My flatmate has just told me that he met someone

  • bluecrow

    Posts: 166

    Jun 01, 2010 11:31 AM GMT
    I found this place right after last new year. I was quite happy to move in. My flatmate seems like a quiet and decent guy. Cute, gay and smart.

    I tried small things to get closer to him, was hoping to became his friend. I know that I like him a lot, but I wasn't sure whether I was his type. Apparently he hasn't showed much interests in my other than to a flatmate.

    Either of us have much social life. We both spend a lot time in our own bedroom surfing the Internet. He once made it quite clear that we just do our own things.

    After quite a few frustration time, I stopped trying to get closer to him. We are just two gay guys live under that same roof peacefully. I start to accept the face that he's not really interested in me.

    About three week ago, I noticed that he sometimes came back late, and start to dress up for once awhile to go out. He sometimes ask me to borrow my hair wax... I had an idea that he might be seeing someone.

    Tonight I asked him if he would like to have dinner together. I brought some food and started cooking, we started talking. He mentioned that he actually seeing someone for three weeks, and he really likes him, he is planing to have him invited over for dinner to meet his parents.

    I wasn't sure what to react, but I did realized that I need to show my supportive, no matter how painful I actually felt when I heard that from him. The dinner turns out to be quite good. He likes the food I cooked for him, and we had a bit conversation like before.

    But I actually feel really sad about myself, never had a chance with someone who I like, and now he's someone else's. I never had him, and will never have him.

    I sort of mentioned that I am also looking for job opportunities to the other cities... I know it might be the best if I move away to another city or at least to move out before I completely make a total fool of myself. icon_eek.gif
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    Jun 01, 2010 2:39 PM GMT
    Sounds like moving to another city is a bit dramatic. It also sounds like this guy is "just not that into you"- whether or not his new three week "relationship" actually works out.

    Moral of your story: don't move in with some one you have a crush on.
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    Jun 01, 2010 3:00 PM GMT
    that sucks, well you're kinda overreacting...i mean they are only dating for 3 weeks....things can happen ;)...but til then be happy for the guy...if is too much to bare then go out more, meet other people & have fun icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 01, 2010 3:03 PM GMT
    Er, wait a minute. How did it go from this,

    "I tried small things to get closer to him, was hoping to became his friend."

    ...to this?

    "But I actually feel really sad about myself, never had a chance with someone who I like, and now he's someone else's. I never had him, and will never have him."

    bluecrow, are you confusing friend with lover?



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2010 3:17 PM GMT
    It's called codependency, and is all too common...both in straights and gays, male and female.
    It can be overcome, but it takes lots of work. The first step is learning to be happy with yourself, then it'll be easier to be friends with people you have a crush on. If he was interested in dating you, he would have already made it known. But he's obviously interested in being your friend because he hasn't tried to kick you out (at least not that you've mentioned here).

    If I had sex with every friend I think is hot, I'd be the biggest slut-ho in the world. Not that I'm not working on that title, but I wouldn't ruin a friendship to achieve it.
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    Jun 01, 2010 3:22 PM GMT
    Hey you shouldnt try to get with your roommate, that's a really dumb idea. Please grow a brain.
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    Jun 01, 2010 3:26 PM GMT
    Yogi4Life saidSounds like moving to another city is a bit dramatic. It also sounds like this guy is "just not that into you"- whether or not his new three week "relationship" actually works out.

    Moral of your story: don't move in with some one you have a crush on.


    I second this .... !!!!!!
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    Jun 01, 2010 4:00 PM GMT
    I've been where you are. What you learn when you keep growing is to set your sites on other guys. Consider this guy "off limits - just a friend" and then get out and meet other guys wherever you go. Sooner or later, you're bound to have some dates of your own and you'll feel great.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 01, 2010 6:21 PM GMT
    umm... not that it doesn't suck to have a guy not reciprocate feelings, but he never seemed to lead you... he seemed to always just want to be platonic... how is this anything more than liking a guy who doesn't like you in that way?
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    Jun 01, 2010 6:24 PM GMT
    You liked a guy one way, he kinda sorta likes you another way....its one of those things that happens. He has a BF today, you'll have one tomorrow. If you keep reacting like this every time he dates, then you're gonna lose your mind, not to mention ruin your career. Be an adult about it and live your own life.
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    Jun 01, 2010 6:26 PM GMT
    Progress saidHey you shouldnt try to get with your roommate, that's a really dumb idea. Please grow a brain.


    This.
  • bluecrow

    Posts: 166

    Jun 02, 2010 12:25 AM GMT
    Thanks guys!

    I am pretty happy to live here, especially comparing to the other flatmates I had before. We both respect each other's personal space and privacy. But on the other hand, I was also hope to have someone who I can talk to, I mean to have a friend, someone I feel connect to, someone more than just a flatmate. However, after I have been trying a few times, I realized that a flatmate is pretty much all I can get and he's happy to have me as only a flatmate.

    Yes we were just flatmates, but I am secretly in love with my flatmates. It is my problem and I have been working on it myself. But isn't my only problem.

    I moved to Sydney last year, I had a job. But I haven't been working for a few months now. So I have to focus on sorting my own life out in a new country, other than feeling sorry for myself over a flatmate.

    My plan is I will keep my feelings for him to myself, and it become to much to handle I will move out once I get a job. Having said that, I am still unemployed while my flatmate has been dating someone who he really likes for three week. I suddenly became a lot more difficult for me to handle.

    I understand that I am on the right track by focusing on sorting my own life out. I have be ignoring my feeling to my flatmate. I try to ignore the feeling of feel sorry for myself.

    But I also know that I need someone to talk about this, so here I come. Thanks, RJs. icon_eek.gif
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    Jun 02, 2010 12:31 AM GMT
    bluecrow saidI found this place right after last new year. I was quite happy to move in. My flatmate seems like a quiet and decent guy. Cute, gay and smart.

    I tried small things to get closer to him, was hoping to became his friend. I know that I like him a lot, but I wasn't sure whether I was his type. Apparently he hasn't showed much interests in my other than to a flatmate.

    Either of us have much social life. We both spend a lot time in our own bedroom surfing the Internet. He once made it quite clear that we just do our own things.

    After quite a few frustration time, I stopped trying to get closer to him. We are just two gay guys live under that same roof peacefully. I start to accept the face that he's not really interested in me.

    About three week ago, I noticed that he sometimes came back late, and start to dress up for once awhile to go out. He sometimes ask me to borrow my hair wax... I had an idea that he might be seeing someone.

    Tonight I asked him if he would like to have dinner together. I brought some food and started cooking, we started talking. He mentioned that he actually seeing someone for three weeks, and he really likes him, he is planing to have him invited over for dinner to meet his parents.

    I wasn't sure what to react, but I did realized that I need to show my supportive, no matter how painful I actually felt when I heard that from him. The dinner turns out to be quite good. He likes the food I cooked for him, and we had a bit conversation like before.

    But I actually feel really sad about myself, never had a chance with someone who I like, and now he's someone else's. I never had him, and will never have him.

    I sort of mentioned that I am also looking for job opportunities to the other cities... I know it might be the best if I move away to another city or at least to move out before I completely make a total fool of myself. icon_eek.gif



    I have good news for you mate. They've only known each other for 3 weeks and the guy's already meeting your flatmate's parents? Sorry but this doesn't sound like a serious thing and I don't think it will last. I have a friend who is immature and falls "in love" within a couple dates and they always end up dating for like a week. I recommend not saying anything to your sweetmate and just let it pass...
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    Jun 02, 2010 12:38 AM GMT
    Thank god I've never found my roommates attractive, haha.

    icon_eek.gif
  • bluecrow

    Posts: 166

    Jun 02, 2010 12:42 AM GMT
    Thank AggieBoy, you just made my day! I know it sounds evil, but I sort hope that they won't works out. icon_redface.gif

    Unfortunately, this may not be the case. Either me or my flatmate is playboy style. None of us do hookups. I have been trying meet someone, but the fact is I have never had boyfriend, even know that I am in my 30's. My flatmate only had one boyfriend 4 years ago, since then, he has been single.

    Yesterday at dinner, he mentioned that he "met this French Canadian boy, smart and good looking", "I really likes him", "I plan to have him over for dinner and introduce him to my parents", "I can't believe that I call him boyfriend only after 3 weeks"...

    I felt there was a needle in chest, but I had to show my supportive. That wasn't easy. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • bluecrow

    Posts: 166

    Jun 02, 2010 12:46 AM GMT
    bboi saidThank god I've never found my roommates attractive, haha.

    icon_eek.gif


    roommate or flatmate? Now I know the huge differences between roommate and flatmate. icon_lol.gif

    It would too hot if have to share the same bedroom with a hottie and not able to do anything!
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    Jun 02, 2010 12:51 AM GMT
    Why don't you try to get out more and do things to take your mind off him, like taking a writing and grammar course for example. Maybe you will meet someone you like better who likes you back.
  • bluecrow

    Posts: 166

    Jun 02, 2010 1:03 AM GMT
    Just called my driving instructor, planing to take a driving lesson in the afternoon. icon_biggrin.gif

    Relocated to a new country, there are a lot to catch up.
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    Jun 02, 2010 4:08 AM GMT
    Here's a quote I read once:

    "If someone doesn't think you're phenomenal, it's not worth your while to try to convince them. They should already think you are."

    Listen to these words, learn from them Young Jedi....
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    Jun 02, 2010 8:18 PM GMT
    Progress saidHey you shouldnt try to get with your roommate, that's a really dumb idea. Please grow a brain.
  • bluecrow

    Posts: 166

    Jun 03, 2010 8:50 AM GMT
    Indy404 saidHere's a quote I read once:

    "If someone doesn't think you're phenomenal, it's not worth your while to try to convince them. They should already think you are."


    Well said! icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jun 03, 2010 9:40 AM GMT
    Yogi4Life saidSounds like moving to another city is a bit dramatic. It also sounds like this guy is "just not that into you"- whether or not his new three week "relationship" actually works out.

    Moral of your story: don't move in with some one you have a crush on.


    Truer words have never been spoken. Don't move in with someone you have a crush on or someone you have the hots for. It just doesn't work out. I personally have never been in this situation but I know too many people who have been.
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    Jun 03, 2010 9:49 AM GMT

    You're kind of living up to the gay man stereotype there, why can't you just be a gay man that is happy to either be a nice friendly flatmate to the guy, or (only if he wants) to be his friend.

    Why do you have to try and make it about a relationship and / or sex?

    Some people don't like to involve their private life with those they live with, it means you can come home and relax without having to explain anything.

    He sounds like a guy who wants a formal relationship with his housemate, and (no offense) but you sound like a guy who does not percieve (or cares) about personal boundaries. I commend you for trying to be his friend, but as soon as he made it clear that "we do our own things" that should have been your cue to fall back (if not before then)
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Jun 03, 2010 9:57 AM GMT
    DUDE you live in australia lets stop feeling sorry for ourselves.. Now go out there and date for fucks sake you have some of the hottest man in the world right outside your door go fucking find one!!!!




    *pulls belt out*


    Go on right now MR!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2010 9:58 AM GMT
    200px-Crushposter93.jpg