High school jocks "outing" each other.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 27, 2010 9:43 PM GMT
    So i am 18year old high school senior at a really athletically competitive school in texas. I am on the baseball, track, and cross-country team at my school.

    so anyways back to the important part, i was in a back corner of the locker room talking to 3 other of my cross-country teammates before we went out for a run and they started to talk about one of the other varsity teammates amongst themselves (i didnt hear what they said) so i asked them to tell me what they were talking about and said that alex (the youngest varsity member) was gay. i asked how did they know this and they said during a run on friday he came out to us 3 (they werent allowed to tell anyone but i got it out of them now i feel awkward for some reason). I was in total shock, i was changing there thinking wow a sophomore had more strength to come out to the team than me and i have ran with these guys for 4 years now and i was still afraid to come out. so during the run all i could do was look at alex and think is he really gay or just joking i didnt know what to do so for the whole run i just stayed quite. last night i got home and one of the 3 teammates i talked to ( his name is john) that afternoon was on facebook chat he im me and well long story short i came out to him and well he told me of when he was younger of when he fooled around with an old friend (i know john is stright as they come so dont get that). john then said that i should date alex...and i told him some of the best words i could have given a teammate
    1) were bros for life and bros dont date bros no matter what thats just not right i treat you guys like family for life
    2) i am 18 and he is just turning 16 thats illegal in all 50 states lol.
    I couldnt go to sleep last night i was thinking to myself wow is my whole team gay or just some of us or that gays dominate sports (well at least high school sports).

    i feel this to mostly be a rant but my main issue right now is that i feel like a big loser b/c someone that was younger and that i knew personally had more courage than me to come out of the closet (in deep south bible belt texas high school sports team) and i am still standing there in the closet being the scared leader of my team and in front of my coach. oh and do you think it would be best to talk to alex and let him know he has a friend that he could talk to that is gay also on the team but wants to still be somewhat more in the closet since i just signed to a big d1 school for baseball.
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    May 27, 2010 9:53 PM GMT
    It's really cool that John thought enough to write back and suggest you date Alex. Sounds like a little acceptance there.

    It would be great if you could all gather together and let the guys all come out who are gay. Then build a stronger team bond out of knowing each other better. I don't know how that would work. Beer....alcohol? It's very complicated isn't it?

    Maybe just play ball and be there for Alex should people start to be homophobic or something.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 27, 2010 10:27 PM GMT
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  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    May 27, 2010 10:46 PM GMT
    Jeez things were waaay different than when I was on the swim and water polo teams!
    Even back then I loved to cook and was just trying to make conversation with a guy about food and he ribbed me forever about.
    One time I was taking a piss at school in the lockerroom and a some kid who wasn't even on the team came right up my the urinal and was totally checking me out. Some guys saw it and started calling him a faggot.

    Anyway, you should decide on your own terms who, when or if you should come out. If you are friends with some of the guys, they should know who you really are.

    It is all just a process, no need to be yourself up. The world will do that for you!
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    May 28, 2010 1:24 AM GMT
    Well, you came out to your friend; you disserve to pat yourself on the back for that.
    Maybe in a small way you made it possible for the younger guy to come out by providing a tolerant environment.
    You should defiantly talk to the younger guy and tell him about yourself and that you can be there for him to talk to; who knows maybe he can be there for you too.
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    May 28, 2010 1:27 AM GMT
    Well, I hate to tell you but...

    Gay is now awesome, even in high school. icon_razz.gif

    There are multiple gays or closet cases/bi's in my old high school now that run rampant now more than ever before and mostly everyone is cool about it! So... quit being ashamed of who you are. You like men... and even though you are on team sports where showering is a taboo thing, just maintain your cool and no one will think twice.
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    May 28, 2010 1:28 AM GMT
    18 and 16 is legal basically everywhere, even where the age of consent is still 18...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2010 1:36 AM GMT
    in Canada is 16, unless u are within 5 yrs of the younger person ie 19 dating 14. age of consent used to be 14 until about a year ago.
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    May 28, 2010 2:37 AM GMT
    KyleAD said18 and 16 is legal basically everywhere, even where the age of consent is still 18...


    I am not looking to date one of my younger teammates thats just too weird for me.
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    May 28, 2010 2:42 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidWell, you came out to your friend; you disserve to pat yourself on the back for that.
    Maybe in a small way you made it possible for the younger guy to come out by providing a tolerant environment.
    You should defiantly talk to the younger guy and tell him about yourself and that you can be there for him to talk to; who knows maybe he can be there for you too.


    Maybe i did b/c last year i started a "no ignorance language" allowed rule where technically the guys cant say racist,homophobic, or degrading slurs. well tomorrow is my last day at high school so when i have my last run with him and the team for the year yea i will let him know i am gay and that i will be there for him.
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    May 28, 2010 2:42 AM GMT
    when i was in high school if you come out as Gay they would treat you like shit, i grew up in a rich suburb of Hartford CT known as South Windsor, and lots of people are ok with it but a lot of people arent its almost like they stuck in the dark ages
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    May 28, 2010 2:44 AM GMT
    I wish I had hot jocks when I went to HS. It would of made HS worth attending.... I was always late- left early- etc. Such a bore.
    I want my youth back!
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    May 28, 2010 2:49 AM GMT
    Hey Bud
    There is no timetable to come out. Go with your gut and what feels right. Dont worry about others around you becoming comfortable in their shoes before you. You will know when the time is right.

    Have fun, enjoy your friends, and playing sports.
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    May 28, 2010 2:49 AM GMT
    wrestlervic saidIt's really cool that John thought enough to write back and suggest you date Alex. Sounds like a little acceptance there.

    It would be great if you could all gather together and let the guys all come out who are gay. Then build a stronger team bond out of knowing each other better. I don't know how that would work. Beer....alcohol? It's very complicated isn't it?

    Maybe just play ball and be there for Alex should people start to be homophobic or something.


    yea it was cool to know that i had john who was accepting. but we dont drink trust me our coach runs a pretty tight ship of us guys on what we can and cant do even in our social life and it seems like he knows everything before anyone or anything happens...well except for this i hope. after these last few days i am pretty sure there are more gay or bi guys on the team but to force them to come out is not fair to them i think. and also remember only 3 people know alex is gay and 1 knows i am gay and thats just the varsity cross-country team there are many more varsity teams that are more conservative than we are in the varsity locker room...and will start so major shit if they knew anyone was gay or bi....my bestfriend even told me one day freshman year that if he ever meet a gay person he would kill them. so i dont think its best right now for that.

    yep i think i will just be there for alex and go off to college to play ball...but i was thinking if i should risk my college scholarship to be a out gay athlete?
  • BestOfBreed

    Posts: 17

    May 28, 2010 3:01 AM GMT
    hstxjock said
    wrestlervic saidIt's really cool that John thought enough to write back and suggest you date Alex. Sounds like a little acceptance there.

    It would be great if you could all gather together and let the guys all come out who are gay. Then build a stronger team bond out of knowing each other better. I don't know how that would work. Beer....alcohol? It's very complicated isn't it?

    Maybe just play ball and be there for Alex should people start to be homophobic or something.


    yea it was cool to know that i had john who was accepting. but we dont drink trust me our coach runs a pretty tight ship of us guys on what we can and cant do even in our social life and it seems like he knows everything before anyone or anything happens...well except for this i hope. after these last few days i am pretty sure there are more gay or bi guys on the team but to force them to come out is not fair to them i think. and also remember only 3 people know alex is gay and 1 knows i am gay and thats just the varsity cross-country team there are many more varsity teams that are more conservative than we are in the varsity locker room...and will start so major shit if they knew anyone was gay or bi....my bestfriend even told me one day freshman year that if he ever meet a gay person he would kill them. so i dont think its best right now for that.

    yep i think i will just be there for alex and go off to college to play ball...but i was thinking if i should risk my college scholarship to be a out gay athlete?



    Maybe it's time for a RealJock college athletic scholarship?
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    May 28, 2010 3:05 AM GMT
    hstxjock said....my bestfriend even told me one day freshman year that if he ever meet a gay person he would kill them. so i dont think its best right now for that.

    yep i think i will just be there for alex and go off to college to play ball...but i was thinking if i should risk my college scholarship to be a out gay athlete?
    Your best friend probably suspects you are queer that's why he said it. How would your being out affect whether you have a scholarship or not?
    Being unapologetically yourself will pay far more dividends than a scholarship anyway.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2010 3:07 AM GMT
    Why do you think it would risk your scholorship?
    Where are you going?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2010 4:45 AM GMT
    Well when I was in high school which was over a year ago, it was actually cool to be gay, of course not everybody thought like that. I dated a couple guys from the football team, wresting team, track, etc. I was on the track team dating someone from the football team, we went to prom together. It's interesting that I came across this topic cause I just found all the pix earlier.
  • Leo123

    Posts: 126

    May 28, 2010 5:01 AM GMT
    Wow, I'm so surprised at all this. When I was in high school, the term gay and alien meant pretty much the same.

    Talk to Alex and out yourself to your closest - reliable - friends.

    Don't out yourself to the whole high school as you will encounter pricks who may try to destroy your self-esteem or you'll be singled out on this and that.

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    May 29, 2010 6:01 AM GMT
    Not sure why, but it seems that there's a good number of cross-country guys who are gay.

    One of the guys on my gay football team (shameless plug: http://www.MichiganPanthers.ORG) is still in high school. He's also on the baseball team. He and his boyfriend (another Panther) are going together to Prom.
    (Awww!)

    Gays: not just in drama club (or choir) any more.

    As Romanovsky and Phillips sang (in Once Upon A Time: "it's getting hard to tell the straight boys* from the queers".
    (I probably have the distinction of being the only person to attend one of their concerts in cleats - long story, blame the French.)

    * Just looked it up and they actually said "breeders", but never mind that.
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    May 29, 2010 6:12 AM GMT
    hstxjock said
    wrestlervic saidIt's really cool that John thought enough to write back and suggest you date Alex. Sounds like a little acceptance there.

    It would be great if you could all gather together and let the guys all come out who are gay. Then build a stronger team bond out of knowing each other better. I don't know how that would work. Beer....alcohol? It's very complicated isn't it?

    Maybe just play ball and be there for Alex should people start to be homophobic or something.


    yea it was cool to know that i had john who was accepting. but we dont drink trust me our coach runs a pretty tight ship of us guys on what we can and cant do even in our social life and it seems like he knows everything before anyone or anything happens...well except for this i hope. after these last few days i am pretty sure there are more gay or bi guys on the team but to force them to come out is not fair to them i think. and also remember only 3 people know alex is gay and 1 knows i am gay and thats just the varsity cross-country team there are many more varsity teams that are more conservative than we are in the varsity locker room...and will start so major shit if they knew anyone was gay or bi....my bestfriend even told me one day freshman year that if he ever meet a gay person he would kill them. so i dont think its best right now for that.

    yep i think i will just be there for alex and go off to college to play ball...but i was thinking if i should risk my college scholarship to be a out gay athlete?


    You can suspect, based on what your best friend said about gays, that he himself has at least had a few curious thoughts. Sounds like internalized homophobia to me.

    It could just be run-of-the-mill homophobia, though.

    In either case, you probably shouldn't come out to your best friend without seriously (and surreptitiously) sounding him out on the issue beforehand.
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    May 29, 2010 6:21 AM GMT
    I'm glad you found the strength to come out to someone. That's the start of the rest of your life.

    Thanks John's parents for raising him to respect himself enough to respect others' sexual preferences. But don't assume John is totally straight as you say. Sometimes, the most masculine-acting ones are the ones hiding the biggest secrets.

    Don't assume Alex needs anyone and that he needs someone to "be there for him", as you said. The fact that Alex came out to 3 teammates tells me he's pretty confident and strong about who he is and doesn't need anyone to hold his hand through this. No offense, but it sounds more like you need Alex to be there for you than vice versa.

    At the same time, don't assume Alex really is gay. Maybe the 3 guys were trying to find a way for you to admit your own sexuality. Hopefully it's all okay, but you never know. Don't put Alex or yourself in a potentially harmful position - approach is carefully.

    Lastly, if these 3 teammates so readily told you, you can just imagine them telling countless others, "I'll tell you if you promise not to say anything to anyone else".
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    May 29, 2010 6:28 AM GMT
    It sounds like you've got a surprisingly supportive bunch around you.

    When I was in h.s. (last year haha) I was the star running back with offers to play at a number of schools but then I was outed and by how my closet friends reacted (negatively) I felt completely isolated and contemplated things from running away to suicide.

    I decided I didnt want to play in college because I didnt want to possibly go through being outed and not accepted by my closet friends again. Til this day I regret it more than anything.

    So def talk to Alex if I would have had the smallest amount of support who knows what would of happened. So be that support for Alex.

    -Take it easy
    Nevin
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    May 29, 2010 6:32 AM GMT
    KyleAD said18 and 16 is legal basically everywhere, even where the age of consent is still 18...


    A word of caution here. My first boyfriend was 16 when I was 18 - we both lived in Corpus Christi, Texas. The Romeo and Juliet laws protecting young couples is not extended to gay people at all, and in fact quite often gay folks in this situation find the older of the couple in jail because of the stigma against gay folks. I would be very careful here. We were lucky, a lot of people aren't.



  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    May 29, 2010 6:44 AM GMT
    hstxjock said
    1) were bros for life and bros dont date bros no matter what thats just not right i treat you guys like family for life
    .





    ...


    I don't get it.



    If that's how you feel... that's cool... I just don't get it.


    I'm just curious. If two of your teammates dated would you find it weird? Or is it just that you wouldn't want to be involved?