May 29, 2010 6:03 PM GMT
Here is the situation. My partner has suffered from depression for years and had tried a number of different medications. Until the one he is currently on, Effexor, none of the medications did much good. The Effexor is doing a great job controlling his depression. However, it has pretty much eliminated his ability to reach orgasm. He ejaculates maybe one out of every five times. This has been the case about the last two to three years.
Up until the last couple of year, we both would initiate sex about an equal amount of the time. However, he no longer initiates sex. Also during the last two years and up until just recently, when we had sex, I would try to use oral or manual stimulation to get him off and sometimes it worked although less frequently over the last year. He used to reassure me that he enjoyed it even if he didn't orgasm.
The last couple of times though, when I tried to reciprocate after he got me off, he would motion for me to stop as soon as I tried to work on him and tell me he wasn't going to be able to come. In the past he was willing to let me give it a go at least.
This morning I asked him if he still enjoyed having sex or if it was just more frustrating for him when I initiated it and he couldn't orgasm. He told me he still enjoys it and enjoys being able to get me off.
I feel really conflicted. On the one hand, I want to believe he is being honest with me. On the other hand, I feel bad that he can't orgasm and think maybe it is making it worse for him when I initiate sex and he can't get off. Therefore, I don't initiate sex as much as I would like to.
I'm just wondering if anyone else here has experienced anything like this. I know this might be a sensitive subject for guys to admit to but it would be great to see how other guys have handled this.