When to NOT use a condom?

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    May 27, 2010 6:33 PM GMT
    Isn't it ironic that in the wake of Post HIV Epidemic - the question still stands. I know because I am guilty of it. Perhaps not in the same way that you do but guilty non-the-less. My philosophy is this - at some point in a relationship (a committed relationship) it should be okay - that in the heat of the moment, when all you have is love, spit and determination - that two people can bond and make love and it be okay. As for the when that time is... could be a year, could be 3 yrs, its all up to the individuals. So the question stands...Is there ever a moment for YOU, that it becomes okay to not have to wrap it up. or whats the point in having a committed relationship? (PS - this is based on two parties sharing the same status, be it NEG or POZ)
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    May 27, 2010 7:25 PM GMT
    For me it was about a year into my last relationship.
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    May 27, 2010 7:30 PM GMT
    While you may get a lot of responses that wearing a condom is a must in every relationship, whether you are monogamous, everything in between, or in open relationships! and for even those who would agree that a committed relationship NOT wearing a condom is a sign trust, respect, and real love for each other!?

    While the first option makes a lot of sense in the mainstream gay world unfortunately in the real world, as on this website, you will come across many who will make you belief they use protection or that they are loyal with their partners!? although I am not too sure that to be true for most men. My advice to you is to be very careful and just listen to your gut instincts, because the tell tell signs of a cheater and a deceitful person are too many to count to put on here.

    But seriously, before you decide to not use condoms with your partner watch the signs to see how their promises hold true!? and for that my dear friend you need to have a lot of psychology and street smart to know if your partner is "truly and potentially" a monogamous oriented person!?

    I personally have always used condoms even in committed relationships til this day! why? because I haven't found a single gay man until the present time to prove to me at having any morals, values, or a greater sense of spirituality beyond their own narcissistic self!


    Leandro ♥
  • safety43_mma1...

    Posts: 4251

    May 29, 2010 7:17 AM GMT
    it would have to be atleast a year and alot of tests over time before that happens. too many guys r not honest about their status so just to be safe.
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    May 29, 2010 7:51 AM GMT
    perfect answer safety43.
  • mynyun

    Posts: 1346

    May 29, 2010 8:09 AM GMT
    ALEZANDAR saidWhile you may get a lot of responses that wearing a condom is a must in every relationship, whether you are monogamous, everything in between, or in open relationships! and for even those who would agree that a committed relationship NOT wearing a condom is a sign of trust, respect, and real love for each other!?
    Leandro ♥


    I agree but even with condoms there is still a trust issue because they don't protect from everything.


    viveutvivas saidFor me it was about a year into my last relationship.


    About the same here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 29, 2010 8:10 AM GMT
    whats a condom?
  • mynyun

    Posts: 1346

    May 29, 2010 8:11 AM GMT
    Voice22 saidwhats a condom?


    You know. Those things you blow up at your kids birthday parties. icon_razz.gif
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    May 29, 2010 8:26 AM GMT
    I have always believed in monogamous relationships. To be able to believe in someones commitment to you is a valuable, honorable and important characteristic of any serious relationship.

    But....I can not tell you how many guys I have talked to on poz sites that were diagnosed with HIV while in their "monogamous" relationships.

    It all boils down to, Are you willing to take that chance? The ONLY person that can protect you is YOU.

    Believe me, I know from experience...because I got HIV while in my "monogamous" relationship.

    I know what your saying, and not wearing a condom may be a sign of trust, love, honor, and commitment...but trust me, its not worth it

    Keep the condom on my friend, the few minutes of infidelity or "that one mistake" that your partner may have and never tell you about may come back to haunt you for the rest of your life.
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    May 30, 2010 7:48 AM GMT
    I don't do bareback... ever. First of all because for now I am not thinking of being in a monogamous relationship and second of all - it's a habit that my mama taught me icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2010 7:53 AM GMT
    ALWAYS USE A CONDOM....EVEN IF YOUR IN A "COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP".
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    May 30, 2010 8:40 AM GMT
    I'm still awake. icon_sad.gif

    You should only NOT use a condom when you are trying to have a baby.

    ...but you've already made up your mind so...
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    May 30, 2010 8:43 AM GMT
    fulldelight saidI don't do bareback... ever. First of all because for now I am not thinking of being in a monogamous relationship and second of all - it's a habit that my mama taught me icon_biggrin.gif


    dont be keeping from us them instructional videos yo momma made 4 u. bet she taught u well....icon_twisted.gif
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    May 30, 2010 8:44 AM GMT
    I didn't realize the AIDS epidemic was "post".
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    May 30, 2010 9:03 AM GMT
    joshnyz said
    fulldelight saidI don't do bareback... ever. First of all because for now I am not thinking of being in a monogamous relationship and second of all - it's a habit that my mama taught me icon_biggrin.gif


    dont be keeping from us them instructional videos yo momma made 4 u. bet she taught u well....icon_twisted.gif

    she liked saying stuff like: "Do you see me? Fat, nervous with no time to do my nails? THAT's what happens when you don't use a condom."

    Of course that could never be my case, but still.... icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 02, 2010 4:15 PM GMT
    with everything in life you take a chance. only each partner will know when its right to take that chance, and that will be when you ultimately trust each other. anytime before that and you are taking a calculated risk.

    but in any case, for those that believe you should always protect yourself in a committed relationship, i respect your opinion, but to me that only works in the beginning of that committed relationship, as you are still getting to know each other, build trust and more importantly nourishing the love between the two.

    But once you pass that stage, if you still believe in wrapping it up, then how does that make your relationship committed? if you cant trust the one you love, who can you? I'm not naive, i know there it happens. it happens al teh time. there are many who can mislead and cheat us, and blame it on "weakness", being influenced, and other bull shit excuses. but that is why we need to look for the right guy. usually they are the ones that are not perfect, the ones who are single, but we still manage to overlook.

    i can't honestly love someone, give them my heart, and look forward to spending the rest of my days with him, if i cant trust him. that relationship is doomed to fail if either of us don't believe or trust in each other. the only thing one can wish for is that if one of the two dare to cross the line to the dark side, then have the decency of wrapping it up and protect your own life and the one you say you love.

    and hell if you are weak, horny, hot for someone -- your committed relationship should be reason enough to communicate that to your partner.

    i will give my partner the benefit of doubt, because if i am with someone, the right one, it is because i truly love and trust him. i want him to love and trust me the same.
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    Jun 02, 2010 4:21 PM GMT
    irieatl saidIsn't it ironic that in the wake of Post HIV Epidemic - the question still stands. I know because I am guilty of it. Perhaps not in the same way that you do but guilty non-the-less. My philosophy is this - at some point in a relationship (a committed relationship) it should be okay - that in the heat of the moment, when all you have is love, spit and determination - that two people can bond and make love and it be okay. As for the when that time is... could be a year, could be 3 yrs, its all up to the individuals. So the question stands...Is there ever a moment for YOU, that it becomes okay to not have to wrap it up. or whats the point in having a committed relationship? (PS - this is based on two parties sharing the same status, be it NEG or POZ)


    The answer is, NEVER.

    Life is too precious. You can never be too sure about what your partner is doing when you're not around. (MEN ARE NOT LIKE WOMEN, unfortunately.) And if he's barebacking with you, it would be naive for you to think he wouldn't bareback with someone else.
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    Jun 02, 2010 4:32 PM GMT
    LCM1969 saidwith everything in life you take a chance. only each partner will know when its right to take that chance, and that will be when you ultimately trust each other. anytime before that and you are taking a calculated risk.

    but in any case, for those that believe you should always protect yourself in a committed relationship, i respect your opinion, but to me that only works in the beginning of that committed relationship, as you are still getting to know each other, build trust and more importantly nourishing the love between the two.

    But once you pass that stage, if you still believe in wrapping it up, then how does that make your relationship committed? if you cant trust the one you love, who can you? I'm not naive, i know there it happens. it happens al teh time. there are many who can mislead and cheat us, and blame it on "weakness", being influenced, and other bull shit excuses. but that is why we need to look for the right guy. usually they are the ones that are not perfect, the ones who are single, but we still manage to overlook.

    i can't honestly love someone, give them my heart, and look forward to spending the rest of my days with him, if i cant trust him. that relationship is doomed to fail if either of us don't believe or trust in each other. the only thing one can wish for is that if one of the two dare to cross the line to the dark side, then have the decency of wrapping it up and protect your own life and the one you say you love.

    and hell if you are weak, horny, hot for someone -- your committed relationship should be reason enough to communicate that to your partner.

    i will give my partner the benefit of doubt, because if i am with someone, the right one, it is because i truly love and trust him. i want him to love and trust me the same.


    Too many guys who have trusted their committed lovers/partners have contracted HIV. What does commitment really mean? Should commitment require a person to endanger his life?

    Love is NOT worth unnecessary self-endangment. To me, that's what barebacking is. We're not making babies together. We don't NEED to have unprotected sex.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 02, 2010 4:33 PM GMT
    I use condoms. If you want to have sex with me, that's the rule. If that's not ok with you, then we aren't having sex.
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    Jun 02, 2010 4:40 PM GMT
    Condoms are a must.
    Cockiness is a plus.
    Edginess is a rush.
    Edges I like 'em rough.
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    Jun 02, 2010 4:52 PM GMT
    After many tests, time, and a ring.
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    Jun 02, 2010 5:19 PM GMT

    "Love is NOT worth unnecessary self-endangment." ??

    well plain and simply, then its NOT LOVE.

    and i'm sorry, we are just allowing our gay community to dictate that its ok to cheat. why, because guys will be guys? i tend to surround myself with good people, and that's what i look for. I am not immune to being cheated or lied to, but i will risk it for the right one, when I believe that time is right.
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    Jun 02, 2010 6:26 PM GMT
    LCM1969 said
    "Love is NOT worth unnecessary self-endangment." ??

    well plain and simply, then its NOT LOVE.

    and i'm sorry, we are just allowing our gay community to dictate that its ok to cheat. why, because guys will be guys? i tend to surround myself with good people, and that's what i look for. I am not immune to being cheated or lied to, but i will risk it for the right one, when I believe that time is right.


    And if you contract HIV, you'll lean back and say, "It was worth the risk"?
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    Jun 02, 2010 6:27 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidI use condoms. If you want to have sex with me, that's the rule. If that's not ok with you, then we aren't having sex.


    Exactly.

    If LOVE = BAREBACKING, then I'm content remaining LOVE-LESS. icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 02, 2010 6:48 PM GMT
    CrushCrushCrush saidIf you really love your boyfriend then usually I don't have a trust issue.

    It's all about talking to your lover, and telling him you really want to make love w/ out condoms. So once you two talk it through, and then get tested, and make sure no body cheats then your good to go!

    The only person to ever bareback you should be your boyfriend, and you gotta really be in love with him.


    You guys are talking as if LOVE requires you to discard common sense. I disagree.