Any of you Bi, happy, and in a long term monogamous relationship?

  • thatguyny

    Posts: 28

    May 29, 2010 4:30 PM GMT
    So I'm wondering if a bisexual guy can be in a successful happy monogamous relationship.

    it seems like if you're attracted to both sexes, a partner of either sex isn't going to be able to satisfy that attraction forever. So I'm wondering, is that a real type of relationship, or something that's impossible to achieve in the long run.

    Figured this would be as good a place to ask as anywhere.

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    May 29, 2010 4:45 PM GMT
    I guess it would depend on your definition of happiness.

  • thatguyny

    Posts: 28

    May 29, 2010 4:53 PM GMT
    true - everyone has different expectations for happiness in a relationship

    how about just not being tortured with lusting for sex with someone who is the opposite sex from the person you're with?

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    May 29, 2010 11:19 PM GMT
    I'm also bi and I've been asking myself that question. I have two bi friends and they seem to never be able to settle down on someone and instead have "tons" of bfs/gfs (like a different one every six months? and too many in total to count them)

    I'd like to say I'm not like them but I don't know... I'm looking for a long-term relationship but I'm scared I can't actually make it... :S What I'm sure of is that in any relationship I will have a need for the other sex. I guess I will be able to control that need if I love the person I'm with, but I'm wondering if my sexual need will not overcome that love... And so that scares me, but it shouldn't, because it's only the way I am and there's nothing wrong with that. Right?

    But "I'm young and doesn't know anything about life" so I guess my comment is useless! icon_razz.gif
  • Greygull

    Posts: 282

    May 29, 2010 11:29 PM GMT
    My Bi boyfriend and I have been in a commited monomgous relationship for over a year now. I'm assuming he's happy.
  • thatguyny

    Posts: 28

    May 31, 2010 2:41 PM GMT
    Greygull saidMy Bi boyfriend and I have been in a commited monomgous relationship for over a year now. I'm assuming he's happy.


    that sounds great
    i wonder, though, do you talk about his desire for a woman?

    and i'm very new to a lot of gay life. is a monogamous year considered a long term relationship, or just the very beginning of a long term relationship?
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    May 31, 2010 2:54 PM GMT
    Hey thatguyny, you're asking Bi guys about gay stuff? Wouldn't it be better to ask gays?

    We can help. Together (monogamous) for over 20 years - formally and legally married last summer. And yes we're gay, not Bi. icon_wink.gif


    -Doug
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    May 31, 2010 3:32 PM GMT
    If you're bi and in a long term relationship, like a marriage, I don't think you should be lusting after someone else, male or female.

    I didn't realize that bi guys always need both sexes to be fully satisfied, cuz that sounds like a bs excuse to cheat. Being bi, to my understanding (which is weak, I'm gay), means being content with either a guy or a gal, not being content only with both.
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    May 31, 2010 3:34 PM GMT
    i've heard a lot of horror stories about bi guys and long term relationships.... and i've never known a bi guy who's lasted in one for long..... so i have this personal restriction against dating bi guys- too much drama and probability of failure.
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    May 31, 2010 3:46 PM GMT
    Many of the Bi people we know, both men and women, tell us that with Bi people, it's the person they fall in love with, rather than the gender being of primary importance. That's all good stuff.

    Hawk_eagle, I think you'd be unhappy if you found out your gal was secretly having sex with other men.

    -Doug
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    May 31, 2010 3:55 PM GMT
    hawk_eagle said
    Well, but there is the thing about missing guys in terms of sex. What I do to solve this? Cheating. Yes, unfortunately. Sometimes once a month or less, I hang out with a sex buddy. He's not a lover because I don't have the right to ask him to stay only with me. And I do prefer do it with only a guy at a time cause don't like to hang out with recently met internet guys. I enjoy to know the guy deeply and stay with him.

    icon_wink.gif


    I can kind of understand. And I know some will ostracize me for this but I was having an affair with a married man for quite some time. Long story short, he's been married 10 years with 3 kids. Lives a suburban lifestyle. We would meet once or twice a week during the day for lunch hours. We would sometimes just talk for an hour or more - just enjoying company while being a little touchy feely. Sometimes of course it will be a quick one hour fuck and we'd each leave. It became hard for me knowing that it can be nothing more and the guilt that I was invading a marriage / possibly being a home wrecker. I rationalized that if it wasn't me, he would be with someone else so I'm not making the situation any "worse".

    Like your preference for "one at a time" - him and I saw exclusively in our cheating game. I think it's important for bi-married men to feel that they can be freed from worries of disease or other drama. Sadly it only lasts for few months because you can't take the guilt and growing emotional attachment any loner and you sense that it threatens the marriage...

    My point being...
    Bi guys in a "monogamous" relationship will always cheat.
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    May 31, 2010 3:58 PM GMT
    "My point being...
    Bi guys in a "monogamous" relationship will always cheat."


    my point exactly. some guys are a lot more lax on cheating that i am- its a major deal breaker for me; anything to reduce the probability of it happening is good in my book- that usually includes giving "bi" guys wide berth lol
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    May 31, 2010 4:09 PM GMT
    Maybe Bi guys in monogamous relationships with women will always cheat on them with men.....because they're gay, not Bi. None of these anecdotes are saying a man's long term boyfriend cheated on them with a woman.
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    May 31, 2010 5:21 PM GMT
    jlly_rnchr saidMaybe Bi guys in monogamous relationships with women will always cheat on them with men.....because they're gay, not Bi. None of these anecdotes are saying a man's long term boyfriend cheated on them with a woman.


    lol, they certainly do. We have a friend in Vancouver going through this.

    I really dislike broad sweeping generalizations about Bis. I've heard straights say that all gays cheat on their partners. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    May 31, 2010 5:26 PM GMT
    Then you probably wont like this....but that comment of mine was likely rooted in the fact that I don't totally endorse the existence of male bisexuality.
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    May 31, 2010 5:30 PM GMT
    jlly_rnchr saidMaybe Bi guys in monogamous relationships with women will always cheat on them with men.....because they're gay, not Bi. None of these anecdotes are saying a man's long term boyfriend cheated on them with a woman.


    ive seen that happen a few times
    i think male bisexuality does exist. While alot of guys who normally date women that say they are bi can often be in a "transition to gay" there are some who i think legitametly are. a friend of mine had been liveing as a gay man and out when he was 16. never dated or did anything with a women and then ended up trying it once and is NOW bi after being gay
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    May 31, 2010 5:38 PM GMT
    zukavi said
    My point being...
    Bi guys in a "monogamous" relationship will always cheat.


    Oh shit, hopefully that's not true... :S I should change my profile to "I'm bi and looking for a guy I will cheat!" icon_biggrin.gif Haha, anyway, I don't think I will, but at the same time I know I will have the idea to do it (because it already happened in the past)... But I guess everyone in a LTR wants to cheat at some point.
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    May 31, 2010 6:13 PM GMT
    jlly_rnchr saidThen you probably wont like this....but that comment of mine was likely rooted in the fact that I don't totally endorse the existence of male bisexuality.


    heheh, I thought you thought that already. I just go with lots of dating history/experiences with Bi men. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
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    May 31, 2010 6:30 PM GMT
    Genmaicha said
    zukavi said
    My point being...
    Bi guys in a "monogamous" relationship will always cheat.


    Oh shit, hopefully that's not true... :S I should change my profile to "I'm bi and looking for a guy I will cheat!" icon_biggrin.gif Haha, anyway, I don't think I will, but at the same time I know I will have the idea to do it (because it already happened in the past)... But I guess everyone in a LTR wants to cheat at some point.


    lol...sorry about that icon_cool.gif

    what I really mean is that all men cheat, if not really really r-e-a-l-l-y want to. I think there is a higher propensity with bi guys.

    To be honest, I don't think I will care so much - as long as he's not having another relationship on the side. A few fucks with someone once in awhile wont really bother me as long as he's safe and knows where to come home to.
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    May 31, 2010 6:45 PM GMT
    This is honestly an issue with every man. icon_mad.gif
    It's all about self-control. It's best if you just stick to the sex that you are the most attracted to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2010 6:45 PM GMT
    Of course you could be happy with a monogomous relationship if you are bi. Unless you are like the idiots who have a new bf/gf like every few months, and look fucking stupid when they are like 'Oh I love ya and ya r tha onley one that will be wit farever." - bad grammar and all. Only certain people can be truly happy in a monogomous relationship, and those that are are usually the ones who don't have that many relationships before hand, showing that they are able to bypass quick relationships for 'the one'. So yes, but you have to be different than the every-day, droll, preson.
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    May 31, 2010 7:20 PM GMT
    jlly_rnchr saidIf you're bi and in a long term relationship, like a marriage, I don't think you should be lusting after someone else, male or female.

    I didn't realize that bi guys always need both sexes to be fully satisfied, cuz that sounds like a bs excuse to cheat. Being bi, to my understanding (which is weak, I'm gay), means being content with either a guy or a gal, not being content only with both.



    Exactly right. I'm bi, but in a same-sex relationship and happy as anybody else... six years and counting. icon_smile.gif

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    May 31, 2010 7:21 PM GMT
    jlly_rnchr saidThen you probably wont like this....but that comment of mine was likely rooted in the fact that I don't totally endorse the existence of male bisexuality.



    Luckily we don't need your endorsement.

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    May 31, 2010 7:22 PM GMT
    czarodziej saidi've heard a lot of horror stories about bi guys and long term relationships.... and i've never known a bi guy who's lasted in one for long..... so i have this personal restriction against dating bi guys- too much drama and probability of failure.



    UGH. Why do I know more closed-minded homosexuals than closed-minded straight men??????? Unreal... So many biphobic jerks.

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    May 31, 2010 7:29 PM GMT
    Greygull saidI'm assuming he's happy.


    lolz....icon_lol.gif