My older brother killed himself today

  • JayDT

    Posts: 390

    May 29, 2010 7:29 AM GMT
    My older brother killed himself today. I found out from my younger brother who had just received a call from the coroners office. He wasstruggling with drug addiction and mental illness (meth induced schyzophrenia). The last thing I said to him two days ago was that I never wanted to talk to him again and that he was a liar. What I meant to say was I love you.

    If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, please don't. It's the most selfish way to die. Find help.

    http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/?gclid=CLiPjJjp9qECFRsVawodjlMCDw
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    May 29, 2010 12:32 PM GMT
    Wow JayDT...icon_cry.gif
    I'm truly sorry and deeply sadden by you and your family's lose.
    It's also commendable that you are also sharing info that is beneficial for anyone one that may be dealing with such a internal struggle.

    I send my sympathy to you and your family during these hard times.
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    May 29, 2010 12:33 PM GMT
    So sorry to hear about your brother. Thank you for sharing with the RJ group and reach out if you need people to talk to.

    .
  • toybrian

    Posts: 395

    May 29, 2010 12:36 PM GMT
    JayDT, My sympathy goes out to you and your family and know that it will get better but do not feel bad about your last comment to your brother because it was said in anger and he knows it..agian my best to you and your family ..
  • Razzmaniac

    Posts: 240

    May 29, 2010 12:38 PM GMT
    wow bro, sorry. . . i can not even begin to imagine what youre going through
  • iamhman

    Posts: 24

    May 29, 2010 12:40 PM GMT
    I am a physician and want to reply to your posting.
    I am sorry for your loss.
    just posting your thoughts and your regrets is an honor to his memory.
    From here forward, it is important that you not be to harsh on yourself
    for your final words. You were under stress and there were probably good reasons why you said what you did. Having acknowledged your feelings and regrets, please forgive yourself and move on with your life. It will get easier with time. Paul
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    May 29, 2010 12:44 PM GMT
    LOVE to you, Jay. Love to your family, and Love to your Brother's long suffering spirit in hopes he has found peace.
    xoxo
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    May 29, 2010 12:55 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear about your brother. May his memory be as a blessing.
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    May 29, 2010 12:58 PM GMT
    Matey I'm not having a go at you, but it bothers me when people say "suicide is selfish". I think it's selfish that others expect them to endure there torment, and only think of their own feelings. Sure if a 14 year old did it, I would feel sad for them that they did not give life a chance, but I would also understand their pain and suffering, torment had come to an end too, and they were now at peace.
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    May 29, 2010 12:59 PM GMT
    I am SO sorry to hear about your loss JayDT!

    My best to you & your family! And may you remember the good times and laughter you shared with him.

    **HUGS**
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    May 29, 2010 12:59 PM GMT
    My brother's drug addiction has destroyed our family. He walked away from his business, three boys and loving wife. He stole money from everyone, including me. He pawned everything of value, even his boys' belongings. He disappeared, leaving his house in foreclosure and his now ex-wife bankrupt and homeless for a period. Luckily, her parents stepped in and put a roof over their heads, but my partner and I are left helping to help raise his family - like we need this burden (though I never let his ex wife or his children think it's a burden).

    My childhood was a miserable one. Growing up, my brother and I only had each other. It's easy to forget about the past when you spend most of your adult life running from it, which I now understand is why my brother turned to drugs.

    In the beginning, I sometimes hoped he had taken his own life, but only because I wanted to kill him, myself. Sure, I hate him for what he's done, but I go to bed every night thinking about him ... and hoping he's still alive.

    icon_cry.gif
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    May 29, 2010 1:02 PM GMT
    I am so sorry for you and your family JayDT! My deepest condolences!
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    May 29, 2010 1:02 PM GMT
    JayDT, I'm sorry for your loss.

    I know what you're going through. Hit me up if you ever want to chat.
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    May 29, 2010 1:11 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear that man... and thanks for sharing your feelings in this forum.

    You have a tough few weeks ahead of you... i wish you and your family the best.
  • Geoedward

    Posts: 657

    May 29, 2010 1:20 PM GMT
    Jay, I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you.
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    May 29, 2010 1:36 PM GMT
    I'm so sorry for your loss. Your story really touched me and made me think about some things in my own life. My thoughts are with you.
  • Lozzano

    Posts: 526

    May 29, 2010 1:45 PM GMT
    Jay, I'm so sorry about your loss. I cant even imagine what are you feeling now. Hope you feel better soon. Hugs from Mexico city.
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    May 29, 2010 1:45 PM GMT
    My heart goes out to you and your family Jay.
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    May 29, 2010 1:47 PM GMT
    JayDT, I am so so sorry to hear this. And, as others have said, please don't feel bad about your comment to him -- it's clear from the context of the conversation that those comments came from a place of love and caring. Take care of yourself and much love to you.
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    May 29, 2010 1:50 PM GMT
    Sorry JayDT....
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    May 29, 2010 1:57 PM GMT
    Tragedies like this are kinda hard to respond to online, at least for me. But remember it was his mental illness that killed him, not really his own hand, nor your last words to him.

    Your words may not have influenced his action at all, perhaps some other incident is what precipitated this. Or no incident at all, since schizophrenia obeys no logic or rational motivations that the sane would understand, nor can predict.

    So in a sense maybe your brother really didn't kill himself, but rather he died from his mental illness. Thanks for posting the suicide prevention link, especially since suicide is a serious problem among gay youth.
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    May 29, 2010 2:51 PM GMT
    JayDT saidMy older brother killed himself today. I found out from my younger brother who had just received a call from the coroners office. He wasstruggling with drug addiction and mental illness (meth induced schyzophrenia). The last thing I said to him two days ago was that I never wanted to talk to him again and that he was a liar. What I meant to say was I love you.

    If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, please don't. It's the most selfish way to die. Find help.

    http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/?gclid=CLiPjJjp9qECFRsVawodjlMCDw
    Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear that. *hugs* icon_sad.gif

    Just in case you (or anyone) know of someone else who's struggling with life:
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/944832
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    May 29, 2010 2:53 PM GMT
    The last thing you said to your brother was probably borne not of anger but out of an attempt, conscious or otherwise, to motivate. Don't be haunted by this; you know you loved him, and he did too; suicide is not so simple an act as to be committed only by those who feel they are not loved.
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    May 29, 2010 2:54 PM GMT
    I'm really sorry bud. I'm sure you have it from your family but still Love and Support from ur RJ buddies. Stay Strong
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    May 29, 2010 3:01 PM GMT
    JayDT, Dude, I can only imagine what must be going through your head, but from the bottom of my heart I am truly sorry.

    As for the last conversation you had with him, I think it's moments like that which represent that we really care about the friend/ or family member we had the rough words with. Don't beat yourself up over what happened to be some of the last words you had between you.
    In a slightly reversed sort of way, my dad was a Paranoid Schitzophrenic, that drank & self medicated in order to deal. He eventually passed away from a four month coke bender that masked severe pneumonia.
    Sometimes peace comes in strange ways.
    Be well.