Question for Mixed-Race Guys

  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 1980

    May 31, 2010 10:20 PM GMT
    Hey guys
    When I meet a nice guy whose racial background/mixture I'm curious about... is it okay to ask about something like that? Is it considered rude? It's not like I would ask right away, but I'm wondering if it's ever okay to ask, and if so, when? Should I not bring it up unless he does first?
    The last think I want to do is offend someone or make him feel weird.
    Thanks for any thoughts you have...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2010 10:25 PM GMT
    It depends on your approach, your wording, your body language (if in person), and how the other person takes it. There's not anything wrong with asking, just don't ask a question if you're not prepared for a negative answer, because no matter how nicely you ask, someone is bound to get pissed.
  • seven_deadly_...

    Posts: 104

    May 31, 2010 11:06 PM GMT
    I'm of mixed ethnicity and have no problem with guys asking about it. I'm not sure I understand why anyone would take offense to that question. Have you had a bad experience in the past?

    I have a different but somewhat related question. I'm half Caucasian and half Japanese. Lots of guys express an ethnic preference for the type of guys they'd like to date in their profile (for instance, preferring only Asian guys or preferring only Caucasian guys). Since I'm a little bit of both, do you think it is bad etiquette for me to write to those guys if I am interested in them? Technically, I don't meet their stated preference.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Jun 01, 2010 12:02 AM GMT
    Just askicon_exclaim.gif
    Please dont say something someone said to me after being informed that i was mixed raced..This dumb mother fucker said '' I knew there was a reason why i liked you''..icon_eek.gif.... and he thought that was a compliment.
    I never talk about being mixed raced really, i'd rather someone judge me as a person and not by the percentage of blood acceptable by you to make it okay.........My brother came to visit me here in manhattan and the doorman called to inform me that EDWARD was here to see me, I said' Oh thats my brother, please send him up"--The next time i saw the doorman he said to me,,'''I didnt know you were black''??
    Fucking Idiots..icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2010 12:33 AM GMT
    It's bound to come up in conversation so get the question out of the way if you have to ask. It's pretty annoying though to be asked "where are you from / what is your background?" every time you meet someone new, to me it's conversation filler and people are grasping at straws. It's sort of like the etiquette of meeting someone with an amputation. You want to ask how it happened but you don't want to make them feel uncomfortable so assess the atmosphere you're in. Some people like to be asked so that the rest of the group knows the answer so it won't come up again.

    I have a really strange Australian accent, it's not quite Ocker and not Asian-Australian so it's understandable but to explain that I was born here but my parents are from somewhere else kinda makes me feel like people are making me out to be a foreigner in my own country.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 01, 2010 12:42 AM GMT
    i don't see why taking an interest in a guy is offensive
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2010 1:55 AM GMT
    KissTheSky saidHey guys
    When I meet a nice guy whose racial background/mixture I'm curious about... is it okay to ask about something like that? Is it considered rude? It's not like I would ask right away, but I'm wondering if it's ever okay to ask, and if so, when? Should I not bring it up unless he does first?
    The last think I want to do is offend someone or make him feel weird.
    Thanks for any thoughts you have...


    For me being of the racial backround that puts people on edge these days when you say the country.. If someone were to ask me on a first date or after talking a few times online.. I'll tell them. Albeit, sometimes i've gotten teh cold shoulder but at least i know never to talk to them icon_smile.gif

    Plus i tend to make fun of my heritage more often then not to make people seem or feel comfortable with it. However, this is a double edged sword because the minute you do that people get comfortable with the idea and wil chime in and also make fun of your backround. Sometimes it's hard to read peoples intentions and that's how feelings can get hurt.. Now if someone i've only met once goes around and tries to joke around with me.. They're probably going to get somethin thrown at them. Just sayin.

    Others with a mixed backround may feel differently, however i've learned that if you take your heritage seriously you're always going to end up either on a defensive or offensive stance when someone brings something up related to said heritage... If you can't have a sense of humor about your own "races" then you're never going to get a long with anyone really. icon_smile.gif Just my two cents.
  • kennyj08

    Posts: 171

    Jun 01, 2010 2:01 AM GMT
    I'd rather have someone ask than assume. Most people that I come across here in Miami believe I'm Latino (which i mean there's no problem with being Latino) but I'm really Half African-American/Filipino. so don't be afraid to ask. you won't really know until you ask right?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2010 2:05 AM GMT
    I don't see why it matters.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2010 2:05 AM GMT
    I like it when people ask me where I am from. It shows interest! Just dont ask it as if being anything else but American or whatever you are is a bad thing! icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2010 2:32 AM GMT
    "so if you dont mind me asking, what is your ethnic background?"
  • Stephan

    Posts: 407

    Jun 01, 2010 2:35 AM GMT
    No problem here when I am asked. I just simply say I am half Spanish and Turkish/Greek.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2010 2:38 AM GMT
    Actually it's flattering when someone asks about your racial background/mixture. It shows they are interested in learning more about you. Nothing offensive about that at all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2010 2:42 AM GMT
    Good questionicon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2010 2:42 AM GMT
    WolfRain saidActually it's flattering when someone asks about your racial background/mixture. It shows they are interested in learning more about you. Nothing offensive about that at all.


    True for me, too!

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2010 3:16 AM GMT
    I find that the question about racial background is less likely to be taken as offensive if you ask AFTER sex. icon_lol.gif

    BTW, I'm 1/2 Chinese and 1/2 Puerto Rican. Some folks dig it! The others...well, it really doesn't matter.
  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 1980

    Jun 01, 2010 6:14 AM GMT
    Thanks for the feedback, guys, I appreciate it! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2010 6:59 AM GMT
    I personally don't find it offensive if someone asks me what I'm mixed with. Atleast they want to know something about me lol.

  • coastguy90814

    Posts: 661

    Jun 01, 2010 7:01 AM GMT
    dude...have some balls, why would it be offensive to ask what their heritage or background is...I don't get it. Take a stand and as away, be confident but not offensive.
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    Jun 01, 2010 7:24 AM GMT
    That question shouldn't be a problem nowadays...hopefully we're not living in Nazi Germany back in the 1930's, then that would have been a BIG PROBLEM...
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    Jun 01, 2010 7:28 AM GMT
    coastguy90814 saiddude...have some balls, why would it be offensive to ask what their heritage or background is...I don't get it. Take a stand and as away, be confident but not offensive.


    Well it can be offensive depending on the reason someone wants to know. I have come across plenty of rude people that feel the need to voice their opinion about mixed race people. Especially if you're black and white.
  • imaxim

    Posts: 94

    Jun 01, 2010 7:45 AM GMT
    I wouldn't say it's offensive, but I find it rather tiresome and kind of a turnoff, particularly if they ask too early on. I just wish race weren't such an important issue in gay dating... but one need only look at a few profiles on any gay personals site to realize that it is... e.g., 'white only' or 'not into [insert ethnicity here]'

    I've had several random people ask for my ethnicity without asking my name... and that I do find somewhat offensive (or at the very least, tacky). I don't mind if it comes up in a more general conversation about one's family, hometown or upbringing, however.
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    Jun 01, 2010 5:06 PM GMT
    I don't find it offensive persay, and I get asked a lot. I'm german irish, so i never really know what prompts people to ask me. I'm about as white as they come.

    I do, though, get the ever popular "You don't look jewish" when people find out I am.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 12, 2012 4:23 AM GMT
    I love it when people ask me about my racial/cultural/ethnic make-up. I always enjoy telling people my unusual mix of races and cultures and seeing and hearing their response. Most people are pretty surprised when I tell them what my background is and that I was born in the US.
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    Nov 12, 2012 4:25 AM GMT
    calibro saidi don't see why taking an interest in a guy is offensive


    +1