10:20 PM GMT
    This is a subject that hits home for me

    I had a friend that had broached the subject before in the initial stages of our friendship
    I told him that I never mix friendships with sex
    and he was alright with it ... so he said
    and we were close friends for many years
    Then something came up with an Ex of mine and he got all weird and possessive
    It got so bad that I had to end the entire relationship with him
    icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 27, 2010 10:48 PM GMT
    yes & no....if the guy is cute and he has no issue not getting to clingy then FWB is alright...the other you can guess on your own :i
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 27, 2010 10:53 PM GMT
    OH341 saidI have a friend who has no issue hooking up with his friends. I, on the other hand, don't find it appropriate. When the subject comes up, he always says I need to stop being such a prude and try it. I believe there should be certain boundaries within platonic friendships. We argue about this all the time. I'm not judging his lifestyle, but I know it's not for me. How can I get him to stop forcing this on me?


    A true friend will respect boundaries established by his friends. While I understand that friends sometimes hook up, you and I are of like mind on the issue: as a rule, I don't hook up with my friends. Otherwise, life would be one big, nasty orgy. And that's NOT ok to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 27, 2010 10:57 PM GMT
    ZbmwM5 saidI think boundaries are important - but really it comes down to the chemistry and personalities of the two people in the relationship/friendship.

    If both of you are the kind of guys who can fuck their friends, then go for it. lol. But if not, the other should respect that!

    Sounds quite sensible to me. Agreed. If they are trying to pressure you into anything then they are not a friend to be trusted. Lose 'em.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 27, 2010 10:58 PM GMT
    maine1057 saidLike KARATE1974 said, friends are for friends and fuck buddies are for fucking. Never should the two cross........unless your both drunk.


    ha! ... this has happened to me... but not in a LONG LONG TIME!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 27, 2010 11:02 PM GMT
    Its JUST sex.......................