Is everybody looking for "Confident"?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2010 4:44 AM GMT
    So I'm a pretty shy guy. I'm perfectly content with just sitting at the bar and drinking a beer and talking to nobody but the bartender...In fact, many of my good friends are bartenders for that very reason!

    But everybody seems to be looking for that "masculine, intelligent, confident" guy...Well two out of three aint bad, right?

    And why no love for the shy guys? WAKE UP PEOPLE! Shy guys are IN!!

    icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2010 5:24 AM GMT
    Shy guys can be confident, I'm one of them and it sounds like you are too!

    There are many who wouldn't dare walk into a bar alone, be proud shy guy.icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2010 8:24 AM GMT
    Тhe problem about shy people in general is that even if they are smart, funny and good company, you can't really know that because they are too shy to express it. And what about a first date with a shy guy? Why should I be the one who's putting in all the effort to carry on the conversation?
    I am the opposite of shy and I know how much that has helped me in many things... so no, shy is not a good thing icon_smile.gif Sorry
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2010 9:35 AM GMT
    I'd do you. icon_biggrin.gif
  • safety43_mma1...

    Posts: 4251

    May 30, 2010 9:39 AM GMT
    hell yeah who wouldnt. the sexiest thing a guy can be is confident, and belive in himself. how can a guy exxpect to have a meaningful relationship let own friendship if theyare always second guessing themself. the guy cant be average looks but if he look confident, i will look twice.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2010 12:05 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI'd do you. icon_biggrin.gif
    Youd do a fucking orange if it juiced you right!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2010 10:24 PM GMT
    Thanks 26MM

    ...and fulldelight, who says shy guys are bad at conversation? I'm just saying I'd be too shy to start a conversation, not engage in one
  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    May 30, 2010 10:27 PM GMT
    I'd rather a guy be shy and knows it than a guy who is confident and knows it.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    May 30, 2010 10:32 PM GMT
    ewe_nik saidThanks 26MM

    ...and fulldelight, who says shy guys are bad at conversation? I'm just saying I'd be too shy to start a conversation, not engage in one


    ...and so is the guy two bar stools down from you. He's also great friends with the bartender, and also wants to know why all the guys want to meet someone more confident.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2010 10:44 PM GMT
    ewe_nik saidAnd why no love for the shy guys? WAKE UP PEOPLE! Shy guys are IN!!

    icon_razz.gif

    I'm sure shy guys can have all the qualities other men do, even personal confidence in their job and other areas. But social shyness can be a different issue, and if shy guys won't approach you, and won't pick up on your own overtures to them because of their shyness, how are you supposed to know about them and their secret attributes?

    I mean, other than throwing the guy over your shoulder and carrying him out the door to your car, what are you supposed to do with a guy who won't respond? I really think we're each responsible to some extent for the consequences of our own behavior. I'm not adverse to trying to do my part to get a shy guy to loosen up (don't go there...), but he's gotta meet me part way, too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2010 10:56 PM GMT
    I'm not sure why shyness happens (used to be very shy myself), but the good news is you can outgrow it. Try to socialize with as many people as possible and it'll slowly wear off. Also, a smile or appearing approachable never hurts, even if you don't initiate the conversation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2010 11:01 PM GMT
    Confident ? nah, comfortable in their own skin? yes
  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    May 30, 2010 11:04 PM GMT
    SeaSon saidI'm not sure why shyness happens (used to be very shy myself), but the good news is you can outgrow it. Try to socialize with as many people as possible and it'll slowly wear off. Also, a smile or appearing approachable never hurts, even if you don't initiate the conversation.


    It's at least biological for some people and can have evolutionary advantages:
    Study Sheds Light on What Makes People Shy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2010 11:11 PM GMT
    Anto saidIt's at least biological for some people and can have evolutionary advantages:
    Study Sheds Light on What Makes People Shy


    Anto, that's such an interesting article. Thank you so much for posting it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2010 11:21 PM GMT
    I find confidence terribly appealing... if a person can say what they are thinking, no matter how off-putting it can be at times, it's always a characteristic I find myself drawn to in others.

    I am quite shy with men I do not know, but I don't think I am necessarily a shy person. I once was horribly shy, but it's been something I have been working at. I can be the loudest one at the party, or the quiet observer. It depends on my comfort level, and the more people I know, the more comfortable I am, naturally.

    So when it comes to new people, I can come across as shy, more so with men than anyone... ESPECIALLY if they are attractive. I feel like a moron, jumble my words... but hey, i'd be like puddy in their hands if only they knew it.

    put me in a room with 30 girls who are strangers, and I'll leave with 29 new friends (let's face it, there's always 'one' you love to hate)... do the same with a room of guys, and I'm likely to leave with less friends... or if things go well I'd just leave a little 'sore'.

    confidence is something that can - and should be - built. I came out two years ago this coming August. At that time, I was brutally quiet, incredibly shy, practically a hermit, anti-social, lost, and barely... existing. I still have a ways to go, but I've come a long way.

    One thing about being drawn to confidence when you are a shy person, is that being drawn to the idea of 'confidence' includes being drawn to that idea in yourself. You can't determine other people's actions, so you can't expect someone 'else' to do all the work and come to you. You are in charge of yourself, so that's what you can work on. As you become more confident with and in yourself... others will notice.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 30, 2010 11:29 PM GMT
    i think there are different forms of confidence. You can be shy and still project an air of confidence in how you look, your intelligence, status in life, etc...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2010 11:50 PM GMT
    lilTanker said
    paulflexes saidI'd do you. icon_biggrin.gif
    Youd do a fucking orange if it juiced you right!
    Orange ya glad you're not a banana?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2010 11:55 PM GMT
    Confident and shy can go hand in hand. Just because you're shy does not mean you're NOT shy!
  • muscle4same

    Posts: 21

    May 30, 2010 11:59 PM GMT
    does it matter? I mean I've seen it far too many times where I will be confident and one guy finds it sexy and good, but then the next guy thinks I'm a cocky ass hole. Confidence is really only in the eye of the beholder.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2010 3:45 AM GMT
    Does it really have anything to do with shyness or confidence? I think it has more to do with that intrinsic connection, that makes the shy brave and confident, a little healthily, less so.

    -Doug
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    May 31, 2010 6:34 AM GMT
    I been sayin this for years, but probably too shly and quietly for anyone to hear.
  • HankFit247

    Posts: 205

    May 31, 2010 7:09 AM GMT
    ewe_nik saidSo I'm a pretty shy guy. I'm perfectly content with just sitting at the bar and drinking a beer and talking to nobody but the bartender...In fact, many of my good friends are bartenders for that very reason!

    icon_razz.gif


    They have meetings for that.

    LOL

    Honestly, Shy Loner types are a turn off. It looks as though you have no friends, so there is probably something wrong with you.

    Find one or two close friends, non-bartenders... Even a Darts or Pool buddy, even if you suck.
  • hartfan

    Posts: 1037

    May 31, 2010 7:13 AM GMT
    shyshortguy saidI been sayin this for years, but probably too shly and quietly for anyone to hear.


    I always hear you loud and clear, shyshortguy. It almost seems like a confident sort of shyness...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2010 7:13 AM GMT
    I love shy types. Probably because I enjoy staring at someone point blank in the face without saying anything for eons and shy types are good for that. I just think there is something magical deep inside their iris that would spoil and wilt if it lived on the outside.

    This just in, I'm strange.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2010 8:24 AM GMT
    hartfan said
    shyshortguy saidI been sayin this for years, but probably too shly and quietly for anyone to hear.


    I always hear you loud and clear, shyshortguy. It almost seems like a confident sort of shyness...


    hart, I'll have to change my screename to that now, but I'm thinking it's a tad too long icon_smile.gif