Ex got me thinking...

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    May 28, 2010 8:14 PM GMT
    I know this has been written about before, but whatever. icon_rolleyes.gif ok so I dated this jerk for 6 months, great. However, one thing that got me thinking a lot was how gay men treat eachother. He was very into the "scene", as since I don't like the whole "Mean Girls"-esque atmosphere, I don't usually go. With him it was those things that I'd go since I cared about him. Anway, as I got closer to his circle of friends, and started making more gay friends, I came to realize something: though a lot of these guys haven't stepped in a high school classroom in months, maybe years, they still act like they're 16. Gossip, drama, judging, constant passive aggressive tendancies, this got me thinking.
    A lot, and I mean a lot of guys my age (at least in Miami) are into this scene. They like going to clubs, being in their cliques, talking about nothing, and it seems the more I talk to these guys the more I realize they don't seem to like guys that are different than they are. I like music as much as the next guy, but I'd rather talk about sports or have fun trying something new as opposed to talking about "my day at the mall shopping the latest thing in style". They put guys down that are into things different than they are, are quickly to judge other people, and it seems as if they look for drama (cheating, being difficult, not keeping a relationship steady). So my question is the whole gay culture, is it one of those things that encourages guys to be shallow, boring, immature, and fickleness? Do guys eventually mature and leave all this facade behind? I know this isn't something carried by the age old fem vs. masc. debate (i've seen "masc" dudes carry out the whole scene cycle), but it's just something that I want to address. A lot of guys I know of/am friends with are into this crowd, and it sorta feels as if I really can't find guys that actually are friend material, much less datable. Advice would be greatly appreciated.
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    May 31, 2010 12:15 AM GMT
    since no other person commented on your forum, let be the first to address a few items.

    Gay Culture 101 - Gays come in all shapes and sizes.

    You're not into the gay scene, which is complete fine. Though several men in Miami love the gay scene, hence the culture there, not everyone does. In DC, most men are not in the scene though some are. In LA its similar to Miami. I guess it's about location.

    You will find other men not into the scene but you have to look a bit harder man. Unfortunately, some men grow into the scene and others grow out of it. It depends on your personality. that's all.

    Hope this helps.

    Mike
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    May 31, 2010 12:17 AM GMT
    fivetenn saidsince no other person commented on your forum, let be the first to address a few items.

    Gay Culture 101 - Gays come in all shapes and sizes.

    You're not into the gay scene, which is complete fine. Though several men in Miami love the gay scene, hence the culture there, not everyone does. In DC, most men are not in the scene though some are. In LA its similar to Miami. I guess it's about location.

    You will find other men not into the scene but you have to look a bit harder man. Unfortunately, some men grow into the scene and others grow out of it. It depends on your personality. that's all.

    Hope this helps.

    Mike
    <-- Not into Miami scene. Just sayin. icon_wink.gif
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    May 31, 2010 12:47 AM GMT
    inmate_6655321 said...So my question is the whole gay culture, is it one of those things that encourages guys to be shallow, boring, immature, and fickleness? Do guys eventually mature and leave all this facade behind?

    Answers: Yes, to some extent, and yes, sometimes they do, but not always.

    But the gay scene itself is just the creation of gays themselves, a macrocosm of what their own lives are. It's like the question: does the world make men gay? Or are men born gay and then make a world in their own image?

    I favor the latter. And not liking much of the gay scene, I ignore those parts, and make a gay world in MY image, that suits me. I do that by the friends I make, the things I choose to do and not do, the way I myself behave with others.

    Just today at noon I had brunch with 4 others, at Tropics for those who know it. Totally filled with gay men, except for a single lesbian, our good friend sitting with us. Most gay men don't do that, as evidenced by the all-male crowd.

    And our table conversation? Buying new cars, real estate, the financial crisis with area schools, the chances of another local gay friend to win a title in the International Mr. Leather contest tonight in Chicago (in fact I'm waiting for the results online right now), and a raft of assorted topics. NONE of which was catty gossip, or being "mean girls."

    Maybe because we're mostly older? Perhaps, but no one in our social circle, which admittedly doesn't dip much below about 35, is a back-stabbing gossip, nor consumed with frivolous, shallow and self-centered matters. If they were they wouldn't be in our circle for long.

    So you do have choices, especially in South Florida. You just need to keep looking for them.

    http://www.imrl.com/