Gay Forums - All Things Gay - Making yourself look good when you know it makes you less attractive to others.

Making yourself look good when you know it makes you less attractive to others.

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May 27, 2010 8:31 PM GMT

So two years ago I shaved my head, grew a beard and put on 25-30 lbs, a decent amount of it muscle. The boys liked! I got a lot of attention and whenever they saw older pics of me a lot thinner and with more...interesting hair and a shaved face they went 'ewww'. The change came through a depression of sorts. I ate more, but I strength train and run a decent amount so therefore I gained more muscle. Also I shaved my head during a suicidal period.

Present day: I'm happy, focused, lost the weight I had previously gained, re-grew my hair and shaved my face. The boys don't like. But I look how I want to look. Interestingly enough, I'm more attracted to men who looked like I did when I had more muscle on me and a shaved head, and yet I don't want to look like that myself, or feel I should have to look like that to be attractive to a man like that.

Other than the stock response of "It doesn't matter what others think, you should make yourself happy", what are your thoughts on the matter?

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May 27, 2010 8:46 PM GMT

You are way too focused on yourself. Look at your profile. It's a fucking photo shrine to you! It screams "I love me. Who do you love?"

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May 27, 2010 9:45 PM GMT

Just to clarify this thread isn't about me or about begging for validation. It's on the subject of receiving increasingly negative feedback as you progress on your own personal fitness and aesthetic goals.

BlackBeltGuy

Posts: 2609

May 27, 2010 9:49 PM GMT

its a make yourself happy. guys liked me with a beard and 35 lbs heavier. I have the pics but I like to be the clean cut type.

DO WHAT YOU WANT the right guy is gonna show up anyway.

Midas426

Posts: 966

May 27, 2010 10:06 PM GMT

As I was reading your message I was just thinking how interesting it must've been attracting the type of guys you like when you had the extra weight and muscle and now not attracting that same group with the same intensity.

I've pretty much been in the same range of weight...though I've lost some weight and even though I don't have the 6-pack, I've gotten some compliments on my bod.

I am typically attracted to the bear muscle guys (though I make some exceptions) and even when I was 180, those BMs would never look my way. But I have no desire to gain the 40 pounds of muscle I would likely need to attract those very guys. So I'm left looking for the minority who finds guys like me to be attractive.

Aside from further toning up and gaining some more strength, I'm generally happy with where I am.

I know you specifically didn't want to hear the stock response but I think it applies to your situation. You are happy and focused now and you're not looking to get back to your extra weight days just to attract those guys that you like. So you just have to keep doing you and looking for that elusive muscle boy that likes skinny guys.

Nayro

Posts: 1825

May 27, 2010 10:11 PM GMT

Dont change urself for other people!

Chocobo!!

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May 27, 2010 10:19 PM GMT

Daelin saidDont change urself for other people!

Chocobo!!

Kweh!

I know the topic totally comes off as "Ack I need to be what others want me to be :s", but what I was really going for is there's a sort of generalized perception that once you start seriously working out and taking care of your body others will notice and cast you in a more favorable light. In my case it's the inverse, I was depressed and ate cake daily and hey suddenly I'm dating more. When I'm seriously working out at my best intensity the interest noticeably goes down. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

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May 27, 2010 10:24 PM GMT

beow2k5 saidyou ate cake to gain muscle?! Man I wish I have your gene...

The problem with cake is that it's basically refined sugar + bleached flour, so you digest it immediately. If you're skinny to begin with and you lift heavy you'll still get the benefit of those added calories, but your energy levels will be off and you'll gain fat as well in most cases. A little fat on top of muscle can look good, though.

edit. Oh you deleted that post

Iluros

Posts: 559

May 27, 2010 10:30 PM GMT

Ciarsolo said
Daelin saidDont change urself for other people!

Chocobo!!

Kweh!

I know the topic totally comes off as "Ack I need to be what others want me to be :s", but what I was really going for is there's a sort of generalized perception that once you start seriously working out and taking care of your body others will notice and cast you in a more favorable light. In my case it's the inverse, I was depressed and ate cake daily and hey suddenly I'm dating more. When I'm seriously working out at my best intensity the interest noticeably goes down. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

Well, I can relate to the not-getting-attention from the type of guys I like, though in my case I really do want to bulk up. Though preferably not as part of a depressed rut.

I would so eat cake more if it were available.

Midas426

Posts: 966

May 27, 2010 10:36 PM GMT

Ciarsolo saidA little fat on top of muscle can look good, though.

So true.

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May 27, 2010 10:55 PM GMT

I guess, if you had been happy being heavier and dating, you would have kept the bulk. Seems all the interest didn't do it for you and also didn't score you an LTR (if that is what you want).

Question is: Are you happy now? Or do you miss the attention?

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May 28, 2010 12:24 AM GMT

Ciarsolo said...Other than the stock response of "It doesn't matter what others think, you should make yourself happy", what are your thoughts on the matter?

You've answered your own question, M.

Besides, if somebody loves you only for how you look and not who you are, then perhaps they're not good enough for you?

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May 28, 2010 12:34 AM GMT

Ciarsolo saidSo two years ago I shaved my head, grew a beard and put on 25-30 lbs, a decent amount of it muscle. The boys liked! I got a lot of attention and whenever they saw older pics of me a lot thinner and with more...interesting hair and a shaved face they went 'ewww'. The change came through a depression of sorts. I ate more, but I strength train and run a decent amount so therefore I gained more muscle. Also I shaved my head during a suicidal period.

Present day: I'm happy, focused, lost the weight I had previously gained, re-grew my hair and shaved my face. The boys don't like. But I look how I want to look. Interestingly enough, I'm more attracted to men who looked like I did when I had more muscle on me and a shaved head, and yet I don't want to look like that myself, or feel I should have to look like that to be attractive to a man like that.

Other than the stock response of "It doesn't matter what others think, you should make yourself happy", what are your thoughts on the matter?

There was something about what you wrote that stood out like no other. Your Happy and Focused. You like who you like and why bother second guessing that? I too am attracted to a particular type of guy but I love when I'm caught off guard by a guy that I'm totally into that doesn't necessarily meet my criteria.

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May 28, 2010 1:35 AM GMT

Meh i mean seriously meh i get comments aal the time from friends and family "oh don't get to big oh don't be a body builder" bla bla bla i really don't give a crap do what will make you feel best about your self and be happy about it

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May 28, 2010 1:41 AM GMT

Shave your head and bulk up again. It's hot ;)

Learn to like your bald bulked up self.

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May 28, 2010 1:43 AM GMT

Iluros said
Ciarsolo said
Daelin saidDont change urself for other people!

Chocobo!!

Kweh!

I know the topic totally comes off as "Ack I need to be what others want me to be :s", but what I was really going for is there's a sort of generalized perception that once you start seriously working out and taking care of your body others will notice and cast you in a more favorable light. In my case it's the inverse, I was depressed and ate cake daily and hey suddenly I'm dating more. When I'm seriously working out at my best intensity the interest noticeably goes down. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

Well, I can relate to the not-getting-attention from the type of guys I like, though in my case I really do want to bulk up. Though preferably not as part of a depressed rut.

I would so eat cake more if it were available.

Bish please. You don't need any cake. I'll keep you on a strict diet of sexy and OW OW.

Iluros

Posts: 559

May 28, 2010 1:44 AM GMT

ShinyToyTrev said
Iluros said
Ciarsolo said
Daelin saidDont change urself for other people!

Chocobo!!

Kweh!

I know the topic totally comes off as "Ack I need to be what others want me to be :s", but what I was really going for is there's a sort of generalized perception that once you start seriously working out and taking care of your body others will notice and cast you in a more favorable light. In my case it's the inverse, I was depressed and ate cake daily and hey suddenly I'm dating more. When I'm seriously working out at my best intensity the interest noticeably goes down. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

Well, I can relate to the not-getting-attention from the type of guys I like, though in my case I really do want to bulk up. Though preferably not as part of a depressed rut.

I would so eat cake more if it were available.

Bish please. You don't need any cake. I'll keep you on a strict diet of sexy and OW OW.

The only possible response is:
Cake, or DEATH?

Yeah, I thought so. Gimme my freakin' cake.

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May 28, 2010 1:48 AM GMT

You seem like you are in a happier place now. I say do what makes you happy and what you are comfortable with!

I'm glad you came through that rough patch!

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May 28, 2010 2:01 AM GMT

Iluros said
ShinyToyTrev said
Iluros said
Ciarsolo said
Daelin saidDont change urself for other people!

Chocobo!!

Kweh!

I know the topic totally comes off as "Ack I need to be what others want me to be :s", but what I was really going for is there's a sort of generalized perception that once you start seriously working out and taking care of your body others will notice and cast you in a more favorable light. In my case it's the inverse, I was depressed and ate cake daily and hey suddenly I'm dating more. When I'm seriously working out at my best intensity the interest noticeably goes down. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

Well, I can relate to the not-getting-attention from the type of guys I like, though in my case I really do want to bulk up. Though preferably not as part of a depressed rut.

I would so eat cake more if it were available.

Bish please. You don't need any cake. I'll keep you on a strict diet of sexy and OW OW.

The only possible response is:
Cake, or DEATH?

Yeah, I thought so. Gimme my freakin' cake.

...don't you dare bypass the OW OW. >

danisnotstr8

Posts: 2579

May 28, 2010 2:11 AM GMT

So.... aside from good looking, what are you?
Do people see you beyond your skin and your physique?

I am VERY attracted to guys who are "good looking," but part of that is the smile they don with their best outfits. The eyes say it all... the window to the soul... a nice laugh, a calm demeanour unless the moment calls for passion...

Do you give anyone the credit that they are looking for something beyond looks? (I'm not accusing you, just asking or suggesting)

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May 28, 2010 2:14 AM GMT

Dude, you're drop dead gorgeous, where the hell were you when I was in San Diego? You would have liked me! Be happy with you and you will attract what you want.

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May 28, 2010 2:15 AM GMT

Ciarsolo saidJust to clarify this thread isn't about me or about begging for validation. It's on the subject of receiving increasingly negative feedback as you progress on your own personal fitness and aesthetic goals.

Keep telling yourself that, dear. That's all this thread is about.

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May 28, 2010 2:16 AM GMT

GAMRican said

You've answered your own question, M.

Besides, if somebody loves you only for how you look and not who you are, then perhaps they're not good enough for you?

Shhhh, I'm trying to create the illusion of a discussion that holds water

Though the thread kinda did go into a direction I didn't want it to, which is that I didn't want it to be about me sounding whiny or complaining because I really am happy in the place I'm in right now and attention or lack thereof is pretty inconsequential.

My aim was more of a "The more I work towards how I want to look the more I get that I looked before the opposite way, yeah ultimately it's about me being happy but wouldn't it just be easier and more fun to be the other way do I somehow have a distorted view of what it is to look good?".

Actually yeah I'm trying find a substantial meaty argument about distorted self-perception in there but the more I read it the more it sounds sort of flimsy and inconsequential a topic...

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May 28, 2010 2:19 AM GMT

sdgman saidDude, you're drop dead gorgeous, where the hell were you when I was in San Diego? You would have liked me! Be happy with you and you will attract what you want.

I'm a recluse, but do enjoy going out if you ever return to the city

Iluros

Posts: 559

May 28, 2010 5:06 AM GMT

ShinyToyTrev said
Iluros said
ShinyToyTrev said
Iluros said
Ciarsolo said
Daelin saidDont change urself for other people!

Chocobo!!

Kweh!

I know the topic totally comes off as "Ack I need to be what others want me to be :s", but what I was really going for is there's a sort of generalized perception that once you start seriously working out and taking care of your body others will notice and cast you in a more favorable light. In my case it's the inverse, I was depressed and ate cake daily and hey suddenly I'm dating more. When I'm seriously working out at my best intensity the interest noticeably goes down. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

Well, I can relate to the not-getting-attention from the type of guys I like, though in my case I really do want to bulk up. Though preferably not as part of a depressed rut.

I would so eat cake more if it were available.

Bish please. You don't need any cake. I'll keep you on a strict diet of sexy and OW OW.

The only possible response is:
Cake, or DEATH?

Yeah, I thought so. Gimme my freakin' cake.

...don't you dare bypass the OW OW. >

Explain thyself, knave.

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Making yourself look good when you know it makes you less attractive to others.